by T. K. Leigh
“With what?”
“Your fingers...”
He moans, harsh and volatile.
“And your tongue.”
“Fuck,” he hisses. I can tell he’s barely keeping it together. And I don’t want him to. I want him to lose control. And I want to lose control with him. “Did you enjoy it?”
“It was the best orgasm of my life. I’d never experienced anything like it before. And I haven’t since.”
A groan falls from Drew’s throat as we remain locked in place, our bodies almost touching, his lips hovering over mine. Abruptly, he steps back, running a shaky hand through his hair and turning from me. It leaves me bewildered, confused, uncertain.
“You should go,” he says firmly. He glances over his shoulder. “As much as I want you, you’re not mine to have.”
His words are like ice water thrown over me, the heat coursing through me just minutes ago sizzling out. The reality of what I almost did hits me hard. What if Drew weren’t so concerned? Would I have been careless and allowed him to kiss me? Would I have kissed him back? I know the answers to those questions. I hang my head in shame.
“How will you get home? Your bike is—”
“I’ll borrow Gigi’s car,” he snaps. “I just... I can’t do this with you.”
I nod, my heart heavy. It’s not just Wes I’m hurting. I’m hurting Drew, too. I can’t string them both along. I love Wes. We’re a good match. But it’s nothing compared to the way my heart pounds an erratic rhythm when I’m with Drew. Is that enough to sustain a relationship, though? How can I reconcile this Drew with the one who broke his promise to me, then pretended like it never happened?
“I’m sorry.” I’m about to head down the fire escape when he speaks again.
“This wedding’s a mistake, Brooklyn.”
I lift my eyes to his. There’s so much emotion. More than I’ve ever seen from Wes.
“I see it. Everyone around you sees it. What’s it going to take for you to finally see it, too?”
I part my lips, then give him the only answer I can, the only answer that would make this decision easy. “Forgetting the past.”
Chapter Five
Drew
“Well, this is a pleasant surprise,” Gigi says when I step through the doors of the café after watching Brooklyn drive off. Part of me hoped she’d come back, tell me she was willing to forget all the past hurt I caused her and leave Wes. But she didn’t.
It took every ounce of restraint I possessed not to kiss her, not to crush her body against me and lather her with promises to make her mine in every way possible. But I won’t do that to Wes. I won’t be the other man. If I’m the one she chooses, she needs to give me every part of her. Until she’s willing to do that, I won’t touch her, not the way I know she wants me to. And the way I want to.
“Hey, Gigi.” I go to the bar and kiss her cheek, then pour myself a cup of coffee. The place isn’t crowded, not like it is in the morning. The tables are only half-filled with people having lunch or a few drinks.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” a familiar voice chimes in. I sweep my gaze to a table in the corner where Molly’s furiously typing on her laptop, journals filled with notes sprawled on the surface beside her.
“I took a personal day.”
“Why?” Molly stops what she’s doing and studies me. With one glance, she can sense something’s wrong. I suppose that’s what happens when you’ve spent over thirty years together. She shuts her laptop, her brows furrowing in concern. “What’s going on? Did something happen with Brooklyn?”
“No. Not Brooklyn.” I sit across the table from her. “But something did happen.”
I swallow hard, worrying my bottom lip as I stare at the dark liquid in my mug. I hate having to inform everyone about what Carla’s doing. It forces me to relive the moment I first read her motion this morning, the moment I learned Charlotte may not be my daughter. That’s the worst part of this. Repeating the story over and over, each re-telling making me kick myself a little harder at how blind I was to the truth.
When I lift my gaze back to Molly’s, unease fills the lines of her face. Regardless of the outcome of the paternity test, Carla’s still trying to take my girls from me. This affects my sister and aunt as much as it does me. “There’s something I need to tell you.” I look at Gigi. “Both of you.”
My aunt’s face falls. By my tone alone, she knows it’s serious. She gestures to one of our employees to take over the register, then heads toward the table, sitting down. “What is it, Andrew dear?”
I rub my palms along my jeans, exhaling. “This morning, after I dropped the girls at school, there was a knock on my door. It was a process server.”
Molly squints, shaking her head. “Process server? For what?”
I bounce my legs as I tap on the wooden table. How can I sit here and tell Molly and Gigi our family is about to be torn apart? It wasn’t this difficult when I told Brooklyn. She’s analytical and rational. Molly and Gigi tend to be very emotional. I’ve finally gotten mine under control. I need them to stay calm so my girls won’t think anything’s wrong when I see them today.
“Remember how I told you we ran into Carla at the science museum last month?”
Molly nods, her eyes remaining intent on mine.
“Well, a few weeks ago, she stopped by my office and asked to be a part of the girls’ lives.”
“And you told her to fuck off, right?” she retorts, her voice harsh. She crosses her arms over her stomach, pure distaste on her face.
“Essentially, yes.” My tone is calm, a complete one-eighty from my sister’s. “I told her I wouldn’t let her hurt them again. Before she left, she basically threatened me, saying I couldn’t keep them from her forever.”
Gigi gasps, covering her mouth with her hand. “She didn’t...”
I briefly squeeze my eyes shut. “She’s asking for shared physical custody of Alyssa.”
“And Charlotte, too?” Molly presses.
“She’s asking for full custody of Charlotte.”
“What?” she shrieks, her eyes glistening with tears. “She can’t do that!”
I glance between Molly and Gigi, who wears a long expression. “She might be able to.”
“How? You’re her father!” She opens her mouth, struggling to come up with a compelling argument. “She can’t do that!” she repeats.
“She can if I’m not her father.”
Molly inhales sharply, her lips parting as she processes this information. “She... No...”
“What are you saying, Andrew?” Gigi asks in an uncharacteristic shaky voice. She’s always been one of the strongest women I know. Her one weakness, all our weakness, is family. The idea of anyone trying to come between us is too much for any of us to bear, especially Aunt Gigi.
“In her complaint for custody, Carla alleged that Chase is the father.”
“Your teammate?” Gigi lifts a brow. “The man she cheated on you with after your injury?”
“She claims the affair had been going on for much longer, without my knowledge. That Chase is Charlotte’s biological father, not me.”
“But you don’t know for sure, right?” Molly grasps at straws, just like I did earlier today. I’ve had several hours to come to terms with the fact that my entire life is about to change, and not for the better.
“Not yet. I talked with an attorney earlier, then went to a lab. They took a DNA swab. I have to take Charlotte to get one. And the attorney also wants to have Alyssa’s DNA checked against mine so there aren’t any surprises. Once we do that, we can find out the truth, one way or another.”
Molly pinches her lips together, her chin quivering. She looks away, swiping at her cheeks.
“You’re going to fight this, right?” Gigi presses.
“Without a doubt.” My response comes quick, fevered. “Brooklyn took me to see an attorney she knows, someone she trusts to go to the mattresses.”
“Only you would resort to
using a Godfather reference when talking about fighting for custody of your daughters.” Molly’s voice lacks the teasing quality it normally has. Regardless, I’m grateful for the short moment of levity.
“Brooklyn took you?” Gigi gives me a questioning look, a sly smile gradually building on her lips.
“I didn’t know where else to go, so I went to her office. Luckily, she was there. The attorney she introduced me to is infinitely better than that guy who represented me in my divorce. She actually has kids of her own. She promised to do everything to fight this and help me keep custody of Charlotte, even if it’s proven she’s not mine.”
Silence settles at the table as they process this drastic turn of events. What can you possibly say to news like this? That it’ll be okay? That it’ll work itself out? I’m not naïve enough to believe that’s the case. No matter what happens, this will change all our lives. Despite that, I don’t feel as helpless as I thought I would. Spending the day with Brooklyn, being with her, seeing how her body still reacts to mine, gave me a small slice of comfort, regardless of the difficult position we find ourselves in these days.
“What are you going to tell the girls?” Molly asks after a while.
“I have no idea.” I peek at my watch, seeing it’s almost 1:30. “I have to go pick them up from school. I don’t know how I’m going to peer into their eyes and pretend everything’s okay. I’m not going to tell them anything yet, not until I have definitive answers. But at some point, I have to tell them something. How am I supposed to explain to a six- and eight-year-old why their mother abandoned them and wanted nothing to do with them for six years, but is now trying to take them from me?” I shake my head, my throat tightening.
Gigi places a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “You will, and we’ll be there when you do...if that’s what you need.”
I force a smile. “Thanks, Gigi.” I place one hand over hers, then reach across the table, grabbing Molly’s, as well. “Both of you. I can’t tell you how much your support means. Not just with this, but with everything over the years. I’d be lost without you two.”
“And Brooklyn,” Gigi reminds me, constantly looking for an opportunity to bring her up. “She helped raise those girls. She’s always been there for you. Even when you didn’t realize it.”
I nod, pulling away from them. “I know.” On a long sigh, I stand, my attention focused on my aunt. “Can I borrow your car?”
“Where’s yours?”
I shrug. “Home.”
“Then how did you get here?”
“Brooklyn.”
“Oh really?” She waggles her eyebrows.
“Like I told you. I went to see her and she took me to talk to an attorney.”
“That’s true,” Molly interjects, standing. “But you left out how you got here if you don’t have your car.”
“Brooklyn drove.”
“And she left without taking you back to get your car? I find that hard to believe.”
“I told her it was okay. Normally, she’d force me into her car, but considering I took the Triumph to her office, I think she was more than happy when I said I’d get Gigi to lend me her car.”
My aunt’s eyes harden, her lips pinching in a tight line. The vein in her forehead throbs, evidence of her displeasure at this news. She hates that bike more than Brooklyn does.
“We grabbed Kelly’s, then brought it back here and ate up on the roof,” I finish before Gigi can berate me for riding my motorcycle.
“Her idea or yours?” Gigi asks.
“Hers,” I answer, not seeing why that should matter.
“I thought you were giving her space to figure things out?” Molly teases.
“That was before I received the motion for custody modification.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“She’s still engaged to Wes,” I remind them.
“Are you really going to let that stop you?” Gigi crosses her arms in front of her chest, passing me a skeptical look.
I do my best to reel in my grin as I slowly shake my head. “Do you know what Dad said to me when I first started playing hockey?”
“What’s that?”
“The word ‘quit’ isn’t in our family’s vocabulary. So give up on Brooklyn just because she thinks marrying Wes is the right decision? Not a chance in hell.”
My eyes remain glued to the phone in my hand as I stand in the distance, waiting for that final bell of the day to ring, followed by the sound of the front doors of the school opening, swarms of kids barreling out. The women Molly refers to as the “cougar den” lurk close by, ready to pounce, but I’m in no mood today...especially today.
As I search Google for cases in this state where a non-parent retained physical custody of a child, which I probably shouldn’t be doing since it doesn’t seem to be a normal occurrence, a familiar squeal meets my ears. It’s both heartwarming and heartbreaking, the mere thought that this loving, considerate human may not be mine. The instant I see Charlotte, it takes everything I have not to break down in front of her. My lungs constrict and my heart feels like it’s shattering in my chest.
A breaking heart isn’t simply an analogy used for dramatic emphasis. I now know it does happen. The agony coursing through me is more than I can stomach. Still, I can’t let her know. Her life’s about to drastically change. I need to give her a few more good days before that happens.
So I plaster on a smile, acting like everything’s exactly as it should be and this is just like every other day I’ve waited outside their school to walk them home.
I click off my phone and shove it into my pocket before squatting, holding my arms wide. When Charlotte runs into them, I pretend the strength of her hug nearly knocks me over.
“I missed you, Daddy!”
Her words hit me hard and I squeeze her tighter, savoring her warm body, inhaling her powdery scent. How much longer will I be able to hug her like this?
I pull back, doing everything to swallow down the tears threatening to fall. As I stare into her dark eyes, able to make out flecks of gold identical to those in Chase’s, my stomach sinks. How did I not see it all before?
“I made you something in art class!” she exclaims.
“You did?” I clear my throat, masking the slight tremble in my voice. “What’s that?”
She places her backpack on the ground and unzips it, pulling out a piece of folded construction paper. “A Mother’s Day card.”
She hands it to me, a brilliant smile on her face. With every second that passes, every word she says, it becomes increasingly difficult to fight back my tears. I’m a man. I’m supposed to be strong, not let things like this get to me. Kids have that effect on you. If they hurt, you feel that pain tenfold, wishing you could do something to take it away. Right now, I wish I could do something to dampen the pain of what Charlotte’s about to go through…what both girls are about to go through.
“I made one for Auntie Molly, Aunt Gigi, and Auntie Brook, too!” Excitement oozes from her as she shows me all the cards, oblivious to my internal struggle. “I couldn’t get as detailed as some of the other kids in class since I had four to make and they only had one, but I still think they’re good. Do you like yours, Daddy?”
Opening the card, I smile when I see her attempt at drawing a hockey player and a trophy cup with “#1” scrawled on it. “I love it, Char.” I pull her against me again, kissing the top of her head. “But you didn’t have to make me a card. I’m your daddy.”
“I know. But you’re my mommy, too.”
I hold her at arm’s length, studying her. It seems like just yesterday I cradled her against my chest for the first time. When Carla walked in carrying Charlotte after the doctors finally brought me out of the coma, I panicked, thinking over a month had passed. Charlotte wasn’t due until March, but it was only February. That should have been a giant red flag. The last thing on my mind was whether Charlotte could be mine. Instead, my focus was on whether I’d ever play hockey again, my world feeling like it w
as crashing around me when my doctor insisted I retire from professional hockey due to the extent of my latest injury, which only exacerbated the prior brain trauma. Maybe if I had focused on my family, not the fact I’d never play hockey again, I would have put the pieces together. Or maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Maybe it was the universe’s way of telling me I needed this tiny human in my life, just like she needed me.
“And I always will be,” I say, kissing her one more time, my lips lingering on her cheek longer than normal, savoring the feel of her soft skin against mine.
“Hey, Dad...” Alyssa’s voice cuts through. I turn to see her walking up to us, her backpack slung over her shoulders. The instant our eyes lock, she slows, her expression falling. She’s inherited her aunt Gigi’s observational skills. Normally, I consider it a good thing. Now I wish she weren’t so intuitive. “Is everything okay?”
“Of course.” I stand, tousling her hair and giving her a hug, although she tries to push away.
I hate lying to her, to both of them. I’m struggling to cope with the unknown myself. I can’t put that on them, too. I want to enjoy my last few days where these girls think I’m their hero. I fear they soon won’t.
“Let’s go home and get you girls out of these uniforms.” I look up at the sky, the May sun warming my face. “It’s a perfect day to go rollerblading, don’t you think?”
“Yes!” Charlotte says, her voice oozing enthusiasm.
Alyssa’s not as convinced, eyeing me with skepticism. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You always make us finish our homework before we can play.”
I lift a brow. “Do you have a lot of homework?”
“No. Just a few math problems. It’ll be easy.”
“Then let’s do something since it’s so nice out.” Most other parents would probably be concerned about homework, but Alyssa’s intelligent. Math comes easily to her. I used to try to help her, although she insisted she didn’t need it. She was right. Numbers just click for her. In the time it took me to work through one of her problems, she’d successfully completed her entire assignment.