by Ellis Marie
It’s only after I shut the car door and breathe in the fresh air that I realise how much the car smells of a certain person. Immediately, I have to resist the urge to throw myself back into the vehicle.
Kristie says goodbye to Cole and then comes over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as she guides me towards her home. The porch light flickers on as we get to the front door. It’s still dark outside, and now that I don’t have the warmth of a jacket over me, I’m aware of how much my body is shivering.
Linda left it open for us, and although she has long gone to bed, she put out glasses of water and a sandwich for each of us on the table by the entrance.
Kristie hands me the glasses of water and ushers me up the stairs softly, telling me that she will handle the other stuff, and for once, I don’t argue with her; I don’t have the energy to.
I head to her bedroom, sitting down gently on her fluffy cover as I place the drinks on the bedside table. She comes into the room a moment later, her hands filled with snacks and sandwiches.
She puts them down and then urges me up and to the bathroom. She explains comfortingly that we should wash our feet or her mom would freak out at the sand in the bed. I nod, stepping into the ceramic tub and sitting on the edge.
Kristie joins me without saying a word and takes the shower head down, bringing it to our feet before turning it on. She quickly washes her own before handing it to me. I take it, doing the same.
Once we’re done, she helps me back up and we dry off with a towel and then head back into her warm room.
I sit back in my spot and she goes into her cupboard, getting out comfortable clothes for me to wear. I’m grateful when she hands me one of her brother’s huge shirts; they are the comfiest things she owns for me to wear, considering my features are a little bigger than hers.
We both begin to get changed and I let my mind wander as I do. When I slide my top over my face, a smell makes its way into my nostrils and I slowly bring my arms down, holding the material in my hands as I take another breath.
It smells like Trent. It was faint, and I’m sure if anyone else sniffed it, they would only notice the pine and fire parts, and considering we had been at a beach bonfire party, that isn’t a surprise, but there’s something else too. Maybe I’m making it up, maybe I was hallucinating, but my body reacts immediately. I curl up on the bed, clutching it to my chest.
Kristie turns and notices my shaking body and quickly rushes over, her hands flying around me as she tries to decide what to do. It was strange to see her so flustered; she’s usually the one to keep calm.
“I tried to kiss him, K.”
At my words, her eyes change to understanding. She sighs, sinking down on the bed beside me and pulling me up into a sitting position so that I can lean on her shoulder.
“What happened?” she murmurs into my hair, softly patting it down.
“I got so caught up and I tried to kiss him,” I explain, too embarrassed to look at her. “And he stopped me.”
My mind plays the moment over and over again; the way his chocolate hair was ruffling the breeze and the pain that flicked through his shining eyes as he looked at me, rejecting me.
She sighs again. This time, it’s even deeper.
“I’m sure there’s a reason for him doing it, Elle,” she coos. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”
I let out a bitter laugh.
“I’ve been so worried about Matt cheating and I’m the one who almost did. I’m an awful person.”
Immediately, Kristie pulls away from me and shoves me a little, forcing me to look at her stern expression.
“You’re not an awful person. You were high, and you got caught up. Nothing happened, and you have nothing to feel bad about, you hear me?” she scoffs and returns to hugging me. “You let that boy away with murder. You’re allowed to muck up a little.”
Although I know she’s right and her words do comfort me some, I can’t help the overwhelming guilt that weighs me down as we sit there. My mind runs through all the possibilities of what I could do to make it up to Matt. Here I was having these doubts and he hadn’t questioned me at all, but I was the one to make a stupid decision.
“Now, come on. We’re going to watch Friends and eat all this food I’ve bought because I don’t know about you, but I have severe munchies and you’re getting a break from your ‘diet’ tonight.”
She doesn’t give me a chance to refuse before she is up and crossing the room. I can’t help but smile at her. Even though she’s facing away from me, I can hear her quietly singing to herself and it makes me chuckle. She really is such a positive person.
I finally get changed into the top she gave me and discard my worn clothes on the floor in a pile beside the bed, reminding myself to pick them up in the morning so Linda doesn’t have to.
Kristie rejoins me on the bed and we get under the duvet, fanning out our food in front of us like a buffet as the sound of the show comes on. The song hums through the speakers and the two of us don’t even have to communicate; we both clap at the right time and continue eating our food. Together, we watch while taking off our makeup and brushing our hair, getting rid of the evidence of what occurred.
“I’m sorry for ruining your night,” I mumble after a few minutes. “You look after me way too much.”
She rolls her eyes, throwing a Malteser at me. I shriek as it pings off my nose. “Shut your mouth. You’re my best friend, of course I was leaving with you, especially when you looked that upset. Plus it was cold and all I could do was think about food.”
I know Kristie could have stayed out longer. She is a social butterfly and thrives in those situations.
“You’re the best,” I say softly, snuggling into her side. She kisses the top of my forehead in reply, feeding me a Dorito. “Never leave me.”
She chuckles at my words. “Never going to happen, I’m stuck to you like glue.”
When I first wake up, my eyes fly open in panic as I search for a clock to look at the time. It takes a moment for me to remember where I am before I settle back down. I have to remind myself that not every family has a rise-and-shine time during the weekends. I roll over and look at Kristie, giggling when I notice her mouth wide open and the drool hanging out of it, her soft snores echoing around the room.
She is such a looker.
I glance about the room, rubbing the tiredness from my eyes and reach across for my phone to check the time.
9:20AM.
Below the time, there is a list of notifications. I quickly open my phone to look at them. I have one from Matt, which I open eagerly, but it’s just a video of him playing beer pong. I quickly skip it, not wanting to see the people around him. After that, I click on the group chat with the three witches and want to vomit when message after message are just pictures of Matt and Tracey together at the party, getting more and more drunk before the final one is a picture of the three girls dressed in summer gear with the caption ‘Boat Weekend’. They must have sent it today.
I stare at it for a moment and then close it, instead choosing to click on Tracey’s profile, which contains hundreds of videos from last night that I comb through. Reassured, I click on her last photo from this morning. It’s obviously taken by one of the other girls and she’s standing in front of a large boat, her body clad in a barely-there piece and heels on her feet. Envy fills me as I look at her almost perfect figure, her chest almost pouring out of her bikini.
How am I meant to compete with that?
I click off it, not wanting to torture myself any longer and go onto my messages, hoping to see one from my boyfriend . . . but there isn’t any. Swallowing my pride, I decide to send him a text.
Hope you had a good night last night and enjoy your weekend!
Remember sunscreen! x
The message pings when it delivers, and for about ten minutes, I sit staring at my screen while waiting for a response. Nothing comes through.
I think of Trent out of nowhere and my eyes glance down to the side o
f the bed where I put my clothes from last night. When I’m met with a clear carpet, I sit upright.
Where is it?
I throw the covers off, being careful not to wake Kristie, although she sometimes can sleep through a tornado if she wanted to and grab a pair of gym shorts on her chair, sliding them on. I kneel into the floor and peer under the mattress, but there are only a few discarded items there and none of them is the top I’m looking for.
I curse and jump up, looking around in confusion. When I see that Kristie’s washing bag is also gone from the back of the door, I realise what’s happened. Linda has been the perfect mother and has taken all our dirty clothes, along with the top that I may have secretly wanted to keep.
For a moment, I wonder if maybe I’m not too late and she hasn’t done the washing yet, and so I quickly make my way downstairs, my feet padding softly on the steps. When I enter the kitchen, I see her sitting with Benji at the dinner table, attempting to feed him what looks like some sort of mushed up fruit combination.
When he sees me, his eyes light up. He spits out the food in his mouth in a happy exclamation. It splats Linda on her cheek, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lips at her shocked expression. Sighing heavily as she puts the food down and rests her chin in her hands, her tired eyes giving up.
“Fine, starve,” she states to Benji who just giggles at her and continues to reach for me. I make my way towards him, gently placing my hands around the toddler’s belly.
“Good morning!” I chuckle. He grins happily, waiting for me to take him. “Are you giving your mom a hard time?”
Linda groans from beside me, the tiredness evident. I quickly lift Benji out of the chair before placing a hand on her shoulder comfortingly.
“If you want to go for a nap, I can look after him,” I tell her, and she looks up at me with grateful eyes as the bags under them prominent. “Kristie probably won’t be awake for a while anyway,” I joke and she smiles a little, standing up slowly.
“How was your night?” she asks. A genuine smile crosses my face as I think about it before I ruined it; it had actually been really fun. “You girls must have come in late. I didn’t hear you.”
I nod and tickle Benji, mesmerised by his giggles.
“Yeah, it was really good. We actually left Tracey’s and went to another party,” I say, choosing not to tell her where exactly it was. Although she seemed fond of East Bay based on her confession about her friend’s death, I doubted she would feel safe knowing we had gone there at night.
Linda yawns, rubbing her eyes and my heart breaks for her.
“Is Gerry due home soon?”
Kristie’s dad is a surgeon in our town, and he is probably the best one we have. I know that his family is incredibly proud of him, but it also means that as he is the best, his late nights drag into early mornings and his days off became very few and sparse.
She glances at the digital clock on the microwave and a sigh escapes her lips. “He was due home about four hours ago. He probably won’t be home until later on, although I’m hoping I’m wrong.”
Her eyes are soft as she talks about her husband. I feel my own heart swelling with the love and adoration that she has for him. They really are an amazing couple.
“Go get some sleep,” I urge, resting my hand on her arm. “If there are any problems, I’ll wake you.”
She gives me a small smile and pulls me into a hug, squishing Benji between us. She wraps her arms around my torso tightly. “You’re such a sweet girl, Elle. Kristie is so lucky to have you.”
I’m shocked by her words as she pulls back and kisses Benji lightly on the nose. I never thought of me doing anything for Kristie. Kristie was the one who looked after me. Without her, I would probably be a crumbling mess.
I watch Linda walk away, her eyes already beginning to close with sleep. I turn around to look at the mess of food left behind on the table, the evidence of Benji’s refusal to eat.
I decide to look around the kitchen for more food for him, knowing that the spoiled lumps of mush on the counter are no longer going to be okay to be eaten. After a few minutes of looking, I make him a banana and peach mush pot.
“This is what I used to eat as a baby,” I tell him as he sits in his chair watching me, babbling nonsense in response. “It’s super yummy, I promise!” I urge, mixing it together before sitting beside him and holding it out on the spoon.
“Please eat?” I beg, waiting patiently for him to decide to open his mouth. His young eyes assess what’s being presented to him. He glances at me before opening his mouth and accepting, his little cheeks puffing up in happiness at the taste.
He claps his hands together as he eats it. I give myself a little cheer, pleased that he’s actually eating something. That is my one and only idea, so if he hadn’t, I would have definitely been stuck.
“I’m basically a star chef.” I grin to myself and Benji claps again. “Clearly, you agree with me.”
His smiling face makes me grin. I sit and watch him giggling away, totally oblivious to the world around him. He is so lucky to be born into such an amazing family. He’s only going to receive the most incredible love he could ask for. I know that although Kristie pretended that they don’t get along, she’s going to make sure she’s the best big sister she could possibly be.
After feeding him, I decide to get him some clean clothes from the drying room. It’s only when I step inside and see the pile of clothing that I remember why I originally came downstairs.
The top.
I rummage through the pile of folded clothes on top of the counter. When my fingers close around the familiar white material, I sigh. Slowly, I bring it up to my nose and take a deep breath, but all that’s left is the scent of blossoms and fabric softener.
For a second, I wonder why I care so much about it, why it bothers me that maybe I’ll never have the experience again. I decide to put it down to the fact that I’m more upset about not having a memory of the party rather than Trent.
Disappointed, I place it back on the pile and pick up a small jumpsuit for Benji, accepting that maybe it’s better that I couldn’t hold onto a little piece of last night.
There is no point in getting my hopes up anyway.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Annabelle! It’s so lovely to see you. I’m glad you’re here. Have you gotten rid of that pompous gremlin yet? If not, then you better have some good gossip!”
Mrs. Grenway is a seventy-six-year-old lady who has lived next door to us since the day that I was born. She’s a sweet but feisty woman with curly grey hair and a petite frame. Her clothes are always hanging off her as though they’re a size too big. According to her, and depending on what she’s feeling, she either lived in Kentucky, the Bahamas, or Australia before here, but I never know which one is the honest truth.
Her house is filled with trinkets and memorabilia from all over the globe. Every time I visit, she tells me a story about one of them. Considering I have been coming here every weekend since about the age of nine, we’ve had a lot of time to cover them and I’m sure that we aren’t even halfway through her stash. Her stories are wonderful; all about different places she visited, or sights she had seen, and almost all of them involved her late husband, Ernie. Ernie died when I was around eight. I don’t remember him much, and I don’t know him that well, but every Easter, he would deliver a chocolate egg to me. At Christmas, he would leave a present at the front door. The couple had been good friends with my grandmother, and so when she passed, it’s as if Mrs. Grenway had taken the spot and adopted me herself.
“No, Mrs. Grenway.” I laugh, shaking my head as I close the front door. “Matt and I are still together. And I didn’t bring gossip, but I did bring brownies!”
Her furrowed eyebrows peer at me through the archway into her kitchen. She scoffs before turning around and hobbling over to the sink with teacups already laid out for us.
“Trying to fatten me up when all I want is the juicy details of your young lif
e. I don’t know why I let you in this house.”
Rolling my eyes at her, I head to the living room. I had learnt not to try and help out in the kitchen; she preferred doing things by herself.
Her living room is cosy and inviting. The dark sofas and warm colours make me feel snug as I sit down. Immediately, my eyes find the ball of fluff sleeping in the bed under the window.
“Obi!” I call, gaining the old dog’s attention immediately as he lifts his head and he realises I’m in the house. “You’re not a very good guard dog, are you?”
The giant black mass lifts himself and trots over to me, his tongue lolling out of one side of his mouth. He throws himself onto my lap, his weight pinning me into the cushions. I giggle as he licks my face.
“You’re just the cutest dog ever, aren’t you, Obi!” I coo, ruffling his ears and wrapping my arms around him while snuggling my face into his fur. “You’re the best.”
“I knew you only came here for him,” Mrs. Grenway states as she walks into the room, her hands shaking a little as she places the cups of tea down on the table. “Ever since you were a little girl, he used to sit and wait for you to get off the school bus. He’s always loved you.”
I try to lift my head out of the fur and look at the older woman who is sitting down beside me, but I can barely see over the top.
“Maybe a little too much,” I wheeze, his weight pushing me down. “Struggling to breathe here.”
Mrs. Grenway laughs at me before I hear her click her fingers. “Obi,” she warns. A second later, I can breathe as the large dog moves to the floor instead, his body laying over my feet.
I could handle that.
I sigh with air filling my lungs. She chuckles at me again, handing me my cup of tea.
“You should be used to that by now, he does it every time he sees you.”
I smile, my fingers softly flowing through Obi’s coat and his eyes start to droop shut, his excitement dimming in exchange for sleepiness.
“I’m never going to stop him from doing it. How could I say no to him when he’s so cute and loves unconditionally?”