A crazy man had burned down my house, but thankfully, no one had been seriously hurt. “The interior is finished. The exterior and landscaping needs work. I hadn’t given any thought to the squatter problem and should have.”
“I could also oversee any outside contractors, make sure they’re not sitting around drinking beer instead of working, milking the bottom line.”
“I’ve got experience with that. Let me talk it over with my husband.” I laughed. It was the first time I’d said that. “It doesn’t have any furniture, but it does have appliances.”
“I got me a bed and a television.”
“In the meantime—”
He cut me off. “Don’t go all soft on me. I made it this long, and look at me.” He pointed to himself. “A fine specimen.”
“Anything else I need to know about?”
The door flew open and Kelpie stuck her head in. “The pole’s here,” she said, excitement in her voice.
I tapped her leg, and she moved to one side. I craned my head and looked inside. Crum stood off in one corner, a huge metal pole leaned up against the wall behind him. To my relief, the man had donned overalls. No shirt, but it was a vast improvement over going out in just underwear.
“What the devil?” I asked in shock.
“I got to get back to work.” Kelpie ran off.
Doodad rubbed his eyes and huffed out a breath. “This was your friend’s idea. Fab approved it, anyway. You know, the one you left in charge while you were honeymooning it up.”
“I didn’t think Fab would actually show up. Thought you’d all run wild, like you do when I’m in town.”
“I figured. Fab’s a force. Kelpie had her ear for every dumb f—ing idea she could come up with.” Doodad grimaced. “Sorry. There would’ve been more changes if it hadn’t been for Didier showing up and reining in his wife. He thought it was funny that she wanted to steamroll me until I told him I’d roll him under the bus, backwards and forwards, when you got back. That wiped the smirk off his face and he jumped in, carrying a squeaking Fab out of the bar to the clapping and catcalls of the customers.”
“I don’t suppose you got pictures?”
“If only… I’d totally blackmail Fab.”
Before I could ask more questions, Crum stormed through the deck door. “I delivered on time. You need me to get my crew to install?”
“I’ve got my guy coming tomorrow,” Doodad said. “In the meantime, haul it out here and put it in the corner. Don’t want it falling on anyone.”
Crum nodded and turned around.
“Hello to you too,” I yelled at his back.
He waved over his shoulder without turning.
I stood and put the glasses back on the tray. “I can’t wait to hear this story.”
“If you ixnay the idea, I’ll get rid of the pole; it can be like it never happened. Digger Dudes will probably go for a second one. They like their new nickname, so you can stop with the horrified look.”
“Why would Dickie and Raul buy one?”
“Branching out is all I’ll say. They can tell you.”
Fab and I had become good friends with Dickie and Raul, the duo that owned the local funeral home, who were always on the lookout for new and innovative ideas for funeral send-offs. I couldn’t imagine how a stripper pole would factor in.
Doodad held the door open as Crum came in on one end of the ten-foot pole; on the other end, Joseph, who I hadn’t seen earlier, grunted as he passed. They put it in the corner where Doodad directed.
“They came out good, don’t you think?” Crum beamed. “Used recycled materials from the last few storms. Had me some help, but it was my idea.”
Doodad took a check out of his pocket and handed it to Crum, who scowled at it and sniffed it, as though smelling it would tell him anything. “I prefer cash.”
“I need proof of the business expense, so take it or leave it,” Doodad shot back.
“Come on.” Crum jerked on Joseph’s shirt. “I’ll treat you to a burger.”
Joseph waved as he stumbled alongside the big man.
“Crum’s got a friend that makes the stripper poles, and he pimps them out,” Doodad said. “He got Kelpie all excited, and Fab agreed to the purchase. I did warn her that I’d expect reimbursement if you flipped out.”
“It’s going to go where? What happens when a drunk falls off and hits their head?” I winced at the thought.
“It’s going in the middle of the dance floor, next to the jukebox.”
We didn’t have a dance floor, just an empty space that didn’t have a table and chairs. The only dancers swayed and gyrated when they were excessively drunk.
“This is on you,” I said.
“Since we’ve got Jimbo most nights, I’m going to have him lifeguard the pole when he’s not driving drunks home.” Jimbo was our designated driver.
“Reassure me that this is going to be a water-free attraction,” I joked.
Doodad burst out laughing. “Sure. If it wasn’t, you know someone would drown.”
“I want a warning sign posted, and any pole twirlers need to sign an indemnity agreement.”
“Maybe I can suggest to the bands that they incorporate it into their act.”
“I’m going home now.” I turned and laughed my way out to the car.
Chapter Fourteen
Mother called everyone in the family and gave a few days’ notice that we were invited to dinner and attendance was mandatory. She’d said it with a laugh, but was serious, adding that no excuses would be acceptable.
“What do you suppose your mother is up to?” Creole joked on the drive over.
I sighed. “It’s really her own fault that when she plans a get-together, everyone thinks she’s up to something and wonders if they’re the one in her sights.”
“Because she usually is.”
“And you married into the family anyway.”
Creole laughed as he pulled up in front of Fab and Didier’s house and laid on the horn. Gave it a rest, then didn’t let up the second time until the door opened. Didier was laughing and Fab had her arms crossed and a grouched-out look on her face.
Didier put his arm around Fab and appeared to have to tug on her to get her to move, which she did begrudgingly. When Didier reached for the handle, Creole hit the door locks in rapid succession.
“Stop.” I laughed.
“Fab’s about to find out she’s not the only one who can be annoying.” Creole unlocked the doors.
Didier opened the door and helped Fab inside and slid in next to her.
“You need to grow up,” Fab snapped.
Creole turned and poked his head between the seats. “I’m hurt. I’m channeling my inner Fab and thought you, of all people, would like her.” He squealed out of the driveway.
“You leave marks, and you’ll be getting a bill,” Fab said.
I turned toward the window and laughed. The wild and silent ride over to the wharf where Spoon parked his boat had just begun.
The guys laughed it up while they walked down the dock, Fab and I behind them.
“Caspian called to let me know he was invited, and I asked if he knew what your mother was up to. He just laughed and said, ‘I hope it’s something good.’”
“Your father’s a good fit in this family.”
It had been a long time since we’d had any kind of gathering on Spoon’s boat. In fact, since we’d used it at all. Mother and Spoon occasionally took it out on the water and stayed away for days at a time.
The family was seated around an oblong table that Spoon had had custom made. We managed to make it through dinner without a scene, wolfing down the grilled seafood and vegetables that Spoon had prepared and the guys offered their help with. Afterwards, Fab, Emerson, and I cleaned up and had everything put back in its place in record time.
Spoon had set up a mini-bar on the rear deck and was filling drink orders. We filled the cushioned seating that wrapped around the sides and back.
; Mila, who’d fought off sleep during dinner, was now fast asleep on the couch inside. She was exhausted after a day of learning to swim and then romping around the room with big men willing to entertain any request she made. Tonight, being flown around the room like an airplane by Didier had prompted the most laughter out of her. The guys always vied to see which of them could be the most entertaining.
“A toast: to family.” Mother held up her glass.
“Hold on, folks,” Brad said, teasingly. “The real reason we’re here is about to be revealed.” He hooked his arm around Emerson and pulled her close. “I’ll protect you.”
“Family.” Caspian held up his glass in a show of support.
The rest of us followed suit.
“Any family news we haven’t heard?” Spoon asked as his eyes scanned each face, lingering on me longer than I felt comfortable with.
Creole, who noticed, leaned in and whispered, “What have you done now?”
“That’s so unsupportive.” I made a face, which made him chuckle.
“I’ve got news,” Fab said. “I’m here—just barely—to tell you that Creole is the worst driver, having endured the ride over with him behind the wheel.”
Everyone laughed, but no one believed her.
I shot her a thumbs up, which Creole pushed down.
“Join me in a toast to Madison,” Mother said.
Creole nudged me.
“That she’s alive and well and able to attend after being involved in a shoot-out. Did she call her mother? No.”
“That’s not exactly what happened,” I sputtered. “The man shot first, and lucky me, he wasn’t a good shot.”
“Why you?” Mother demanded.
“Mistaken identity, I guess. I’d never met him before.” Which was the truth. “The cops investigated and closed the case.”
Mother stared with hmm pursed on her lips, but didn’t ask any more questions. “I don’t want you getting hurt or worse.”
“I suppose my daughter was involved?” Caspian roared.
“No, she was not,” I told the man emphatically. Sort of, anyway.
“Well, not according to the headline that originally caught my attention or the rest of the articles that I read,” Mother countered. “Imagine my surprise at seeing my daughter’s name, and not as innocent bystander but as one of the shooters. The article said that the man involved didn’t fare well. It was reported he died.”
I could have pointed out that if she hadn’t laid down the law about asking Spoon for help, that day would’ve gone differently, but finger-pointing wouldn’t change anything.
“I hope he’s enjoying hell,” Creole said.
Mother frowned. “Show of hands, how many knew before right now?” She looked around at the rest of the guests. No one raised their hand.
“Now who would admit to that?” Caspian joked. “No one?” He winked at Mother, which garnered a low feral growl from Spoon.
Fab muttered something in French to her father, who preferred Papa, and he grinned, not the least bit repentant.
“Did you need legal representation?” Emerson asked. “Just know that you can call me anytime. Just because I practice family law doesn’t mean I can’t hook you up with someone good if I can’t handle it.”
“Fab and I hired Tank,” I told her. “Actually, Fab did, but she did allow me to interview him, and after talking to him, I approved. The big test came when I called with a case and he didn’t turn prissy on me.”
“I was introduced to Tank by a colleague. Seemed nice enough,” Emerson said. “Still, don’t lose my number.”
“I’m happy you took my suggestion and got a new car.” Mother once again had me in her sights.
“It’s nice,” I said, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.
Fab smirked.
Spoon zeroed in on me. I squinted in return, letting him know he wasn’t going to hex me. “It would be nice to have a do-over on that day.” His expression softened. “Next car, call me first. That way, you don’t owe any favors to anyone, unlike the last guy you bought from.”
He had me mixed up with Fab, but I wasn’t going to start that discussion. A change of subject was called for. “Fab needs to tell everyone about her rodent-on-a-leash job.” I flourished my hand at her.
Fab, not the least bit annoyed that I’d used her to steer the conversation in a different direction, jumped into the retelling, embellishing here and there to make the story more entertaining. After recovering from being horrified, Caspian laughed along with everyone else.
I caught Liam’s eye. “I’d like to introduce you to Xander. He’s the new kid on the block and could use a friend his own age.”
“That’s a terrible idea,” Mother interjected. “That young man is a criminal. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten, since Fab was his victim.”
“Not anymore. He’s turned his life around and admits he didn’t enjoy his short career on the wrong side of the law,” I said. “Besides, how can you not like the idea since I got it from Brad?”
“Thanks, sis.” Brad mimicked the sound of tires squealing. “But we were talking about Mila having friends her own age, not the pickpocket.”
Liam grinned.
“It’s unclear why you hired him,” Mother grouched.
We’d met Xander when he attempted to snatch Fab’s purse, which didn’t work out the way he’d expected, in that he didn’t get the wallet he desired, but instead got a chance to turn his life around. He’d taken it and didn’t disappoint.
“Apparently, a reminder is called for. Xander’s wicked smart and knows his way around a computer. If you need a reference, look no further than the big man himself.” I pointed to Spoon. “What was it you said, he brought your records out of the dark ages? And Didier gave him high marks for not only knowing what he was doing but being easy to work with. I whole-heartedly agree on the latter.”
“I’ll give him a call and get myself an invite to the mansion for a beer,” Liam said.
Caspian changed the tenor of the conversation to a more business-like one. “Since we’re all here, how about an update on the dock project?”
Brad took over and told everyone that a price had been agreed on and contracts signed for the parcel we wanted to acquire to continue the expansion of The Boardwalk. It was now full steam ahead for the fun spot for adults and families to eat, enjoy the rides, and hang out.
“What’s up with the haunted motel?” Spoon asked Creole.
“Tell us you abandoned that idea,” Mother said with an exasperated shake of her head.
“Got a call today that the sale’s on hold or cancelled. Which one was unclear, as I was speaking to a loan officer not familiar with the file. I’ll have to follow up and figure it out.”
Creole had made an offer on an abandoned motel as a wedding gift. Rumors of a ghost residing there had dogged the old place and made it an interesting piece of the town’s history.
I looked over at him, What happened? written on my face.
“As most of you know, real estate closings get put on hold when there’s a named storm out in the Gulf. Insurance companies don’t write policies until it’s moved on out. To further complicate the matter, the person who had the file at the bank quit, and it’s in the process of being assigned to someone else. It’s my hope that they’ll honor the offer that was already accepted and not force us to start over.”
“I’ve got contacts at the bank. I can put in a good word for you,” Caspian offered.
“That’s sweet of you,” I said. Creole nodded in agreement.
Spoon clasped Mother’s hand. “We’ve got an announcement. We decided to sell the boat and already got an offer, which we accepted.”
“Tell them the best part.” Mother smiled at him.
“We’re looking for something new with more room for fun and entertainment.”
While Caspian listed off a few things they should be on the lookout for, Liam walked towards the galley. Once out of sight, he beckoned
me to join him.
Creole noticed and whispered, “If he wants anything illegal, the answer is no.”
I got up and did my best to remain unobtrusive as I joined him while he refilled his soda.
Liam faced the group, his back resting against the counter. “I don’t want anyone sneaking up on us. Grandmother watched as you left and is now staring along with the rest of them, but at least they’re making an attempt to pretend they didn’t notice.”
“Sneaky family.” Like him, I stood to one side to keep a clear view of the area.
“Need your help. A friend does, anyway, and ASAP. She doesn’t have a lot of money but could swap favors.”
“The answer is yes, and I know the favor I want in return.”
“My friend, Glacier—”
I half-laughed. “Where do parents get these names?”
“Some vague story about where they were doing it when…you get the picture.”
“Brr…”
“Glacier recently met Mr. Wonderful. He hit all the points on her checklist except for the one about not being an a-hole. They went out on a date, and not only did he stick her with the check, he stole her SUV. Drove off and left her stranded at the restaurant.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “The reason she didn’t call the police?”
“She doesn’t want her father to find out. She enjoys her status as the perfect daughter and doesn’t want him to be disgusted that she was duped.”
“No judgement, but if this had happened to me or Brad, we’d have told Mother and she would’ve tracked his butt down and kicked it hard.”
“Dude’s name is Robert, and he’s apparently been joyriding around in the SUV, because he hasn’t been back to the apartment he shares with a couple of other guys. Or they’re covering for him, but I didn’t get that vibe when I talked to them. Spent the last two nights driving up and down nearby side streets, and the car’s nowhere to be found.”
“Me and my backup will get on it tomorrow.” I nodded toward Fab. “I’ll need info.”
Initiation in Paradise Page 9