by S. K Munt
-Finn.
P.S: Thank you for offering to bait my hook for me. Sadly though, I’m not seeing a lot of group fishing trips together in our future anymore, you know?
Finn had tears running down her face as she sealed the envelope and raced both letters down to Simon, who was still finishing his fried fish on a stick, but she handed them and another passionfruit over, wondering if she’d wasted almost two chips worth of postage fees and half a bushel of passionfruit in tips for nothing.
Will serve me right if I have! she thought, as she strode back to her van, massaging her aching right hand. For believing that a dress could change my life when it’s clear that only hard work will! Okay, I might lose a boyfriend from this, but I’m GOING TO get that job! And I’m GOING TO prove that I have even more Potential than anyone thinks!
Especially ME!
*
Finn had expected to get an angry letter back from Bailey the day after she’d posted the one to Reeve, and had even braced herself for the fact that he would probably break up with her within it. But she hadn’t prepared herself for the reality that Simon wouldn’t come at all on Thursday, which made her throw up her hands in resignation.
‘You’re new to this aren’t you?’ Beth Van Der Merwe asked, chuckling as she took in what was probably her wretched expression. Finn had noticed that the Van Der Merwe’s got more mail via Simon than most people did, and knew now it was because their adult daughter had married someone out on Whitecap.
‘It’s that obvious?’ Finn tried to sound like she was being folksy, but her gritted teeth interfered with the delivery.
‘Yeah, and though this warning is obviously a little late, you should know- Simon does this a lot.’ Beth pointed out to the choppy water. ‘Not just when the weather comes up, but because he makes the same amount of money on postage regardless of how many trips he does- so what difference does it make to him, if he misses out on tips every now and then, you know?’ She patted Finn’s shoulder before heading off in the direction of their secluded property in the foothills, saying in her thick accent: ‘It’s irritating, but you get used to it.’
Finn nodded, though she secretly doubted, with the way things were going between her and Bailey right then, that she was going to get the chance to get used to the pitfalls of having a boyfriend who lived far away. It would crush her if he’d already decided to break up with her, and she’d forever wonder about what could have been if only they’d lived closer to one another… but she also knew a tiny part of her would be relieved too, because she’d only been someone’s girlfriend for almost two weeks by then and she was already exhausted. Exhausted, and broke.
The girls at school knew that Bailey was angry about the job she was going for, and though they’d spoken to her about it a little bit, it was clear that they weren’t anywhere near as interested in talking to her about her romantic problems as they were about their own romantic prospects. So, though they didn’t revert to ignoring her, they did start talking about other things more- mostly about Madeline’s progress (who’d managed to un-hex Georgia by then) and about Liam Laidlaw, who was considering moving there now, possibly with the intention of becoming a duke one day.
The Hive girls were obsessed with talking about him now that it was clear that he might be their key to marrying well eventually, (he and his nephew, the true prince) but Jade knew she didn’t have a shot in hell of marrying a prospective royal with so many Potentials around, so she remained focused on Finn’s love life, and even met her down at the private beach that marked the boundary between Laidlaw and The Pen after work on Thursday, so she could grill her.
‘Okay Monroe… spill! How bad is it?’
‘I don’t know,’ Finn admitted, wading knee deep into the water so she could wash the dust off her sweaty hands. The beach felt gritty, because so many had been fishing on it, but the sky was so low that it was practically touching the tree-tops, which meant all the fish scales would soon be washed off the rocks by rain. ‘And that’s the worst part- the not knowing.’ She groaned softly when she looked over at the rocks closest to her and saw what had to be the remains of three bottles of Laidlaw rum smashed within another still-smoking campfire. ‘It can’t be good though, right? We’ve only been together twelve days, yet he’s given me the silent treatment for half that!’
‘It’s probably just like Reeve said it is though right?’ Jade asked. ‘A low-key tantrum, followed by a snag in communication?’
‘I hope that’s all it is, and that tomorrow, there will be a letter ready for me that will make everything better again…’ Finn stared out at the shadows of the Shards in the distance. ‘But I’m feeling kind of over it regardless. Being with him was easy enough over there, but if trying to make it work is already this hard after twelve days, then what’s it gonna be like two months from now?’
‘You fully sound like you’re ready to throw in the towel,’ Jade said, looking troubled, and Finn wondered if she was troubled on Finn’s behalf, or her own? ‘Why? Is it just because of the fight or…?’
‘I don’t know,’ Finn repeated, looking away. ‘I just feel like… like this was always inevitable, you know? Like I always suspected that his interest in me would be brief anyway, so I’m not that surprised to see it flicker. Plus, I was already kind of worried that we were incompatible so…’ She made a face. ‘God, I sound like my mother- packing my raincoat for a day at the beach, just in case!’
‘Maybe,’ Jade murmured. ‘Why do you think you’re incompatible, though? Don’t they say: opposites attract?’
‘They do say that, but I’ve never really understood why,’ Finn admitted. ‘But my issue is that…well… he seems so much older than me, Jade. You know like… from a biological point of view?’
‘Because he’s so tall…?’ a bewildered Jade asked.
‘No, I mean because he talks to me like he’s- you know thinking about that all the time?’
‘All boys do that!’ Jade scoffed, retreating from the water.
‘Maybe! But I don’t date all the boys, so I’m not used to it, and what’s more: I’m not there yet, okay?’ Finn sighed, sitting down next to Jade, who looked as home on the beach as driftwood did, with her bronze hair and tanned skin. ‘I just want to have fun! To get to know him as a person and have like, adventures together! So when he gets intense, I sort of feel like it’s a stranger getting intense with me... and I can’t remedy that while he’s ignoring me!’
‘Wow…’ Jade looked troubled. ‘You don’t have any romantic feelings towards guys at all then? No butterflies? No like… tingles?’
Finn immediately recalled how she’d shivered every time Reeve had touched her, but immediately blocked that memory out with the first time Bailey had kissed her, which actually had given her butterflies. ‘No I have some hormones…and making out is fun.’ She sighed. ‘But I’m terrified of going further, and not even sure what the point would be. Like… how can I let him touch my boob, knowing that there’s no boob there? And what’s he gonna think when he finds out I don’t have much pubic hair yet?’
‘He probably won’t even notice,’ Jade waved her hand to the horizon. ‘Girls used to shave it all off anyway- I know I did. Still do.’
Finn groaned, burying her face in her hands. How unfair was it that one girl could be wishing for evidence that puberty was coming, while another was already destroying the evidence that it had arrived? Like Mischa, Finn’s leg hairs were still so fine and blonde that she didn’t even bother shaving them yet, which made them the only two girls in or from ‘around’ the Hive that didn’t. ‘You’re not helping…’
‘Sorry,’ Jade chuckled and wrapped an arm around her. ‘But really, I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing. I haven’t gone all the way yet, but none of the guys I’ve dated have complained because I’ve just given them a little of what they want, you know? You’d be surprised how the smallest crumbs can keep them happy.’
Finn winced as Jade pulled a small paper baggie out of he
r pocket and then pulled out a handful of macadamia nuts from within it. She knew Jade was just offering the best advice she had, but Jade had a reputation for being easy and a history of being dumped for other girls, so Finn wasn’t so sure how much of her advice she ought to take on board. ‘What if I don’t want to offer up any crumbs yet?’ Finn asked quietly, more of the islands than of her friend. Then she inhaled and exhaled her scariest truth: ‘And what if I suspect that I might feel differently if it was his best friend I was seeing instead?’
Jade almost choked on a nut. ‘You like Reeve?’
‘Not as much as I suspect I would, if I weren’t with Bailey,’ Finn admitted miserably, looking down at the sand between her toes. She knew that was probably going to tick Jade off, because she’d been hoping for an introduction to Reeve, but Finn needed to tell someone, and if Jade really was a friend, and not just using her to get a boyfriend, then she’d have to care, right? ‘But everything’s easier with him, Jade- everything. I’ve only known him for two weeks, but I already feel like he’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had because he’s so open! Not to mention fun, and affectionate and-’
‘So be his friend then!’ Jade said, looking horrified. ‘But don’t try to be his girlfriend Finn. You’ll ruin everything!’
‘I know, so I won’t! And it’s not like I could anyway, because he doesn’t see me that way,’ Finn sighed. ‘But still, I’m afraid that one more uncomfortable letter from Bailey, and one more charming letter from Reeve, is gonna be all it takes to make me realise that I don’t belong anywhere near either of them, you know?’ She glanced at Jade, concerned. ‘Please don’t say anything to anyone about this! If Bailey and I do end, I want a clean break for Paige’s sake, which I won’t get if they think I’m trying to come between cousins.’
‘I won’t say a word,’ Jade said, crossing her heart before popping another nut into her gob. ‘But can I give you some advice?’
‘Yes please,’ Finn said, hoping this advice would be better than her last offering had been.
‘Good. Well for starters- stop stressing about what you can’t control it’s bad for the spirit.’ Jade chewed a little and swallowed. ‘People laugh at me like I’m a ditz, but there’s a lot to be said for under-thinking things too. Wait until Bailey says whatever it is you think he’s gonna say, before you overreact to what he might say, yeah?’
‘Okay...’ Finn said, nodding. ‘I get that- that’s good advice.’
‘Suave!’ Finn cringed in reflex to the word, which she’d fallen out of love with thanks to Hadley. ‘Secondly: Stop talking to Reeve, because even if you are being open with Bailey over the fact that you’re writing to Reeve, you’re not being open about how you feel about them both, so there’s this huge obstacle between you and Bailey, and he’s not even aware of it, which isn’t fair.’
‘I hear what you’re saying...’ Finn said miserably, thinking that denying her feelings didn’t seem great for the ‘soul’ either. ‘But not telling Bailey about the way I feel feels wrong too. Like you said, there’s an obstacle between us- so shouldn’t I let him know that, so he can decide how he feels about me?’
‘Not if you want even the slightest chance of making it work, you shouldn’t,’ Jade said gravely, and Finn sighed and stood up.
‘I know you’re right,’ she admitted, morosely watching Jade lick her fingers clean of salt before balling up her paper bag and tossing it into the dead fire of ash and shattered glass. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but thanks for caring enough to listen.’
‘Just promise me you won’t write your boyfriend’s best friend back, until after you’ve spoken to your boyfriend, all right?’ Jade asked, and though it tasted like acid to her, Finn managed to say:
‘I promise,’ and actually mean it.
Little did she know that the choppy water and overcast signs, were only pre-cursors for the squall to come.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Reeve’s letter arrived on Friday, and it made Finn’s heart race to read every word. She’d already filled half an old diary with all of her issues, hoping to purge the anxiety from her soul the way she usually did, but a massive storm had torn through the Peninsula the night before, bringing some much-needed rain while doing a fair bit of damage. Everything had been clear by morning, and the air had smelled sweet from the rain that had bucketed down on them and their dehydrated crops, but Finn had barely slept a wink all night because the deluge had sounded like sprays of machine gun fire against their flimsy tin roof, and Reeve’s letter did little to curtail her mounting apprehension.
Finn,
Look, it’s really hard to make the time to sort all of this out at the moment, because the islands got hit by that storm last night and there’s damage to be repaired everywhere, but don’t give up on us, all right? I don’t know if Bailey has managed to write to you yet, but I hinted that you were incredibly upset so I know he wanted to, but Simon didn’t come collect our letters yesterday, and Bailey probably won’t be able to get to Whitecap today (most of us are skipping school to help out at home) so if you don’t hear from him DON’T PANIC.
I’m going over to Bailey’s place shortly, so hopefully I’ll be able to get a letter to you from both of us later, but if you don’t hear anything, don’t freak! We’re all crazy about you and can’t wait to see you again and make things right, so chin up, yeah? You might feel as though you’re dirt poor, but to some of the people here, you’re priceless and if Bailey’s already screwed this up he’ll never be able to forgive himself! Believe me, I know!
-Reeve.
Finn’s eyes welled and then spilled over as she read the letter, and she managed to keep a flicker of hope alight in her chest all day. But no more letters came that afternoon, so she’d ended up crawling into bed early with The Pillars Of the Earth thinking: Well, at least I’ll always have my books, right?
The long, interrupted sleep that she had that night didn’t do much to improve her disposition, but she’d been delighted when a Tutela had found her in the school’s tiny mulberry forest during her early-morning farm shift, and had handed her a parcel from their future queen. Not just her uniform, which included a straighter, shorter skirt this time, but three whole packets of powdered dyes, in pink, green and yellow, and a whole unopened packet of rubber bands too! There’d even been a card attached, and Finn had beamed as she’d read it as brightly as she’d beamed to have received any of the letters from the boys so far, because she finally knew someone was seeing her the RIGHT way!
Dear Finn,
Thank you so much, for doing your bit to brighten other people’s days! Hopefully, this makes that a little bit easier!
Love Lady Miriam.
P.S: Keep up the good work! You’re growing up to be a lovely young lady, and I’m not the only one that’s noticing!
Finn had bounded back to the park as soon as her shift had been done to show her mother the gifts she’d received, before darting down to the beach to meet her new friend. She’d been concerned that the girl might forget all about it, but she was right there waiting with her dress in hand- along with several other kids who’d come along in the hopes that they’d be able to up-cycle something too! Obviously, there was no way Finn would have had enough dye for everyone if Miriam hadn’t intervened, but the future queen had come to the rescue and so Finn happily informed them that she had plenty of dye to go around, so if they were all willing to help do the work, then she was more than happy to help them dye at least one article of clothing each.
Truth be told, the entire process had ended up being pandemonium, with so many little kids asking for rubber bands and strings and bickering over who wanted what colour, but some parents stuck around to help, which prevented the kids ending up stained from head to toe too, and the little girl Lindsay’s big brother even volunteered to do dozens of trips to the beach with Finn’s bucket for saltwater, which had helped a lot!
Finn had felt incredibly self-conscious at first, seeing as how the market
s were on at the same time on the other end of the esplanade, which meant that people kept wandering over to see what all the chaos was about, (she was only new to tie-dying herself, and was sure that she was making heaps of mistakes!) but after two hours had passed and she’d started helping the kids rinse out and then hang up their rejuvenated articles of clothing on the string lines she and Lindsay’s big brother had strung up between the palm trees, she had to admit that it had been well worth it. Not only was the atmosphere on the esplanade positively electric, with so many excited kids ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ over their creations, but because she really had succeeded in brightening up her tiny, insignificant pocket of the world a lot, for even the sand in the patchy grass walkway was spotted with colour, and everyone’s arms and legs too!
And I even have plenty of dye left to spare! Finn thought, feeling the creative part of her brain kick into a higher gear as she assessed the esplanade again, with her eyes snagging on tent city. Hmm… could I find a way to brighten up people’s homes too? Bring a bit of Sair Monroe’s brand of homey romance into their daily lives..?
‘I am going to wear this every day!’ Lindsay announced, pinching the hem of her dress so that she could stretch it out and admire it. ‘Even if I have to wash it every day!’
‘Look Finn!’ cried the little girl, Andii, who’d been the one who had gaped at Finn so the night of the Gala. She was jumping up, pointing to her tiny t-shirt, which she’d stained with yellow sunbursts. ‘It’s just like your dress from the ball, don’t you think?’
‘It really is,’ Finn had managed to say, though her voice was clogged with tears. ‘And you are going to look like a princess in it, with your beautiful blonde hair!’