Having had this book earlier in my life probably would have done me so much good. With my current 20/20 hindsight, I could have completely sidestepped so much self-questioning and mental anguish, had I had sound guidance from an unbiased source. To make up for what I missed then, this book is a love letter from my future self talking to my current and past selves, giving each of them encouragement and cheering each on to her creative best.
Unsurprisingly, because of working with this subject, I’m now super-aware of my own Inner Critic. Through my writing progress this year, I have tuned into the subtle ways I still dismiss, discount, deny, and block my own unique expressions of creativity. Indeed, while writing this book I went through moments of being highly self-critical, feeling as though I didn’t have enough experience and had to prove myself, over-researching information, driving myself relentlessly without working in self-care or taking time to play creatively, being afraid of what others would think of this book, comparing my writing to those whom I admire, like Malcolm Gladwell and Elizabeth Gilbert, and looking at friends’ successful book launches with envy.
Yep, it’s true: I did all of that stuff.
In addition to all that, I totally overprojected, and this book almost didn’t make it. The working outline of this book was for twelve chapters up to three weeks before my writing deadline. At that point, despiting having only four or five of the chapters completed, I was still trying to achieve that goal. At the rate I was going, there was no way I would complete the book and also maintain my sanity. Fortunately, I received sage counsel and guidance in the nick of time. I hired a writing coach when I felt I was getting writers’ block to help me get over the finish line.
I could share even more realizations and insights about my writing process, but I won’t do so here. You can check them out on my blog at DeniseJacobs.com/blog/ and get the full story on some of my writing struggles.
Realizing Dreams
A few weeks ago, I had a moment thinking about this book. My target date for completing the manuscript was rapidly approaching, and I’d been feeling anxious about the prospect of not being able to hit my deadline. I was starting to feel stressed and put upon, when suddenly several memories came to me.
I thought back to when I lived in Seattle and went to book readings by authors including Alice Walker, Octavia Butler and Bebe Moore Campbell at the Elliott Bay Bookstore. Sitting in the audience, I not only listened to the reading, but I also soaked up every possible detail of the whole scene to more clearly envision myself doing the same in the future: giving readings from my book to a crowd of appreciative readers.
I remembered also going to a reading of the book Bud, Not Buddy by Christopher Paul Curtis years ago, and how when I met him, I shyly mentioned that I was an aspiring writer.
This recent morning while I was washing dishes, I realized that I’m doing that very thing right now: getting up everyday to write a book makes me a de facto writer, something I’ve dreamed of being since my early twenties. Just like the writers I admire, I am a published author. Even though I thought it would feel and look different, I’m okay with the fact that this is simply my life.
You may recall the anecdote in Chapter 5 about my father’s response to me when I said I wanted to be a writer. Sadly, my father passed away unexpectedly in 2002 at the young age of 65. I wish he could have been around to see me come into my own in the last ten years. I’m sure he would have been thrilled that I was able to prove him wrong about this whole writing and getting published thing. I like to think that wherever he is, he’s proud of what I’ve accomplished.
What’s Next?
I’ll let you in on a secret: I didn’t get to cover all of the topics that I had planned to for this book. But that’s okay – I now have the perfect excuse to write the next one! There is even more to learn about ourselves, the Inner Critic, and reaching our creative best. I still have tons of additional content to share about perfectionism, procrastination, impostor syndrome, burnout, and fear of failure and success — and how to deal with those forms of the Inner Critic. To enhance this information, I’ll learn more about how to change habits and also how to truly embrace play, creative or otherwise. The Inner Critic can be heavy stuff, so as a counterbalance, I’ll be researching how we can become happier through creativity. So stay tuned: the next book is going to be great!
I hope you get as much out of reading this book and putting the tools in it to use as I have had bringing the book into being. Thank you!
Take the Work Further
In Chapter 8, I mentioned that you don’t have to go through this process alone. So for the readers of this book, I’ve set up an exclusive Facebook group where you can connect with others who have read the book and are doing the work to banish their Inner Critics: creativedo.se/byic-community.
As a bonus, group members will have access to my upcoming projects, courses, and beta reading before anyone one else.
Work With Me
If you’d like to go deeper into this work with guidance and accountability, I’d be delighted to be your coach, to work with you one-on-one to transform your inner critical voice into one of support and appreciation.
Also, I’d be happy to come to your company and give a reading from the book, do a keynote style presentation, and/or run a workshop on creativity and the Inner Critic, getting creatively unblocked, or creative collaboration. I also provide coaching to teams.
Contact me and let’s set something up and start busting through those creative blocks!
Connect With Me
I want to hear from you – please share with me your journey and tales of triumph of banishing your Inner Critic. I’d love to hear of your struggles and insights as well.
You can email me directly at [email protected].
If you want to stay up to date with my work and get quasi-regular infusions of creative tips, inspiration, book recommendations, and news on my upcoming events, then sign up for my newsletter! With my newsletter, you’ll also get announcements on projects and products in the works, such as
Banish Your Inner Critic Journal and notebooks
Banish Your Inner Critic Creative Dose cardset
online creativity courses and speaking masterclass
creative inspiration subscription service
training programs
A Creative Dose podcast
events and retreats
mastermind and coaching groups
and upcoming books!
Sign up here: creativedo.se/email-list-subscribe
Connect with me online
Websites: DeniseJacobs.com | TheCreativeDose.com | InnerCriticBook.com
Twitter: twitter.com/denisejacobs
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Share the Love
If you enjoyed this book, I’d love to hear what you think! Please leave a review on Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com and share your impressions and thoughts.
Also, if you found it useful, please share the love. Give this book to a friend, write a blog post about Banish Your Inner Critic and your own experience, and share it on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and other social media using the hashtag #byeinnercritic.
Again, thank you so much for reading this book, embarking on this journey, and being willing to go deep and do this work!
Acknowledgments
When I’m not in research mode, I read avidly for pleasure. One thing I actually love reading is an author’s acknowledgements. Seeing names of all the other people who helped bring the book that I just read into being both warms my heart and shows me that the process of writing a book is never a solo endeavor. While writing this book, I was bound and determined to not to fall into my old patterns of trying to be superhuman and do it all myself. I took to heart t
he words my dear friend Debbie said to me, that this book was never meant to be my sole responsibility, and I put them into action. I reached out to people for assistance and guidance and took help when offered so I would have plenty of people to thank at the end.
First, I want to thank my mother, Deloria Jacobs, not only for being my proofreader extraordinaire and catching errant typos, but also for being my most enthusiastic beta reader. One of my favorite parts of writing this book was to finish a chapter, send it to Mom, and talk on the phone and discuss the content while fixing the typos. It’s one of the best feelings in the world to have your mother 100 percent supportive and genuinely interested in the work that you’re passionate about. I hit the mom jackpot! I want to thank my sister Diane for being such a source of creative wonder all of my life. There is nothing creative that she can’t master, and she holds extraordinary creative power.
I have dubbed my writing coach, Rosanne Bane, “my creativity fairy godmother.” I ordered her book, Around the Writer’s Block, a year ago as a research source, but when the stress of meeting my untenable writing goal gave me writer’s block, I turned to the book for answers. I was so impressed with the content that I reached out to her to get emergency coaching for the last several weeks of my writing schedule. Even though she reminds me that I was the one who did the work, it was Rosanne’s guidance and phenomenal program to help writers move through creative blocks that produced both this book and five fabulous pairs of earrings that I made as my creative therapy. And if Rosanne was my creativity fairy godmother, then Debbie Rodriguez was personal power fairy godsister. Debbie helped me get back in touch with my creative power, gain a new appreciation of my skills and talents, and feel more confident about my writing – likening it to a warm gooey delicious cinnamon bun that you don’t want to stop eating.
My editors were fantastic: Andrea Mather has been there from the beginning, prompting me to start with an outline and a sample chapter when I signed on with Mango Media. She has long had the talent of taking my verbose writing and cutting it down to more succinct and accessible prose, and she’s had the patience of Job when working with my overly optimistic time estimates for getting completed chapters to her. Jean Cook, who came in at the eleventh hour during my final big push, helped to clarify my thoughts and the resulting writing. She additionally provided the service of being a cheerleader when I started getting word-weary at the end.
I can’t say enough wonderful things about my web designer/developer, project manager, and the first member of the Denise Fan Club, Jim True. Jim has tirelessly worked with me since 2013, providing far more value to me than a highly functional updated website. Jim has been my business confidant, cheering squad, advisor, and friend. I literally would not be as far as I am in my business without Jim’s insight, crazy smarts, problem-solving, loyalty, enthusiasm, encouragement, and belief in me. I truly feel fortunate to have met him and to work with him.
The newest member of my team, Rosalin Delgado, quickly showed me how much more I’ll be able to do with a personal assistant. She was instrumental in making my final speaking trips of 2016 a hundred times easier, doing preliminary research for several chapters of this book, and generally helping to streamline my business. I’m looking forward to seeing what we do this year and how the business will continue to grow with her help.
The team at Mango Media has been great to work with. Thanks to Chris McKenney for being open to working on this project, Hugo Villabona for hanging in during my mulitiple deadline speculations. Marva Hinton for her initial editing and enthusiastic response to the first few chapters, Michelle Lewy for her marketing expertise, and Elina Diaz for the book design and Roberto Núñez for his styling genius.
My ace, Jessie Shternshus, was an enormous support; she checked in on me regularly, was always game to bounce around ideas, gave input on exercises, and shared her experience of being creative. One of the biggest gifts that Jessie has given me, however, was a piece of advice that has totally changed my world and helped me to see myself more clearly, let my creativity flow more, and devise ways to restructure and run my business. I feel so fortunate to have found such a kind and loving person to be my colleague and my friend.
Deep heartfelt thanks go to Jason Cranford Teague, who went above and beyond being one of my book buddies by offering to help me with anything that was stumping me. It’s Jason you can thank for the Inner Critic Achilles Heel Questionnaire. Jason has been a fellow writer I could kvetch with, a fount of ideas and creative solutions, and a true friend.
Speaking of book buddies, I amassed a cadre of them. My very first one, Donna Lichaw, came early in my writing process – in fact, while I was still in the planning stage, before I actually wrote my first chapter. Donna had recently completed her own book, and we met regularly for a month or so to chat about progress, plans, and concepts. When I did start writing, Donna was available for quick, sometimes longer, conversations and advice. Donna got me over the hump with my deep revamp of Chapter 1, telling me to cut almost everything and move the content elsewhere, which was wise and sanity-saving advice. Adam Constantine was always open to giving feedback and listening to my thought process and mini writing triumphs. One paragraph was added to Chapter 8 because of Adam’s initial response to it, when he wrote me in chat, “WELL GO AHEAD AND GET ME HYPED AT 3:28 ON A TUESDAY. What a fantastic thought.” Martin Hynie checked in, offered help and ideas, and had a Skype Indian dinner with me, which was just brilliant. When I caught up with Armando Cruz and we met for lunch, our conversation turned into a mini-coaching session in which he helped me clarify my goals for the book and proposed alternatives for generating content.
My trips overseas last summer brought me international book buddies. At a conference in Norway, I met the wonderful Kylie Hunt, who, when I asked for a book buddy on Twitter, wrote back, “Pick me! Pick me!” I loved our weekly meetings and her insightful feedback on what I had written, plus her suggestions to help it resonate with readers even more. While in Melbourne, I connected instantly with Max Adler, and we spent several conference evenings talking about life. Max’s experience as a facilitator and his capacity for processing thoughts and feelings deeply was invaluable in helping the chapters hit the proper emotional tone. Patrizia Bordignon attended my workshop at UX Australia and then gifted me afterward with beautiful beads to make earrings and an offer to help me with anything I needed with the book. I was delighted to receive both, and Patrizia has thrown herself wholeheartedly into reading the chapters for typos, sharing her initial reactions with me, and brainstorming possibilities for taking my work beyond this book. Thanks to Susie Ting for her amazing brain that generates so many ideas on how to help people be more creative and her generosity.
I’d like to thank Stephanie Rieger, Janine Hartmann, Matthew Jackson, Adrian Zumbrunnen, Toni Van Eden, Lindsay Crenshaw, Sarah Cooper, Aimee Gonzalez, and Shaka Brown for sharing their stories of creativity, working through blocks, and inspiring me. I want to thank Johannes Mollø-Christensen for two great conversations both during and after a chance meeting at a restaurant in Oslo. Talking to Johannes helped me find the courage to stop hiding behind what other people say about the importance of creativity, find my own voice, and make my own stand about reclaiming our Creative Power. Thanks to Ted DesMaisons who inspired me to think of how banishing could be softened and who also found many typos. Thanks to Ariel Garten and her lovely family for having lunch during their visit to Miami, talking about the Inner Critic, giving me exercise ideas, and listening to book excerpts. Thanks to Lauren Bacon, Maria Molfino, and James Taylor for interviewing me for their courses and podcasts. Many thanks to Dynamo De Jesus for starting Action Club, giving me insight on its underlying philosophies, and inviting me to experience it for myself. Thanks also goes to Donna Hughes for doing energy work on me when I was depleted and giving me the idea for the Three+3 exercise.
My literal home team was amazing. I can’t give enough thanks to my chosen sister and dea
r friend Amber Zimmerman for being the best housemate I could ever have. Amber respected my need for quiet, gave me space to work, picked up groceries for me during my final big push so that I didn’t have to leave the house and lose writing time, and kept the garden going to boot. Amber has also been my impromptu marketing and social media advisor, giving great feedback. Amber’s fiancé Kevens Celestine – a creative himself – was supportive, expressed interest in the writing itself, and showed deep respect for my creative process. Amber and Kevens also gave me the best birthday/winter holiday/congratulations on completing the book present: a brand new washer and dryer! I still get a little teary when I look at my new appliances.
Shante Haymore-Kearney, another amazing source of support, did not pooh-pooh my idea that this book is the equivalent of writing a master’s thesis. I will be forever grateful to her husband Derek Kearney, who gave me the phrase, “We’re going to go deep” when talking about emotional issues. Byron Tokarchuk, Andy Lambert, Elizabeth Williams, and Wanda Benvenutti checked in on me and my progress regularly and sent writing well-wishes from afar. Julia Wakefield sent writing well-wishes from near and was instrumental in helping me to leave the house on occasion for brunch.
I want to thank the organizers who invited me to their conferences to present my “Banish Your Inner Critic” keynote to audiences both in the United States and abroad. Thanks go to Hanne Josefin at MakingWeb.no in Oslo, Norway; Sara Hurley at MinneWebCon in Minneapolis, Minnesota; Rene Thomas at BCAMA Vision in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada; Trey Mitchell at edUI in Charlottesville, Virginia; Colleen Chow at Adobe Max; Hannah Fletcher at Facebook through its Design Lecture Series; Laura Fitton at Inbound in Boston, Massachusetts; Andi Galpern at Cascade SF in San Francisco, California; Steve Fischer at Design Content in Vancouver; Val Head at Web Design Day in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Julie Ng at UX Munich in Munich, Germany; Jakob Bradford at NDC Oslo; and Joel Hughes (with a special thanks for the phrase, “Well, bless their cotton socks!”) at Port80 in South Wales. Special thanks to Darren Cooper for taking the chance on having me speak at TEDxRheinMain only two days before the event, which helped me to achieve the dream of speaking at a TEDx and to develop a talk that became the core of the “Banish Your Inner Critic” keynote.
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