by Ellis Marie
He lifts his eyes to mine and my heart breaks at the sight. “You’re not the only one who has nightmares.”
“And sleeping in the hallway helps?” I tease, not wanting to stay on the subject for too long for the sake of both of us.
His bashful expression returns.
“Not quite,” he says. “I just needed to know you were safe. You, uh . . . you . . . help.”
God, I’m falling for him.
“Is this when you creepily tell me that you like listening to me breathe?”
“Yeah, it is a little creepy, isn’t it?” He chuckles, his cheeks becoming pink. “I’ll go back to my room, don’t worry.”
He’s already bending down and picking up his belongings when I let the word come out that stops him in his tracks.
“Don’t.”
There’s a feeling curling in my stomach—one that’s so close to fear but sends a tingle through me instead of a cold chill.
“Stay,” I say simply, watching as his Adam’s apple bob with my words. “With me, I mean. Not on the floor.”
I scream internally at my words, the tiny version of me in my head rolling about and throwing open curtains, egging me on with encouragement and revelling in my confidence, screaming from the window that I’m actually doing what I want for a change.
Trent also seems to be shocked at my words, his eyes wide and unblinking as he almost drops his phone to the ground. He quickly catches it and clears his throat, like a deer caught in headlights.
“Y-you want me to stay?”
“You’re right, that was—”
“No, I want to. I just—”
“It’s fine, don’t—”
“I don’t want to pressure you,” Trent states, raising his voice a little before dropping again. “I don’t want you to think you have to invite me in because I’m sleeping out here. I wasn’t trying to . . .”
“I know.”
I did know. I know that he would never push me into a situation that I’m uncomfortable with, or pressure me into doing something that pleased him. If anything, today showed me that he’s actually too careful with me and is giving me too much space from him because he thought I would resent him.
“If I help yours, then you might help mine?”
His eyes soften at my words and he nods.
I can feel him following me into the room as I turn and walk back towards my bed, my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I try to tug down the large T-shirt I’m wearing over my little shorts.
Before I can begin to feel self-conscious, the lights go out and the room is in darkness, bar a small stream coming from the window.
“Do you want to go get comfortable on your side and then I can . . . um . . .”
I’ve never heard Trent so nervous before, and it makes me giggle a little at how much he now sounds like a teenager. Gone is the alpha who ordered a pack of hundreds. This is Trent, the boy who is scared to share a bed with the girl he likes.
“I don’t really have a side,” I admit. “I’ve never shared a bed with someone. You know, not . . .” I trail off awkwardly, kicking myself for even mentioning the past as my fingers wind into each other. I’m glad for the darkness around us shielding my embarrassed expression from him.
“If it’s alright, I’ll sleep closest to the door then?” Trent says, clearing his throat. “Protection . . . thing.”
I slide into the far side of the bed, pushing myself to the very edge as I wrap the covers around me and lie on my back, my breathing shallow and shaky.
Trent shuffles around beside me, the sound letting me know that he’s placing his belongings on the floor and his phone on the bedside table, then the mattress dips to my right, and I know he’s climbing in.
My breath is held as I wait for the fear, for the memories and nightmares to begin plaguing my thoughts at the feeling of someone lying in a bed next to me.
Sure, I have slept with Kristie, but I know her body. I know the lightness of it and the safety that she provided. This is new. This is terrifying.
Or it should be.
The numbness never overtakes me. My lungs don’t freeze at the feeling of someone else’s warmth beside me, and my body seems to almost relax upon knowing that he’s there.
Trent is unmoving, no doubt lying like a pencil, afraid to alarm me or freak me out. The thought of him is so comical that I can’t help but giggle at it, the tensions making me giggle even more.
“Are you laughing?”
“I’ve just never experienced you so cautious,” I explain, rolling onto my side as I try to make out his figure in the darkness. “I’m not going to freak out.”
The silence drags between us as I wait for him to respond, watching the dark shape of him stay completely still.
“It’s not completely for you,” Trent confesses, his voice strained. “My wolf is a little . . . y’know.”
Oh. Oh.
Laughter echoes around us. I relax again when I hear Trent chuckling beside me, his body loosening a little as we stare in the darkness. It seems silly to be laughing in the situation, the old me may have flinched away at the knowledge that he’s having these sorts of thoughts, but it’s not the response that I have. I can’t be scared of him now. Not ever.
Once we’ve settled down again, I get more comfortable and stretch out slightly, making sure not to accidentally touch Trent anywhere that might make him tense back up, but I do extend my hand further than the rest of my body and let it sit in the gap between us.
No man’s land.
I know he can feel it because I hear his knuckles crack and his breath hitch before it softly touches against my own, our two smallest fingers wrapping around each other.
“Thank you for staying,” I whisper after a while, knowing that he isn’t asleep either.
“I told you,” he replies, his words soft and lulling me to sleep. “You never have to thank me, mon coeur.”
In the morning, he’s gone.
The bed is cold by the time that I wake up. A small part of me can’t help but feel disappointed that he isn’t the first thing that I see when I wake, but I’m also grateful. What exactly would I say to him? ‘Thank you for sleeping in my bed and for giving me the best night’s sleep possible?’ How awkward.
I jump out of bed and head for the shower, making sure to take all my clothes with me to avoid another ‘almost caught naked in the hallway’ situation that occurred earlier in the week. Thankfully, it had been Scarlette the last time, but I’m not going to risk it again.
The water is hot on my skin and the stress of the previous day melts away as I lather myself in body wash, my mind trailing back to Trent and his soft words. He could settle my fear like no one else, and he thinks I do the same for him too.
Is this what it feels like to be in a relationship with mutual respect?
The thought makes me snigger but then I still.
Relationship.
Trent said we would take our time, take things slow. Me inviting him into my bed is probably not on that list, but it almost felt right. It’s hard to believe that I’ve managed to stay far away from the man for so long and refrained from showing my true feelings.
Now, it’s as if my body is screaming at me to find him and let him hold me.
Damn mate thing.
Stepping out the shower, I dry off my body and pull on my clothes, keeping my hair in a bun on top of my head. It’s a strange feeling—walking around the house without worrying about chores or getting in trouble or having to look my best.
It’s refreshing.
When I begin to make my way downstairs, I can smell something sweet and fresh and . . . burning?
Panic flickers through me. The crumbs of memory from the blast still stuck in the crevices of my mind, digging into my lungs, but I ignore them. That’s in the past; I’m safe here.
There are shouts coming from the kitchen. I quickly make my way there, following the trail of smoke that’s billowing through the hallway.
As I ste
p into the kitchen, I’m confused at first, watching four fully grown people all crowd around a pan that seems to be on fire. Their yells and flailing hands show that they have no idea what they’re doing.
“What’s going on?” I ask, trying not to laugh at their expressions, but when they all turn and look at me in horror, I quickly hide my amusement and grab a towel from the counter and put it under the water tap, letting it soak.
“Elle . . . um, well, the pan, it—” Cole tries, but I quickly move past him and throw the towel on top, suffocating the fire and putting it out.
Everyone seems to sigh in relief as I turn around and wait for them all to explain to me what’s going on. The twins, Robbie and Dean, both comically mirror the same awestruck expression, their mouth opening and closing like fish while Cole and Scarlette are frantically shooting each other looks.
“Now what—”
“I found the fire extinguisher!” a voice shouts, skidding into the kitchen with a tiny red object in their large hands. “I’ve got this, I’ve got . . . Elle?”
It takes everything in me not to burst out laughing at Trent as he comes fully into view, his T-shirt covered in splatters of what looks like dough and his face dotted with flour.
Frazzled is not a strong enough word.
I take in the sight of him as well as the kitchen countertop that’s covered with ingredients and slowly piece together the situation that I’ve stumbled into.
“Are you trying to bake?”
Trent looks at the people around us briefly as he sets the fire extinguisher down on the counter and takes my hand in his, pulling me away from the smouldering pan and towards the back door where there’s fresh air.
“Just some bread.”
Behind me, I see Scarlette and Cole begin to move towards it, the whispers between them too quiet for me to hear.
Why would there be a pan for bread?
“I was wondering,” Trent says, pulling my attention back to him. “I was wondering if you were doing anything later.”
I raise an eyebrow at him and smirk at his slightly nervous expression and his words. “You mean besides sitting in the house? No.”
“Yeah, of course. That was kind of a stupid question, wasn’t it?” He winces, rolling his eyes. “What I meant was that if you wanted . . . I mean, we don’t have to . . . you can say no if you’d rather not. I just wanted to offer . . . or well, ask if you—”
“Trent?” I interrupt, puzzled by his refusal to look me in the eye and his glare that he’s throwing behind me at the people giggling at his struggle. “Do you want to ask me something?”
“Yes,” he states, taking a breath and returning his gaze to me. “I wanted to know if you wanted to go on a date tonight. Like an actual one.”
The butterflies erupt in my stomach at his adorable expression. I can’t stop the grin that breaks out as he stands, almost as if he’s holding his breath in anticipation for my answer.
“I’d love to.”
For some reason, a part of him must have thought that I might say no because he looks relieved at my answer and mirrors my own expression of happiness as he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into him softly.
“Really?” he asks. I bite my lip as I grin, trying not to laugh at how sweet he is. “Good.”
I lightly brush off a patch of dough that’s made a home on his cheekbone, ignoring the way he’s watching me as I taste it.
Bread isn’t this sweet.
His eyes widen. Before I can question him on his baking skills—or lack of—Scarlette jumps up beside us and pulls me from his arms, her voice higher than usual as she steers me away from the room.
“In that case, Elle and I are going to have a girls’ day and go shopping! She will see you later for your date!”
Trent reaches out to me for a moment, but then just shakes his head and softly smiles at my anxious expression before our view of each other is cut off as I’m being dragged up the stairs.
“We are going to have the best day ever!” Scarlette tells me. I just laugh nervously in response, not knowing what to expect.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Having never really had the choice to go shopping for myself or spend the day with my friends just browsing through a mall, it’s strange to walk into it and be excited. The amount of choice that I have and the freedom is almost overwhelming, but it’s also a little thrilling.
I can go into any shop I want, or stop at any food vendor, and that’s exactly what I do.
Kristie comes to meet us as it’s the weekend and she has the day off, so the three of us have the best time acting like teenagers and trying on different clothes. We stop and get brunch in a little cafe when we first arrive and then we have ice cream later on too. I choose the cotton candy flavour because it was always my favourite as a child, but I haven’t had it in years.
Screw you, additives.
After that, we go to a photo booth and get some photos that I think I’ll probably cherish for the rest of my life. By the time we actually go into one of Kristie’s favourite shops to look at an outfit for my date, my face hurts from laughing.
“You guys are basically my new favourite couple to ever exist,” Kristie informs me as we shuffle through a rail. “Like, I’m happier now than I would be if I was going on a date. That’s how excited I am.”
“You should have seen him trying to ask her, he could barely get the words out,” Scarlette adds, making her squeal in response. “I’ve honestly never seen this side to him. I thought he wasn’t human.”
I scoff at Scarlette’s choice of words, and she winks at me over the rack while Kristie is totally oblivious.
“Well, I just want to know what you’re doing or where he’s taking you,” she continues. “He doesn’t seem like the fancy dinner type.”
“I don’t think it will be,” I agree, running a cute top through my fingers as I check the price. “Just something casual but sweet, probably.”
Kristie appears beside me, taking the top out of my hands as she gives it a once-over. “This is cute, but we need something that’s going to blow him away.”
“I agree.”
We turn to see Scarlette standing behind us, her arms hidden behind her back and a cheek-splitting grin on her face as she rocks on her feet in anticipation. With a squeal, she produces a piece of peach-coloured material that hangs so beautifully that, for a moment, I’m taken back by it. It’s soft and light; the short sleeves slightly puffy and the chest crinkled together at the front before it falls to the end of the skirt.
“It’s so beautiful,” I say in awe. “I don’t know if—”
“Try it on! Try it on!” both girls urge me as we head to the fitting room, my words of apprehension ignored as they push me into a cubicle and thrust the dress at me.
I hesitate for a second, not knowing if I deserved to wear something so pretty. My subconscious almost smacks me for it.
I’m worth more than they’ve made me believe.
Quickly, I change out of my clothes and into the dress, struggling a little with reaching the zipper on the back as I try to pull it up.
“K?” I call through the door. “Would you help me with this?”
Kristie’s head appears immediately in the gap and pulls it up for me, her and Scarlette’s conversation lost to me as I catch a glimpse of myself for the first time in the mirror.
The dress is beautiful, but what makes me stare more is how happy I look in my reflection. Gone are my scrutinising eyes and self-conscious hands that would prod and poke every inch of myself, my head screaming worries and questions at me before I could even decide if I liked it or not.
“You look so gorgeous.”
I spin around and see Kristie and Scarlette with their heads sticking through into the cubicle, their grins identical.
“Oh, I don’t know . . .” I trail off, my fingers finding the price tag hanging from the bottom of it as they argue with me and declare that I simply ‘have to get it’. “It’s alright
, I suppose.”
I could never afford this.
With the girls returning back outside after loosening off the zip, I let the smile drop from my lips and delicately run my hands over the material again, memorising the image of me wearing something so pretty in my head so that I can remember what it feels like.
“Maybe another time.”
I change back into my own clothes and head back out into the store, the dress swinging from my arm. The girls stop talking as I walk past them and hang it back on the rail, swapping it out for the discounted top that I had seen previously.
“It’s just casual, right?” I lie, slipping past them as I head to the checkout, trying to find the happiness in the top that the dress had given me.
But I suppose it just isn’t the same.
Later, we sit in the food court telling stories and discussing our worst ever dates with each other, laughing at how silly some of our crushes were throughout the years. I don’t have many stories to tell really, but the two girls definitely make up for it. We don’t stop laughing as we try to eat.
“I need to go to the bathroom. Would you watch my things?” Kristie suddenly says, standing up as she wipes her hands on a napkin.
“Me too, actually,” Scarlette adds. “You’ll be alright on your own for a minute, Elle?”
I wave off their worry and nod, still chuckling at the stories. “I’m sure I’ll survive.”
The two girls leave, whispering between themselves as they weave through the tables.
Looking around the bustling crowds, I watch as the different groups of people enjoy their day, spending it with the people who are important to them.
A couple across from me are feeding each other ice cream, their voices low as they lean into each other. One of their heads nestles into the other’s neck. They’re absolutely adorable. As much as the display is mushy, when the two men grin at each other, I can just feel their happiness radiating from here.
They make me think of Trent and how soft he seems to be with me when everyone said that is exactly the opposite of his usual self. Before this, I probably would have looked away from the lovey-dovey couple, not wanting to look at something so pure and what my heart ached after. Now, seeing it makes me almost giddy, excited to maybe have that with Trent someday when I can feel comfortable being with him completely. Maybe we really are both changing each other.