by Jill Shalvis
“I was there,” he said, “at the funeral. He was devastated, yes. And angry at fate or whatever, but not you. Lily—”
She quickly turned away to get a damp, warm cloth to clean him up—and to give herself a moment to fight the tears threatening to fall. She remembered Aidan trying to talk to her beforehand and her being unable to speak about what had happened. About the fact that she was leaving. About anything, really. She’d been consumed by the need to go. He’d seen that, and they’d had some angry words that night, and she knew now in hindsight that she’d hurt him badly. It was a wonder he talked to her these days at all, which was a visceral reminder that he wasn’t a man to repeat his mistakes. No matter what she wished for in the deep, dark of the night, she knew he’d never trust her with his heart again.
“Even if you believed what happened to Ashley was your fault,” he said behind her, with devastating gentleness, “even if your dad blamed you and you had to get out of town, you didn’t have to stop what was happening between you and me.”
Standing with her back still to him, she closed her eyes, her chest aching so that she could hardly speak. “That’s the thing,” she whispered, denying what her heart wanted to believe was true. “Nothing was happening between you and me. Not really.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s true. There was nothing between us—”
His hands settled on her shoulders. He’d gotten up from the bed and turned her around to face him, making her gasp in surprise. “Aidan—”
He yanked her in and covered her mouth with his.
This was no soft, gentle, nice-to-be-kissing-you-again kiss. This was a no holds barred, hard body plastered to a much softer one, tongues clashing, hands fighting for purchase, and rough groans cutting the air.
When he pulled back, it was only an inch to speak. “Yeah,” he said roughly. “You’re right. There’s nothing between us. Nothing but heat and fire and crazy need.”
“And coconut and cucumber,” she said, licking her lips.
He swore and took the cloth, turning to the mirror to wipe his face himself.
“Okay, maybe,” she said softly to his broad back. “Maybe there’s … something.” Her entire body was humming and throbbing with that something. “But it’s still not going anywhere.”
“Why the hell not?” he asked, sounding mystified. “I don’t know about you, but this”—he gestured between them—“doesn’t just happen for me.”
She gave a rough laugh. “What are you talking about? It happens to you, always. All the time. Women love you, Aidan. And you love them back. Hell, it was happening with my—” She clamped her mouth shut, horrified it had almost run off without her brain’s permission.
But Aidan hadn’t gotten the memo. “With who?”
“Forget it.”
“I don’t think so,” he said quietly. “Tell me.”
She closed her eyes and went to war with herself. He’d shared something of himself with her, and she owed him the same in return. It was past time to face this. Face him. “Ashley.”
When there was no immediate response, she opened her eyes and found him staring at her.
“You’re wrong,” he said flatly. “There was nothing between Ashley and me, not like you’re thinking.”
“She liked you. A lot.”
He went very still. “I didn’t know that.”
Lily believed him. But that didn’t change the fact that this was one thing she refused to take from Ashley, dead or alive. She backed away and opened the door because suddenly the room was way too small and intimate.
Aidan immediately closed it. “Lily,” he said very quietly. “Tell me you didn’t leave and then not talk to me for ten years because you thought I had something going on with your sister.”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what?”
“We competed over everything, Aidan. And I usually won. The things she really wanted, I took from her. I won’t take this.”
He studied her expression for a long moment before opening his mouth to speak, but his phone buzzed. He pulled it from his pocket, eyed the ID, and blew out a breath. “It’s Hud. He needs me.”
This wasn’t the first time she’d seen him drop everything for a Kincaid, and it also wasn’t the first time that she took a beat to marvel at the closeness of his family.
And her lack thereof …
She’d always told herself it was best that way, but there was no denying that a little part of her no longer believed it.
Shoving his phone away, Aidan lifted his gaze to hers again. “This isn’t over,” he said.
She had no idea if that was a promise or a threat, but it didn’t matter.
He gave a mirthless smile, shook his head—probably at both of them—and left her with nothing but her own unsettled thoughts and the taste of him still on her lips.
Chapter 16
Aidan drove straight to The Slippery Slope, which was where Hud had texted him from. He hit the bar and ran into Lenny staring into an empty glass.
“Hey,” Aidan said.
Lenny lifted his head and met his gaze with bleary eyes. Shit. “Thought you stopped drinking,” Aidan said.
Lenny shook his head. “Knew that was coming.” He stood and tossed some money down before he met Aidan’s gaze. “I’ve got two months plus left on my suspension. Seemed like a waste to quit drinking so soon.”
“Lenny—”
“Save it, man.” And then he was gone.
Aidan blew out a breath and searched out Hudson, finding his brother sitting at the other end of the bar nursing a beer and a bad ’tude, staring at his phone.
“Hey, Princess,” Aidan said, taking the seat next to him.
“Call me that one more time and I’ll—” Hudson looked up from his beer and narrowed his eyes. “What’s up with your face?”
Aidan put his hands to it. His face was most definitely still there. “Nothing, why?”
“Your skin looks … smooth.”
Aidan stared at his brother.
Hudson stared back while taking another long pull on his beer. “Yeah, you smell like a chick, but your pores look fantastic.”
“What are you—” Aidan whipped around and searched out the crowd. “Fuck you. Gray put you up to this, right?”
Hudson grinned and with one finger pushed his phone across the bartop, closer to Aidan.
A woman’s tinny voice came out of it. “Aidan Scott Kincaid! I can’t believe you talk to your baby brother that way!”
Aidan sighed and picked up the phone. “Mom, trust me, Princess here is nobody’s baby anything.” He eyed a smug-looking Hudson. “He’s a huge six-foot-four gigantor. And I can’t believe you got him to ask me about my pores.”
“And I can’t believe you tried to ruin my date with Marcus. Did you know that the man won’t sleep with me yet because he says he’s got to do right by my children?” She sputtered with outrage over this. “My children are idiots!”
“Mom.” Aidan pinched the bridge of his nose to try to get rid of the image of his mother sleeping with Marcus. “You don’t need to rush into anything—”
“So I should wait until what, I’m eighty-five and Marcus needs a little blue pill to make his penis work?”
Hudson was laughing his butt off, the jackass.
Jesus. “Okay,” Aidan said to his mom. “I’m going to need you to never again say that word to me. Never.”
His mom sighed. “Give Hudson a kiss for me, okay? Tell him I sent his mama a box of her favorite candies and some of that tea she loves. I hope the ladies at her home make sure she gets it.”
Aidan softened and glanced at Hudson again, whose expression was inscrutable now. It always was when it came to his mom, or anything to do with his past.
If Aidan and Gray thought they’d had a rough childhood, Hudson and Jacob’s past made theirs look like a walk in the park. They’d grown up alone with their mother, who suffered from mental illness. She was on meds now and in spec
ial-needs housing, safe at least. “That’s nice of you, Mom,” he said. “So now that that’s out of the way and all is well with my pores, we’re going to have a truce, right?”
“Hmm,” she said. “I’ll consider it. Love you, baby.” She disconnected.
Aidan stared at the phone. “Shit. We’re not going to have a truce.”
“Nope,” Hudson agreed and took another long pull of his beer.
Aidan shook his head. “Can you imagine if she ever decided to use her powers for good? She’d obtain world peace in a few hours.”
“There’s no doubt,” Hudson said.
The bartender came over. Shelly again. “Another one, handsome?” she asked Hudson, completely ignoring Aidan.
“Yeah,” Hudson said with a warm smile. “Thanks, Shel.”
“Suck-up,” Aidan muttered to him beneath his breath.
Shelly graced Aidan with a long look. “Huh. Didn’t figure you for the chemical peel type. Your skin looks annoyingly perfect.”
Hudson grinned. “He just had a facial.”
Aidan gave him a shove that nearly knocked him off his barstool.
Hud winked at Shelly. “He’s had a rough day at the salon. Think you can bring him a beer?”
“Sure,” she said sweetly.
“And you won’t … do anything to it?” Aidan asked.
She smiled. “Of course not.”
Uh-huh. “So you’re not mad at me anymore?”
“Oh, I’m still mad. But the boss is here tonight.” She nodded her head to the tall, dark, and tough guy at the other end of the bar. Mason. He and Aidan went way back. Mason ran a tight ship and had an extremely low tolerance for bullshit.
Shelly moved off and Aidan turned to Hudson. “So what’s up?”
“Besides your skin resembling a newborn’s ass?” Hudson grinned but it faded quick. “I did some digging.”
“And what did you dig up?”
“Jacob.”
Everything inside Aidan stilled as he tried to read into Hud’s flat voice, but Hud was good at not giving anything away when he didn’t want to.
Jacob had been gone for eight years now. No one knew why he’d left, or at least no one was talking. If Hud knew, he’d kept it close to the vest. But Jacob had left after finishing high school. He had joined the army.
And had never come back.
“Turns out he was injured,” Hudson said now. “He stayed in Germany at a military hospital there and was released, but I can’t get any specifics or his location.”
“Any indication on how bad he was hurt?” Aidan asked.
“No.” Hudson looked quiet and stoic, so when he slammed a fist down onto the bar it startled everyone within hearing distance. Except Aidan.
He put a hand on Hudson’s forearm and leaned in close to speak, because the place had gone quiet. “Hey, let’s go home and—”
“Don’t. Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Be the calm, rational older brother just because I’m losing it,” Hudson said. “I hate when you’re the calm, rational one. I’m not losing it.”
“Whatever you say.” Aidan squeezed Hud’s shoulder. “Come on, man, let’s go. We’ll grab a pizza and—”
“Jesus, I don’t need you to baby me. I’m fine.”
“Fine? You’ve got fifty people staring at you right now wondering when the barstools are going to start flying. Not that I mind a good brawl now and then, but it’s been awhile and I’m out of practice.”
Not amused, not even close, Hudson met his gaze, his own hard. “If you’re looking for someone to save, maybe you should look in your own damn mirror.”
Aidan eased back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re just as fucked up as me and you know it.”
“About?”
“We’re the middle brothers, man.”
“You’re a twin.”
“I’m talking about all five of us, you idiot. But if you want to get technical, I was born seven whole minutes ahead of Jacob,” Hud said. “That makes me a middle brother, like you. And as such, we’re the pleasers. The fixers.”
“Fuck you, I’m not a pleaser,” Aidan said. “Or a fixer, whatever the hell that means.”
Hudson smiled grimly. “You know what it means, and you know what I’m getting at. You’ll do anything for someone you love or care about. You’ll help Gray save the resort, a place that, thanks to Dad, leaves a bad taste in your mouth. But you’ll do it for Gray, because he’s everything to you.”
Aidan made a point of looking around. “What, are we filming a chick flick? What’s with all the feels?”
But Hudson was on a roll, and once the guy had a bone he never let go. “And even though you think Jacob wants to be left alone, you’ll help me find him for the sole reason that I need to. And then there’s Kenna. You brought her here to Cedar Ridge when she crashed and burned even though she was afraid of being an imposition—which she was—but you never let her feel it.”
“You done?” Aidan asked.
“No. Because then there’s whatever it is you’re shoving deep down and pretending isn’t eating at you.”
“That’s a load of bullshit,” Aidan said, even though he knew. Christ, he knew.
Lily.
Hud shook his head. “It’s not, and you know it. So do me a favor and remember how screwed up you are too the next time you feel the urge to save me.”
Aidan felt his temper rise, but he reminded himself that’s what Hudson wanted. A diversion away from himself. He wasn’t going to get it. “This isn’t about saving you. It’s about Jacob.” Or it had been before he and Hud had provided the evening’s entertainment for the bar patrons. “We’ll find him and bring him home,” Aidan promised.
Hudson’s eyes darkened with his own temper that barely hid his grief. “And if we can’t?”
“We will.”
“What if we’re too late?”
“We won’t be,” Aidan said grimly, and prayed to God that would be true as he pulled out cash to cover their bill.
“I still want to knock your ass into next week,” Hudson said as he stood.
“Ditto,” Aidan assured him.
It was noon a few days later when Lily took a break from waxes and facials and hairdos for a quick escape to the back room that was office, staff room, and kitchen all in one. Gray must have approved the renovations she’d requested. They’d picked out paint colors and she was getting new shelving in as well. She’d been working on a new layout and, over a sandwich, she played with it some more on the computer. Then she checked her phone and found exactly zero emails—sigh—and a missed call from her mom that brought panic. She and her mom talked about once a month—unless there was an emergency. And as there’d been a few of those—Ashley, her dad—Lily still felt her heart drop whenever her mom showed up on her phone screen.
“Lily!” her mom said in delight when Lily rang her back. “Is that you?”
“Hi, Mom, yes it’s me. Are you all right?”
“Of course I am. Why do you ask me that every single time I call you?”
Lily let out a shaky breath and tried to calm her racing heart.
“Lily?”
“I don’t know,” she finally said, trying to channel Aidan and sound calm. “Force of habit?”