by T. K. Leigh
She heads into the den and I follow, sitting on the couch beside her, pouring a glass of wine from the bottle of cabernet she’d opened. I sip on the liquid as I try to figure out what to say. Earlier, I would have loved to have a mother to discuss what was going on. All throughout my life, Molly was the only person I could talk to about everything... Well, almost everything. I never talked to her about Drew. During our younger years, it was because I didn’t want her to tease me. Now that we’re adults, I’m worried I won’t get the neutral opinion I crave when faced with a life-altering decision.
“I really am sorry, Brook.” Molly’s voice cuts through my thoughts.
I snap my eyes to hers. Just over her shoulder, I spy a framed photo on the side table. The same photo of Drew, Molly, and me as kids that sits on my coffee table. I wonder if this is another instance of the universe reminding me of how deep and profound my history with Andrew Brinks is, that I shouldn’t throw it away because of a mistake he made when he was eighteen. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, too. Would I want someone to hold a grudge against me for years because of those?
“What are you sorry about?”
“Everything.” She shakes her head, taking a moment to compose her thoughts. “I always knew there was a connection between you and Drew, but never in a million years...” She trails off, her lip quivering as her emotions overtake her once more. “If I had known, I never would have teased you about dating him all these years.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know. But now...” I pause, considering the situation. For so long, I’d made it my mission to keep the past a secret. I refused to let all the heartache Drew caused define me. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. “I’m glad you do.” Our eyes lock so she can see the truth in my words, then I take a long sip of my wine.
“He’s an idiot, if you ask me,” Molly states. “The doctors warned him about potential memory complications from the number of concussions he’s suffered. He knew alcohol would only impair his memory even more. They told him not to drink like that. I’m sorry you’re the one who had to suffer because of his stupidity.”
I swallow hard. I’ve had a lot of time to think lately. As angry as I want to be at Drew, I can’t blame him, not when I hold some of the blame, too. “I could have told him the truth.”
Molly regards me thoughtfully, her eyes pensive as she considers my words. “No, you couldn’t,” she says finally.
“Wha—”
“I know you, Brooklyn. One of the many things I love about you is that you are my polar opposite. That’s why we’ve always gotten along so well, why we’ve stayed friends our entire lives when other people have grown apart. Not us. And because we’ve been inseparable the past three decades of our lives, I know things about you most people never would...even Drew. If I were in your shoes, you know damn well I would have told the prick exactly what happened. In explicit detail. Hell, I probably would have embellished a little and added sound effects for good measure.” She waggles her eyebrows, smiling mischievously. My laughter fills the space and I’m thankful for the break in tension.
“But that’s not who you are.” Her voice turns sincere as my smile fades. “Your entire life, you’ve put other people’s needs ahead of your own. So when you overheard Drew talking to Carla, you figured you had only one option. It didn’t matter what you wanted. As much as it pained you, you did what you thought was best for Alyssa and the baby on the way. It’s what you’ve been trained to do in your line of work.”
I hang my head, biting my lip, nodding.
“When are you going to start doing what’s best for you, Brooklyn?”
Her question hits me hard, almost knocking the breath out of me. I shoot my eyes to her, blinking repeatedly. “What do you mean?”
“I understand why you feel your relationship with Wes is the right thing. I get it. He’s dependable, committed, devoted to you. Even better, he’s never hurt you.”
I raise my wine glass to my lips to hide my quivering chin. It takes everything I have to keep from breaking down, from sobbing into her chest and telling her how much I want Drew but the past is holding me back.
“I don’t know...” She’s contemplative as she stares at the ceiling, shaking her head. “If I’d secretly been in love with someone as long as you’ve loved Drew and he constantly took advantage of me, I’d probably write him off, just like you tried to do. But that’s the difference between us. I would have written him off, regardless if he was my best friend’s brother. Not you. And now...” She squints as she observes me, seemingly trying to read the thoughts circling my mind.
“I’m scared to death I’ll never find anyone else like him,” I say when I can no longer take her scrutiny, the truthfulness of my words surprising me. “Worse, I’m scared I don’t want to.”
Blowing out a breath, Molly wraps her arms around me, pulling me against her. All it takes is one show of compassion and the floodgates open, my tears spilling down my cheeks. It feels good to let it all out, to not have to keep it in and pretend everything is okay.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I confess. Now that I’ve finally given voice to these concerns instead of allowing them to fester, a weight’s been lifted. “My heart burns for Drew, but my head...” I trail off.
“Remembers all the times he made you feel invisible,” Molly finishes.
“You have no idea what it was like. Every time I was at your house after he left for college, I could still smell him there. And when he came home on breaks...” I shake my head, transported back to those days. I’d never felt more invisible in my life than when I was at Molly’s house and he walked right past me, not saying a word, not even acknowledging my presence. A part of me wants to tell Molly about that summer, as well, but it’s too hard, too raw.
“You’re right. I don’t know what it was like.” Sympathy covers her expression as she rests her hand on my bicep, squeezing. “And I can’t tell you what to do now. I can’t even attempt to empathize with what you’re going through.” A thoughtful look lights up her face. “But I can tell you what a wise person once told me when I was unsure of the path I should take.”
“Oh yeah?” I swipe at my tears, knowing all too well this will entail yet another one of Aunt Gigi’s pearls of wisdom. “And what’s that?”
“If this doesn’t scare you, it’s not love.”
I lift my gaze to hers, my chin trembling. “And if it does?”
She shrugs, giving me a knowing look. “Then maybe you have your answer.”
I lean back into the couch. Molly places her arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head, her gesture soothing. “No matter what I do, someone ends up hurt.”
“Or two people.”
My eyes meet hers. “How so?”
“You’re thinking about everyone else again. You’re not even taking yourself into consideration. You think you’ll hurt either Wes or Drew, but you never even stopped to consider your decision may hurt you, as well.”
I stare straight ahead, pondering her words. They’re alarmingly accurate. “So I should choose the safe bet.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying?” I sit up, looking at her.
With a sigh, she smiles. “What I’m saying is people shouldn’t be forced to pay for their mistakes for the rest of their lives. People change. You see that on a daily basis. How many cases have you had where the mother or father completely turned their lives around to give their kids a better chance?”
I shrug, averting my gaze. “A lot.”
“It sucks it took state involvement to make them finally open their eyes, but at least they had the opportunity to make things right. What is it you always say when people ask why you spend the time you do developing action plans for families?”
“Everyone deserves a second chance,” I answer as a voice in the back of my head reminds me of all the chances I’ve given Drew over the years. Can I find it in my heart to give him one more?
“I know this isn’t an easy situation,” Molly says as I sip my wine. “And I know you don’t think Drew ever noticed you, but he has. He put everything on the line for you.”
“I wish I could believe that was true, but he’s never sacrificed anything for me. Not like I’d have to in order to be with him.”
Molly opens her mouth, then snaps it shut, worrying her lower lip.
“What is it?” I can’t help but think she’s keeping something from me.
“It’s not my story to tell. But trust me when I say things aren’t as they appear.” Her expression turns severe. “Some things were out of his control.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know how you didn’t tell Drew about that night?”
I nod, guilt bubbling in my stomach.
“Why?”
“There were a lot of reasons.”
“But one of them was to protect him, right?”
I nod again, the motion almost imperceptible.
“Well, he’s done the same. I’m not so sure I agree with it, but I can see where he’s coming from. Just like you, he was faced with a choice, and no matter which he chose, he would lose something he cared about.”
“What did he lose?” I ask, unsure I want to know.
She contemplates an answer, then shrugs. “Everything.”
Chapter Ten
Brooklyn
Everything.
That word hangs in the air for the rest of the evening as I wrack my memory for what Molly can be referring to. What secret did Drew keep from me? And what did he lose?
I always assumed he had all he ever dreamed of. As a freshman in college, he was starting center and helped his team win the Division I championship trophy. The following year, he was in Salt Lake City and won a silver medal in the Games. From there, scouts knocked down his door to sign with a professional team upon graduation, which was what he did when the ink wasn’t yet dry on his diploma. If anything, Drew has gained everything over the years. His success was nothing short of rapid and awe-inspiring. He became a household name, which made it even more difficult for me to forget about him. Or perhaps there’s a different reason, a deeper reason, I never could.
I’m so lost in my thoughts as I drive home, I don’t even notice Wes’ car parked in front of my house until I walk up to my door.
“Hey.”
I practically jump out of my skin as I spin around to face him. “Shit, Wes. You scared me.”
He grimaces, running a nervous hand through his hair. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
A ball of dread forms in my stomach as I consider why he’s here when he knew I was spending time with Molly. Is he checking up on me? Making sure I’m telling him the truth? Or did he come over in the hopes I’d ask him to stay the night?
“What are you doing here?”
“You weren’t answering your phone.”
“The battery died.”
“I figured there was a reason other than you avoiding me. That’s not usually your style.”
I remain silent, my expression flat.
“But I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t want to leave without seeing you first.”
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach, my mouth growing dry. “Leave?”
“Yeah. Last-minute trip. I need to go to Dubai tonight.”
I briefly close my eyes, releasing a relieved breath. “You’re going to Dubai.” Wes hears it as more of a question.
“Mother’s assured me all the wedding preparations are handled. I don’t want to go, but my father’s right. This contract to build a hotel over there is everything I’ve ever hoped for. I can take that profit and reinvest it in the charity house-building program. Low-income homes lost due to the recent hurricanes can be rebuilt, and then some. This is a huge deal for the company, and I need to be there to make sure the project kicks off correctly. I should only be gone ten days…two weeks max.” He pauses, assessing me before he continues. “You can come with me. Get away from all this for a minute.” His eyes plead with me to consider his invitation.
“Wes...” I don’t have the ability to jump on a plane at a moment’s notice. I have a job, people who depend on me. “I need to work.”
“I figured you’d say that.” His voice is melancholy. I’m not sure how to feel about the fact that he’s grown accustomed to me constantly turning him down. Not only in the bedroom, but in life. Yet he still wants to marry me. It doesn’t make sense.
“Why do you want to marry me?” I blurt out before I can stop the words.
“What?” he asks, shaking his head in obvious disbelief. “How could you even ask that?” His face reddens and he tugs at his hair. “We’re less than a month away from our wedding. I’m about to get on a plane for the Middle East and will be gone for two weeks. Should I be worried about returning to an empty house?” His voice catches.
“Wes...” I run my hands down his arms, trying to placate him. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Even though I kind of did. “I guess... I don’t know.” I blow out a long breath, collecting my scrambled thoughts. “You’re risking a lot by being with me. Your relationship with your mother. Your role in the company. I’m trying to wrap my head around why you’d do that just to be with me.”
His expression softens and he loops his arms around my waist, dragging me to him. “Because I love you, Brooklyn.” When our eyes lock, confusion clouds his blue orbs. “Don’t you love me?”
My lips part as I struggle to say the words he needs to hear, my eyes darting to my surroundings. Before Sunday, my response would have come easily. But the events of the past week have forced me to take a step back. I’ve faulted Drew for never making me a priority, for never noticing me until I had another man’s ring on my finger. While Wes has noticed me, I’m not sure he’s made me a priority like I once believed he did. Yes, he purchased us a beautiful piece of land and is building me the house of my dreams. He’s bought me stunning pieces of jewelry, even though I’ve told him to save his money, considering I can’t wear any to work. But these things are simply possessions, things I can’t feel in my heart. I want to feel loved, like I’m a priority, like I’m the only woman he’s ever seen.
As I think about it, I can say with all the conviction I possess I’ve never actually felt that from Wes. He claims he loves me. Has he ever shown me that love in a way other than buying me something extravagant?
“Brooklyn?”
His pained voice forces me back from my thoughts. I stare deep into his eyes, confirming what I told Molly earlier, what I’ve feared all week as my heart was pulled in two different directions. No matter which path I choose, someone will end up hurt. Wes has always been attentive and caring, in his own way. But Drew... The pain of our tainted history still rips me open.
But has he caused that pain? Or was it self-inflicted? There were many times he had ignored me, made me feel invisible. But there were other times he made me feel like I was the only person who mattered. Like when he’d go with me to visit my mother’s grave on the anniversary of her death every year. Like the way he put his scholarship at risk and broke Damian Murphy’s nose for touching me. Like the way he bought me the wedding dress of my dreams because it was what I wanted, regardless of how much my engagement didn’t sit right with him. He buried his own feelings to give me the happiness he thought I deserved.
I’ve been so focused on the bad, I’ve forgotten about all the times Drew made me a priority. The truth hits me hard, knocking the breath out of me. He’s done something no other man’s ever done. He made me feel loved.
“Brooklyn?” Wes’ pleading voice catches my attention. “Don’t you love me?” he repeats.
I press my lips together, frowning. I do love him, but is it the type of love that will endure all our lives?
“I…I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
The instant those words leave my mouth, his body deflates. The pain I saw in his expression before is no match for the heartache filling h
im now. The lines on his face that were once filled with hope turn down, his lips parting, his chin trembling slightly.
“I’m sorry, Wes.” I wish there were something more I could say, something more meaningful to relay how much admitting the truth I’ve fought to ignore wrecks me. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Are you...” He swallows hard. “Are you walking away?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
And that’s the truth. I have no idea what my plan is. Whether I’m walking away from Wes, whether I’m ready to run toward Drew. I can come up with a dozen reasons why I should stay with Wes. But I can also come up with a dozen reasons why I should be with Drew.
“Are we moving too fast?” He grasps my hands in his, as if I’m his lifeline, his only source of oxygen and sustenance. “We can take a step back. Put the wedding on hold. I knew you were uneasy about getting married this June. We can have a long engagement, like you wanted. We can elope and not tell anyone. Anything you want, just...” He lets go of my hands and cups my cheeks, leaning his forehead on mine as he draws in a deep breath. “Don’t leave me.” A tear falls from his eye, landing on my cheek.
“I just...” I moisten my lips that have grown dry. “I need time to figure out what I want.” I pull back, staring deep into his pale eyes filled with anguish. I bring my hands to his face, swiping away his few tears with the pads of my thumbs. “Maybe this time apart is what we need to be sure we’re on the right path.”
“But I don’t want to lose you. If leaving right now seals our fate, I won’t do it. I don’t want you to think my job’s more important than you.”
I remain silent. He’s done a horrible job of making me think otherwise lately.
“I’ll do anything for you,” he adds.
“I know you will.” I lift myself onto my toes and place a soft kiss on his lips. “That’s why I need you to get on that plane and go to Dubai.” I release my hold on him, stepping back. “Maybe I’ll take this time and go somewhere, too. Clear my mind.”
“You deserve a break. You’re burning yourself out with the number of hours you’ve been working lately.”