by Laura Martin
‘I do not wish to marry you,’ she said sharply. ‘I just want to find your brother.’
‘And marry him, I hope?’
‘Yes. If he will have me.’
‘Hmm. Perhaps he will. Josh isn’t good with rejection, not after what happened when we were children, but if you can catch him before he sails hopefully you can show him it was just blind stupidity on your part.’
Beth clenched her jaw and ignored the fresh insult.
‘Where has he gone?’
‘To London, to the docks, to seek passage on a ship back to India.’
‘When is he planning on leaving?’
‘As soon as possible.’
Standing abruptly, Beth felt some of the blood drain from her head. She needed to get moving, to start the journey up to London. No doubt Josh would be on horseback rather than in a cumbersome carriage, so he had that advantage over her as well as a two-hour head start. She would need some luck to find him.
‘Do you know which docks he will head for?’
Leonard Ashburton quickly wrote down an address for her and together they moved into the hall.
‘Good luck,’ he said. They were the friendliest words he’d ever uttered to her. Perhaps with the knowledge he wasn’t going to have to marry her he was able to warm to her a little more.
‘Thank you.’
Beth hurried down the steps and gave the address to the reluctant coachman. He grumbled something about needing to be back in Southwark by five o’clock sharp, but climbed up to his seat at the front of the carriage anyway and, once Beth was settled, urged the horses down the driveway.
Glancing back, Beth saw the stiff figure of Leonard Ashburton watch her go and wondered if he was truly keen for her to reach his brother before he departed for India.
* * *
‘Friday is the earliest? Nothing before then?’ Josh wasn’t sure why he felt in such a rush to leave England, but waiting three whole days before his ship departed for India seemed like far too long.
‘Nothing earlier. Do you want the passage?’
‘Yes.’ He handed over the money, trying to ignore the regret at the way his stay in England had been cut short. There was no way he could remain and witness what was to come next so he wouldn’t waste time pining for longer in his birth country.
‘Back home,’ he murmured as he left the cramped little office. The thought of the hot sun on his face and the familiar sights and smells only lifted his spirits a fraction.
The docks were busy with men hurrying to and fro, loading and unloading the big ships that sat moored in the water. His trained eye could tell their cargos immediately and most of their countries of trade and origin. His guardian’s business had started as a shipping company many years ago and that was still the core activity, but over the years they had expanded to include a branch of the company that dealt with transportation of goods throughout India. Josh loved the logistics of it, the detailed calculations needed to work out how to move a product from the verdant interior, to the docks at the coast then across the world to the half a dozen countries their ships sailed to.
This was what he needed to focus on. The last few months had been a distraction, nothing more. Now he needed to get back home and put all of his energy into making the business thrive. He had heard of the steam trains gaining popularity in mines and ironworks in parts of England and knew in his heart this was the future of travel and transporting goods. Quietly he had been buying up stretches of land and researching what would be needed to bring the steam train to India.
Even as he tried to concentrate on his plans for the business thoughts of Beth kept creeping in. A swish of a woman’s skirt reminded him of the evening he and Beth had strolled through the pleasure garden, a hint of lavender scent made him think of her fresh and fragrant skin. Everywhere there were reminders of her.
He knew he needed to accept her rejection of him and move on, but even when he was trying not to think about it, it still hurt.
‘Josh.’ He heard her calling his name even before he saw her standing on the docks, looking completely out of place.
At first he wasn’t sure if she was real. Lady Elizabeth had no reason to be alone and unaccompanied on the dockside of London, but as he stepped closer he could see the rise and fall of her chest, the soft movement of her lips as she breathed. She was real.
‘What are you doing here?’ He guided her out from the main thoroughfare, away from the men heaving heavy loads of cargo across the docks into the warehouses that towered high above them.
‘Josh, I’m so sorry.’ Her words came out in a rush and he had to put a hand on her arm to get her to stop and slow down.
‘What are you doing here, Beth?’
‘Is there somewhere we can go? To talk?’
He thought about sending her away, rejecting her as she had rejected him, but he knew he could never do it. It might hurt him more in the end, but he needed to know why she was here.
‘I’m finished here. We can go back to my brother’s town house. Where is your carriage?’
‘The coachman had to leave. It was a hired carriage and our time was up.’
Josh felt a surge of protectiveness for Beth, alongside anger at the coachman who had left a young lady in an unsavoury area of London with no means of getting away.
‘You’re alone.’
‘Yes.’
‘Your mother didn’t accompany you?’
‘No.’
He hated the surge of hope that flared in him at her answer.
It took half an hour to weave their way through the docks back to a street where they could hail a carriage. He could see Beth was eager to get whatever she had to say off her chest but he didn’t want to discuss things out here in the open. She had been so definite when she had sent him away that he couldn’t see anything good coming out of her following him to London, and he wasn’t about to have his heart broken for a second time whilst stuck in a carriage with her with nowhere to go.
Only once they were sitting in the comfort of Leo’s study, the servants instructed not to disturb them under any circumstances, did he motion that he was ready to hear what she had to say.
‘I’m sorry, Josh. I never set out to hurt you.’
‘That I believe.’
‘When we were on the beach on Saturday, when I said I would marry you, I truly thought I would. I thought we could work everything out.’
He stayed silent. He’d believed that too. For a short while he had convinced her to let go of her guilt and to let go of the belief that she was solely responsible for what happened next to her sister and her mother. For a few short hours she had believed she could marry him.
He clenched his jaw, trying not to let the pain show on his face. Her rejection of him still cut like a knife and he was finding it hard to focus on her words.
‘Then when I saw Annabelle so upset all my old guilt and feelings of responsibility came rushing back.’ There were tears in her eyes and Josh had to restrain himself from reaching out to her. It was important she said whatever she had come to say. Then they could both move on with their lives. ‘I felt like what we had planned was just a fairy tale, a dream. Something that was too good for me. So I pushed you away.’
‘You did.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said again, shaking her head and looking just over his shoulder. ‘I wish I could turn back the clock.’
Josh waited, forcing himself not to guess what she was about to say. She had sought him out for a reason, and by her tone so far it would appear that reason was regret. Whether it was regret purely at the way they had parted, or regret for the decision she had made, it was not yet clear.
His mind was racing, trying to work out what he would do if she begged him to give her a second chance. He just didn’t know, so instead pushed himself back to the present rather than spending his ener
gy on speculation.
‘After you left, I felt miserable. I couldn’t imagine my life without you.’ She shook her head. ‘No, that’s not true. I could imagine it and it was horrible.’ Beth slipped from her chair and knelt in front of him, reaching out for his hand. Her skin was warm and soft against his and he could feel the flutter of her pulse under his fingertips. ‘I already knew I loved you, but I realised I had made the worst mistake of my life. I was sitting there in the summer house, pining for you, and I realised once again I had allowed my guilt to rule my life.’
She bit her lip before continuing. ‘I am not solely responsible for my mother and my sister. They are both adults, they can make their own decisions, live their own lives.’
‘Do you actually believe that?’
She nodded. ‘I think you said words like those to me so many times it must have burrowed into my consciousness. I realised that you were right—I could be a loving sister without sacrificing my own happiness.’ The words were coming out in a rush now. ‘And I spoke to Annabelle and she said she just wanted me to be happy and would be quite content in a little house somewhere rather than me trying to save Birling View.’
‘And your mother?’
Beth grimaced. ‘Do you know she set up that whole thing with Annabelle? Somehow she knew we would head back through the village, probably because I promised Annabelle I would pick up her book, and she paid those men to be there just at the right moment to taunt her own daughter.’
That was unexpected. As much as he disliked Lady Hummingford he wouldn’t have thought she could do something so harmful to her own daughter. He remembered the sense he’d had that something was wrong, something was staged or unnatural about how the group of men had approached her sister, and realised this must have been why. Lady Hummingford had arranged it all along.
‘Beth, why are you here?’
‘I want to be with you, Josh. I want to marry you and come with you to India, to be your wife, to have your children.’
She looked up at him with her blue eyes sparkling, a mixture of hope and trepidation swimming in their depths.
‘We had the chance of all that and you pushed me away. What’s to say you won’t change your mind again?’
Part of him wanted to swoop her onto his lap and kiss her senseless, but there was something holding him back. That fear of her changing her mind again, of him letting her in and then getting his heart broken all over again.
‘I won’t. I made a mistake, Josh, but I love you. Please.’
Slowly he shook his head, not meaning to reject her completely, but unable to believe that she could put them, their relationship, first.
‘I love you, Beth,’ he said slowly, his voice sounding harsh to his own ears, ‘but I don’t think I could survive you leaving again.’
She nodded, biting her lip. ‘I know I hurt you, unforgivably so. I know me pushing you away, rejecting you, brought back all those awful memories from your childhood.’ She took a shaky inhalation of breath. ‘And I know how hard it must have been when it seemed that I chose your brother over you. I’m so sorry, Josh. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I was stupid and selfish, only thinking of my pain and my responsibilities.’ Beth clutched at his hand and paused for a moment, needing the time to collect herself. ‘I won’t promise to be perfect, I won’t promise never to do anything wrong again, but I will promise to always choose you. To always make each and every decision with you in the forefront of my mind.’
Josh closed his eyes, trying to make sense of the battling thoughts inside his head. One part of him wanted to embrace her and forget the last two days had ever happened. The other part, the cautious part, warned against opening himself up to heartbreak again.
‘I don’t know, Beth.’
‘Down on the beach, when you told me you loved me and I said I loved you, you said that was enough, the rest was just practicalities.’
He nodded, wondering what she was going to say.
‘You were right. I love you, you love me. The rest is just practicalities. I let myself lose sight of that, but I know we are meant to be together, Josh. It doesn’t matter where in the world we are, as long as we have each other.’ She gave him a gentle smile and he felt his heart swell. ‘Give me the chance to show you how much I love you.’
He searched her eyes, seeing just hope and love there, and realised he didn’t want to live his life without the woman he loved. She had hurt him, but she was here now and he could feel the sincerity in her words. Slowly, unable to repress a smile, he leaned down and pulled her into his lap. She let out a little sigh of relief just before his lips covered hers and they were lost to one another’s kiss.
‘You’re lucky there were no ships leaving today. I was eager to be away.’
‘I was worried about that. When I went to your brother’s house and he said you’d already left for the docks I had visions of having to chase you all the way to India.’
‘Would you have done that?’
‘Yes.’
He kissed the tip of her nose, then her cheeks, then her lips, wondering at how quickly his life had changed again.
‘I’m going to marry you very soon,’ he murmured. ‘Then you won’t be able to change your mind again.’
‘I’m not going to change my mind...’ she smiled at him ‘...but I won’t protest about getting married very soon.’
He calculated the timescales in his head. ‘We may just be able to squeeze in a wedding before we have to leave for India.’ He looked at her seriously. ‘You don’t have any doubts about leaving the country so soon?’
Beth trailed her fingers across his cheek and kissed him again. ‘No doubts at all. I can’t wait to see my new home.’
Chapter Twenty-Four
The wedding was a quiet affair, held in the church of St Mary’s, close to Leonard Ashburton’s town house. Their only guests were Leonard Ashburton and Annabelle, who had made the trip to London for the first time in her life.
Beth felt wonderfully content, as if all the worries of the last few weeks had been swept away with the wedding vows.
‘Leo wanted to speak to you,’ Josh said, coming over and taking her hand, dropping a kiss on the inside of her wrist.
‘Oh?’
‘A wedding gift of sorts. I’ll let him explain.’
Josh motioned Leo over, grinning as he clapped his older brother on the back.
‘Congratulations, Mrs Ashburton.’
‘Thank you.’
‘I thought I might offer my services in arranging everything here that needs arranging,’ Leo said, his expression serious as usual, despite the happy occasion.
Beth must have looked puzzled for he pushed on quickly.
‘Josh has informed me your mother will have to sell Birling View, and that he is planning on setting up an annual income to support her and your sister.’
‘Yes.’
‘I owed your father a debt, a debt I cannot now settle.’ He gave a little smile. ‘Due to happy circumstances, of course. What I propose is that you and Josh allow me to help your mother and your sister. I will assist your mother in selling Birling View if she needs any guidance and I will set up the annual income payments.’
‘That’s too much,’ Beth protested.
‘It is only what I would have done if we had married. It will be hard to manage from the other side of the world. Let me do this for you.’
Beth opened her mouth to protest again but slowly closed it as she really considered the offer. It was beyond generous, but he seemed very keen to do this for them. ‘Perhaps you could set everything up, and in a few years, when we are settled in India, we can take over the payments.’
‘As you wish.’
‘Thank you, it is most kind of you.’
Leonard kissed her formally on the hand, then bowed and excused himself, leaving her alone
with her husband.
‘Are you ready for your new life, Mrs Ashburton?’
‘I am. Let me say my goodbyes to Annabelle and then I will be ready to depart.’ The wedding had been rushed. By the time the banns had been read the required number of times it had been almost time for them to leave England and set sail for India. They had found passage on a ship that allowed them to marry first, but it meant their wedding night would be spent at sea. It was all happening so fast, but Beth didn’t mind, not now she and Josh were married.
‘Don’t cry,’ Annabelle said, tears streaming underneath the veil she wore to cover her face.
‘I’m going to miss you so much.’
‘And I you.’
‘Any time you change your mind, any time you want to visit, just send word and we will book you a passage.’
Beth had held onto the hope that her sister would agree to leave England with them and come start a new life in India. Although in recent weeks Annabelle had become bolder, venturing out of the estate a few times and even making the trip to London for the wedding, she still preferred to mostly stay indoors.
‘I know. Don’t worry about me. I have my eye on a pretty little house in Eastbourne. It has a lovely garden and sea views. I think Mother and I could be quite happy there.’
At the mention of their mother they both fell quiet. Her absence was expected but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Beth had sent her an invitation to the wedding with a note saying she hoped to see her mother one last time before she set sail for India, but Annabelle had come alone.
‘Write to me every week. I want to hear all about your new home.’
‘Of course. And we will be back to visit before you know it.’ Beth felt the lump form in her throat. Even though she knew they would be back, it wasn’t likely to be for a few years yet. The voyage took so long and Josh was going to need to be present to take the reins of the business.