The Right Way

by Ashey, Katie

  She patted my arm. “It’s okay. It’s not too surprising you would have a nightmare today.”

  “Today?” I questioned as I rubbed eyes.

  “The anniversary of Jake’s death.”

  I jerked my hands away from my face. “I don’t know how I forgot. I mean, it was just for a minute. I went to sleep thinking about him, not to mention the get together today.”

  Evelyn nodded. “That’s probably why you had the nightmare.”

  “Is Evie okay?”

  “Jonathan took her for me.”

  Hot embarrassment rushed to my cheeks. “He heard my nightmare?”

  “Just a little bit of it. Then he got Evie.”

  Playing with the edge of the duvet, I asked, “I didn’t say anything while he was in here, did I?”

  “Just Jake’s name.”

  As I stared down at the fabric, I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.

  “Don’t worry about Evie. We have her covered, so you can go ahead and get ready.”

  Looking up at her, I smiled. “Thanks, Evelyn.”

  She returned my smile as she rose from the bed. “You’re welcome.”

  After she left me alone, I pulled myself out of bed and headed in the bathroom to get ready. At Evelyn’s request, she wanted to have a celebration of life for Jake. The word “party” wasn’t being used, which was a good thing. While we were happy for the life Jake had lived, it was still so damn hard not having him here. Besides the immediate family, Noah and Maddie were invited as well.

  Once I showered and did my hair and makeup, I went to the closet to decide what to wear. Part of me wanted to go with the tried and true black dress. But then I remembered this was about celebrating, not mourning. Back in the deep recesses of my closet, there was a pink sundress Jake had always liked.

  After I slipped it on, I headed downstairs. Everyone was already assembled in the kitchen. Surprisingly, both Jonathan and Jason were wearing dress shirts and ties. It was usually Martin who sported those. While they both looked handsome, I couldn’t help noticing how Jonathan looked in his shirt. He was the bigger built of the two, and his biceps strained against the shirt’s material. My mind flashed to what it would be like to be wrapped in those arms…not for comfort, but as he rose above me as we made love.

  Holy fucking shit. Had I just had a sexual fantasy about Jonathan at Jake’s Celebration of Life? I wasn’t overly religious, but I felt like there was some sort of penance I needed to do for thinking something so morally and ethically wrong. Maybe I could volunteer at a soup kitchen or something.

  Since I needed to focus my thoughts on something else, I honed in on Evie. Of course, she was in Jonathan’s arms. She had her hands on her face, patting his cheeks. He was grinning at her. He was so good with her, as if she was his own daughter. I knew that one day Jonathan would be a great dad. An agonized burn spread through my chest. I know I should have been grieving that Jake wasn’t the one holding his daughter, but just imagining Evie without Jonathan in her life . . . in our lives . . . It was bound to happen. He would be going into his senior year and finishing college. Who knows where he would end up after that.

  An agonized burn spread through my chest. I turned away from them and fanned my eyes to keep the tears from flowing. Although it was warranted today, there was something else. I knew I was teary for another reason. I liked the way Jonathan and Evie looked together. I enjoyed the love he showered over her. But when he moved away, when he left her, when he found a girl to marry and had his own little girl, where would she fit in his life then?

  Where would I fit?

  More than I should, I caught myself imagining what it would be like for the three of us to be a family. We’d been out a few times, as friends, but I knew Jonathan would never see me as more. I’d be relegated as Evie’s mom whenever he introduced me to his girlfriends, or future wife.

  Do not cry. You’re being ridiculous.

  “Oh no,” Evelyn cried.

  Whirling around, I asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t believe I forgot it?”

  “Forgot what, Mom?” Jonathan asked.

  In a strangled voice, she said, “The whipped cream for the cheesecake.”

  “We can eat them without it,” Martin suggested.

  Evelyn furiously shook her head. “Jake wouldn’t eat pie without it.”

  I knew the words to be true. He also enjoyed using the whip cream other places, but I was going to keep that tidbit to myself. “I can go grab some,” I suggested.

  “Thanks, Presley,” Evelyn replied.

  “Wait. I’m blocking you in.” He handed Evie off to Martin. “I’ll drive.”

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to go.”

  “I’ll already be in the car. What does a mile down the road matter?” he asked with a smile.

  “If you’re sure,” I said.

  Flickering his gaze between us, Jason said, “Why are you two being so weird?”

  A somewhat hysterical laugh bubbled from my lips. “I’m not being weird.”

  “Me either,” Jonathan protested.

  “Whatever,” Jason muttered. He eyed us one last time before brushing past us to the fridge.

  “While you’re there, will you pick up some ice and six pack of Coke?”

  Chuckling, Martin said, “Bring me back a six-pack of Bud.”

  Evelyn rolled her eyes at him, but Jonathan nodded at his dad. I kissed Evie’s cheek before following Jonathan out the garage door. When we got to the driveway, Jonathan unlocked and opened the door for me. It was one of the first times he’d been so gentlemanly. “Thanks,” I murmured.

  “No problem.”

  While he walked around the side of the Jeep, I buckled up. After he got inside, he turned to me.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Me? I’m fine.” I winced at how it had come out. “Of course, I’m not fine. It’s the one-year-anniversary of Jake’s death.”

  “I meant the nightmare.” As he cranked the car, he shook his head. “It seemed pretty intense.”

  Ugh. Why did he have to bring that up? I already felt awkward enough that he’d seen me having the nightmare, not to mention the fact I’d said Jake’s name. “It was bad, but I’m okay.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Nope,” I quickly replied.

  “Okay then.”

  We pulled into the parking lot of the Publix. After finding a spot, Jonathan and I got out and headed into the store. Since we were picking up drinks along with the whipped cream, I grabbed a cart and tossed my purse inside. We then made our way to the dairy section.

  “Should I get just one can of whipped cream?” I asked.

  “I’d get two.”

  When I reached for the kind I knew Jake loved, Jonathan said, “Make it three.”

  I threw a glance at him over my shoulder. “You really think we’re going to eat through three cans?”

  “Actually, I had something else in mind.”

  Goosebumps puckered along my arms as an image formed of Jonathan and the whipped cream. Lowering my voice, I asked, “Like sexual?”

  Jonathan’s head jerked back like I’d slapped him. He stared wide-eyed at me for a moment before busting out laughing. “God no.”

  “Oh, sorry. I just know that’s another use for it.”

  “Well, in today’s case it isn’t.”

  Inwardly, I was dying of mortification for mentioning sex in front of him. There was also the fact that just the image of him and whipped cream had gotten me slightly hot in the cold section. I was a truly horrible person. Of all days to have a fantasy about Jonathan, this one was the absolute worst.

  I quickly tossed the cans into the cart and then hurried away to the beverage section. Once we’d gotten the Cokes and Jonathan got the beer Martin wanted, we headed to the check out. When Jonathan started to get his wallet out, I rushed forward with my debit card. At his surprised look, I replied, “It’s the least I can do.”
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  “I appreciate it, but you can’t buy alcohol.” He winked at me. “Little girl.”

  With a roll of my eyes, I replied, “I’m nineteen. I’d hardly consider that a little girl.”

  He snickered as he flashed his ID at the cashier. Once we had checked out, we got back in the Jeep to head home. But instead of making the usual turn, Jonathan went the opposite direction.

  “Where are you going?”

  He cut his eyes off the road. “To the cemetery.”

  “Oh,” I murmured.

  “Is that okay?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “You don’t have to get out.”

  “I don’t mind.” I couldn’t let him stand at his brother’s grave alone today. Growing up, we’d never really been cemetery people. I probably had only been to my Gram’s grave a handful of times since she passed away. The same could be said for Jake. Although he had been cremated, his ashes had been put in the Nelson’s family vault.

  As the Jeep wound its way around the hills and valleys of the cemetery, the air became thick and heavy around us. I don’t know what it was about being near his resting place that made such a difference. Jake’s presence was everywhere at the house. He’d grown up there. It would make more sense for it to be difficult to be where so much of his living was done, rather than the place of his remains.

  We pulled into a parking spot outside the mausoleum. When we started to get out, Jonathan grabbed one of the cans of whipped cream. I opened my mouth to question him, but then I closed it back. Instead, I just got out of the Jeep and waited for his lead.

  Thankfully, the weather was good. There wasn’t a cloud in sight in the cornflower blue sky. Silence hung around us as we walked up to the marker. My breath hitched as I read the gold lettering on the granite.

  Jacob Anthony Nelson

  October 17 2000-April 12th 2018

  The life of one we love is never lost. Its influence goes on through every life it ever touched.

  “That’s so true,” I murmured.

  “What?”

  I jerked my chin at the vault. “The saying. Even after a year, Jake’s influence is still going on. Through you and me and your family.” With a smile, I added, “Most of all, it can be seen through Evie.”

  “You’re right.” Jonathan’s gaze swept to the whipped cream can in his hand. He held it up towards the vault. “I know it’s stupid as hell, bro, but I got this one for you. It didn’t feel right buying some for us if I didn’t get any for you.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe it’s been a year since you’ve had any. Or a year since you’ve been here being a pain in my ass.”

  “You had a gift for that, Jake,” I mused.

  Jonathan laughed. “You sure did.”

  “Everyone still loves and misses you. I don’t have to tell you about Evie because I’m sure you know just how she’s doing.”

  Tears stung my eyes at the mention of Evie. “But it’s been a year, buddy. So, as much as we all love you, it’s time for us to move on.”

  Jonathan continued staring at the vault. “It’s time to move on,” he repeated. He turned to me and waited. Was I supposed to answer that?

  My heartbeat broke into a wild gallop at his words and expression. I looked at a mini Jake every day, so if moving on meant forgetting Jake, that was impossible. But I also knew he was right. Moving on meant leaving Jake behind and embracing a future without him. But hadn’t we been doing that already? I wasn’t sure. Regardless, I said, “Yes, I guess it is.”

  Nodding, Jonathan turned back to the vault. “Anyway, we’re going to go home and celebrate your life. You’re never far from our hearts.” Jonathan sat the can of whipped cream down below the vault. When he caught my questioning gaze, he replied, “I’m sure that will get people talking.”

  I laughed. “It’s exactly what Jake would’ve wanted.”

  “He sure would’ve.”

  Jonathan momentarily faltered from stepping away from the vault. Without stopping to think, I held my hand out to him. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

  Nodding, he slipped his hand in mine, and we started back to the Jeep.

  Chapter Nineteen: Jonathan

  Although I normally didn’t eat it, I slathered an especially heaping helping of whipped cream on my slice of cheesecake. After grabbing a bottled water out of the fridge, I then walked into the living room where everyone had gone after we’d finished lunch. Everything about Jake’s Celebration of Life had been informal. It was nothing like his wake or memorial. It was just family, and friends who had become family, sitting around the table together. We told stories about Jake—some we laughed through, others made us teary. I had to say he would’ve been proud to see the way he was honored.

  Glancing around the room, I decided to take the seat next to Presley and Evie on the couch. When I flopped down beside her, she turned to me with a smile. “Did you get some cheesecake to go with your whipped cream?” she teasingly asked.

  I grinned. “A wee bit. Did you get some?”

  “Not yet.”

  Holding out the plate, I asked, “Why don’t you take mine?”

  “No. It’s fine.”

  “Seriously, Pres, I can get back up and get another one.”

  She cut her gaze over to Mom before looking back at me. “Don’t tell Evelyn, but I don’t like cheesecake.”

  “How can you not like cheesecake?”

  Shrugging, she replied, “I don’t know. It’s just never been my thing no matter how many times Jake tried to get me to eat it.” With a grin, she added, “If you ask me, it’s a total poser. I mean, it claims to be a cake when it’s more of a pie.”

  With a laugh, I replied, “That’s true.” I then shoved a giant bite into my mouth. “Man, that’s good,” I muttered through the cake and whipped cream.

  She wrinkled her nose. “Ew.”

  As I continued devouring the cheesecake, Evie’s eyes kept following the fork to my mouth. Jerking my chin at her, I noted, “I think she wants some.”

  “But she’s not on solids yet.”

  “Maybe just a dab of the whipped cream for just a little something sweet.”

  Tilting her head, Presley appeared lost in thought. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt.”

  Granny must’ve overheard us because she said, “Babies her age can already be teething, and people used to dab whisky on their gums to lessen the pain. I’d hardly say a little whipped cream is going to hurt.”

  “And we know she’s not allergic to dairy because it’s in some of the formula I’ve supplemented her with,” Presley added.

  Grinning, I replied, “Don’t ever doubt your motherhood ability again since you’re getting this concerned about a little taste of whipped cream.”

  “Har, har,” she replied. She then motioned to my plate. “Go ahead. Give her a taste. But if she gets diarrhea, you’re the one who is changing her.”

  “Well, that escalated quickly,” I replied.

  Granny snickered. “So, will the diarrhea.”

  “Hey, whose side are you on?” I questioned.

  “Just stating facts.”

  “Look at that, Miss E. You’re going to be dabbing.”

  Presley giggled. “Let’s not get too carried away. Okay?

  Swiping my finger through the whipped cream, I then brought it Evie’s lips. Her eyes crossed almost comically as she stared down at what was being offered to her. Darting her tongue out, she swiped some of the whipped cream. Her blue eyes lit up, and she waved her arms.

  “I’d say she’s her father’s daughter, huh?” I mused.

  With a nod, Presley said, “It isn’t enough she looks just like him. Now she has his same taste.”

  “Oh, I see you in her, too,” Granny said.

  “You do?”

  “She has your expressions and that dimple.”

  Presley clapped her hands together. “Yes! After everything I went through, I can say there’s a little bit of me in there.”

  “If she grows u
p to be as beautiful as you are, she’ll be a lucky girl,” Granny said. Turning to me, she asked, “Won’t she, Jonathan.”

  I momentarily choked on my cheesecake. What the hell was up with my grandparents putting me in these embarrassing moments with Presley? First, it was the mistletoe at Christmas and now it was the compliments.

  In my silence, Presley tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear before looking away. Great, now I’d probably hurt her feelings because I hadn’t immediately said anything. “It’ll be hard to be more beautiful than her mother, but I’m sure she will. Not to mention as smart and caring.”

  Presley jerked her head up to stare at me. I don’t know why she appeared surprised. It wasn’t like I hadn’t told her she was beautiful before. Maybe it was the comment about being smart. It was the truth. And she had a great heart. It wasn’t just about taking care of Evie, but she was always doing something extra for my parents.

  “Thank you,” she murmured.

  “You’re welcome.” Needing a reason to get out of there, I stared at my empty plate. “I need to go throw this away,” I announced.

  When I started into the kitchen, Granny was close on my heels. “You two sure are cute together.”

  Fucking hell. “Um, thanks, Granny,” I grumbled as I shoved my paper plate in the trash can.

  “I mean it. Hasn’t anyone said the two of you should get together?”

  I whirled around to stare at her. Although she was pushing eighty, I didn’t think she was old enough for dementia or something. “You do remember she was Jake’s girl.”

  Tilting her head, Granny countered, “Jake never really had a girl. If anyone was his, it was the preacher’s daughter.”

  So, maybe she wasn’t losing it. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad would freak if I started hitting on Presley.”

  A knowing smile came over her lined face. “I think you’d be surprised.”

  Nope, she was definitely losing it. “I’m going back to the living room now.”

  “Just don’t let that beautiful girl get away from you, Jonathan,” Granny chided.