I sit on the bed and take a breath before slipping my finger into the seam and tearing it open.
Dear Kaylee,
There’s so much I want to say to you, but none of it will change the fact that we lost so much time together. I was faced with a choice, and it was one I hope you’ll never have to make. I hope hearts change and time heals. But if it doesn’t, then maybe you’ll understand why I made the choice I made.
I don’t want to waste words on your mother and father; I won’t berate them and tell you how I feel about them. My decision to come here and leave Georgia was never about them. It was about her. I made the decision to stay in Haven’s life, to be her family when she had none. I made the decision to raise her and let her know how much she was loved. And I’ve never regretted it; I’ve never doubted that it was the right decision.
The only thing I regret is that choosing to raise her meant having to give up all contact with you. It meant not knowing who you’d grow into, not knowing if your favorite color would change. Not knowing if you’d still look like me. It meant not being there for birthdays, graduations. But I kept my hope that one day I’d find you.
One day, one of those letters I’d sent, one of those calls would get through to you. I’m sorry they didn’t. I’m sorry they never made it to you. But know that I sent them, Kaylee. Know that every day, I said a prayer for you. I wanted you to be happy. I still do.
I needed to make sure your sister knew she was loved, just like you were. I needed her to know that her existence was not a shame, but a blessing. And it is, Kaylee. She’s the most wonderful human, much like I imagine you are. We didn’t know each other in life, Kaylee. But I’ll be there, watching you after it. If you spend time here at the water, I know you’ll find yourself loving her the way I did.
Kaylee, no matter what life you choose, know that I love you. I’m proud of you.
I’ll see you in the next life, my sweet Kaylee.
All my love,
Gran May
I fold the letter back up, my hands shaking, and everything is suddenly thick and heavy around me. The stories from Lou and Alma, Haven’s face, her sobs. The tears of complete strangers.
My own memories of that day at the hospital. Her disappearing through those hospital doors and never coming back to me.
My mother, who braided my hair for every dance recital. My father who cheered me on at every race I ever ran. Both of them, who sat front and center at my high school and college graduations. Who only ever wanted the best for me. Who wanted me to be the best. Who wanted me to carry on their name, their traditions, their business.
We choose family.
But they didn’t. My mother did not choose her family. She chose marriage, and status, and money. She chose the life she had over the life she made. She chose me. But she didn’t choose Haven.
As I stare down at the folded page in my hands, a tear lands on it. Then another, then another. And I can’t stop them. I reach up to touch them as they stream down my face. This is the pain they were all feeling today. This is a glimpse into what life was like with May, and what it will be without her.
I walk across the room and open the sliding glass door. I step out onto the balcony in my bare feet. Up here, I’m as high as some of the trees, and the moon is so bright it feels like there’s a spotlight on me. I sit down on the bench that’s perched in the corner of the balcony and stare up at it, not bothering to dry the tears anymore. I let them fall, seeping into my skin, just as her words have.
I’ll see you in my next life.
12
Eeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrreeerrrrrrrr.
I jump up to the roaring of some sort of machine coming to life beneath me, and when I do, my first thought is pain. I fell asleep on the balcony, and I’m feeling it. My neck is twisted and stiff, and my skin is sticky from the outside air. I look down over the railing, trying to figure out where the noise is coming from.
Derrick steps out from underneath the deck, a pencil in his mouth and the culprit in his hand: a blaring chainsaw. He has his back to me as he walks toward a plank of wood he has set up in the yard, then he starts to saw. I watch him for a few moments, soaking in his every move. I need to get a closer look.
I walk back inside and down the stairs, peering out at him from the giant windows in the great room. I unlock the back door slowly and step out onto the deck as slowly and stealthily as possible. I’m not ready to be seen yet. I just want to do the seeing.
Then something magical happens.
Derrick turns around with the sawed-off plank in hand, and as he does, a gust of wind blows. The whole world spins in slow motion as the breeze blows his unbuttoned shirt out from his body, exposing the most perfect chest-and-ab combo I have ever seen with my own two eyes. Not even the jagged scar on the right side of his chest affects its perfection.
With every step he takes, muscles bulge from his arms, his shoulders, his stomach, like some sort of topographic map that my eyes are following like a lost dog. He reaches his free hand up to wipe his brow, and that’s when he looks up. I try to duck down, but I trip over a plank that’s sticking up and go flying backward on my ass. On my way down, I reach for something—anything—to catch my fall, but lucky me, the only thing in grabbing distance is a small potted plant. The plant crashes to the ground, the pot shattering.
I cover my face with my hands and surrender to the embarrassment. There’s not a chance he didn’t see it. And even if he didn’t, there’s no way he didn’t hear it.
Before I can recover, he’s bursting through the back door of the house.
“Girl, what are you doing?” he asks before bending down to assess the damage. He’s looking at all my limbs to make sure I’m not badly hurt, and while he does, I’m staring at him. Every inch of his skin that I can see. I’m drinking it in. It’s better than I’ve been imagining. Way better. “You good? You hurt anywhere?”
I shake my head.
“Nope. I would say I bruised my ego, but I’m so used to this by now that it doesn’t even phase me,” I tell him. He laughs as he hooks his arms under mine and pulls me to my feet. The early morning sun is making those speckles in his eyes again. He catches me eyeing him, and he bites his bottom lip to keep from smiling.
“What are you doing here?” he asks just as he reaches up to wipe a smudge of dirt off my forehead from the plant.
“Thanks,” I tell him. “I, uh, I’m staying here now. Alma’s idea.”
He nods.
“Man, sorry about that. Mama didn’t mention you were doing that just yet. I was trying to get this deck done for ya. I wouldn’t have started so early, had I known.”
I wave him off.
“No problem. I get up early to run usually, anyway,” I tell him as I turn back toward the door. He follows me back inside.
“You run?” he asks.
“Try to, every day. I haven’t since I’ve been up here, though. It’s throwing me off.”
“Want some company?” My breathing picks up at the very thought.
“You run?” I ask.
“Try to, every day,” he says with a wink. Not that him doing anything physical is unbelievable, judging by his body.
“Then, yeah, that’d be great. You can show me the good routes,” I tell him, bending down to grab my shoes. When I stand up, I catch his eyes on my ass, and then they meet mine. But he doesn’t look away in shame; he looks right at me. Right into my eyes, letting me know. I bite my lip in response.
“You’re in the mountains now, girl,” he says, brushing past me. “All routes are good. I’ll meet you out front.”
I run upstairs and throw on a pair of shorts and a tank top. I lace my shoes up and head out the front door, locking it behind me and tying the key to my shoelaces. When I get out there, he’s sitting on the porch step in nothing but basketball shorts and his shoes. He pops up when he hears me, and my eyes go right to his body again. He looks at me.
“Do you mind?” he asks, motioning to his body.
He bites his bottom lip.
“Not at all,” he says. We walk to the end of the driveway and turn left down the street. “How long you wanna go today?”
I feel my competitive nature kick in. It’s been a few days since I’ve run, but I don’t back down. Ever.
“As long as you want to,” I tell him. He smiles as he starts to jog, me following his lead.
“Well, I’d love to take you on my favorite route,” he says, “but we’re in the mountains now, girl. You sure you’re up for it?”
I shoot him a look.
“Let’s do it,” I tell him. He nods, and we pick up the pace a little bit. As we get out on the main road, I drop behind him so we’re in single file, but I make sure to keep right on his heels. I want him to hear my breath, feel the heat from my body. I want him to know I’m close.
“We’re gonna cross the street up here in a minute,” he tells me over his shoulder. I follow him across the street once we have a clearance, and he heads toward the start of a path. He pauses for a minute and turns to me. “You ready for this?”
I shoot him a look and put my hands on my hips.
“Are you?” I ask before taking off past him onto the dirt trail. It takes me all of three strides to realize that this trail is an incline––one that doesn’t appear to plateau anytime soon. In front of me, all I can see is trees and trail, and everything is pointed up. Fuck. We’re literally running up a damn mountain, and now that I’ve established myself as some sort of ultra-runner, I have to keep this up. I hear him on my heels, his breathing low and steady. My body reacts involuntarily, my feet picking up the pace as every muscle in my legs screams at me to slow down. My quads and my ass are tensing up, and my lungs are on fire, but I can’t let up. He pushes up next to me so we’re shoulder to shoulder, and I’m not sure what we’ll do if we come across someone coming from the other direction. There is absolutely no more room on this trail.
“Need to slow down?” he asks from next to me, and I can hear the smug smile in his voice. “We got about a quarter mile left.”
“That ain’t nothin’,” I say, trying like hell not to let him hear how out of breath I am. I pride myself on being in good shape. I run almost every day; I eat fairly healthy. But I might not be in mountain-running shape. And judging by his physique, he’s no stranger to working out, either.
I push further, pretty sure I’m going to pass out. The scenery around us is enough to take my breath away—if I had any breath left, of course. Trees surround us, everything shades of green. We hop over roots, step on rocks, and duck under low-hanging branches, our strides completely in sync. To my relief, his breathing is quickening now, too. He lifts a finger up ahead to a clearing in the trees, and I can see the sky.
“That’s it,” he pants, and I breathe out a long breath of relief. We push a little bit harder, a little bit faster, up one more steep incline, and then we make it to the edge of the trees, the end of the trail, and we’re in a wide-open field. We run through the edge of the forest like it’s a finish line then hunch over to catch our breath.
“Damn, girl,” he says with a smile as he wipes his brow on his forearm. “I wasn’t expecting a full-on race today.”
I chuckle as I gulp in the mountain air, catching a drop of sweat on the strap of my sports bra.
“What were you expecting?” I ask him. He narrows his eyes at me as he puts his hands on his hips. My eyes dip down to watch his abs move in and out as he breathes. He takes a few strides toward me so we’re just feet apart.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” he says, and I swallow. He juts his head to the side. “Come on. Let me show you my favorite spot in this town.”
I follow him across the field, wildflowers popping up in droves all around, bees humming by. The sky is a deep blue today with those big, cotton-ball type puffy clouds. And then we get to the edge of the field, and my jaw drops. The whole town is below us, the lake a dark blue-green, shimmering in the sunlight. Trees everywhere, houses popping out from every angle. Windmills miles and miles away in the mountains far out, cars on the highway. Boats making their own waves as they stream across the lake.
It’s breathtaking, and I’m surprised at the emotional response I feel.
“Wow,” I whisper, and before I realize it, he’s standing right next to me.
“Yeah,” he says back, a smile on his lips. “This is why none of us leave. This is why May loved it here.”
I nod. I get it. He turns to me, and my stomach flips right on cue.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, Kaylee,” he tells me, his eyes on the ground. “I wish she had more time. I wish you had more time with her.”
I swallow and instinctively reach out to grab his arm.
“No, no. I’m so glad you found me. Even if I didn’t get to meet May, I’m so glad you brought me here, Derrick.”
I turn back to the view.
“I can’t believe I have a sister,” I say, biting my lip. He nods.
“Yeah. Crazy. She’s pretty great, though,” he says with a shrug. “I really think you two would get along.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh.
“She can’t stand the sight of me.”
“Kaylee,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck, “the girl’s been through a lot. Give her time. Besides, I doubt there’s a person in the world who wouldn’t like the sight of you.”
He gives me a sly half-smile, and I feel tingles run down my whole body, fizzling out at the tips of my fingers. I inch closer to him, but I feel him pull back slightly.
There goes that bullshit again. But I refuse to let him off that easy. If he’s going to dish out the one-liners, he better be prepared to take them.
“You’re not so hard to look at, either,” I tell him, an ache in my core sinking down between my legs. I want to trace the lines of his muscles, chase the drops of sweat down his broad back…
There’s a long silence between us, then he shakes his head.
“Nah,” he whispers, “I was definitely not expecting you.” I tilt my head, perplexed, wondering why we can’t just give in. Why he’s not yanking my shorts down right here in this field, touching me everywhere, those perfectly round lips on mine…
Jesus. I guess it’s safe to say I wasn’t expecting him, either.
“You ready to head back?” he asks. I nod, taking one last look off the ledge, committing it all to memory like some sort of mental postcard. The way back is a relief, my body thanking me for the steady decline. As we hop over branches and roots again, I feel his hand on my lower back, guiding me gently.
We finally turn back onto May’s street and come to a stop as we reach the driveway. We sit down on the porch, stretching our legs and catching our breath.
“So,” he says, nudging me with his leg, “we goin’ again tomorrow?”
I smile and nudge him back.
“Hell yeah.”
13
I open the front door, kicking my shoes off on the porch, and make my way inside. I head for the kitchen and get a glass of water from the fridge, leaning up against the cool granite of the island as I gulp it down. I have no earthly idea how I’m going to do this again tomorrow, but for that view––both of the town and of him––I’d happily die all over again.
Just as I set the glass in the sink, I hear a thud coming from upstairs. I swallow, my heart jumping to my throat. There were no cars in the driveway when we got back. I shake my head, thinking it might be my mind playing tricks on me. Then I hear the slide of a drawer opening and closing again, and I’m back to panic mode.
I slowly walk into the living room toward the bottom of the stairs. I look around the room for something I can use as a weapon. A fire poker. Pe
rfect. I reach to pull it out of the stand, but when I do, it hooks onto one of the other tools and sends the entire set crashing to the floor. I jump to try to gather them without making any more noise, but it’s completely useless. When I turn back around, I see Haven standing at the top of the stairs. I jump back.
“Oh, shit!” I scream, clutching a hand to my chest. She doesn’t say anything, just raises an eyebrow in my direction. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were––”
“I knocked, but no one answered, so I let myself in. I’ll be out of your hair in a minute. Just getting some clothes to take back to Alma’s.”
“Oh, you don’t have to…” I start to say, but she turns and walks back into her bedroom. I consider leaving her be, but I decide to take advantage of being alone with her. I walk up the stairs and stand in her doorway. “You can stay as long as you want. This is your house,” I tell her.
She scoffs as she folds some t-shirts and shoves them into a duffel bag.
“You met with Jeffrey, right?” she asks. I nod. “Then you know this is your house, too.” There’s something flippant about the way she says it, as if I don’t deserve it.
Which I probably don’t.
I turn to walk back down the steps but freeze.
“Look, I’m not here to tear apart your life, Haven. At least, not any more than I already have. I just…”
My voice trails off, and I see that she’s stopped packing. Her back is to me, but she’s completely still.
“Can we get lunch or something? Maybe? Just the two of us?” I ask. I swallow, feeling completely vulnerable. She thinks for a moment then turns so I can see the profile of her face. She nods her head slowly, and I let out a silent sigh of relief.
“You have to drive, though. I brought the boat.”
“Sure,” I tell her. “I’ll just shower quick, and we can go.”
We get in the car, and she gives me directions into town.
Stones Unturned (Meade Lake Series Book 2) Page 9