by S. K Munt
‘Pissed?!’ Finn repeated, feeling her shock wear off, and her devastation come reeling back. This wasn’t the first time that the Hive girls had let her down because of Georgia Janks, but that was sort of the point- she was sick of having her hopes crushed by the same five people over and over again! ‘That doesn’t even begin to-’
‘Well, devastated even! Which is why I put some stuff in your size aside for you- look.’ Mischa came back up with an old orange garbage bag that was overstuffed. ‘That’s full of wedding and bridesmaid dresses that I thought might fit you, okay? I don’t know if you’ll find anything in there you love the way you did the other one, but we don’t have a market for that kind of thing here right now, so think of it as an apology and a gift from me to you: free of charge!’
Finn stared down at the bag that had been plopped onto the counter in front of her, her eyebrows pinching when she saw what had been written on the side in black permanent marker in Mischa’s distinctively cute handwriting. ‘Really?’ Finn asked, spinning the bag around so that the lettering faced Mischa, pointing to the word ‘Rags’ that had been printed on the side. ‘Rags?’ She pulled out a bridesmaid dress so old that it had a peter pan collar made of lace and short puffed sleeves made from lilac taffeta that was full of tiny holes. ‘You’re apologising to me by giving me a bag of clothes that you can’t sell in a thrift shop after an apocalypse?’
Mischa’s eyes widened when she saw the lettering, but Cara just snorted. ‘Don’t be so dramatic, Finn…’ Cara gave the bag a gentle nudge in Finn’s direction. ‘Those bags have been used heaps, okay? It probably did have rags in it at some point, but now they’re just-’
‘Too fragile to even be used as that?’ Finn asked, pulling out the bodice of another formal gown- what looked like a white but yellowing wedding dress, again with lace trim and sleeves so big and puffy that Finn might have been able to wear one like a bubble skirt. ‘Yeah...’ she stuffed the bag inside thinking that ugly or not, her mother would definitely be able to use them as rags. ‘I see that.’
‘Finn, come on!’ Mischa wheedled. ‘I figured your mum-’
‘My mum already works sixteen hours a day!’ Finn almost gagged on the scent of mothballs. ‘Do you really think I’d ride home, hand her this pile of crap and demand that she make something presentable out of it for me in the next twenty-four hours?’
‘Well, okay maybe not,’ Mischa amended quickly. ‘But does she have any old dresses that she could alter? Or did Autumn leave-’
‘Just stop,’ Finn said, holding up her hand as she tried to work through the lump forming in her throat. Yes, she understood that the two girls had been backed into a corner by Georgia’s public display of defamation, and yes, she even understood why Mischa had been too scared to chase her down: Georgia Janks was scary, and also good at getting her way, which was why Finn had yet to confront her about any of the things that she’d done to her, herself. But standing up for yourself was different to standing up for someone else, and Finn knew that Mischa and Cara would have done more to stop Georgia if it had been a Hive girls’ dress that Georgia had absconded with, instead of a Cling’s. Just like she knew that if it had been Bonnie’s dress Mischa had been holding, Georgia wouldn’t have even wanted it in the first place- because no one in school had ever felt the need to torture Bonnie Sullivan the way they did Finn Monroe, which made no sense, seeing as how Bonnie had absolutely everything in the world going for her, while Finn had nothing!
And that was what was making Finn want to howl- the realisation that no one in her life was ever going to fight for her, the way others fought against her and for seemingly no reason. Sure, girls like Cara might feel sorry for her after a particularly rough episode like that one… but none of that changed the fact that at the end of the day, Finn always ended up lonely with an armful of trash while everyone else went to the party without her.
I am getting my Cinderella moment… Finn thought miserably, shaking her head and holding her hand higher as a stricken-looking Mischa stepped forward as though to hug her. Only my story ends when the wicked stepsisters go off to the ball without her!
‘I mean it...’ she choked out, after enough time had passed for her defeat to flatline her anger and the lump in her throat. ‘I don’t want to make a scene, but I will if I don’t just get the hell out of here, okay?’ She attempted to clear her throat before asking in a brittle voice: ‘Just tell me first… how much is that baby sling?’
‘What?’ Mischa was the picture of mystification. ‘Why?’
‘Two dollars,’ Cara said quickly, arching one eyebrow as Finn thought: ‘Of course it is.’ ‘What on earth would you do with a baby sling though?’ She guffawed. ‘You thinking of dropping out and-’
‘Just get me the fucking sling, okay?’ Finn snapped, reaching into her front pocket and slamming her two precious chips down on the counter. Cara’s round, midnight-blue eyes grew rounder, and for a moment, Finn braced herself for a slap or something, but instead of cussing back at her or ordering her out of her store, Cara just turned and fetched the sling and handed it to Finn.
‘Here you go. So… um… sorry again and…’ she offered Finn a weak, tremulous smile with her tiny little lips, while shooting a sidelong glance in the direction of the customers, who’d stopped discussing dresses and had started shooting sideways looks at them mostly since Finn had used the F word. Under different circumstances, Finn might have marvelled at how obviously unnerved by her Cara was right then, because that was a first, but she just didn’t have the heart to care right then. ‘See you tomorrow night, all right? It’ll suck if you have to wear jeans or something casual, but hey, I’m still gonna have a big birthday cake, so I’ll save you a slice-’
‘Spare yourself the trouble and just sell it to Georgia!’ Finn snatched up her things and turned away. ‘Just be sure to tell her it was meant for me first; that way, you’ll get twice the price for it!’
The bell jangled loudly enough to cover Cara’s stunned silence as Finn stormed out into the street, clutching the oversized bag of rags in one hand and her school bag and baby sling in the other, thinking that the bright orange bag that she had pressed to her chest felt less like a peace offering, and more like her pumpkin come thirty-six hours too early.
*
Finn managed to hold herself together long enough to pause by the Outsider camp and beckon over Tim, so she could hand him the sling without everyone else seeing it, and for one brief moment, as he accepted the sling with disbelief written all over his face, Finn could grudgingly admit to herself that maybe, it was kind of worth it trading her happiness for someone else’s like that.
But the joy she’d derived from helping someone less fortunate out dissolved as soon as she was halfway home, when the gravity of what Georgia had done to her finally struck her like a kick to the stomach. She started weeping openly then, and though she’d been determined to find some excuse to give her mother to explain why she didn’t have the dress (or the money she had saved on it either) to spare her the nasty details of what had actually transpired, one look at her mother was all it took to bust her floodgates for real, so she ended up bent over her lap and sobbing, right there under Gladdy’s awning, where the two women had been enjoying a TGIF home-brewed beer together before Finn had returned to ruin their afternoon.
Her mother was astonished by the story, but more than anything, she was so furious with Georgia Janks that Finn had ended up begging her not to go down to the castle so she could lodge an official complaint regarding her daughter being bullied.
‘Please mum… don’t.’ Finn had sniffled, as her mother had picked up the overstuffed garbage bag and began pulling the hideous dresses out of it. ‘It’ll only make things worse.’
‘I don’t see what could be worse than having a jealous girl sabotaging your life all the time!’ Sair had argued. ‘It’s sick!’
‘I know! But you don’t understand how good Georgia is at what she does, okay?’ Finn wiped away her tears. ‘Be
lieve me, I’ve tried explaining her behaviour away to other people before, but she’s so good at covering her tracks that I end up looking paranoid-’
‘Actually, I’m well aware of what she’s like Finn,’ her mother said quickly, as Finn noticed for the first time that she and Gladdy must have spent the afternoon tie-dyeing, because there were a line of white and blue garments drip-drying on the line at the back of Gladdy’s property, making Finn wish it was a beach party that the king was throwing instead. ‘Which is precisely why I was relieved to see you two go your separate ways after you left Pen primary.’ She shook her head as she stared down at the tattered garment in her hands, no doubt thinking of what life had been like back when Finn and Georgia had gone from being inseparable, to estranged. ‘She was always envious of you, and I knew it. I worried that it might get ugly someday- but I didn’t think it would ever come to this...’
Finn sighed, wishing that her mother was right, because she’d feel a hell of a lot better about the Georgia situation, if she could only believe that Georgia’s problem with her boiled down to something as simple as envy. Problem was that there was no evidence to back that up, because as far as Finn could tell, she’d never had anything going for her that Georgia hadn’t had more of.
It was odd how their estrangement had all played out though, and though almost four years had passed since she and Georgia had ‘gone their separate ways,’ Finn still didn’t understand why that had happened, and why they hadn’t been able to move forward on the same path together. The two girls hadn’t been friends for quite as long as Finn and Mischa had been, but they’d bonded quickly after Georgia had moved to the Pen in the fourth grade because they’d both been short, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and outgoing. Together, they’d signed up for all the free extracurricular activities that they could fit into their schedules at school, like choir and speech and drama, which were activities that had never appealed to Michelle or Paige.
Of course, having so much in common had inevitably generated a bit of friction between them at times, and they’d definitely fought more than Finn ever had with Mischa or Paige- and it was clearly those spats that had arisen from Georgia’s competitive nature that her mother was remembering now. But Finn had always taken pains to stay out of her more ambitious friend’s way, which had helped keep the peace. Yes, she’d tried Brownies after Georgia had begged her to join, but she’d hated it, and had given up after a few months, leaving Georgia to evolve into being a Girl Guide Leader, uncontested. They’d both been naturally athletic also, but Finn had always been so tiny that she’d never been taken seriously when it came to sports, so though she’d usually gotten better roles in dance productions because she was naturally lighter and more graceful, Georgia had been the one who’d cleaned up medals for things like netball and hockey. They’d had differing approaches to school too. Finn had always been the fastest reader, best speller and most creative writer, and had spent a lot of her spare time writing stories that her friends had passed around, looking for a scare, and that passion for the written word had made her a very strong student as far as learning languages, studying history, and comprehending poetry went. She’d never been the best at those things, because she’d lacked the discipline to do her homework if there was a good book to be finished, or a new music video to learn the steps or lyrics to instead, but she had been reading on an adult level in the fourth grade, and her mother had been too delighted with how bright she was to get on her case about the fact that she was only a satisfactory student.
Georgia, on the other hand, had been the first person Finn had ever thought of when she’d read the phrase: ‘Star student,’ in a book. Finn’s report cards had been filled with comments like: ‘If only she’d stop talking…’ or ‘If only she’d apply herself…’ but Georgia had never copped a comment like that before in her life, so the teachers had thought the world of her, and she’d found a way to get an A in every subject she took by applying the heck out of herself for fear of disappointing her Type A mother, who’d been more passionate about her daughter’s success than she had been about anything else. There had always been kids that were smarter than Georgia, athletes that were stronger than she, and dancers that could have danced circles around her living in the Pen back then, yet no one had been as well rounded as Georgia had been, and the local edition of the free newspaper that had covered what was going on in the Pen had practically been the story of Georgia Janks; from when she’d dyed her long hair for charity, to when she’d won the title of sports captain… every one of her triumphs had been published for posterity, because her mother had called the newspaper constantly, begging them to come out and see what her all-star daughter was doing now. So, although those that had known Georgia and her mother well had understood that Georgia wasn’t the best at anything but striving for perfection, those that had been on the outside looking in had perceived her to be a force to be reckoned with, and the apocalypse hadn’t changed that because now, the Academy teachers thought she was God’s gift too.
Finn had always admired Georgia’s perseverance back then, and their friendship had been a high energy one full of adventures with just the occasional spat. Mischa’s mum had always kept Finn at arm’s length, like she’d worried that Finn would grow up to be the epitome of trailer trash that would eventually turn out to be a bad influence on her angelic daughter... but Mrs Janks had been happy to involve Finn in their lives, and had even driven her into town on the weekends with them for Georgia’s games, so Finn would be able to cheer Georgia on from the side-lines. Now, Finn could see that Mrs Janks had looked at her and seen a cheerleader for her daughter, not an equal, but still, that support of their friendship had resulted with Georgia and Finn spending more time together outside of school, which had made Mischa jealous because her mother had never let her go anywhere.
Finn didn’t know what the catalyst to the war had been, but relations between the girls had gotten sticky during the summer before high school had started, when Finn had found herself at the centre of a tug of war between Mischa and Georgia, who’d both wanted her to do back to school shopping with them. And though they’d all sat together for the first day of high school- Finn, Mischa, Paige and Georgia- that had never happened again, because on the second day, Mischa had gone to sit with the Hive, and Georgia had gone off to join a club of some sort without telling Finn about it first, leaving Finn and Paige alone. Then, on the third day, Paige had wagged and neither of the other girls had come back, leaving Finn alone, but with an opportunity to catch up with Jade Cobbler-Ray, who’d been drifting around the campus looking displaced as well.
It had gone on like that for a few weeks- with Finn and Paige alternating between sitting with Jade, or seeking out Mischa and wondering where the heck Georgia was now, but just when Finn had started getting comfortable with this new, transient life, and even making some progress bonding with Bonnie (whom Mischa had immediately taken a shine to) and doing surprisingly well in class, a rumour had started circulating that Finn Monroe stuffed her bra and starved herself, and when an astonished Finn had asked people where they’d heard that from and they’d all answered the same way: ‘From that girl with the long blonde plait who went to your old school with you…’ which had turned her entire world upside down.
Finn had confronted Georgia immediately, demanding to know what she’d done wrong, but Georgia had denied everything before warning Finn to watch her mouth, saying that if she did anything to ruin her good name too- like by calling her a gossip- then Georgia would make her regret it. Stung by that un-sympathetic response, Finn had turned to Mischa for support, but Aaron (who’d been a stranger to her then) had given Finn more hell over the rumours than anyone else had, and because Mischa had been into him back then, she’d refused to get involved in any way, basically telling Finn that she’d made her own bed by getting so invested with Georgia in the first place. That had hurt Finn deeply and socially, because no one had been willing to give someone that didn’t know the benefit of the doubt, whi
le the people that had known her best had been actively avoiding her!
Then, just when Finn had started to believe that things couldn’t get worse, Georgia had started trying to get in good with the Hive girls too, which had led to Bonnie doing something so hurtful to Finn under peer pressure that four years later, Finn still cringed every time she thought about it. For a few days there, Finn had been sure that the Hive girls were about to turn against her completely, but Georgia and Cara had proven to be way too alike to be compatible, so they’d ended up being rivals by the end of that first year instead of co-Queens, which had been a massive relief for Finn. The rumours had escalated for a while after that and some had had her leaving tampons in the girls’ toilets and cheating on tests, but people had eventually lost interest in her, which was why Finn was still in a sort of social purgatory, being that she was no better off, but no worse off either. She’d found a way to make peace with being a Cling and to find her silver linings wherever she could, and she’d even forgiven Bonnie for giving people one more reason to mock Finn… but on days like that, when Georgia rumbled to life like a dormant volcano that liked to remind people of how destructive it could be, Finn didn’t know how to cope in any way, but by ducking into the brace position just as she had on the night of the Strike which was exactly what she intended to do now.
‘I know Georgia’s a little snake, Finn,’ Sair was saying, rattling Finn back to the present, ‘but she’s still just a- good grief, these are ugly! I don’t know if I’ll be able to do anything with-’
‘I don’t expect you to,’ Finn pulled the hideous, orange sequined dress out of her mother’s hand and stuffed it back into the bag. ‘Would be pointless getting you to try and rescue one of these, for a party I’m no longer going to...’
‘What?’ her mother gasped. ‘But you’ve been looking forward to this ball for months!’