Julia

by Marty Sorensen

  *

  Julia opened the door to Lizzie’s room and shielded her eyes from the sunlight streaming in the window. Lizzie sat on the red Persian rug, her dolls arranged in a row, and before the dolls, a small car. A tiny baby doll rode naked on top of the car.

  Julia smiled with delight. “What’s going on, Darling?” she said as she knelt by her daughter. “Ooh, doesn’t she have any clothes?”

  Lizzie laughed and moved her head back and forth. She leaned over and picked up a pile of small pieces of paper. “Ticker tape parade.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful. Who’s the parade for, Lizzie?”

  “The king.”

  “The king? Oh, my,” Julia said, covering her cheeks with her hands in great feigned excitement. “Can I help you?”

  Lizzie nodded, but her puzzled eyes showed she was uncertain about how her mother could help.

  “What shall I do?” Julia said.

  “Watch, Mommy.”

  “Who’s going to move the king’s car?”

  Lizzie looked down at the little car and at the scraps of paper in her hand. “You.” She held her hands cupped to hold the paper ready and waited.

  Julia knelt and pushed the car an inch along the rug. Lizzie let the paper scraps fall and jumped up and down with joy as the pieces covered the baby and car. Julia sat back and gave Lizzie one-person thunderous applause and yelled “Yaayyy!”

  Lizzie looked at her mommy and laughed and joined her mother in the small chorus of joy.

  Hugh’s loud and angry voice came from down the hall. “Where the hell’s my ticker tape?”

  Lizzie looked at her mother and pulled her lips in between her teeth. Her eyes welled up.

  Julia felt her little girl’s fear inside her own breast. She slumped. Her face showed concern but made it look not so serious. “Darling, is that your father’s tape?”

  Lizzie nodded. She dropped to her knees and began picking up all the little pieces.

  “Did you take it out of the wastebasket?” Julia spoke in a warm, comforting tone, hoping to shield her daughter from her father’s anger.

  Lizzie didn’t respond. She remained frozen, her eyes wet.

  Julia smiled. “You got it off the machine, didn’t you, Honey?”

  Lizzie hesitated, then nodded once and her chin lowered to her chest.

  Julia patted her on the head, then pulled her up and wrapped her arms around her. Lizzie’s warmth and smell of warm soap made Julia want to hold her forever. Julia held Lizzie out from her, lifted her chin with a hand, and spoke in a warm whisper. “It’s all right.” Then she pulled her back in again and whispered in her ear. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Daddy.” She let the little girl down.

  Lizzie backed away from her mother and held out her hands with the scraps she had been able to pick up. She looked up, imploring.

  Julia put her hands out and let her dump the paper in them. She picked Lizzie up, wiped her eyes, then put her on the bed and said, “Just wait and everything will be okay.” She kissed her daughter on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

  Julia stood, looked back one time at Lizzie and smiled, then went out, closing the door behind her. No more yelling was coming out of Hugh’s office. She walked to his office where the door was open.

  Hugh was sitting behind the grand oak desk, papers strewn over the top, with his finger on the phone, ready to turn the dial. When Julia entered the room, he put the headset down and leaned back in his chair, frustration clearly showing on his face. The room smelled of cigars, even though Hugh had never smoked in his office in the past.

  Julia put her hand in front of her face to block off the bright sunlight from the window, then turned sideways and looked down. “Hugh, you scared Lizzie, yelling like that.”

  He sat up and pointed to the two ticker tape machines on his right, his eyebrows lifted.

  Julia put her hands behind her. “She is just a little girl.”

  Hugh stood so that he looked down on Julia. “Yes, well let me tell you something. Now I had to call downtown to find out what’s going on.” His voice grew louder and more insistent, almost threatening. His eyes widened, and he threw one arm up. “I looked like an idiot. I never want to ask them what’s on the tape when I’m home. Never.” He came around the desk and put his index finger on the gold ticker tape. “It looks like they know more than I do.”

  Julia bowed her head a little and moved it from side to side. “You’re kidding. They work for you, not the other way around. You could’ve said the machines didn’t work.”

  Now he reared his head back. “My business is my business, Julia. I don’t want Elizabeth interfering with it. Is that clear?” He tightened his lips in disbelief at this conversation he was forced to have. “Can’t you control your daughter?”

  “Yes, sir.” She put her hand out on the desk and let the pieces of tape fall like a little parade on his papers. “There.” She turned around and walked toward the door, then stopped and hesitated, thinking for a moment. She pivoted on one foot and faced him, breathing slowly. She spoke in a quiet voice. “She’s terrified, you know. Won’t you come and tell her it’s all right?”

  Hugh was already sitting in his chair, an unlit cigar in his mouth and his finger in the rotary dial, the skin white from pressure, the phone to his ear. He froze for an instant, his eyes on her, questioning. “Maybe later,” he said. Then he looked down and continued his dialing.

  Julia left the room, walking with deliberate movements back to Lizzie’s room at the end of the hallway. Before going in, she stopped to turn a vase of light yellow orchids, using the time to listen for Hugh’s footsteps, wanting him to think of her and Elizabeth. She heard nothing, so she continued on into Lizzie’s room.

  Lizzie sat motionless on the pink bedspread, surrounded by dolls and teddy bears. They were all sitting, waiting for judgment. She looked up at her mother.

  Julia knelt in front of Lizzie, smiling. She spoke with a soft voice. “Honey, your father says it was all right to take the paper this one time.”

  Lizzie burst into tears and leaned forward to her mother. Julia pulled her down and sat on the floor with her, cradling and rocking her. “Lizzie, sweetie, it’s all over now. There’s nothing to be upset about. Your father loves you.”

  But Lizzie let herself snuggle into her mother and continued rocking back and forth. She jumped up and took a teddy bear and sat back down, holding the fuzzy brown bear tight with one hand, and her mother with the other. When Lizzie fell asleep, Julia put her to bed and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.