Chapter 10
In the morning, I came downstairs to find Patrick and Jonathan talking in the kitchen. Jonathan was making pancakes, and I wondered if I ought to go back upstairs for a while before joining them, but Patrick gave me a hearty reception. Jonathan said good morning to me as if nothing was wrong, and I asked him where he’d gone last night.
“Actually, we all went to a party – at Ken’s house.” I knew Ken was Meghan’s boyfriend, but Jonathan rarely did anything with him. He continued, “Most of the track team was there – it was a very large party. We decided to drive over to the high school and we took some hilarious pictures of the track team, as kind of a senior memory. We took action shots of us pretending to fall while running on the track.” He continued telling me how one of them had somehow managed to turn the big lights on the track, and he was far more animated than I had seen him in weeks. Patrick winked at me…and I realized that he must have said some things last night that perhaps had given Jonathan a bit more self-confidence. I had begun to realize that hanging out with the guys was probably hard for him and that was why Jonathan felt more comfortable with the girls. I wistfully thought that it would be so wonderful for all of us if Patrick only lived closer…and once again I realized how badly I needed a support system. I wondered what would happen with Bob and Marshall after last night, even though it seemed that they left with complete understanding and no problem.
I felt comfortable enough to tell Jonathan about Lily’s little stint of pretending we were a couple, and he rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. He asked me how the dinner went. I told him I thought it had gone pretty well. He showed no reaction at all when I shared Lily’s racial background. I desperately wanted to respect his boundaries for what he was comfortable talking about as we talked, but I hated the feeling of mentally probing for his reaction. He told me he and Patrick were trying to pick a weekend that he could go to Boston to visit him. That surprised me because he had never done that before, but I was also pleased about it and offered encouragement while trying not to sound overly enthusiastic.
After breakfast, Jonathan left for track practice. It was Sunday, so it wasn’t an official practice, with only the athletes and not the coaches, but this week was the last meet of the year and the more serious runners didn’t want to lose a day’s practice. As he left the house, I wondered aloud to Patrick, “His coaches have loved him all through high school…would they still if they knew?”
Patrick told me it was fruitless to engage in such thoughts, since with only a few weeks of high school left, it was pretty unlikely that Jonathan would be making an announcement to the world. Again, I thanked him for all the help he’d been. After he left, I realized I had forgotten to ask him about his flamboyance at the beginning of the night, and made another mental note to ask him the next time we spoke on the phone.
It was too late to go to church, so I decided to do some work in the yard. I was knee deep in weeding when I heard Bob and Marshall’s voices out in the front yard. At first, I thought I was imagining it, but when it didn’t go away, I walked around front, and sure enough, there they were.
“Good morning!” Marshall grinned, and Bob was quick to apologize for the uninvited visit.
“We stopped at the bakery after church, and Marshall was going on and on about how wonderful your house was, so on a whim, we decided to stop by and see if you were home. We haven’t even tried the bell yet, we are so enamored by your yard!”
“I wouldn’t have heard the bell anyway,” I answered, “but it’s great to see you. Did you want the same tour as I gave Marshall last night, or do you want the full-price one?” I was so thrilled that they were here. It was rare for me to have impromptu guests, and I figured their presence meant last night was a success.
“You don’t have to stop what you’re doing, Mara,” Marshall said. “I’ve been unable to get your home out of my mind, and I think I have a pretty good idea…” His voice trailed off as he waited for my reaction.
“Actually, I’m ready for a break from my work out here. You know, doing all this weeding isn’t exactly easy, and I’m not sure how much longer I really want to keep doing it. I’m not exactly a spring chicken anymore!” I peeled off my gardening gloves, and bent to brush the dirt from my knees. I walked slowly as if to emphasize how hard all this work was becoming for me.
Bob raised an eyebrow as he looked at Marshall, a gesture that was becoming familiar to me. “Well, Mara, that’s exactly what Marshall’s idea revolves around…not about you getting older, but maybe, with Jonathan going off to college in the fall, you’re getting ready to downsize? Maybe you no longer want this much to care for?” He gestured at the expanse of the yard and house. I’d love to see the rest of the house and then maybe we can talk it over.”
I smiled at them and said, “Come on in,” feeling more than a little curious about their ‘idea,’ since I had recently thought the exact same thing.
We went in the front door, and I was very happy that Lily had helped me clean up the night before. I would have been embarrassed if it was still a mess. I made fresh coffee and got out some cups to serve them in the kitchen. I hadn’t noticed they had brought a white bag in with them, but I was delighted when Bob asked me for a plate to put the fresh pastry on.
“You two can come by uninvited any time if you bring me goodies like this!” I exclaimed as he put some cheese Danish and enormous cinnamon rolls on the plate. I took some butter out of the refrigerator, and gathered plates and silverware, and set it on the kitchen table. They asked when Patrick had left, and where Jonathan was, and seemed in no hurry to get to the point. Finally, Marshall asked if I would give the tour again starting with the foyer, and he asked a few more questions than he had the previous night. Bob was oohing and ahhing over all the little details…the crown molding he had failed to notice the evening before, and the curve of the banister going upstairs. He was just as complimentary about Jonathan’s room as Marshall had been, and he loved the master bedroom. He commented that he would love the opportunity to make it look warmer. I could have felt insulted by that, but I understood, because it was completely monochromatic, with nothing but beige walls, drapes, everything, and very few accents. I just wasn’t too interested in that part of my house after Dick died. A room that had once been yellow and inviting, I had changed all of it to these drab colors because I found no comfort here anymore. When the tour was finished, we went back to the kitchen to our coffee and pastries.
“This house is much nicer than any you’ve shown us!” Bob remarked, but he didn’t have an accusing tone.
“Why, thank you. I have loved living here, but I think you may be right; I should look for a smaller place. After all, Jonathan is going off to college in the fall, and I certainly don’t need all this room. I’ve also been wondering if I need to let this house go to really say good bye to my husband…”
“Mara, just what happened to your husband? We’ve only been able to figure out you aren’t married to him anymore…of course, if you don’t want to talk about it, I’m sorry I asked.” Bob had such a sincere look in his eyes, and Marshall nodded his agreement, although I already knew him well enough now to realize he would never have asked such a direct question.
“He died,” I answered. “He was in a fatal automobile accident. I never got to say good bye to him…” I knew if I continued to talk, I would cry, so I stopped.
“Mara,” this time it was Marshall who spoke as he put his hand over mine. “That’s horrible. We’re sorry, so very sorry to have asked you.”
“It’s all right. You’d think that after all this time, I should be able to talk about it without tears, wouldn’t you?”
“How long ago was it?” Bob asked. Again, it was a direct question, and I had to answer.
When I told him, “Thirteen years,” I was prepared for his eyebrow to go up and it did. I was sure that neither of them had expected me to say that long ago. “And now it’s
my turn to change the subject abruptly. I definitely got the idea that you came here to ask me something specific, and I don’t think that was the question. So, out with it, one of you!” I tried to put the sound of authority in my voice to lose the gloominess that had descended on the room.
“I’m not sure now’s the right time,” Marshall began, but I shook my head and said, “I made this coffee, I told you my sad story, now you MUST tell me what your idea is.”
Bob didn’t hesitate at all now. “Mara, we want you to come and see our condo, which we think is just what you’ll be looking for when you sell this house. Then we want to see if we can work out a deal – trading residences.”
At that moment, Lily, who apparently let herself in the front door, came waltzing into the kitchen. “You’re trading what? Partners? Now, Bob, I know I was drunk last night, but I am positive that I heard you say you’d never swing the other way!”
That caused Marshall to burst out laughing, and the three of them started a trivial conversation, far removed from the idea Bob and Marshall had just thrown out to me. They made sure it never came up again, not in front of Lily, and we continued our little Sunday morning breakfast together like four old friends. Lily knew not to stay long enough for Jonathan to come home; she said she drove by and saw their car and not his, so she just had to stop. She told us talking about the things she had last night felt cathartic to her. She just wanted to say thank you, and wondered if we could get together again soon. When she got up to leave, Bob and Marshall also decided it was time to leave. As they left, we made plans to meet for lunch the following week.
I sat down on my front steps, feeling happy but totally overwhelmed at their proposal, and I resolved to get up early the next Sunday and go to church. I didn’t do that every week, but I had a lot to talk to God about, and sometimes, the lessons on Sunday morning gave me the answers to the questions rolling around in my head.I was also intrigued that Bob and Marshall had stopped on their way home from church. I wondered what church they went to.
Mom, I'm Gay Page 10