My voice is shaky as I ask, “I could shift and not be able to turn back?” Just the thought is terrifying. Being stuck in that form. I can’t even imagine. “How do I join a pack? Can I be in yours?” I grab and clench his shirt to keep my hands from shaking. “You’re an alpha now, that means something, right?”
Ash places his hands over mine. “Of course, Ellie. I won’t let your essence take control. I would love nothing more than for you to be in mine.”
“If I join, I won’t be an alpha, though, right?”
He shakes his head as he lifts his hand to cup my face. “No, that’s not until we perform the mate bond.”
“What will I be then?” I ask.
“Anything you want to be. I never liked the forced placements.”
“Okay.” Tomorrow I can worry about my placement. Today I need to get into a pack. I take a deep breath, calming myself. “How do I join?”
His gaze drops to my lips as he clears his throat. “I will need to bite you.”
My brows dip down. That seems a bit strange. I lean away and let go of his shirt. “I guess that’s fine,” I say, holding up my forearm.
A smile plays across his lips as he glances at my arm. “I have to bite you in a certain spot.”
“Oh.” I slowly put my arm down. “Then where?”
He moves a hand to my waist, his thumb beginning to rub against my shirt, causing my breath to hitch. “Your ribs.”
I swallow. “Why?”
The warmth of his hand seeps through the fabric the longer it stays there. “The lungs and ribs symbolize you and your pack. The pack is the air you breathe and protect, but they are also the ones who will protect you and give you air.”
The words he spoke at the funeral make more sense now. “That’s why you bury lycans with trees.”
Ash’s brows rise. “Yes. Even in death we believe they are there to provide air to the pack and watch over us.”
I smile. “I love that.” I take a shaky breath and straighten my spine. “Will it hurt?”
His eyes lift from his hand still on my waist to my face. “It might. I’ve never seen it done. It’s rare for people to change packs, and when they do, they complete the pack bond in private.”
Well, even if it does hurt, I need to join a pack. “Okay, let’s do this.”
“Do you want to do it here or in another room?”
Why would we move? “Here is fine.”
Ash takes a deep breath, then nods. His voice grows husky as he says, “Alright. Lay down for me.”
Scooting down, I rest my head against the pillow.
My eyes widen when he swings a leg over me, his knees on each side of my body, trapping me underneath him. He moves until he’s lightly sitting on my legs.
His large, warm body over mine sends strange things through my body.
Inhaling through his nose, Ash’s hands hover over the edge of my pajama shirt. His gaze moves from my stomach to my eyes. “May I?”
Clenching the sheets next to me, I swallow and give him a nod.
His pupils dilate as he lightly grips the bottom of my shirt. I can’t seem to catch my breath. Fingers graze over my skin while pulling my shirt up and stop right before my breasts. Fingertips lightly brush my ribs, causing goosebumps to erupt across my body. He leans down, his mouth a breath away from my skin. His warm breath dances across my rib cage. Hovering over me, his eyes ablaze as he meets my gaze.
“Still okay?” His voice is deep. His breath caresses my skin, sending shivers through my body.
Clenching my jaw, I give a short nod. I don’t think I could form words even if I tried. This is a lot more intimate than I was expecting. Maybe we should’ve done this on the couch.
“Close your eyes, Ellie,” he says softly, and I oblige.
I inhale sharply when I feel his parted lips against my skin in an open mouth kiss. The wetness from his mouth and the slight pressure from his tongue and teeth causes me to tremble under his touch. With my eyes closed, his touch is more vivid and intense.
His teeth graze my ribs, my skin the only barrier. I try to take a calming breath, but it catches when his canines lengthen and pierce my skin. My eyes open and a scream leaves my mouth. Liquid pain burns throughout my entire body.
“Ash!” I cry out, my hands go to his hair, gripping the strands tightly, forcing myself not to pull.
Ash presses his body into mine more, his hands moving to my arms to keep me still, but he doesn’t remove my hold on his hair.
I swear his teeth hit bone once they lengthen completely. After a moment, my body slowly relaxes as well as my grip. Warmth soothes the pain, starting from his teeth. Almost like it’s coming from them and spreading through my bloodstream.
My hands tangle in his hair as his thumbs caress the inner parts of my forearms, but he doesn’t let go until my entire body is tingling. His canines retreat and he removes his mouth from me. I look down just as his pink tongue slips out of his mouth. His hooded eyes meet mine as his tongue touches my skin, licking the puncture wounds left behind. My toes curl as desire rushes through me.
I watch his throat bob as he swallows. He kisses each mark then pulls my shirt back down.
My lips part as he leans away. I say, “Why did you…?”
Moving off of me, he quirks a brow. “Lick you?”
“Yeah.” My voice comes out more airy than I intended.
“Our saliva helps clot the blood.”
Lifting my shirt once more, I peer at the marks to find them already gone. But I can still feel where he bit me. “What was I feeling?” I ask, fixing my shirt once more.
He leans against his pillow, his eyes tracking me as I move. “I was linking my essence to yours. You’re now officially a part of my pack.” He grows serious. “I’m sorry that it hurt.”
Warmth spreads in my cheeks, and I avert my gaze, allowing strands of hair to fall to hide behind. “It only hurt for a moment.”
Ash leans closer, tucking my hair behind my ear then nudges my chin to him. His eyes shift back and forth between mine. “You sure?”
“Yes.” A smile grows on my face. “You’re my alpha now.”
His pupils blow out, the thin blue surrounding them glows. A small growl starts in the back of his throat. “Call me that again.”
“What? My alpha?”
He hums as he leans in close. “I like that too much. May I kiss you, Ellie?”
“You don’t have to ask,” I say softly.
He quirks a brow, hovering his mouth above mine. “Oh, yeah?” Parts of his lips caress mine when he speaks.
I swallow. “Yeah,” I whisper, clenching the sheets tightly, my entire body jittery with anticipation.
A corner of his mouth tips up into a smile before he erases the space between us, pressing his lips to mine.
Butterflies erupt at their soft touch and tingles start from our combined lips. His tongue presses against the seam of my lips, urging them to part, and tangles with mine. Sweet from the syrup and a taste that only could be described as Ash. I pant between kisses.
One of his arms snakes around me, pulling me firmly against him. Our limbs tangle, and I can’t think of anything else. Nothing penetrates my mind when we’re like this. His mouth and tongue demand my attention. It’s only him. The way he feels, smells, tastes.
With a groan he pulls away, removing his mouth from mine, but doesn’t release me from his hold. “I could do this all day, but there’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”
Panting, I nod for him to continue.
A small smile curves his lips as he watches me try to regain focus. “I’d like you to start training next week, and to practice shifting. I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon, but just in case, I want you prepared.”
I grow serious. I want to be able to defend myself, too. “I’d like that.”
“Great. Now I’m going to kiss you some more before drawing you a bath.”
He moves close and recaptures my lips, doing exactly
what he said he would.
The bath was just what I needed to feel refreshed. I stayed in for almost an hour. Each minute I soaked with a bath bomb and bubbles melted the aches away. I didn’t realize how sore I still was from the shift.
Not knowing what else to do, I go searching for Ash.
Light spills out from the ajar door to his study. I lightly knock on his door to gain his attention.
He looks up from his computer and smiles. “Hey, come in. I just need to finish some paperwork.”
I take a seat in one of the wingback armchairs in front of his desk rather than the loveseat this time.
Since moving in, I’ve realized just how clean Ash is. There isn’t dust on any surface. His bed is always made. His toothbrush and toothpaste are never left on the counter. Clothes are never left on the floor. I can say the same for his study. There still isn’t any dust, no clutter on his desk, just his laptop, a leather pen stand—because he’s classy like that—and a lamp.
The snap of Ash’s laptop closing gains my attention. He stands and walks over to me, offering his hand. “I want today to be a relaxing day, and I thought a movie would be a good idea. What do you say?”
“I say, ‘yes’.”
He grins as I place my hand in his. He interlocks our fingers then leads me out of the room and back downstairs. He takes me down the hall toward our room, but instead of entering one of those, he turns right into the laundry room.
“Uh, should I change?” I tend to wear one of the silky or cotton pajamas he bought me whenever we stay here. Which to be honest is all the time. But if we’re going to leave, I’d like to change.
Pausing with his hand on the doorknob to the garage, he glances at me. My skin heats as his eyes trail over me.
“Nope, you’re good. You look beautiful.”
My mouth gapes at how easy it was for him to compliment me while my hair is still wet and I’m not dressed up. But before I can respond, he opens the door and I realize why I’m fine in only pajamas. Instead of a garage like I expected, it’s a theater room. In his house.
I completely thought this was the garage, and the room is a lot bigger than I expected. There’s a giant screen covering almost the entire wall to our right. But on the left, past multiple reclining loveseats, is a pool table in front of a garage door, yet there’s no car in here.
“Did you have this added onto the house when you inherited it?” I ask as he leads me to one leather reclining loveseats.
“No, I designed this. I don’t use it for any cars—as you can see.” I sit down and watch as he walks over to a cabinet under the screen, squatting down in front of it. “I like to open the garage door during the summer when I’m with the guys. The house I grew up in burned down.” I can’t see his face as he continues, but his head hangs. “It burned down with them.”
If I didn’t have my new lycan hearing, I’d probably have missed that last part.
And I know who he means without him having to say.
“I thought you said that you found them drained of blood?”
“I did.” He stands with a movie in his hands. He messes with a device on top of the cabinet.
“But...” I trail off, confused. I look down and fidget with the strings of my pants.
“I let it burn down.”
My gaze flashes to him. “You burned it down?”
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. He turns toward me. “I might as well have. The fireplace had already caught the rug on fire when I got there, but it was small enough that I could have put it out.”
“So, why didn’t you?” I ask softly.
A glazed look comes over his face. “I smelled smoke when I came home from a run. I called out to my parents when I followed it to their room. But neither of them answered. Something...something felt wrong...” He moves a shaky hand down his face.
“Ash,” I say, standing. I walk over to him and lightly touch his arm. “You don’t need to tell me.”
He grabs my hand and gently squeezes. “I-I want to.” He takes a deep breath. “I found them lying on the ground… But it was too late. Their bodies were completely drained of blood.” A shiver ripples through him, so I step closer to him. I wrap my arms around his midsection and find him shaking. His hands grip the back of my shirt. “Their lifeless faces… No matter how hard I try to forget...” He takes a shaky breath as he looks down at me with pale skin and tears in his eyes. He lifts a hand to the back of my head, smoothing down my hair in a soothing gesture. But I can still feel the tremble in his touch.
“That’s why I let the house burn. I would never be able to live there without that scene haunting me. In hindsight, it was stupid. I would’ve been able to gather clues on who killed them, but I wasn’t thinking straight. All I remember is the smell of rotten flesh. It’s all I have now to go on to find my parents’ killer. To make up for my stupid mistake, I planted two trees for them there. It felt fitting since they loved that place.”
“I’m sorry.” I wipe at the tears that stream down my face. “How long ago was this?”
“About twenty-five years ago,” he says, nudging my hands away to wipe my tears himself rather than his own. “I’ve never told that to anyone before. Only Charlie knew what happened because he was the one who pulled me away from the burning house.”
I cry harder. They died and the only other person who was there with him died, too.
My heart breaks for Ash and what he’s had to go through to come out stronger. I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for him to see their bodies like that. I never saw what became of my parents’ bodies. I only knew that they died in a car accident. All I could do was imagine, but I’m sure whatever I came up with wasn’t as bad. Seeing it myself would’ve been much worse.
Ash pulls me into his arms. “Shh. It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t be the one comforting me.”
He caresses the length of my back. “Your empathy and compassion…it’s one of the many reasons I love you.”
I hold him tighter. “I love you, too,” I whisper against his chest, staining his shirt with my tears.
His entire body stiffens, his hand stalling. “Say that again,” he says, leaning away, looking at me with burning adoration.
I discreetly try to wipe my nose. I can’t believe it just slipped out, but now that I’ve said it, I can’t deny my feelings for him any longer. “I love you, Ash. So much.”
His eyes are wide. “Not just falling anymore?”
“No.” I shake my head. “To be honest, I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you for a while.”
A few more tears escape and roll down his face as he pulls me to him, wrapping his arms tightly around me. He leans down to nuzzle against my neck. “I’m so freakin’ happy right now, Ellie. You have no idea. I love you so much.”
My chest is tight as we breathe each other in.
When Ash pulls away, his eyes drop to my mouth before he leans down and brushes his lips against mine. It’s brief and leaves me wanting more.
I try to follow his lips by going onto my tiptoes.
He groans and offers me another peck. “I’m trying really hard not to kiss you right now.”
A watery laugh bursts from me as I smile. “I mean, I wouldn’t stop you.”
He growls, nipping my bottom lip. “Don’t tempt me, if I start I won't stop. And I’m determined to watch a movie together. Or talk through a movie together. Either way, I’m not going to make out with you until after our date.”
My eyes widen. “This is a date?” I squeak, glancing down at my outfit in horror. “I need to change.” I turn to leave, but Ash grabs my wrist, stopping me.
“You look beautiful, Ellie. I already told you I don’t want you to change.” He turns slightly to press a button on the device he was messing with earlier. “Besides, it’s not like it’s our first.”
“I always thought the guy was supposed to ask the girl on a date first.”
He p
auses. “I thought I did. Haven’t we been dating?”
I blink. “Is that what we’ve been doing? You didn’t tell me it was a date, though.” I look at him earnestly.
I don’t know why this is such a big deal, and maybe I’m stupid for not realizing it, but I’ve never dated before. Never been on a date. Well, I guess I have now. But I wished I had known. What would’ve been considered our first date? When I fell asleep on him that first night at Emma’s? Oh gosh, I was a lousy date if so.
He chuckles. “Yes, that’s what we’ve been doing.” Keeping hold of my wrist, he leads me to the couch. Once taking a seat, he pulls me onto his lap. “But I guess you’re right. I never specifically said any of them were dates. How about this will be an unofficial date, and I’ll take you on an official one later. And I’ll make sure you know it’s a date. How does that sound?”
I grin. “Sounds good to me.”
“It’s a deal then.” He nudges me to lay against him. “There’s also something I wanted to mention.” He pauses. “While you were taking a bath, I asked Foster to look into your parents. I hope that’s okay.”
I blink. “Yes, that’s fine.” With everything happening so fast, I surprisingly haven’t thought about them. A wave of guilt and grief hits me. How could I have forgotten them for even a moment?
But now that Ash mentions them, I realize they hid that I was a lycan. That they were lycans. Were they an alpha couple? Is the pack where they went to whenever they had meetings? They would go to one at least once a month, but never actually explained what the meeting was about. “I’m actually glad you did. I want to know more about them and why they hid being lycans.” I peer at him. “How did you know I was a pureblood just by their names, anyway?”
Resting his head on my shoulder, he points the remote at the screen, turning it on. “Everyone learns the last names of purebloods. Especially if you’re a pureblood.” He sneers. “The whole not wanting us to taint our bloodline thing.”
“Were your parents hoping for you to mate with a pureblood?”
Saving Ellie (Lycans Book 1) Page 24