by Jennise K
Not even her own fruits.
How would she recognise mine?
I fear she will hurt my children. Her own have become more mine than hers.
But it hurts when because of her they now fear me.
Their love filled eyes have turned into fear.
In such circumstances I am left to wonder
What does she do to these children when she is me and I am floating in the wind?
– EL
~
What is happening?
What is going to happen to me?
The last memory that I remember is when she took my body as a vessel, away from me.
Leaving me to float in the air. Here. There. Almost everywhere.
It feels like forever…forever flying down to the ground as the flowers, thundering down as the rain, flowing rapidly like the river, swaying in the wind.
Then I arrived. My body called for me.
I arrived back into a world that I did not recognise, neither did it acknowledge or recognise me.
I have been locked in my bedroom for three days now.
No answers, no questions.
What has she done in my body?
What has she made me do?
What have I become to my family?
It’s been seven years…
Seven years that she has been me.
Now that I have arrived
I have not met even one of my children.
My husband, I have not seen.
The maids look at me with fear when they shove bowls of bread and a cup of water with their feet towards me.
Even she who has stolen my life away from me is nowhere to be seen.
I have no one to give me answers,
No one with whom I can plead.
I want to cry but I cannot.
I want to die but I cannot.
Oh Lord…have mercy…please tell me.
What has become of my life?
– EL
~
It has been fifteen nights now.
She has arrived once again.
Every night she takes away my body from me,
And I wake in the mornings in the middle of rubbles.
Every night she tries to leave this room. Every night she tries to reach her mate,
But she never succeeds, so she sets destruction upon my room and I,
Now I am merely a whisper of what I was, living from the floor.
The bed is broken.
The lights are broken.
The chairs are broken.
The windows are broken.
I have cuts of all shapes and sizes on my face and body.
Every morning there is a new addition of my husband’s name on the wall, written with my own blood.
Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius. Julius.
I fear I am beginning to hate his name.
I fear I am beginning to hate my fate.
What cruel fate lead me to such a troubled destiny.
The maids are scared to look at me.
The doctors suggest leech
As if losing so much blood already was not enough.
At this time, all I wish is just to sleep.
My children, they are gone.
“You’ve killed them all, you monster!”
That is what the maids say, not once looking at me in the face.
My Athena, Adam, and Sebastian are gone.
This life, I no longer wish to live.
But I will not leave without her.
Tonight as she arrives to take my body from me,
I will burn with her in this same room.
I will take her with me.
She will never be able to return.
She will never be able to hurt another.
Everything that she has done has been with the help of this body.
I must leave, and she must, too.
When I had married Julius and found out about his curse,
I had believed soulmates were a beautiful thing.
A gift for such a curse.
Now I see differently…the curse is not their beasts,
But having soulmates.
The curse of eternal love.
The curse of endless love.
Love, I now see, is such is a curse.
If in another life I am to ever live,
I would rather die alone, having lived a life with myself happily.
– EL
~
The next day
Olivia A. Fredson
From: Rome
To: Rome
Chapter 38
If love could take shape of the air I breathe in times when I find myself out of breath, would that not be grand?
If life could show me where I do not belong when I find myself about to make a mistake, would that not be grand?
If death could finally arrive like an old friend and take me in its arms, now that I find myself in desperate need for an end, would that not be grand?
And then I take my last breath.
– EL
(15th June 1922–7th July 1946)
After my mum and Liz passed away, in my darkest of days, sometimes I wondered if death really was the end. Sometimes I wondered if what some people said was true—that the body merely perishes, but the soul always lives on. Sometimes I also wondered whether what other people said was true—that death is the end.
Some days, when I would be all alone in my large, empty home, I would wonder if they were also there with me, watching me, protecting me, wishing they could hug me.
Each time, I’d shake my head and put away that thought. Death really was the end. People were born, and people lived. They laughed, and loved, and cried. Then they died. The end.
Who would have thought that life would lead me here—in Yvette’s path?
The past days I’d tried explaining it to myself, making sense of how things worked. After all, lycans and wolves weren’t totally human, were they?
“Livia, are you okay?”
The day outside was bright and sunny. I was sure the birds were singing, and the flowers out in the gardens were all swaying beautifully for the birds and the bees. Inside the dark library of Oakenfield Castle, though, the air was still. The room was cold.
I turned around towards the direction where I was spoken to. My dazed brown eyes met Romanov’s, and I sighed, relaxing on the couch I was currently seated on.
“Things work differently for you all, doesn’t it?” I asked, unable to leave the exhaustion out of my voice. I was tired of thinking and rationalizing and making sense of things. Maybe I just need to ask him and get it over with.
“What are you talking about?” Romanov’s brows furrowed before he began to take long strides towards me. Soon his body’s warmth wrapped around mine, and I found myself cuddled into him. The room felt brighter, better.
“Souls living on, I mean. It only happens with your kind, doesn’t it?”
I saw the understanding settle into Romanov’s eyes. Somehow it made me more uncomfortable. Was I waiting for him to say no? Tell me that there was a possibility that my mum and my sister were maybe still around me somewhere? That River was still here?
“Yes. Although it’s hardly heard of, it does happen in our kind. That’s why most beasts don’t survive too long after their soulmate dies. If they bond and mate each other, they can’t live without each other.”
“Your granddad remarried,” I replied dryly, suddenly not being able to understand Romanov’s grandfather at all.
“I know.” Romanov’s eyes found mine and I immediately looked down at my lap.
“Even though there are principles on how things work, no one is the same, Olivia.” Romanov sighed, pulling me closer into him. “We’re just another race of living beings. We aren’t robots, you know?”
I nodded. I knew what he was saying. We couldn’t analyse Julius’s actions now. It would be a waste of time to do that.
“Does it hurt too much?” Romanov’s concerned voice comforted me. Secretly I just wanted him to continue talking about anything.
“No, I’m just feeling really moody this time.” I looked up at Romanov and smiled sadly.
“What can I do to make it better?”
You already are making it so much better, Rome.
I touched my chin for a second or two, thinking, then grinned. “Take me for a ride? I’m craving some doner kebabs.”
“I’m not going to let you leave me, Livia.”
It came out of nowhere. I was not ready for it. I was not prepared at all. All I could do in that moment was stare into the painfully sincere eyes of Romanov. He said this a lot lately. I knew he was on the edge. He had been ever since we had met, but when we really realized who the source of this curse was, he’d been worse.
He wouldn’t sleep at night. Every night Romanov refused to listen when I begged him to just rest and not guard me while I slept. He said he couldn’t take any chances. Every night he told me this same thing.
“I’m not going to let you leave me.”
It was only during the day when he would finally give in and sleep—but only after Fin and Adyl or Dom or Gray showed up to keep me company. Sometimes even Rose and Abigail came to keep me company.
I really felt that this was very unhealthy for Rome. Although a small part of me felt very guilty as well. My presence had caused inconvenience to so many people already. So many people had already bent their lives over just to straighten mine.
“How about we go for a ride and grab some kebabs. Afterwards, we can come back home and watch a movie or two with the boys.” Romanov chuckled as he squeezed me lovingly, tightening his hand around my waist.
On the surface, it must have sounded like an innocent plan, an innocent intent to gather as a family and watch movies until everyone passed out on the sofa. But I knew better. Aside from distracting me from my bleak thoughts, it was meant for something more. Nothing about it was innocent.
“Sure!” I smiled at Romanov brightly and grasped onto him at once when he stood up and pulled me up with him.
“Let’s go, then.”
“Bring in the big balls,” Grayson yelled as he jumped beside me, onto the sofa of the castle’s living room. I tucked the blanket I was covering myself with closer under my chin.
“Definitely not yours then,” Dominic muttered, settling himself beside an offended Grayson as he proceeded to pass him the large bowl of Lays chips.
I couldn’t help but chuckle when Romanov placed both his hands over my ears, grumbling, “It’s getting too rated for your ears.”
“I agree with Dom,” I said, ignoring Romanov.
Romanov stiffened beside me immediately. “What do you mean you agree? When did you see Gray naked?”
“Oh!” I said, wide-eyed, as I realized what I had just let out.
I noticed the exact moment when Grayson froze beside me, bracing himself for death, and immediately, I turned around towards Romanov, feeling the need to protect the guy from my soulmate.
“Not that. I meant I agree with Dom. With such a huge ego, he must have a very small pe—” Romanov’s hand suddenly slammed over my mouth, and I could only glare at him as I kept saying the muffled word over and over again until I got tired and decided to lick Romanov’s hand instead. That worked.
“Penaynay!” I exploded, grinning at all three of the very horrified, pink-faced men. Then slowly, the bright little spark in my eyes died. The simmering sting of a reminder that all this laid-back act everyone was doing right now was just a distraction came back into focus. None of this was real. This happiness. This peace. Everything was a setup.
A setup.
A trap.
No one in this room was carefree. No one in this room was unguarded.
“Olivia,” Romanov groaned, running his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead.
“I’ll have you all know that I am feeling very uncomfortable being the subject of discussion,” Grayson murmured shyly, looking anywhere but at me.
“You or your penis?” Dominic asked sarcastically as he brought his feet up and placed it on the footrest before him.
“My ‘that’ is a part of me, for your information,” Grayson hissed at his best friend, looking slightly redder than he did a second ago. I stared at this rare sight. I’d never seen anyone that red before.
“Right, right.” Dominic rolled his eyes as he watched Grayson slam a large cushion on his lap. Taking advantage of the opportunity that the heavens were providing me, I quickly placed both my feet on the cushion.
“Where’re the kebabs?” Dominic asked, looking around the living area until his eyes found the package on the coffee table. Leaning forward, he made a grab for it and quickly brought it over towards Grayson. Despite the knowledge that the boys were tenser than they made out, I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the two reaching for a burger each. Still, the knowledge that Rose was visiting Alpha Lyam right now somewhere kept bubbling the wretched feeling of fear in my chest because that could only mean Yvette was just nearby. For a second, I wondered what kind of state poor Sophia’s body must be in right now. That only made me feel sourer.
“I don’t like the change in your mood. It makes me upset.” Romanov’s warm whisper sent chills down my body. I gasped when I suddenly felt his hand slide under the blanket and grasp my left breast.
All of a sudden, all the worries melted away. The only thing that I could think about was the large, warm palm covering my breast and the tingles that it caused everywhere else on my body.
“Rome,” I hissed, trying not to be obvious about how I felt in front of the other boys as I turned towards him sharply.
“Someone please play the movie and turn off the lights,” Romanov said instead. I couldn’t help but huff out in embarrassment when I noticed the sharp grin on his face. He had aimed to distract me.
Still, his palm remained on me.
“Got it.” Dominic reached for the remote then turned the movie on after turning the lights off with a tap on his phone.
Seeing no easy way around it, I sighed as I did the only thing that I could think of at that moment. I shuffled and twisted away from Romanov’s hand until my head lay on Romanov’s lap and my feet on Grayson’s legs.
“Olli, you have very soft feet.” Grayson chuckled, his soft hand beginning to squeeze my feet.
“But it’ll hurt just as much when it lands on your face.” I poked my tongue out at the man in reply.
Above me, Romanov let out a growl. “Gray.”
Ah! They’ll never change.
A loud rumble of giggles left my lips, and I snuggled further on the couch until I found the most comfortable position. And it was just right on time as the actual movie had begun playing.
It was sort of hilarious, the fact that both the people on the TV screen and outside weren’t really being themselves.
“I have something to tell you all. It’s about the blood test samples we’d taken,” Dominic suddenly spoke up, taking everyone’s attention off the movie. I felt myself stiffen. This was it. It had begun. The first dialogue of the main play.
“What’s the result?” Romanov asked just as it was scripted. I turned my face until I could watch Romanov’s convincingly serious expression.
“It’s Rose.”
It’s my turn.
“Rose?” I sat up, frowning at Dominic with the most convincing bewildered expression on my face. “So, what exactly does that mean?”
It was Grayson’s turn.
“I’ve done background research on her. Apparently, she has no substantial history. She has no solid background before the time she joined the castle help last year.”
“What does she have, then?” Rom
anov questioned Grayson as he turned on the sofa to face him nicely. I found myself shuffling back until my back met his chest. His arms automatically wrapped around me, and I let out a breath of relief.
“She grew up in a Scottish orphanage until her eighteenth birthday. The head supervisor there was not very helpful. All she said was that Rose was a living house for the dead and that she was glad the day she woke up to see the girl was gone.”
I blinked. I couldn’t help but wonder if this really was Rose’s backstory. Rose had said that they would give her real backstory just to be convincing. I’d never paid it too much attention, but what sort of a hellish backstory was this? Exactly what sort of a life had Rose lived before Lyam had found her?
“So, what you’re telling us is that the girl, Rose, who we have just seen a couple of hours ago, is a refrigerator for ghosts?”
“I don’t believe this,” I said aloud without thinking. Realising what I had just said, my wide eyes snapped to Grayson’s, looking for panic in his.
“I know right,” Grayson exclaimed, looking at me as if whatever I’d just said made total sense.
It took a while to understand that none of the boys had found out. No one had found out that my comment was referring to the backstory Rose had and that I wasn’t acting.
“What I’m saying is that there is a curse on Romanov and Olivia. Olivia’s life has been in danger ever since she arrived in the castle. Rose has also been present ever since then, too. Her DNA matched with the blood samples we got after the fire incident, and she has a crazy past.”
“That’s not evidence though,” I pointed out just as I was supposed to.
On cue, Grayson replied. “Dom, you should check the CCTV footage and the footage from the bugs you’ve planted around.”
“When does she usually report to the castle in the morning? Eight?” Romanov asked quietly, his thumbs caressing the soft skin on both of my arms. I was just thankful that he had finally broken his silence. Hearing his voice kept me grounded.
“Early around eight, yes,” Grayson confirmed, his lips pulled to a thin line.
“Grayson mind-link your royal protectors. We’re getting all of this sorted tomorrow once and for all.”
“Wait,” I butted in, cutting Romanov off of whatever else he was going to say, just as I was supposed to. “Sorted? Are you arresting her?”