by Ashey, Katie
“Me too. I love just about every Whitney song. I hated when she went off the deep end.”
“Crack is whack,” she quipped.
I swept one of my hands to my hips dramatically and then wagged a finger. “I wanna see the receipts.”
While Avery and I laughed hysterically, Jonathan and Cade exchanged looks. “Do you have any idea what the fuck they’re talking about?” Jonathan asked Cade.
“Nope. And I don’t think I want to.”
“We’re talking about that infamous Whitney Houston interview,” Avery explained.
When they both still looked clueless, I took Avery by the arm. “Come on, let’s dance.”
Although it had been ages since I’d danced in public, I didn’t want to waste the moment. Avery didn’t seem convinced about dancing at first, but then she got into it. Each time we got to the chorus, we would belt, “Oh I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody,” at the top of our lungs. Cade and Jonathan didn’t join us. Instead, they just stood off to the side, laughing at our antics.
Once the song ended, we rejoined the guys. Jonathan clapped his hands together. “I wanna do some shots.” He turned his attention to me. “You up for some?”
The old me would have happily accepted, but those days were over. I shook my head. “No. I better not.”
Jonathan’s brow creased. “Really? You know you’re off mommy duty since Ev is with my mom all night.”
“I know. You go ahead. Then I can be the designated driver.”
“Okay. If you say so.”
“I’m sure.”
At what must’ve been my defiant look, he said, “Right.”
After somewhat of a dare from Cade, Avery downed two shots. With her slightly tipsy, she and I went back out to dance. While it was just a spot of the floor in a frat house, I hadn’t felt so free in such a long time. Usually I was drunk whenever I was dancing, so this time I could actually enjoy myself. Occasionally, I would throw a glance over at Jonathan. Each time I caught his eye, a shudder ran through me at the desire burning in his eyes.
Although I should’ve been worried, I’d wanted to see that look in his eyes for a long time. He’d only seen me as Evie’s mom or his dead brother’s baby mama. I wanted him to realize I was so much more than that. I could be so much more for him.
I would’ve continued dancing with Avery, but Cade pulled her off the floor to get some water into her. While I cooled off and she somewhat sobered up, we talked as best we could over the loud music.
When the music changed over to Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time, I swept my hand over my heart. “Oh man, I love this song.”
Avery emphatically nodded her head. “Me too. I love everything Cyndi Lauper. I must’ve been born in the wrong era. I love all ‘80’s music and movies.”
My body could no longer ignore the smooth beat, so I started swaying back and forth. Closing my eyes, I momentarily disappeared into the lyrics. If you fall, I will catch you. I'll be waiting time after time. Although I’d always loved the song, the lyrics meant so much more to me now with what I’d experienced with Jonathan. He had been there to catch me and save me when I was lost.
He cleared his throat beside me. “Wanna dance?”
My eyelids snapped open to stare wide-eyed at him. I couldn’t help realizing the importance of the moment. We’d been teetering at the edge of the cliff for so long now. We’d taken a step off the edge last night, but then we’d jerked ourselves back. Was this the moment we finally took the leap?
Although it was completely out of character for me, I found myself tongue-tied. A slight smile played at the corner of my lips. Apparently, it was enough of an answer for Jonathan. He held out his hand, and I slipped mine into it. Something about the feel of his skin on mine was electric. We might’ve been standing in the middle of a frat party fully clothed, but somehow, I felt completely naked before him. Like he could see through to the depths of my soul and my racing heart that beat only for him.
With a gentle tug, he began leading me onto the dance floor. I guess I should say dance area since it wasn’t exactly a large place. Once we got there, we stood before each other. Uncertainty still plagued us, and I couldn’t help wondering if we would ever get over it. Could we ever come together because the specter of Jake stood between us?
Jonathan’s arms went around my waist before they drew me closer to him. When my body became flush against his, I sucked in a breath at the feeling. We’d hugged before, and we’d laid together on couches to watch television and movies. But this felt so very different. We were waltzing over the line that had been drawn between us.
If you’re lost, you can look, and you will find me. Time after time.
Tightening my arms around Jonathan’s neck, I dipped my head to press my cheek against his chest. I could hear his strong, steady heartbeat beneath his uniform. Like it, he had been such a strong, steady influence in my life over the last eight months. I couldn’t imagine what I would’ve done without him. Once again, I couldn’t fight the fear of losing him.
At that thought, icy fear overwhelmed, and a shudder ran through me. Jonathan’s voice rumbled through my ear. “Are you okay?”
I pulled my head up to look at him. “Just a little chill.”
“In this heat?” he questioned, his brows furrowing in concern.
“It’s nothing.”
“I hope you’re not getting sick.”
My heart warmed at his concern. “I’m fine.”
“Do you need something to drink?”
“Jonathan, I’m fine.”
“If you’re sure.”
“Just a ghost from the past.” Although it was a lie, I decided to go with it to put him at ease. Knowing him, he’d have me in Urgent Care before the night was over.
“Oh. Okay.” Without another word, we went back to swaying to the music. Once Time After Time finished, the DJ switched to a later 80’s classic with Can’t Touch This. Cocking my brows at him, I asked, “Do you still want to do this?”
“Fuck yeah.”
I laughed. “Then let’s do it.”
Before the song reached the chorus, I was bent at the waist laughing at Jonathan’s antics. He had the whole Hammer Dance down pat. By the time we finished dancing to a couple faster songs, my costume was stuck to me.
“I need some fresh air,” I called over the music.
“Follow me,” Jonathan answered while holding out his hand. He then pulled me along through the packed crowd to the kitchen. After we weaved our way through a few more groups of people, we ended up on the back porch. Since it was fairly crowded as well, Jonathan continued leading me down the steps and over to a secluded area surrounded by trees.
Sliding my hands down my sweat-slick arms, I groaned, “Oh my God, I’m drenched.”
“It’s hot as hell in there.”
“Not to mention all the exertion of dancing.”
“You’re really good at it,” Jonathan complimented.
With a smile, I replied, “Thanks.” Tilting my head at him, I said, “You’re not so bad yourself.”
He rolled his eyes. “Please. I’m like fucking Frankenstein lurching around.”
I giggled. “You are not.” When he gave me a pointed look, I replied, “Okay, the thing is you just need to relax.” I brought my hands to his shoulders before running them up his neck. “You’re too tense.”
“How does one relax when they’re trying not to make a fool out of themselves?”
“Because they’re listening to their body and the music.”
“Um, okay.”
“Like that scene in Dirty Dancing where Patrick Swayze says it’s a feeling—a heartbeat.” I patted his heart through his uniform like Johnny had to Baby in the movie. “Ga-gun, ga-gun,” I murmured.
“Like that?”
“Just like that.”
Jonathan’s eyes turned darker. “With your hands on me and you standing this close, my heart is beating way faster than that.”
<
br /> My breath hitched. “It is?”
“It’s racing. Just like my pulse.”
I licked my lips. “Mine too.”
Jonathan focused on my mouth as his hands reached out to grip my waist. Instinctively, my arms came up to encircle his neck, pulling his head down to mine. The party around us melted away, and it was just the two of us.
As his mouth hovered next to mine, Jonathan’s breath warmed my cheek. God, I could barely breathe in that moment. It was like every molecule in my body pulsed with the need for him to kiss me. Silently, I pleaded with my eyes for him to do it. And then, after what felt like an eternity, Jonathan slid his lips over mine.
His lips were tender and soft at first, and I could feel the emotion behind their movement. But then they switched over to desperate and demanding. It was like he was breathing me in with every brush of his lips and stroke of his tongue. The feeling caused me to moan. He brought his hands up to cup my face while my arms went around his back, pulling him closer to me.
It wasn’t the first time his mouth had been on mine. In that moment, I couldn’t help flashing back to that night in his basement when I was a freshman and he was a junior. Tonight, I could somehow feel the hardwood floors on my knees as I’d risen up to meet him from my place in the circle. Although he’d given pecks on the lips to some of the other girls, his mouth had lingered on mine—his tongue had slid against mine.
Truthfully, I hadn’t desired him that night. I’d kept playing the game in the hopes I’d get to kiss Jake more since I was crushing on him. Now all these years later I realized what was really behind that kiss. It had never occurred to me before until this moment: Jonathan wanted to kiss me. Maybe he even wanted to do more with me. Be more to me.
But I’d been blind to it. Instead, I’d been desperately in love with his brother. God, how different would things have been if I focused on that one moment? That one kiss.
At the revelation, I jerked my lips away to stare at him. “The night we played spin the bottle.”
His brows furrowed. “What about it?”
“You wanted to kiss me, didn’t you?”
Shrugging one of his shoulders, he replied, “Maybe. Why?”
“I know you wanted to. It was in the way you kissed me and didn’t kiss the other girls. Did you want to date me?”
Jonathan quickly cut his eyes away from mine. “Why are you asking me this now?”
“I don’t know. It all just hit me when you kissed me.”
“What if I had wanted to date you?” he prompted.
“I would’ve said no.”
With a frustrated grunt, he rolled his eyes. “So why the fuck are you bringing this up now?”
“Because I realize how stupid I was being infatuated with Jake. I could’ve saved myself so many years of pain if I’d really thought about that kiss and really given you a chance.”
“Who is to say it would’ve worked between us? I was a seventeen-year-old douchebag just looking to get laid all the time.”
“You’re right. It might not have.”
“In the end, you loved Jake.”
Slowly, I shook my head. “I don’t think I really ever loved him.”
Jonathan’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
“Why would you all of the sudden think that?”
My mouth had run dry, and I had to slide my tongue across my lips before I could speak. “In all our years together, I never once felt for him what I do for you in this moment.”
Jonathan’s head jerked back like I’d slapped him. He appeared momentarily dumbfounded by my declaration. Realizing I might’ve over played my hand, I said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You’re wrong. I needed to hear that.”
“You did?”
“I’ve never felt for any other girl what I feel for you.” He leaned down and put his forehead against mine. He brought his hands up and held my cheeks. Caressed them. It was intimate. It was sweet. It was totally Jonathan. Then he looked into my eyes with the same tenderness I’d seen him use with Evie.
Oh God. It had finally happened. My heart felt it might burst out of my chest. But then our perfect moment was interrupted by a drunk couple falling into us as they made out. I was sucked back into the present of red solo cups, loud music, and hookups. “Do you want to get out of here?” Jonathan asked.
“More than anything.”
“Come on, let’s go inside and tell Cade and Avery we’re leaving.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He held out his hand, and I slipped mine into his. We’d done it several other times, but this time it was different. It felt different and meant something different.
Everything was different.
Chapter Twenty-One: Jonathan
After I kissed Presley, I didn’t want the moment to end. I just wanted to get lost in her. All the months it had been building up between us just made the kiss even better. Because I was a selfish bastard, I wanted more of her kisses and more of her. Most of all, I wanted her all to myself, which is why I desperately wanted to leave the party.
More than that was the realization of what she’d said about Jake. All these months I’d been fighting his ghost just to learn that she’d never really loved him like she thought she had. Like I thought she had. Her realization had been as freeing to her as it was to me.
When we got back inside the house, I started surveying the crowd for Cade and Avery. I saw them still on the dance floor. As soon as we got back to them, I knew something was wrong from the expressions on their faces. “What’s the matter?”
Since Cade was unable to speak, Avery said, “It’s Darion.”
At the mention of the somewhat familiar name, an image formed in my mind of a homeless teenage kid Cade had been hanging out with the past few months. He’d taken up with Darion after Tech’s athletic department mandated he attend community service after a drunken prank got out of hand. It was a long story of how Cade had landed himself in some hot water after he streaked through an alumni dinner. “The kid you brought to the scrimmage?”
Cade nodded. “He’s been shot,” he croaked.
My heart shuddered to a stop. “Jesus,” I murmured as heat began crawling over my skin. When I sucked in a breath, the unmistakable smell of smoke entered my nose.
No, no, no! Not now. Not tonight. Not when I’d finally kissed Presley and started our relationship down a different path.
I hadn’t had a flashback since the anniversary of Jake’s death. But just the mention of another tragedy had me reeling.
“I have to get there…I have to see him.” As Cade started pushing his way out of the crowd to the front door, it was like I stepped outside of myself to see me searching through the smoke for Jake.
STOP!
Without a word between us, Avery, Presley, and I fell in step behind him. When he got out to the parking lot, Cade growled in frustration “I forgot we took a fucking Uber.”
Presley dug her keys out of her top. “I’ll drive you guys.”
We then started hauling ass across the lawn to the parking lot.
“Which one is yours?” Cade called over his shoulder to Presley. The girls were having a hard time keeping up with us in their heels.
“The black Honda Pilot. Fourth row.”
The SUV’s lights blinked as Presley unlocked it. When Cade reached for one of the back doors, I pushed him to the front passenger side seat. Presley started the engine as I closed Cade’s door. Once we were all inside, Presley threw the SUV into reverse and then gunned it out of the parking lot.
The car remained deathly silent as Presley drove like a madwoman through the streets of Atlanta. Inside my head, it was a different story. Boom. Boom. BOOM. Over and over in my mind, I relieved the explosion. I didn’t even have to close my eyes to see Jake’s face before me.
With shaky hands, I reached for my phone. I sent a quick SOS text to Ziegler to see if he around. Almost immediately,
I got a response back.
You better be messaging me from bed where you’ve just made sweet love to Presley after professing your undying love.
My thumbs flew over the keys as I worked on some of the breathing techniques he’d taught me. It’s a long story. We kissed but then got interrupted before I could tell her.
I then relayed what had happened with Darion and how it had propelled me into flashbacks.
Jesus, Jonathan, I’m so sorry. With that said, what you’re experiencing is a normal reaction. It fucking sucks, but it’s normal. Continue with your breathing techniques. I can speak with you on the phone when you get a free moment.
Thanks, Dr. Z.
And before your mind can go there, DO NOT think this is some sort of sign you’re not supposed to tell Presley how you feel.
Fucking hell he was good. The thought had been rolling through my mind during the spare moments I wasn’t reliving Jake’s accident.
Okay.
I mean it. Now focus and breathe.
Got it.
We screeched into the ER parking lot at Grady Hospital on two wheels. Cade didn’t even bother waiting on Presley to park before he bolted from the SUV. He had sprinted up the walkway and blew through the mechanized doors before Presley put the car in park. “Go on. We’ll meet you inside,” Presley instructed Avery.”
She nodded. After abandoning her heels, she raced inside. Once Presley and I found a parking space, we hustled through the lot to get back to the ER. As we breezed through the ER doors, an ear-piercing shriek of pain erupted from Avery before she collapsed onto the ground. At first, I thought she was crying in grief, but then I realized it wasn’t about Darion. “What the fuck is she doing?” I asked Presley.
Her gaze bounced from mine to Avery’s to Cade. And then it was like something clicked within her. “She’s faking it.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Cade’s not a blood family member, so I bet they’re not letting him back.”
Holy shit. Avery was making a distraction. And apparently, we were going to help because Presley cried, “Help!” Her heels skittered across the waiting room floor to Avery’s crumpled body. “My friend is dying! Isn’t someone going to help her?”