by Anna Martin
I had to admit, once she got on a roll, Linda was awesome. There were points when I cringed, mostly because she was talking about me and that was weird, and she talked about me as a father, and that made me feel so exposed. But that was the reason we were here.
“Mr. Hadlin has offered to leave,” Linda said as she wrapped things up. “He has offered to break off the relationship with a man he loves deeply and a child he cares for very much, in order to ensure that Mr. Broad retains full custody of his son. If he thought this would make a difference, Zane has offered to return to the small town in Vermont where his family lives to protect the people he loves.
“There is no reason to remove Harrison from Mr. Broad’s custody. Nothing but misguided prejudice that opposes the loving relationship between these two men.”
When she sat down again, I reached for her hand under the table and squeezed it gently. That was it—we were dismissed while the judge considered the case, for as long as it took.
There was a small cafeteria in the basement of the building, but when I saw Oliver and his people heading for the elevators, I took Linda to one of the small vending machines at the end of the hall instead, and we ducked into an empty conference room to talk.
“What are you thinking?” she asked as I sipped at what was supposed to be a cappuccino. It tasted like dirty water.
“That I really don’t want to lose my son,” I admitted. They were difficult words to say.
“That’s not going to happen, El,” Linda said firmly. “Honestly, I think the judge is going to throw the case out. It’s ridiculous. But if Oliver wants to jump through hoops and pay for the privilege to do so, it’s not my business to stop him.”
“It’s worse because he never wanted Harrison before now. He was willing to give up everything because Harrison doesn’t share his fucking DNA. He has no right to ask for him back.”
“Not even asking for him back,” she said. “He’s asking for something that was never his in the first place. Not his alone.”
“Yeah,” I said, fiddling with the rolled top on the paper cup.
Linda pulled out her iPad and started fiddling with it, answering e-mails or something, and I loaded up a game on my phone to pass the time. It took about an hour before we were called back into the courtroom, giving me plenty of time to consider what my life would be like without Harrison in it. I didn’t really like the options and decided ahead of time that I would never, ever stop fighting to get him back. I wouldn’t slip quietly into the background, like Oliver had done. He would be so sick of me constantly demanding more time with my baby that he’d give Harrison back just to make me go away. I could be that persistent, if I had to be.
When word came through that the judge would be making a decision that afternoon, after her break for lunch, I chanced it and called Zane and asked him to come down to the courthouse.
“What, now?”
“Yeah,” I said. “If you can. I mean, if you’re busy, that’s fine, but I kind of…. I need you.”
“I’ll be there,” he said. “It’s going to take about thirty minutes for me to get across town at this time of day, though.”
“That’s fine. They’re just breaking for lunch.”
“Meet me out front?”
“Yeah,” I said, relieved. “Yeah. Thank you.”
I turned back to Linda, who had been watching my conversation.
“He’s coming?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“He’s a good kid.”
“No… he’s a pretty amazing man.”
Oliver wasn’t around anywhere, not that I could see, anyway, and I sat on a bench just outside the door to the court and waited. Zane’s cab pulled up after only twenty minutes, and he paid the driver before I could do it for him.
“Thank you,” I repeated as I pulled him into a tight hug.
“Ellis, if you need me, you just have to ask,” he said. “I would have been here all day if I thought… but you said you’d be fine….”
“And I was fine,” I insisted. “They just said they’re making a decision now, and this affects you just as much as it affects me. You should be here.”
“I feel sick,” he murmured as we walked back inside. I couldn’t argue. I felt sick too.
We were summoned back and all lined up again at our respective tables, ready to hear the decision. I chanced a look over at Oliver. He looked confident, and I was sure I looked terrible, devastated by the possibility of losing my baby.
“This has been a difficult case for me,” Judge Munroe said as we all sat down. She picked up a page of handwritten notes and glanced over it. “In most custody hearings that come through my court, we end up leaving a child in the care of its mother, apart from in rare and exceptional circumstances. Obviously in this case, there is no mother.”
She shuffled some papers on her desk again before continuing. “I am not convinced that this is a ‘tug of love’ case, as it’s been presented to me. I don’t doubt Mr. Price’s desire for a child, or that he thinks Harrison is at risk in his current home. After carefully reviewing the arguments that have been presented here, there is simply no evidence to prove that he is correct in this belief. I have considered the further matter of Mr. Hadlin, and his relationship to both Harrison and Mr. Broad is irrelevant to this case. I will not be discussing it further.”
I dared to hold my breath.
“For that reason, and not one that has anything to do with genetics, I have no good justification to remove a child from his safe and loving home and uproot him to live with another parent. Ellis Broad will continue to be Harrison’s full legal guardian, and Oliver Price may renegotiate the terms of his access to his son if he so wishes.”
It felt like Zane was trying to squeeze my hand until the bones cracked. I thought he might succeed.
“If anyone has any further questions, please raise them now.” Silence. “Thank you.”
She stood, and we followed suit, waiting until she had filed out of the room. Then Zane burst into tears.
As I gathered him up in my arms I dared to look over to where Oliver was furiously discussing something with his lawyer—not that I could make out his words from this far away. He didn’t look pleased, to say the least.
“It’s okay,” I murmured to Zane. “We’ve got him.”
“Sorry. I’m being stupid.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I would never have forgiven myself if he got taken away. Not ever.”
“But he didn’t,” I said gently, smoothing his hair back from his face. “We get to go home tonight, read him a chapter of Harry Potter, then go to bed. Just like we do every night.”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Happy?”
“More than I thought possible.”
Oliver had already left by the time we walked out of the courthouse, which I was thankful for. I didn’t want to get into an argument with him with other people around. I didn’t want to get into an argument with him at all, although I had an idea that a new one might be brewing. Of all the traits Oliver held, persistence was one of his strongest. He wouldn’t let it go without a fight.
Unless, of course, his new family was already in the making. I was still going to ask for supervised visits when the review of his visitation rights came up, because I didn’t trust him not to pull the kidnapping stunt again. In a way, if he had another child, that would be the best thing for everyone. He might get the daughter he’d always wanted, as well.
Not that I was bitter or anything. In some ways I wanted him to keep having Harrison every other weekend—it meant time that Zane and I could spend alone, naked in bed or just doing things that were difficult to do with a ten-month baby around demanding our attention. In other ways… Oliver didn’t deserve to be the second parent. I wanted Zane to be the Papa to my Daddy. Sadly, that wasn’t my decision to make.
I called my mom to tell her the good news, then sent a text to all my friends and my brother, telling them we were celeb
rating at the cafe after work and they should all come. It was one of the few places that I felt comfortable taking Harrison to. Plus, my friends were always bugging me that they never got to see him enough.
My mom was teary eyed when we arrived at her place, and I hugged her hard while Zane went to find Harrison.
“I can’t believe that man,” she said. “He’s just horrible.”
“He thought he was doing the right thing,” I told her gently. “I don’t like how he went about it or what he put us through, but… I can’t blame him for wanting to protect his son.”
“That baby is not his son,” Mom said fiercely.
“I know. He’s mine.”
“You might have to get used to sharing him.”
“That’s fine by me.”
She smiled then, holding me back at arm’s length. She always used to do that when Leo and I were growing up, as if this was the best way of judging how much taller we’d grown. I’d hit six feet tall when I was fifteen. It had been a long time since I was her little boy.
I kissed her on the forehead and let her make me and Zane coffee before we went home. Sitting on the couch with my mom, watching game shows while Zane built brick towers for Harrison to knock down… there were worse ways to spend an afternoon.
Even though I’d told them all to be there, I was surprised to see how many of my friends managed to congregate at the cafe for dinner. Pretty much all of them.
There was cheering and clapping and kissing and champagne that Nae had bought for us, but no champagne glasses, so we drank it from mugs and took photos so we’d never forget the things that had been accomplished today. I called Linda—my angel, my hero—and asked if she’d join us. She said no but to send her a picture.
Meg took it while Zane and I balanced Harrison between us, each of us kissing one of his cheeks.
Linda texted back to say she was going to print it out and stick it on her note board, to remind her of what a happy family looked like. Even I got a bit misty eyed at that.
“I have a gift for you,” Meg announced, tapping her mug with a spoon to get everyone’s attention. She pulled a brown paper bag from her immense purse and set it down on the table. “Ellis, if you would do the honors….”
I was laughing as I reached for the bag. It was light, and I knew what it was the second before I pulled off the tape that held the sides closed.
“Oh my God….”
Rory.
The stupid stuffed dinosaur. I nodded to Zane and pulled it out, wanting to cuddle it myself and holding back—I was far too old.
“Look, baba,” I said, holding the little green tyrannosaur out to my son. “It’s Rory.”
Harrison blinked for a few seconds, and I was suddenly terrified that he’d forgotten.
“Ee?”
“Yeah. Rory.”
Then he stuffed the tail in his mouth, and everything was right with the world.
“Where the fuck did you get that?” I demanded as I pulled Meg into a tight hug.
“I asked for it,” she said. “Just went over there on my way here. Oliver didn’t answer, his boyfriend did. I sort of know him—friend of a friend, you know? And I said there was a little dinosaur that was Harrison’s. He just gave it to me.”
“Does Oliver know I’ve got it back?”
“Who the fuck knows? I know how much that thing means to you.”
“Yeah,” I said. “It was the first toy I bought for him when he was born.”
“I know, El.”
“Thank you. So much.”
“Anytime,” she murmured and kissed my cheek. “I’m so glad you’ve got him back.”
“Yeah. He means everything to me.”
“They both do.”
I looked at where Zane was now bouncing Harrison on his knee, making Rory roar and bite Harrison’s nose.
I couldn’t disagree with her.
Chapter 17
The others wanted dinner, and eating out meant I could get a steak and Zane wouldn’t bitch about it, so that was fine by me. Nae took our orders, laughing at Zane as he glared at me, then Leo, then Reid as we asked for things that were “dead and bloody.” I got Zane a beer from the bar and a soda for myself, not wanting to get too drunk while I was being a responsible parent. Or trying to be.
Harrison was going to end up in bed past his normal bedtime. I hoped the party atmosphere would be enough to keep him going until I could get him home and tucked in. The good mood certainly seemed to be radiating outward, stretching around all the friends who had stood by me. I wanted them to know how much it meant that they hadn’t turned their backs on me when things got hard. There was no good way of telling them, though, without sounding like an utter sap.
Especially considering how they’d all seen me almost cry when Meg gave me back a stuffed dinosaur toy.
We walked home. I wanted to stop at the bodega on the way to pick up some good stuff for breakfast in the morning, and Zane said he needed quinoa, whatever that was, and shampoo. I let him drag me into the “cool Asian” supermarket too, since it was on the way, and left him and Harrison chatting to the grandmotherly lady who owned the place while I picked up the groceries.
I overheard their conversation as I took my basket over to pay.
“Is he your baby?”
“No, he’s my partner’s son.”
“He’s very beautiful.”
I smiled as I set the basket down, but in my head the wheels were working overtime.
Zane carried Harrison home. I got the bags instead.
“Next time someone asks you if he’s your son, I want you to say yes.”
Zane just looked at me. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“El, he looks nothing like me.”
“That doesn’t matter. Just… if they ask, say, ‘Yeah. He’s mine.’”
“That’s a mighty big statement.”
I nodded. “We’ll make it right one day. I’m not quite sure how, but we will.”
“You want that? Not so long ago you were insisting you would never get married again, didn’t want more kids….”
“I still don’t know for sure what I want. Fucking hell, Zane, my life can’t stay on one path for more than five minutes. I’m getting pretty good at adapting.”
“Survival of the fittest?”
“Yeah,” I laughed. “If you like.”
“Are you even open to that now?” Zane asked as he hauled Harrison around to his other hip. Harrison fussed for a moment, then put his head down on Zane’s shoulder with a heavy sigh. “More kids?”
“Yeah. I guess so, yeah. If we did, though, I’d want them to be yours.”
“Why?”
“Because….” I already knew the answer, I just needed to figure out the right words. “I want to know what it’s like to love a child the way you love Harrison. Knowing that there’s absolutely no biological reason for you to want to protect him but loving him regardless.”
Zane stopped short, right in the middle of the street, making me stumble before turning back to face him.
“You’re serious.”
“Um, yeah.”
“I’m too young to have kids.”
I nodded to the one in his arms. Zane rolled his eyes. “This one doesn’t count.”
“Why not?”
I couldn’t stop the smile tugging at the edges of my lips.
“Because… because….”
“Mhmm.”
We started walking again.
“We should get out of the city,” Zane said. “Take a few days to ourselves once my exams are done and your project is all finished up.”
“That sounds awesome. Where do you want to go?”
Zane shrugged. “Is he too young for Disneyland?”
“Yes,” I said, hiding my smile. “For a while yet.”
“Damn.”
“When he’s old enough to go on the rides, I’ll take you both.”
“Deal.”
It took much
longer than I’d hoped for to get Harrison to sleep. Whatever made kids hyper at birthday parties was giving him a not-sugar high equally lethal to his little body. We went through two chapters of his story, then twenty minutes in the rocker with Tom Waits before his eyelids started to drift closed.
While I hummed along to the music, I cherished the way he looked and felt as he lay against my chest: a little bigger, a little heavier every night, a little more grown up with every day that passed. It would take time, I knew, to get over the trauma of almost losing him.
The arrangements for Oliver’s visitation rights were dealt with separately, and hopefully would stay out of court to make things quicker and easier (and cheaper). I returned to Linda’s office without Zane, who was looking after Harrison, because I wanted to talk to her about other things as well.
“You brought coffee.”
I had. Good stuff.
“Yeah. Thanks for seeing me this early.” It was a little after eight in the morning, and in the absence of any early meetings, Linda had been able to squeeze me in.
“Anytime. Sit down.”
We’d been hoping to arrange an across-the-table meeting with Oliver and his lawyer, but they were resisting us hard, wanting to do everything by letter or e-mail instead, which was far more time consuming.
“What’s the deal?”
Linda sighed heavily. “He’s dropped the case, Ellis.”
“What case? Not all of it?”
“Yeah.”
“What does that mean?”
“Basically, he’s not going to fight for access. He’s not asking for any access at all.”
“He’s just… washing his hands of us? Can he do that?”
“Well, he still has to pay you child support,” Linda said.
That had been ordered by the last judge, in the divorce, who decided that since Oliver had been equally responsible for bringing Harrison into the world, he had to pay his fair share of child support.
“Thank God.”
“Yeah. But as far as access is concerned—unless you want to force him to stick to your current agreement, which might mean going back to court, he’s not going to do anything.”