“You ok?” Reality set back in as Jacob looked at me concerned.
“Yeah sorry.” I replied.
“So you and Amy are living together? How is that going?” He asked with an inviting smile.
“I couldn’t ask for a better roommate.”
“Aww you guys are so cute together. She is crazy about you, you know.” He spilled.
“She is?” I asked.
He suddenly had a look of embarrassment on his face as if my reaction should have been unreservedly different. Stupefaction was not what he expected from me and yet, that’s what he got.
“Uh.. well I thought… that you guys are pretty close?”
“Yeah she’s my best friend?” I stuttered, confused.
“Well look, you seem like such a nice girl and as long as Amy is happy, I’m happy for you two.”
“Damn dude, you make it seem like we’re married.” I joked.
“No obviously not but I think I made a stupid assumption. Just ignore me.”
“What assumption?” I wanted to know more. There was evidently something that I was missing.
Once more, Jacob didn’t want to reveal what he intended to say and neutrally posited, “nothing, just know that Amy really likes you and she’s lucky to have you as a friend.”
I smiled in response and looked around the room again. Amy was with Carmen and in the middle of a conversation. She moved her hair out of her face and observed that I was staring at her. Her facial expression changed when she looked at me. A look of mesmerisation was followed by a cute twinkly smile. I mouthed “hey” and she did the same back.
Carmen took her parole away again and Amy was obliged to engage in the conversation.
“So how do you know Amy?” I asked Jacob.
“We’ve been friends for a couple of years. I was Carmen’s friend before though. She’s the one who introduced me to Amy when I reconnected with Carmen when I started college.”
“You two fell out?”
“I’ve actually known Carmen since grade school but there was about five years where I didn’t hear a single breath from her. It came as a surprise to me when I saw her again but I’m so happy for her and she’s absolutely stunning, don’t you think?” He said.
“Yeah… Carmen is really beautiful. Do you have a crush on her or something?” I asked this because I didn’t really understand the tone of Jacob’s words. It was as if something had happened to Carmen in the time they weren’t talking.
“No. She’s just a friend. I actually do have a girlfriend.”
“Oh okay, it’s just the way you said that something came as a surprise to you?” I hinted that I needed a bit of an explanation to comprehend him.
“Right, you only just met her didn’t you?” He asked.
I nodded.
“Carmen didn’t used to be Carmen, if you know what I mean.”
“You mean she’s…”
“Yeah. Exactly. I’m really ecstatic for her and it’s honestly such a privilege to be back in her life. You have no idea how much happier she is than when we were growing up. She was always in her own head and I was worried about her at one point. But now, she’s this outgoing and wonderful woman. If anyone in this world deserves to be happy, trust me: it’s her.”
“You sound like an amazing friend. She’s lucky to have you dude.” I said.
“Look, I’m going to go catch up with a few friends if that’s alright with you but hopefully we can talk again later on in the evening?” He said.
“That’s a plan!” I affirmed.
We shook hands and he walked away. By this point, Amy had a hoard of people around her. She was joking around and in a world of her own. I was pleased for her. When she’s happy, I am too. Still, I did feel a bit left out. I could have walked over to her and joined in but I didn’t really feel like it. Alternatively, I ambled over to the staircase in the corner of the living area and sat there. I began playing a few games on my phone.
Time passed by and it had now been two hours. I was leaning, almost laying down when Carmen came over to me.
“Daniella! Why are you here alone silly?” She asserted.
“Oh I just felt a bit tired so I gave myself a time out.”
“That’s fine. Well, I don’t know how to say this but we kind of have a bit of a situation.” She informed me.
“What kind of situation?” I responded.
“Your roommate is a bit drunk and isn’t feeling too well.”
“Uh-oh.” I exclaimed.
I panicked because I wasn’t sure what to expect. As aforementioned, I’d never been in such a situation with Amy before. A drunk Amy was not an Amy I had been acquainted with prior to that evening.
I stood up, concerned as any good friend would be, and followed Carmen.
Lo and behold, by the kitchen entrance, Amy was on the floor giggling to herself and I immediately ran over to her.
“What the hell are you doing?” I said both worried and embarrassed.
Others were gathered nearby sniggering judgementally. I was bothered by the spectacle of my best friend being a laughing stock.
Amy reacted very delayed and she wasn’t really with us. Her eyes wandered aimlessly as her mania continued. Eventually, her eyes met mine and she fixated on me.
“Dani? There you are! I was looking all over for you.” Amy murmured indistinctly and drunkenly.
I ignored this because one of us had to be responsible and I wasn’t prepared to stand idly by as Amy’s dignity was being hammered. I tried lifting her up and I called over to Carmen. She rushed to our attention and helped me to lift Amy.
We walked out of the kitchen, carrying her like a corpse.
“Where to?” Carmen asked.
“How about to the couch?” I suggested.
“Not a good idea, Daniella. It’s covered in pee and alcohol.” Carmen said peeking to her side to be sure. She carried on talking, straining from Amy’s weight, “…and I’m pretty darn sure there are empty beer bottles on it too.”
“Okay so what do you advise?” I asked.
“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we take her to the balcony for some air.” She recommended.
I agreed and that’s what we did. The balcony was a lot bigger than it looked from the inside. It was reinvigorating to absorb that beautiful cool night air. Even though we were in the city, when you have been sardined into a room of drunk adults for the better part of three and half hours, anything can be considered a refreshing break.
We laid Amy down on a deck lounger which Carmen had. Amy’s eyes began to close.
Carmen and I breathed sighs of relief.
“I’m so sorry” Carmen said. She lay her hand on my shoulder.
I smiled at her and replied, “don’t be.”
“She’ll be okay” Carmen said.
“I know…thanks so much for helping out.” I answered.
“It’s nothing. What do you want to do?” She asked.
“Well I think we’ll head back soon but I’ll wait for Amy to sober up a bit and then we’ll take a cab.”
Carmen didn’t say anything. We stood there looking at Amy. The voices from inside the apartment began to get louder again as if party-mode had resumed.
“You’d better get back to it. You are the hostess at the end of the day.”
“Ah! I suppose you’re right.” Carmen affirmed.
“You sure you’re going to be okay?” She added.
“Of course. I’ll sit by her…you know…making sure she’s alright and everything.” I stated while taking a seat on one of the other chairs.
“Alright then. If you need anything, just come looking for me.” Carmen whispered in a sympathetic tone. She then left and went back inside, closing the sliding glass door behind her.
I was alone with a semi-conscious Amy.
“Oh Amy. Amy, Amy, Amy,” I half-jokingly tutted.
Amy then moved facing me and slowly opened her eyes.
“Amy?” I asked.
&nbs
p; “I’m so…tired…” she said, still inebriated.
“We’ll go home soon but you need to sober up a bit.” I calmly asserted.
“What time is it?” She said.
I didn’t answer. I just stared at the empty city streets before us.
Amy’s eyes closed again momentarily before she said, “Dani?”
“Yeah?” I answered, not really taking her seriously.
“I’m scared.” Amy said.
This did however catch my attention. There was something about her tone and the way in which she spoke these words that was a stupefaction to me. There was a hint of grievousness behind them.
I faced her. “What are you scared of, Amy?”
“How I feel.” She uttered.
“Amy, don’t talk honey. Just rest.” I counselled.
Nonetheless, she retaliated with, “no. I’m scared of how I feel.”
“How you feel?” I questioned.
“Yeah…how I feel about…you.”
“About me?” I asked.
Amy’s eyes closed again as under her breath came a “mmhm” sound.
“Amy?” I awoke her again. I needed to know what she meant. Of course, I knew she wasn’t in a sound state but I knew Amy well enough to know that there was an element of truth behind her words.
“What do you mean?” I posited.
“Dani, I don’t want to be your friend.” She said while laughing. Her laughter turned into sadness within a few seconds. A tear ran down her cheek. I leaned into her and stroked her hair.
“Amy, honey, what’s wrong?”
“I think I’m…” Amy couldn’t complete the sentence as she began to well up properly this time. More tears rolled down her face, clouding her eyes. I wiped them and comforted her.
“You think you’re what sweetie?”
“I think I’m falling in love with you.”
I was taken aback. Shivers sprung up all over my body and descended again.
“What?” I asked.
Amy looked at me straight in the face and held back any more tears. At this point, her cheeks blushed red and she was warm from the induced fever. She sniffed and retrained anything left in her as her emotional regard spoked a thousand truths. Out of nowhere, she leaned in to try and kiss me.
I pulled away.
“What the hell are you doing?!” I shouted.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She said.
I was very confused and a little bit offended. I was also brokenhearted. This was my best friend who I perceived as my friend. Knowing that she held romantic feelings for me broke a sort of trust I had with her. I thought we were building on something that was more than family and yet, all along, she was falling in love with me. I just did not know how to react. Yes, in truth, I had previously possessed weird sentiments towards Amy but they were never like this. They weren’t romantic, I thought.
I ran inside to find Carmen straight away. The last thing I heard from Amy was “Dani?”
Carmen was talking to a friend of hers but I inconsiderately pulled her arm away from the other girl.
“What’s going on?” She asked.
“I have to ask you something and promise me you’ll tell me the truth?” I said in a frenzy.
“Uh. I don’t know what…” Carmen began saying before I insisted.
“Promise me you’ll tell me the truth!” I exploded.
“I promise, I promise. What is it?” Carmen now matched my level of panic.
“Okay. All night, people have been coming up to me and saying really strange things about me and Amy. Everyone is acting like there was something obvious I should know that I don’t know. Well…now I know so I need you to tell me. Is Amy in love with me?”
Carmen looked down and started playing with her hair. “Well I mean…” she started.
“Is Amy in love with me?” I repeated.
Carmen sighed with emotive eyes and nodded, “yeah. She really is.”
I nodded without any clear reasoning in my head.
“Okay”, I exclaimed.
Carmen rushed back to the friend she was talking to, evidently trying to evade the awkward situation which had just broken out. I walked back outside to where Amy still was and I sat next to her.
Amy was awake and was now a little bit more aware of her surroundings. She had sobered up a bit.
“Dani?” She said with inflection.
“Mhm.” I bluntly answered.
“What’s wrong?” She asked, as if nothing had happened.
“How do you feel?” I replied without answering her.
“I’m a bit better.”
“Okay. Good.” I answered.
“Do you want to go home?” She asked, assuming that it was tiredness that rendered my temper so short.
“Sure.” I stood up and Amy also tried getting up.
I gave her a hand and as she stood herself upright, she was clearly very dizzy and so I held her hand.
“Okay, here we go” I said helping her along by holding her arm. Right in that instance, I had to put aside what had been said in order to focus on getting Amy home.
“Are you two leaving?” Carmen said attempting to sound surprised like any good hostess but instead, it came out as if it was inevitable.
“I’m afraid so” I exclaimed.
A small “hmm” emitted out of Carmen’s mouth.
As I walked past Carmen to head for the front door, she placed her hand over my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. With one hand, I pushed my fringe out of my face and looked at Carmen.
“Make sure she’s okay, yeah?” She whispered to me.
I didn’t say a single word to Carmen so in lieu of vocalising anything, I just threw a nod her way in acknowledgement. We both knew this couldn’t end well and the awkwardness that ensued was too much to handle. In that moment, it was a case of getting home and whatever would happen the following morning would be dealt with at the time.
Once outside, we waited by the street corner. I glanced both ways every few seconds. The dim light from the streetlight above us projected a shadow of a drunk Amy clinging onto me for stability. How ironic the situation.
Every few seconds, Amy would murmur something inaudible so I let her ramble. Finally, I flagged down a taxi and after helping Amy in, we were on our way home.
Once we arrived at our apartment, the smell of home hit my nose and I was much more at ease. I was even more relieved at the fact that my roommate was safe.
“Time for bed Amy.” I said.
She was absolutely out of it so I practically carried her to her room. Accidentally stumbling into clothes on the floor and hitting my knee against the bridge of one of her guitars, I eventually found the bedroom light and when I did, lay her down on the bed.
Like a moth that was seconds away from dying, Amy’s eyes fluttered open a bit before retiring into a deep sleep.
I removed her shoes and unhooked her bra so that she wouldn’t be restricted in her sleep. Looking at her precious body but still in emotional shock and turmoil, I took a deep sigh of relief. I was so pleased to be home but was certainly not looking forward to the conversation that would take place the next day.
I shut the light of her room and just as my left foot exited the room, I heard her speak.
“Dani?” She uttered.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“I’m sorry.” She said.
“So am I. Goodnight Amy.”
MAKE OR BREAK
The morning light hit my sheets which shone right through to my eyes. I had forgotten to shut my blinds completely the night before and even though they were more or less closed, the morning sun has a way of peeping through the tiniest of gaps.
I awoke and my back was killing me. A piece of advice for the future: carrying an adult woman around is not good for your spine. I learned that the hard way, I suppose but hey ho, Amy is my best friend. As I sat up on the edge of my mattress, every event from the night before came rushing back to the forefront of my mem
ory.
Don't Let Me Go Page 4