“Go take that victory lap, darlin’.”
After settling Rocket for the night then attending the awards ceremony with Jason and Birch, the four of them returned to the hotel. Jason took Birch out for one last stroll down The Strip and to get dessert. If Shaun knew Birch, they’d quite likely end up at a burger joint getting a second dinner followed by dessert. That boy could eat more food than three adults, but he remembered his own growth spurts and eating everything that wasn’t nailed down at home.
Shaun took Brylee’s hand in his as they made their way off the elevator. Brylee told him she needed just a minute to freshen up and would meet him in his room. When she knocked on his door five minutes later, he opened it and stepped aside to let her enter. He’d made arrangements before he left the hotel that afternoon to have a special table with a linen cloth set up in front of the living room window where they could look out and see a great view of The Strip.
A bouquet of roses of every color filled a crystal vase and sat in the center of the table while long tapered candles flickered in crystal holders on either side of the bouquet. A cart that had been delivered just a few minutes earlier waited next to the table and held covered plates of steaming food.
“Oh, Shaun,” Brylee said. She glanced around the romantic scene, appearing impressed and pleased. “It’s so lovely.”
“So are you,” he said, moving to pull out a chair for her. If he didn’t seat her and focus on the meal, he was sure he’d succumb to the need to hold her and love her.
Before that happened, there were things that had to be said. Things that would either draw them closer or drive them apart.
The not knowing, the waiting to find out, might just kill him.
Chapter Twenty-One
Brylee felt like she’d stepped into a fantasy instead of Shaun and Jason’s hotel room. The aroma of something delicious filled the air, making her empty stomach growl. She also picked up the nuance of something that smelled Christmassy, like spices and pine trees. Underlying all that, she caught a whiff of Shaun’s alluring scent, although it never fully left her nose, even when she was cleaning Rocket’s stall.
From the elegant table sitting in front of the window to the vase brimming with gorgeous roses, Shaun had certainly outdone himself.
When he’d presented her with three roses right before her ride, she wondered how she’d manage to race Rocket when her limbs felt as languid as a limp noodle. Brylee had studied the meanings behind flowers for her home staging work. She knew exactly what each flower meant. The way Shaun had presented them to her, she had a good idea he was aware of their meanings, too.
The expensive vase on the table held a rainbow of roses, signifying everything from friendship and new beginnings to passion and gratitude. She picked up the heavy vase and sniffed the flowers before setting it down on the coffee table so it wouldn’t obstruct their view while they ate.
A part of her wished Shaun would wrap her in his strong arms and never let her go. Another part of her was glad he merely pulled out her chair and set a covered plate in front of her. He set a second plate across from her then took a seat. From a champagne bucket, he pulled a chilled bottle. Panic set in for a moment until she realized it was just sparkling cider. Champagne six years ago had been the beginning of where things had gone so horribly, terribly wrong. Brylee hadn’t touched a drop since and neither had Shaun.
After he poured two champagne flutes full of cider, he took her hand in his and offered a word of thanks for the meal, for Brylee winning the championship title, and for the opportunity for them to spend time together. The sincerity in his voice made tears sting her eyes, but she blinked them away after she said amen and dug into her food. Shaun had ordered steak just the way she liked it. As they ate, they kept the conversation light, talking about the rodeo, the winners of other events, and how happy they were Chase Jarrett claimed the world title again in bull riding.
“I’m not sure who’s more excited: him, Jessie, or Ashley,” Brylee said, dragging her fork through the toppings on a loaded baked potato.
Shaun grinned. “I think I’d say Ashley. She’s got sponsors for Chase lined up around the block. The more he wins, the easier it makes her job.”
Brylee nodded. “True. Oh, Jessie said she and Chase are planning a little get-together New Year’s Eve. If the roads are good, would you like to go?”
He lifted his gaze to hers and smiled. “Of course. Chase mentioned it this afternoon. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go.”
They finished their meals and Shaun set the plates back on the cart. Two more covered dishes were on the cart, but instead of trying to talk her into immediately eating dessert, which she couldn’t have even if she wanted to, he sat back down at the table and reached across it, taking both of her hands in his.
“Brylee, I’ve wanted to say this to you for months. At first, I knew you didn’t want to hear it then later, when I thought you might have stopped hating me quite so much, I was afraid to say it.”
“Afraid to say what, Shaun?” she asked. The secret she needed to share with him would create a far greater impact on them than anything he could say.
“The morning after we so rashly wed, I woke up beside you and the first thought that entered my head was that I’d died and gone to heaven. Being with you was the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world. Then alarm and fear set in. I couldn’t even remember how I’d gotten to your room, into your bed. I worried I’d talked you into something I shouldn’t have, which I kinda did because I was the one who got you to drink all that champagne. That’s when I saw the ring on my finger and I panicked.”
“I know that, Shaun. We were both young and naive and…”
He shook his head, silencing her.
“It wasn’t the commitment or responsibility that freaked me out, Brylee. It was you.”
At her confused look, he drew in a deep breath before continuing. “The love I felt for you was beyond anything I’d ever imagined possible. It was so intense, so all-encompassing, so huge and raw and real… well, it scared me so much, I jumped out of that bed and set something in motion I’ve regretted every single day since. I had no idea how to handle all the feelings and emotions coursing through me. On top of that, the thought of losing you someday like my dad lost my mom just made me race out the door all the faster.”
Brylee stared at him, shocked by his admission. She’d had no idea he felt that way, that he’d loved her as much as she’d loved him, still loved him. Before she could comment, though, he cleared his throat.
“I regretted the decision to leave you before I even made it back to my hotel room, but I was too much of a coward to crawl back to you. Then we had to compete that night. By the time I got home from the rodeo, all I wanted was to run to you, to apologize, to beg you to take me back, but you didn’t return the dozen messages I left on your phone. I called the ranch once and pleaded with your mom to let me talk to you, but she refused. Many times, I got in the pickup and started to drive to Blue Hills Ranch, but I’d talk myself out of it and turn around. Finally, I sent you a letter trying to explain and begging for your forgiveness. When I never heard back from you, I knew I had to let you go. I shouldn’t have given up so easily, Brylee. I should have done everything in my power to get back to you, but I didn’t and I’m sorry.”
Brylee had no idea he’d called. She’d never seen a letter from him. Most likely, her mother had interfered. In her own way, Jenn probably thought she was helping by keeping both the letter and phone call from Brylee.
In those first weeks after Shaun left her, Brylee would have eagerly taken him back. Would have forgiven him anything. Then everything changed and her love slowly turned to loathing.
“I never received the letter, Shaun, and my mother never mentioned you called. If she had, I would have called you back. And for the record, I didn’t change my number or ignore your calls. I lost my phone after riding the last night at the rodeo. I was so upset with you and about losing, my hands sh
ook with tremors. And the tears, there were so many tears. It’s a wonder I didn’t lose my pickup keys, too. When I got a new phone the next morning, I got a new number.” She released a soul-weary sigh. “There was nothing I wanted more than to be with you, but you walked away from what could have been.” Tears glistened in her eyes as she squeezed his hands. “I loved you so much, Shaun, and it broke not just my heart, but also something in my spirit when you abandoned me. I thought I’d done something horribly wrong, that there was something so wrong with me that you couldn’t stand to be around me. I thought I was unlovable, Shaun, because after I poured out my love to you, you left me. You just left me alone in a hotel room without even a word of goodbye.”
Agony filled his features as he released her hands then picked her up, sat in her chair, and held her close to his chest. “No, Brylee, no. Don’t think for a single minute you were unlovable, that you were anything less than perfect. Those hours we spent married were incredible, beyond anything I could have hoped or dreamed. You’re a beautiful, passionate, giving, loving woman and that’s part of what scared me so bad. It wasn’t that we weren’t a good fit for each other, it was that we fit so well that left me terrified. I know I could apologize every day for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t be enough, but I am so, so sorry, Brylee. Sorry for that one stupid decision that brought both of us so much pain.”
Brylee nestled against him, relishing the warmth of his arms around her, the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear, the enticing scent of him captivating her senses. “What about now, Shaun? Are you still scared of what we could have together?”
“Not at all.”
She heard the smile in his voice before she felt his lips press a kiss to her forehead. She tipped her head back and studied his face from the slight cleft in that handsome chin to the love glowing in eyes that looked like a winter storm brewed there.
“The only thing that scares me now is losing you, Brylee. I love you with every single bit of my heart. These past months of being with you have taught me a whole new level of love — one of patience and caring and sincerity that I might never have known. I’m grateful for that, but I’m hoping you’ll say I can have a second chance to make you fall in love with me.”
Brylee shook her head and schooled her features into an impassive expression. “I can’t give you another chance to make me fall in love with you…” Before Shaun’s happiness completely segued into worry, she grinned. “I’m already in love with you, Copperhead. I’ve been in love with you for a very long time. In fact, I don’t think I ever stopped loving you, even when I couldn’t see past the hurt and pain of you leaving me.”
Shaun slowly threaded his hands into her hair. In no rush, he lowered his head until his mouth brushed across hers. “I love you so much, Brylee Barton. More than you’ll ever know.”
“Not as much as I love you.”
He kissed her then, like she’d been dreaming he would ever since the day he carried her through the mud when she broke her leg. Gently, softly, his lips moved against hers — teasing, exploring, renewing, remembering. Her hands slid up his arms and wrapped around the back of his neck.
His fingers trailed down her back and traced the most exhilarating circles across her sides as he pulled her closer and continued tantalizing her with powerful, ardent kisses.
Brylee moaned in pleasure, losing herself in the bliss of being loved, once again, by Shaun. The restraint he’d used gave way to a new level of passion as he deepened the kiss. Without a single doubt, she knew Shaun truly loved her. Loved her in a way that matched what she felt for him, what she’d always feel for him.
Finally, he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. “Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?”
She released an emotion-filled laugh and hugged him. “Yes, I suppose it does.”
“Then I think we should celebrate by eating dessert.” He reached over and lifted one of the dessert plates off the cart and set it on the table in front of them.
“Honestly, Shaun, I’m so full from dinner, I don’t think I could hold another bite. Maybe we can wait a while and try it later. Or save it for your breakfast. Your dad wouldn’t be opposed to pie or cake for breakfast.”
He grinned and kissed her nose. “Please, just try one bite. It’s going to be really good.”
Brylee shifted so she was half facing him, half facing the table. She lifted the lid covering the plate and gasped in surprise.
Blue M&Ms topped a piece of cheesecake. Each piece of candy held a word that spelled out “Will you please marry me, again?”
She glanced from the candy to Shaun.
He grinned and shrugged. “I got those at the M&M store this morning. Will you, Brylee? Will you marry me, again? Will you let me grow old with you and cherish you the way I should have the first time?”
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she placed her hands on either side of Shaun’s face and kissed him. Kissed him with all the love flowing through her at that moment. “Nothing would make me happier than to marry you, Shaun, but there’s something I have to tell you first. Something I should have told you a long time ago. All I can say is that you wounded me so deeply, I wasn’t exactly thinking rationally at the time. When it was over, I didn’t see the point. Right now, I wish I’d been honest with you instead of keeping a secret.”
“What is it? Nothing you can say will change how I feel about you. I promise, Brylee. There isn’t a single thing that will keep me away from you this time around.” Shaun brushed the tears from her cheeks with the palms of his hands.
Unable to think with him so close, with everything in her wanting to fall into his arms and never leave, she rose to her feet and moved to stand in front of the window. Hundreds of lights glittered through the darkness, but she didn’t see them as she stared out into the night.
“Don’t make a promise you might not be able to keep,” she warned as he moved behind her, settling his hands on her shoulders. With her courage about to fail her, she took her phone from her pocket and sent him a text.
She turned and clasped his hand in hers. “Come sit with me on the couch. I don’t think I can stand up to tell you this.”
Wary and clearly worried, he let her lead him to the couch. “Just spit it out, Bitsy. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”
She took a seat and pulled him down beside her. “I’m not sure it will, Shaun. What I need to tell you, what I should have told you six years ago, is something you may never be able to get past.”
When he started to protest, she tapped his shirt pocket. “Look at your phone, please.”
He pulled out his phone and clicked on the link she’d sent in a text. His brow furrowed into a puzzled frown as he stared at the image of a baby.
“Why did you send me a picture of Dani?” he asked, turning his phone sideways to make the image bigger.
Brylee’s tears dripped down her cheeks as she looked at the photo of a beautiful, perfect newborn baby sleeping on a fluffy white blanket. A thick thatch of red hair stood out in contrast to the white background while a tiny rosebud mouth rested in a sweet little pucker.
The pain in her chest nearly stole her breath away, but she swiped at her tears and forced herself to speak. “It isn’t Dani.”
Shaun looked from the photo to her then back at the photo. “If it isn’t Dani, it sure could be her twin. Where did you…”
His voice trailed off and he drew the phone closer, blowing up the image of the baby’s face and studying it before counting the fingers and toes visible in the photo.
The silence he lingered in as he stared at the photo sent daggers of anguish shooting through Brylee’s heart. When he finally raised his gaze to hers, tears glistened in his eyes.
“Mine?” he asked on a croak, clearly overwrought with emotion.
Brylee nodded and took his phone from him, scrolling through photos to show him a picture of a happy baby with red hair and huge blue eyes.
“A month after the rodeo, I got really sick. A
t first, I thought it was a stomach bug, but it lasted for days. I finally went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. I started to call so many times to tell you, but then I’d think about waking up to that empty room and your note to call the attorney, and I’d hang up before I even dialed your number. Our daughter was born on the tenth of September with a healthy set of lungs and a head full of red hair. Dad used to joke that her hair certainly matched her temper. He blamed that on you. I named her Michaela Jo.”
“Where is my daughter?” Shaun glared at Brylee. He got up and paced across the floor “How could you leave her and go off on the rodeo all year? How could you hide her from me?” He stopped pacing and narrowed his gaze as he pointed an accusing finger at her. “I was in your house, Brylee! Where was she?”
“Gone,” she whispered, gaze fixed on the last photo she had of her darling daughter.
“Gone?” he asked. He resumed pacing and forked a hand through his hair in frustration. “What do you mean, gone? How does a five-year-old just go somewhere? Did you leave her with someone when I was there? You had no right to keep my daughter from me.”
Indignation and a hint of unresolved pain shimmered in her eyes. “Actually, I did, Shaun. You abandoned me. You left me. From the facts I had at the time, you never attempted to get in touch after the morning you walked away from me, from my love. I know better now, but I didn’t then. I didn’t have any idea you’d sent the letter or called. If I had, I certainly would have told you I was pregnant.”
Shaun sighed and sat next to her, taking his phone and studying the image of a bright-eyed baby. A Santa hat looked comical in contrast to the baby’s fancy white dress with red roses embroidered down the front. Birch was stretched out behind her, holding Michaela in a sitting position while they both wore big smiles. The baby’s hand rested against Birch’s cheek, as though he belonged to her.
“Where is my daughter?” Shaun asked again, scrolling through dozens of images Brylee had taken of the baby.
Racing Christmas Page 24