“I may not have noticed your eating habits, but I watched and listened more than you realize. Even when I was a wolf. I know you, Ellie. I may not have known you long, but it feels like I’ve known you my whole life.” A corner of his mouth tips up. “Also helps you’re not very good at hiding your emotions.”
I roll my eyes, but a smile seems to be permanently etched on my face.
“I have more clothes for you in the dresser behind you. Your duffle bag I placed under the bed.” He swallows as his eyes stay focused on said dresser. He walks over to it and pulls one of the drawers open.
He takes out a pair of light gray pajamas that have white polka dots on them. They’re soft and look warm. They’re quite cute, too. Then I watch him open another drawer and pull out a pair of pink panties.
“Ash.” My face burns as if it’s on fire as I snatch the underwear from him. “Did you really just pull out panties for me? Please tell me those aren’t used.”
“What? No.” He chuckles with a shake of his head. “Why would I get you used underwear? I only bought new”—he coughs, trying not to laugh—“panties, as you call them.” He hands me the pajamas. I clutch them to my chest, hiding the panties between me and the clothes. “This room doesn’t have a closet,” he says, “but it's the only room next to mine, so I hope the dresser will be enough for you.”
“Yes, thank you. The dresser is plenty. This whole room is more than enough, as well as the clothes.”
He clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. “Well, I’ll let you get settled in and go to bed.”
“Ash?” I stop him before he leaves. “I can’t stay here. I can’t put you or anyone else in danger by staying here. He’ll just keep coming for me.”
He straightens. “Ellie, you’ll be safe with me, I promise. Please don’t run.”
And with the way he looks at me, I know he means it. My cheeks burn, but I ignore it. I’m not used to getting so much attention. “I need to. I can’t stay here long. You didn’t have to do all of this because once my concussion is gone, I need to leave. I will leave.”
He hums. “We’ll see.”
My eyes narrow. “Ash.”
He gives me a small smile. “I’ll let you get ready for bed now.” He closes the door behind him.
With a sigh I peer around the room once more. I remove my worn clothes and put on new ones. I kind of love that he chose what I’m wearing, even though I’m beyond embarrassed he now knows what underwear I’ll have on.
I smile at the softness of the pajamas against my skin. Ash keeps showering me with gifts and all I’ve managed to give him is...well, nothing.
Moving to the door, I open it a crack. Will Ash sleep with me again tonight? Shaking my head at my thoughts, I close the door. He wants to sleep in his own bed, I’m sure. He’s already said as much.
So why do I feel like I should wait for him?
I stride over to the bookcase. There’s no point waiting for him. Nor should I. I need to detach myself from him. I’ll just read a book tonight to help me fall asleep. Browsing through the selection on display, I find a few romance novels. There’s also poetry, science fiction, mystery, history—human and lycan—and even some fantasy. I smile at the last. Who knew he liked to read about fantasy characters and creatures? I pause. Well, I guess they aren’t all make believe.
I want to read about the history of lycans, but my head is throbbing again. I pick a romance instead. Although, maybe I should pick something I don’t like to read if I want to fall asleep. It’s cold under the sheets as I climb into bed without Ash. I didn't realize how much he radiated heat. It must be a lycan thing.
Letting out a pent-up breath, I settle in the bed. I’m exhausted even with the four-hour nap in the car, but my mind won’t shut off. Opening the book, I begin to read. I only make it through a few pages when my head begins to pound. Rubbing at my temples, I try to ease the pain, but it’s not working. Maybe I should just try to sleep.
I set the book down on the nightstand and turn off the lights. I sink back into the sheets, the dark helping my head, but Ash’s missing presence is more noticeable. I take comfort in knowing that his room is beside mine. We literally share a wall.
Sighing, I roll over, wrapping the sheets around myself. Even though I’m in his house, the bed doesn’t smell like him.
I’m being ridiculous. Why do I need to keep reminding myself that I’m leaving soon? I need to get used to sleeping alone again. Closing my eyes, I try to will myself to sleep, but I toss and turn more than not before sleep eventually overpowers me.
Terror fills me as I recognize the four windowless, cinder block walls.
No, I can’t be back here. I escaped from this place.
“You thought you could get away?” I spin around at Marcus’ laugh, his canines long and dripping blood. His eyes darken and glow as his hands change into claws. My gaze drops, finding Ash lying on the ground between us, lifeless. His normally light-brown skin, pale and sickly. His eyes, glazed over and empty.
No, this isn’t right.
“I told you I had plans for you, and no one gets in my way when I want something.”
This isn't real. It can’t be. Ash isn’t supposed to die. It’s me who is. It’s the whole reason I planned on leaving.
I didn’t leave fast enough.
Why didn’t I leave sooner? There were opportunities, but I ignored them. I enjoyed being with Ash too much. And now it has cost him his life.
I fall to my knees, pain erupting in my chest. “Ash,” I whimper.
On my hands and knees, I crawl to him, not having the strength to stand and walk, as my heart breaks.
Marcus steps over him, leaning down in front of me. He grips my throat, his nails digging into my neck as he holds me in the air, blood trickling down. I claw at his monstrous hands, not caring if I die. I just want to be with Ash. He’s alive, he has to be. He can’t be dead.
“Ash.” Tears stream down my face and fall into my mouth.
Marcus laughs maniacally. “Don’t worry, Eleanor, you’ll see him in the next life.”
“Ellie.”
I gasp, jerking awake, and squirm up the bed. Hot tears stream down my face as I claw at my neck, Marcus’ phantom fingers still gripping my throat.
Ash climbs onto the bed and pulls me to him, cradling me against his chest. “Are you okay?” There’s a hint of panic in his voice. When I look at him, his eyes are ablaze with fear.
I take a few shaky deep breaths before nodding, but the terror still lingers. Ash’s arms bulge around me as he lays us down, keeping me flush against him as he holds me tight. My face, arms, and hands tingle with the contact of his bare skin.
“That was worse than the others. I need—do you mind if I stay?” Ash asks.
Shaking my head, I wrap my arms around him. I know why it was worse. It wasn’t me who I was desperate to save, it was Ash.
I sniffle and press myself against him. He caresses my bare arm. My entire body shudders not just from the reminder of my dream, but from being in close contact with a shirtless Ash.
“Ash,” I whisper.
“Shh.” He rolls onto his back, bringing me with him, and pulls the covers over us. “Sleep, my little human, I’ll watch over you.” He nuzzles his head into my hair, his large hand gently palming my back. I lay on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, proof that he’s still alive, that he didn’t die. That my dream wasn’t real.
A slight vibration wakes me the next morning. Ash’s fingers feather up and down my exposed arm as he holds me in his warm embrace. We didn’t move an inch from our position last night.
His hand stills as well as the vibrations. Was he humming? “Good morning,” he says, his voice rough from sleep.
I peer up at him, his lips thin as he gazes down at me.
“Ash?” What could he be upset about this early?
He sighs, his hand caresses my arm once more. He looks straight ahead, not meeting my gaze as he says, “I di
dn’t want to ask or bring it up again. I wanted you to tell me on your own, but”—his gaze meets mine once more—“I can’t ignore what happened last night.” His other hand comes up and moves strands of hair out of my face. “That was the worst dream I’ve seen you have. I need to know, Ellie. I need to know what haunts you even in your sleep. I know it’s Marcus. But I can’t ignore just how badly he affects you.”
Forcing my gaze away from his, I grip the covers and pull them closer to my chest. I knew he would want to know. I know I need to tell him, but speaking about it means reliving it.
Ash’s arm tenses as he pulls me flush against him. “But I don’t want to force you. If you truly can’t speak to me about it, I understand and won’t bring it up again.”
That's the odd thing, I do want to talk to him about it. For the first time ever, I want to talk to someone, share what happened. But not just share with anyone, I want to confide in him. “I want to tell you.” My voice is quiet as I speak. “It’s hard, but I’m going to. Just be patient with me.”
“Of course, whenever you’re ready.” His voice is soft as he caresses my arm. “We can stay in bed all day today.”
I tilt my head to gaze up at him, concern and devotion shine in his eyes. The question, “why me?” pops into my head. Why did he choose me to look at in that way?
I glance away before speaking and focus on a random spot on the wall. “I was eleven when my parents died,” I begin. “Without any other family members to take me in, I was sent to foster care.” Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly through my nose. “But when I was thirteen, they placed me with Marcus and his wife. I heard you and Dr. Kathy talking about my back.” His hand stills. “It was him. It was Marcus. He…he was the one who hurt me to the point where I wish death would come, just so I could escape.”
Ash has grown tense, but now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. It’s freeing to speak about it, even if my entire body is shaking. “I slowly stopped caring about living, I didn’t want to survive after his beatings, but he somehow knew the fine line to keep me from dying. After two years of being under his thumb, he allowed me out of the basement. I was able to take a shower and eat a normal sized meal. I thought maybe I was getting placed somewhere else.” A rough laugh pushes past my lip as the pressure of tears burn. I remember trying to contain my excitement that I’d get to leave. “Instead, he was getting another kid. Will.” I sniffle and rub my nose. “He was a few months older than me, and because he was a male, he was treated slightly better than me. He got a room above ground and was fed more often than I was. He was abused as well, just not as bad.”
“Ellie.” Ash says my name like a prayer. He turns onto his side, tugging me closer, wrapping me in his full embrace.
Shaking my head, I press my fingers into Ash’s bare skin to keep my hands from shaking. “Will would sneak down whenever they were gone, giving me food and keeping me company. I should’ve told him to stop. I knew he’d get caught.” My voice catches.
I press my face into Ash’s chest, breathing him in, allowing his scent to calm me. “It was my birthday, and Will thought maybe Marcus would be lenient if he were caught. He’d never been around for my last two birthdays before, so he didn’t know how much worse those days actually were.”
I swallow, my throat tightening at the memory of what happened next. I snuggle closer. “He…he tried to defend me. Tried to stand up for me. Marcus killed him.” At that last part, a sob breaks through. Will was the first person to care about me since my parents died. It was nice to be wanted and cared for, but I learned the hard way that everyone I love will die. My parents. Will.
I can’t let that happen to Ash.
Ash lightly squeezes me to him. “Oh, Ellie darling.” He doesn’t say anything else, but he doesn’t need to. Just holding me and being here for me is enough.
I wait until I calm down enough before telling him the rest. “That was a wakeup call for me. I realized I didn’t want to die, but that would be the only ending if I stayed.”
“You escaped,” he says, his hand moving up and down my back.
I nod, my forehead rubbing against his warm, smooth skin. “When I decided I wanted to live, I had no idea how I would escape. I tried to focus on his habits, his moods, and how often he came down. I wanted to be able to read his thoughts through his actions. But it didn’t matter as long as I was locked in the basement.”
Ash pulls me up, shocking me out of my thoughts. He cups my face with one hand, brushing a thumb against my cheek. I hadn’t realized I started to cry. His eyes bore into mine, giving me the courage to continue.
I focus on the scruff along Ash’s jaw, his gaze too intense. “It was pure luck that I was able to get out.” My brows scrunch together. “My memory is a bit hazy, but he was excited about something after getting off the phone. I know it had to do with me.” A chill slices through my body, and I shiver.
Ash runs his fingers through my hair as I continue, “In his excitement he forgot to lock the door. I waited for what felt like hours before sneaking up the stairs. I was badly injured, but I was numb to the pain. When I finally found the courage to open the door, I found him passed out on the couch surrounded with beer bottles and no signs of Beatrice. Somehow, I was able to pass him and reach the yard. They had shrubs instead of walls, which was fortunate for me. I had forgotten I was even injured, because of the adrenaline, until I collapsed in Jane’s yard, about five houses down from his.
“When I came to, I was in a bed on my stomach. Jane was hovering over me, tending to my back. She knew I was Marcus’ foster kid and wanted me to testify against him, but I couldn’t. She’s a lawyer, but I didn’t think we could win. He’s too powerful. So instead she created a second bank account for me, but under her name. No one ever checks your ID anymore as long as you know the pin or have the same signature. Once I was healed enough, she set up a rental place in California, also under her name, and bought the first set of bus passes. I’ve been using her name and money ever since. I would move every couple of months to remain hidden. But it seems like I stayed here too long.”
The room is so quiet now that I’ve stopped talking. The only sound is our breathing as he holds me in a tight embrace. Ash presses his face against mine—there’s wetness and the whiskers from his beard prickle my skin.
He’s crying.
For me.
He caresses my hair and I take comfort in his touch, in his presence, my nightmares being replaced by his familiar scent and strong, warm arms.
“I’ll never let him, or anyone else, hurt you again,” he says softly into my hair. “I’m so sorry, Ellie.”
“It’s okay,” I say back.
His determined gaze meets mine, his long, dark lashes framing his beautiful, glacier-blue eyes. “It’s not, and I’m going to find him. You should never have to be afraid of him hurting you again.”
My heart swells as I look at him. How did I get so lucky? How did someone like him come to care so fiercely for someone like me?
I blink as tears threaten to spill. “Ash, I can’t risk you. You survived against him last time, but you might not be so fortunate the next time.”
He shrugs. “He’s a weak lycan, only attacking those who are weaker than him. If he fights fair, it would be an easy win.”
“You know he won’t.”
His chin dips slightly. There’s dark circles under his eyes. Did he not sleep last night? Was his voice rough just from non-use? “I do. We’ll figure something out, but you’ll be safe with me.”
Not wanting to argue about it anymore, I move away from the subject. “You look tired.”
He quirks a brow but doesn’t miss a beat. “Isn’t that another way of saying I look like crap?”
“You could never look like crap.”
He takes a piece of my hair and twirls it around his finger. “Does that mean you find me attractive?”
My cheeks heat. “Yes.”
A slow grin takes over his face. “I find you attract
ive as well.”
My face grows hotter.
He tugs the piece of hair as he changes the topic. “Thanksgiving is in three days.”
I blink. Time seems to have slipped away from me. I’ve already been in Alaska for two months.
“I have some people who want to come spend it here with us and meet you. Just four people, Alice being one of them.”
“Okay…”
“Is that okay?” he asks.
My brows scrunch together. “Why are you asking me? This is your house.”
“Yes, but you matter to me. If meeting new people is too much for you, I’ll tell them no.”
My eyes lower to his naked chest that’s lightly dusted with black curls. I shake my head, trying to refocus.
Thanksgiving. Four people. Can I handle that?
“No, they can come. But we can stay in bed today though, right?” Despite being stuck in a hospital for two weeks, I have no desire to move after the emotional output I just did.
“Of course,” he says as his fingers trail over my cheek. “Today we’ll relax. Maybe even tomorrow. There’s no rush, Ellie darling.”
Two days pass by quicker than I’d like. Ash and I watched movies, read books, napped, ate—it was exactly what I needed to start feeling better. My head still aches on and off, but I know I’m getting closer to being able to leave.
I raise my arms to stretch in bed. My shirt slightly rises but pulls against a weight around my waist. There’s a chuckle, and my eyes pop open. Ash is on his side facing me, his body just an inch away from mine. It’s the weight of his arm that’s around my waist.
“Good morning,” he says, his eyes hooded. I catch his gaze lingering on my lips. Warmth spreads across my chest and face as my body reacts to his voice and nearness.
“Morning,” I squeak.
A lazy smile appears on his face as he moves closer, his body pressing up against mine. He throws a heavy leg over me, trapping me in place. He nuzzles his head in my hair and breathes deeply. “You smell so good.”
Saving Ellie (Lycans Book 1) Page 15