by Hunter Blain
The spiders started climbing into three piles several yards in front of us, the one in the middle attracting a larger share than the other two. The spiders clutched one another and merged their flesh until two spiders the size of minivans stood in front of us. The third pile was still forming and was already the size of a small RV.
The two minivan spiders charged, front legs outstretched, machete-sized mandibles clicking excitedly. Joey and Dawson darted around either side of me, circling around. The spiders took no notice and beelined directly to me. That was a little unsettling. Maybe if I peed my pants it would help deter them.
I let my sledgehammers grow into broadswords as I brought them up in a defensive stance in front of me. The spiders ran like the creepy bastards from Starship Troopers, and thoughts of men being torn to pieces flooded my mind. Damn movies infecting my mind!
The left spider juked to the side, drawing my attention as the right one slowed. I knew this was a trap that would spring as soon as I turned my body toward the left spider. So instead, I turned to the right and jumped forward, sliding on my knees through the earth and grass. As I passed under the spider’s body, I let my blades swing out to either side, cutting the demon’s legs off at the joint. The spider monster screamed a high-pitched wail that pierced the night. As I cleared its bulk, I pivoted and jumped on the gimp spider’s back and drove my blades through its body at a single point. The stump legs shot out in pain as I twisted the blades before pulling them in different directions, splitting the demon in half.
As its body melted into ectoplasm, the other spider pounced on me from the side, knocking me to the ground where it pinned my arms and legs with its massive appendages. I struggled to move as its fangs inched closer to my face. Two wolves slammed into the beast as its mandible caressed my bare throat, throwing the beast to the side. Each wolf grabbed a leg in its massive jaws and shook its head. The legs popped like kindling and broke apart as the wolves did their job before moving to another leg. Dawson got cocky and went for its front legs, putting a front paw in range of the fangs, which pierced his flesh while injecting venom. Dawson howled in pain as he limped away right as I jumped on the spider’s abdomen, willing my swords into my oversized Looney Tunes hammer. I brought the weapon down on the spider’s red eyes and they exploded in a mass of goo that crunched like a Styrofoam cooler being crushed. I could feel the tremor of impact as my hammer hit the earth. The spider started melting as my attention turned toward the remaining mass that had stopped growing and was now the size of a small house.
“Well, that isn’t something you see every day,” I said to myself. “Maybe if I shit my pants…”
Joey howled in fury as Dawson collapsed to the ground. He had started breathing hard and rapidly, his tongue hanging out the side of his snout. The house-spider took note of this and began making its way to us. Each leg impacted the ground with enough force to create tremors. Its venom-dripping fangs were the size of Viking broadswords.
“Um, um, um, I don’t know what to do with this,” I stuttered as I backed away, completely at a loss as to what to do with this monstrosity before me that was barreling down. It reared up as it got closer, and my mind flashed to the terrible movie Spawn.
I put my hands together and leaned forward like a diver about to jump into the water. I focused and willed blood to flow out all around me, with half shooting into the ground for support and the other half pointing straight at the beast. The blood sharpened to a point, like a giant spear, and violated the spider’s body as it charged. Gore shot out from the impact as the beast screamed with a mixture of agony, rage, and surprise. Its legs pounded on my body-encompassing bloodspear, which had taken a lot of energy to make. I willed the bottom portion of the spear that was in the ground to help provide support before I was beaten to death. I sent more blood into the body of the beast and expanded the tip, creating a wedge to pull the body apart. This only pissed the monster off, and it slammed its many legs with renewed vigor and fury. I could feel the blood protecting my body begin to grow brittle from impact. If it broke, I would lose a lot of energy and would be stunned long enough for the thing to freaking eat me. I focused on the legs and the pattern they used to strike.
Six of the eight legs struck in a succession of front to back, left to right. Between the last legs hitting and the front legs resetting and striking again, there was a brief pause. One, two, three, four, five, six. Pause to reset. One, two, three, four, five, six.
On the third go-around after I noticed the pattern, I sucked in the cover that protected my body and crouched down. As the first leg came down again, I jumped forward with all my might and pierced through the back of the spider’s body, splitting it in two. It crumbled to the ground in two pieces and began turning translucent as its driver was sent back to hell, defeated.
As I cleared the spider and flew through the air, the spear I had created arched downward and then stuck into the ground like a lawn dart.
“Looks like he stuck that landing,” I said in an announcer’s voice as I willed all my blood to return. As I fell to the ground, I took in a deep breath, held it, and let it out in a shudder. “Fuck, that was creepy. Some Stephen King shit. At least it wasn’t a clown.”
I heard Joey call out in midtransformation, “John! Help!” His voice was deep and strained as his vocal cords reformed.
I rushed to where Dawson lay and gawked for only a moment before a thought hit me. Ulric was going to get away if I didn’t stay on his trail. My eyes locked with Joey’s, and I could tell he saw were my mind was going.
“Please,” Joey begged in a whisper.
Cursing, I pulled out my phone and texted Dr. Jim.
“Emergency. Were poisoned. On our way. Less than 10 min away.” I hit send and was almost immediately rewarded with a thumbs-up emoji. I was going to have to learn to use those.
Looking at Joey, I said, “Piggyback. Get on now.” I scooped up Dawson’s unconscious body as Joey climbed on my back. In his human skin, he was light and only 5’4”. As his body pressed against mine, I could feel his junk pressing into my lower back.
“Gross. Impressive but gross,” I said as I began bounding to Dr. Jim’s.
“Hey, I don’t like it any more than you do. And thanks,” Joey cried out against the wind.
I knew we didn’t have long, so I willed a bloodhelmet to stop those damn June bugs and hauled as much ass as I was comfortable with Joey still in his human skin on my back. My body protected most of his skin from being ripped to tatters by the air.
After a few minutes, we arrived at the vet’s—which really seemed appropriate right about now. Joey leaped off as I landed and opened the back door, allowing me to run straight into the back room. I burst through the double metal swinging doors as my helmet absorbed into my body, and marched into the operating room where Doc was prepped and ready. I set Dawson down and Doc used a pair of clippers to shave his arm to find a vein. He inserted a silver-tipped IV and ran a saline line. Next, he grabbed some iodine and cleaned the points of entry, flushing out the remaining venom. After that, he grabbed a big syringe and stuck it in the IV line near the bag where a spot was available for needles to be used to inject solutions.
“What’s that?” Joey asked, panic evident in his voice. I noticed his forearms, feet, and shins were bleeding where the air friction had done its job.
“Antivenom, blessed by the Pope,” Doc Jim said.
“Holy shit, the Pope helps with this kind of stuff?” I asked, supremely impressed.
“Of course he does. Do you honestly think the most powerful religious figure alive isn’t involved in the fight against evil?” Doctor James Hunt said as he moved gracefully from his tools to Dawson. Within a few moments, the wound was stitched and dressed. Dawson’s breathing had begun to slow as the holy antivenom coursed through his veins.
“Is he going to make it?” Joey asked, his breathing slowing to match his brother’s. I wondered if that was a twin thing.
“I can’t make any promis
es, but I am confident he will be fine, in time.”
“How long?” Joey asked aggressively.
“Hey, hey, hey,” I tried cooing Joey, “he’s going to be fine, man. The doc has saved my life twice now. I trust him.”
I saw the corner of Doc Jim’s mouth curl up into the slightest smile at the recognition of the work he prided himself in.
“What is his name?” Doc asked.
“Da-Dawson,” Joey stammered, eyes still wide in alarm.
“And yours?”
“Joey.”
“Well, Joey, there is some meat in the freezer in the other room. Go get some for you and your friend here.”
“Brother. He’s my brother,” Joey said with nerves near fraying.
“You and your brother are going to need to eat, especially him. Also, a room back there has a bathroom, complete with shower, and an assortment of clothing. Wash up and pick your size and then bring the food out here.”
Joey went into the other room. I could hear a door shutting and the sound of pipes protesting as hot water started running through them.
“Thank you again, Doc,” I said as I transferred several thousand dollars in Bitcoin to him. I could only guess how much holy antivenom cost.
“My pleasure, as always. Your associate has already begun preparations for your blood bank,” Doc Jim said casually.
“Da?”
“He used a more…exotic name,” Doc Jim said dubiously.
“Yeah, go ahead and forgive him for that. It’s easier to just run with it. Unless you are me, of course.”
“Noted. You do keep strange company.”
A whine escaped from Dawson, which I took for a good sign. It was always bad when you couldn’t feel the pain. Ulric had gotten some good licks in that had stunned me, but boy, did I get lucky and get some doozies in on him. Damn, had it felt good to see the surprise and pain in his eyes as I cut his fucking ears off. Hopefully we would be able to find that spot again and continue on his trail.
After a few minutes, Joey emerged from the back room wearing an ensemble that was too long for his arms and legs. The sweats he wore had to be tucked into his socks, while his sleeves were rolled up a few inches, resting just above his wrist.
“Did I not have your size?” Doc asked, looking Joey up and down.
“I pulled the right ones for Dawson for when he wakes up. This,” he said looking down at himself, “will do. Easy to take off when I get my hands on Ulric.” He turned his attention to me, gaze fierce as if I had not told the full truth. “How did he summon demons?”
My eyes shot briefly to Dawson, who breathed slowly on the table, before returning to Joey. “I’ve been thinking about that. I don’t think he can. I have been tormented with demons since I first hooked up with the father. He has been pointing me toward the Light and giving me the dirty jobs no one else wants. I had only seen a few demons over the centuries, but now I know where to look thanks to Papa T. Together, we have sent dozens back to Hell with a swift kick in the pants.”
“I bet the Devil doesn’t like that very much,” Doc said while checking Dawson’s vitals.
“Tell him what he’s won, Johnny!” I said in my prize-winning announcer’s voice. “Satan is pretty pissed at us and has recently been sending demons in droves, at least in comparison to the norm. What I don’t get,” I said while stroking my beard with my hand in contemplation, “is why the demons came out as we had Ulric on the run? Wouldn’t Satan want us to kill him and start the apocalypse?”
We all sat deep in thought. The pieces just weren’t adding up, at least that I could see, which wasn’t saying much. Just keeping it real with myself.
“Perhaps I might be able to offer some insight,” said a deep voice with the slightest hint of a lisp. A tall, beautiful man entered gracefully into the room. He had thick blond hair that was made to purposefully look messy, but in a fashionable way. Piercing pale blue eyes looked into mine just over a warm smile. He enunciated each word clearly as he stuck his hand out in introduction. “My name is TalGoid from the Seelie Court, and I am a friend to Midworld.” As I stood unsure and quickly looked him over, feeling for trickery, I noticed the points at the tops of his ears that were hidden by his hair.
I stuck my hand out and said, “Cook. John Cook.”
“Oh, I am aware of you, good sir, and might I add it is indeed a pleasure,” TalGoid said.
“Flattery will get you everywhere, TalGoid,” I said with a smile, briefly flashing my fangs in a veiled warning.
“TalGoid,” I said again, tasting the words. “That’s fun to say.”
“Please, call me Taylor. It is my Midworld name,” Taylor said, ignoring my subtle warning. He was thin, with arms and legs slightly longer than a mortal’s.
“But TalGoid is so much fun,” I feigned protest.
“You can call me Susan if you like,” Taylor jested.
“You mentioned information,” Joey said flatly.
“That I did.”
“Stop right there,” I said, holding my hands up to both Joey and the elf, Taylor. “Joey, I know you are young, but there are some fundamental rules you gotta follow, man. One of which is to not make deals with the Fae.”
“Once again, I reiterate, I am of the Seelie Court.” Taylor’s intense eyes locked onto mine, hiding ancient wisdom and patience. “Not to be rude, but it would seem we could all learn something from one another.”
“Look, I do my best to stay the fuck out of everyone’s business,” I said. Putting on my best Pee-wee, I said, “I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.”
“I am well aware,” Taylor said, nodding. “But it would appear you are learning to make friends. Which brings me to why I am here.”
“Have you tried sending me a friend request on Facebook?” I asked.
“You don’t have a Facebook,” Taylor answered.
“Exactly.”
Unperturbed, Taylor continued, “We have a vested interest in the continued existence of Midworld.”
“What! Like a summer home?” I asked in typical John fashion.
“Using your example, I ask; which would be more important to you? A home you own and live in for several months out of the year, pay taxes on, upkeep, and even loan to loved ones—or a random hotel you use for a night or two a couple times a year.”
I stood in silence, awaiting his explanation.
“There are those in the courts of Fae that care not for Midworld. To them, this is all a game. The Shadow Court, especially.”
“Shadow Court? That sounds foreshadowing as hell,” I said while winking at the camera.
“Pardon?” Taylor asked.
“Nothing. Anyway, you were saying?”
Taylor stood in silence for a moment, assessing me. “As I was saying, we of the Seelie Court wish to see Midworld remain as it is. We fancy it.”
Frustration began to build as yet another player in this chess game was asking me to trust them based on nothing but their word. Trust was a currency, and once you spread yourself too thin, it didn’t take much to break you. There were only a few people I trusted completely; Depweg, Da, and Father Thomes. Next on the list were the twins, and after that at the bottom of the barrel, Locke. But right now, Taylor was asking for more trust than even Locke had. I believed Locke didn’t want to go back to Hell. Why should I believe that this elf cared about Midwor…I mean, Earth. Stupid Lord of the Rings jargon. Or was that Odin’s religion?
“John,” Joey said, walking up to stand next to me. “You’ve been standing still for like a minute.
“Huh? Oh, right,” I said, joining the present again. “Why should I trust you?”
“I would be disappointed if you believed the word of a stranger so easily. So I bring a token of friendship. Might I see your phone?”
“Do what now?” I asked.
“Your phone. I wish to show you something that I am confident you would want to see,” Taylor said, extending his hand confidently.
I turned to Joey, who shrugged, bef
ore reaching into my pocket and placing my phone in Taylor’s hand.
“Could you unlock it first?” Taylor asked, keeping his hand outstretched. I did as was asked but with a scowl.
After pressing my thumb on the button, my phone unlocked with a click. Taylor brought the phone up to his face and gracefully navigated to a built-in app. He opened it and selected one of my contacts on the Find Friends application that most phones came built-in with. I didn’t know I had it. Depweg had set everything up for me, like a kid who changed the timer on his parents’ VHS player.
Taylor flipped the phone around, wearing a smile, to show a map near Houston with a picture of Depweg as an icon. He was in the middle of the Sam Houston National Park near Lake Conroe.
I stared at the screen, feeling stupid that I hadn’t known that I could use the phone like this. It had been with me the whole time, waiting to show me where my best friend was. I could have told Ulric to meet me, then snuck in and stolen Depweg when he was waiting for me several miles away.
Taylor handed the phone back to me, which I clutched in my hands while I stared at Depweg’s icon.
“Use this knowledge to save your friend. But please, do not kill Ulric,” Taylor said.
“How do you know all this?” I asked barely above a whisper, my eyes never leaving the screen.
“Information is my currency. I know what I must,” Taylor said before adding, “With that, I must bid you adieu. Please enjoy a parting gift,” he finished with a bow before pivoting and strolling through the front doors. On the table next to Dawson was a clear vial with blue liquid inside.
“What do you make of that?” I asked the room.
Joey responded with, “I don’t like his smell.”
“Trust until given a reason not to,” said Doc Jim, picking up and inspecting the vial.
“I think that was clearly made for Dawson,” I said, aiming the statement at Joey. It was his decision.
“I guess it wouldn’t make much sense to immediately betray your new friends who are supposed to help stop the end of the world. If he is going to trick us, it won’t be until after the real problem is over. Do it,” Joey said, nodding at Doc.