by Dana Archer
She rubs her cheek over the spot she kissed. “I figure you might as well own my body too.”
I pivot and drop my hands to her hips, holding her in place. My arms shake. Every instinct I possess demands I yank Mya close and take her body as she so playfully suggested. “This is not a game.”
She smiles at me. There’s amusement in her expression, but something else hovers in her lust-hazed gaze. A challenge, maybe? “But we’ll have fun, won’t we?”
Gripping the edge of her turtleneck, I jerk the material over her head, exposing the simple black bra she’d worn. Without thinking, I unleash a modified claw and slit the fabric restraining her breasts. The heavy flesh I’d barely touched earlier bounces with its sudden freedom.
Mya’s eyes widen. Her nostrils flare, but she makes no move to stop me. She watches me expectantly.
She is playing games. Waiting for me to snap, maybe? Or judging my actions? I’m not sure. I only know my honor is slipping by the second.
With my fingers splayed at the base of her spine, I grab a handful of her hair and lean close.
“Not tonight, my fiery wolf. Tonight, I’ll own you in a way even your mate doesn’t. I’ll make you come so damn hard, you’ll see heaven. And when we walk out of this circle, you’ll crave me, yearning for my touch and only my touch until the day the goddesses call you home.” I pull Mya closer, letting her feel the hard press of my shaft against her belly. “Can you live with that, Mya Ammon?”
Mya shoves from my embrace. The remnants of her bra slide down her arms, falling to the ground. She kicks them aside. With her gaze locked on mine, she walks backward, stopping inches from the blankets she spread on the grass. “Do you plan on abandoning me, Rick Lyall? Taking your pleasure from me, then walking away?”
“Never.”
“Prove it.”
The same challenge shows in her eyes from earlier in the night. Nothing will stop me from meeting it. I approach Mya, letting her see my hunger. Her gaze drifts from my face to my chest and lower. With a rough tug, I pop the buttons on my shirt and let the material fall to the ground.
The muscle shirt I wore underneath clings to my chest. Mya’s appreciative gaze stops me from taking it off. If she wants to explore my body, she can strip me. I only need to free my shaft to take what I want.
I fist the front of Mya’s jeans and jerk her roughly against my body. She settles her palms against my chest and leans back so only my grip on her pants holds her up. She’s putting her complete trust in me. I love that. I tug her closer and bend over her, urging her to arch into me. “I will only say this once, so listen closely.”
“I’m listening.”
“If you feel any discomfort, you tell me. Immediately, Mya. Do you understand? I’d rather die than hurt you or our babies.”
“Our babies?” Mya whispers the question.
I move my free hand to Mya’s back, supporting her, then pop the button on her jeans and tug the zipper. With a hard shove, I push her jeans past her bottom.
The evidence of her lust is a sweet and heady scent I can’t help but indulge in. By the goddesses, I need to be inside her.
Mya exhales as her eyelids flutter. Seeing the immediate response to me pleases me, but it’s not enough. Possessiveness grips me harder than I’ve ever experienced. Whether it’s because the magic of this circle is flowing through me or because I’m so close to enjoying my personal heaven, I can’t tell. I simply know I hunger. Only Mya can meet my cravings. Only Mya can fill the hole inside me, completing me.
“Yes, our babies.” I lower Mya to the ground, then finish tugging her jeans off. “You just challenged me, Mya. Demanding I never leave you. I accepted. Certain things will happen now. Claiming your kids as mine is just one of them.”
Mya raises her upper body, propping herself on her elbows, and snags my gaze. The challenge is still there. The demand I give her everything. “Yeah? What other things?”
I crawl over her, but I don’t touch her. I wait until she lies back before I lean close, my lips a hairbreadth from hers. “Trust your true mate. You promised.”
“I trust you.” Confidence strengthens her tone.
“Then let me love you.”
Mya nods. “Please.”
I kiss her deeply, twining our tongues until she arches into me on a groan of pure hunger. She digs her nails into my shoulders. Her attempt to tug me on top of her doesn’t budge me.
On a growl, I break our kiss, letting her see what she’s unleashed.
“Your eyes,” Mya whispers. There’s awe in her voice and her gaze.
I’m not sure what she sees. I only know what I feel—ownership. This woman is mine.
Sliding my hands up her sides, I savor the soft skin under my fingertips. Craving more, I dip my head and lick the path I mapped. Power rushes through me, energizing me and taking my lust up a notch.
I need more.
Listening to her cues, I pleasure my true mate as I did earlier. An animalistic sound rumbles in my chest. Mya whimpers. The sound enflames me. Before we take this farther, though, there’s one question left to ask.
“Are you good?” No matter my wants, I’ll stop if she needs a break.
“Better than good.” She curls her fingers around the collar of my shirt and tugs. Taking the hint, I crawl over her. She lifts her head for my kiss. I don’t deny her. I want her lips on me any way I can get them. Slow at first, her exploration of my mouth quickens into a bruising possession. I meet her demands, then take more, stealing her very breath. She clings to me, digging her nails into my shoulders.
This kiss is good, better than any we’ve shared, but I feel unsettled. My shaft hurts, aching with the need to experience Mya’s body. I’ve never been this excited before. Never felt as if I was going to die if I didn’t get inside a woman. Now.
Chest heaving, I turn my head, breaking our kiss. “Are you ready for me?”
“Yes.” The word matches her pleading tone.
I brush my lips over hers one more time before easing back. Mya’s fingernails mark a trail down my arms. The small bite of pain appeals to me. I nip her chin in a playful bite. “Then reach for me. This is your pack’s circle. I want your pack’s spirit to accept your choice.”
On a small chuckle that manages to send a wave of contentment through me even while my body is strung tight with need, Mya complies with my demand. She curls a hand around the back of my neck and draws me close for another kiss.
“I choose you.” Mya whimpers. “Love me, Rick. I want you to love me all night long.”
There’s no denying my true mate. I give her what she asks for, what I need. I show her with my body everything I can’t quite express through words. Mya is my heaven.
The soft sound she makes as I bring her to the cusp of ecstasy triggers something inside me. Protectiveness or dominance? I can’t tell. I only know I want to crawl inside this woman and claim her soul as completely as I possess her body.
My gaze drifts to Mya’s mate bite. I want to make it mine. Using my chin, I brush Mya’s soft hair from her shoulder, then press an openmouthed kiss to her skin. My lips tingle. I lick her collarbone, mapping a path to the scar at the delicate spot where shoulder meets neck. Mya’s groan surrounds us. A shiver races through Mya’s body with my first lick. A tremor rushes over her with the second. After the third lick, Mya’s pleasure seizes her.
Without wasting another second, I bite her, grinding my teeth hard into Mya’s shoulder. Her soul opens to mine, yanking me inside. Peace and lust slam into me, stealing my sanity, but it’s Mya’s purity that pulls me out of the endless loop of passion.
The beautiful, glowing white orb which represents Mya’s soul draws me closer. I’ve never seen anything like it. Granted, I’ve only walked through my soul and Anna’s, but no other shifter has described their bond to their animal in the way I see Mya’s wolf tied to her. Instead of the thick cord extending from her soul to the hovering orb belonging to her animal, the separation between Mya’s soul an
d her wolf’s is almost nonexistent.
The cord belonging to Mya’s wolf is woven into Mya’s soul to form a fiery red patch…where the piece of Todd’s soul resides. Mya’s wolf trapped it there, likely protecting Mya from experiencing the influence of Todd’s emotions. Respect for the wolf I’ve yet to meet spreads through me. Mya’s wolf saved her from the bond neither of them wanted the only way the animal could.
I skim my metaphysical fingers over the glowing red patch. Even I can’t feel Todd’s emotions. I do sense the relief of Mya’s wolf. My presence comforts her as much as I do for Mya.
A soft caress that reaches deep inside me draws my attention back to my own soul. Mya dances her gentle fingers over my soul in the same way I’ve touched hers. She stops at the edge of the empty spot, the hole remaining from the piece I ripped out and gave to Anna. Regret grips me. I never told Mya about my past.
“Where is she?” A gust of fury burns me as Mya’s voice fills my head. “Where’s your mate? And why aren’t you with her?”
Mya doesn’t wait for my answer. She shoves me from her soul with a rough push that shakes my physical body. I release Mya’s shoulder, but I don’t lick the wound. I can’t. I didn’t get a chance to claim a piece of Mya’s soul to fill in the hole she discovered.
I ease back, but I don’t climb off her. She’ll run from me. That can’t happen. I can’t live without her.
“Her name was Anna Tanner.” I drop my forehead to Mya’s shoulder. “And my breeding partner died over forty years ago giving birth to our twin boys. Her uterus ruptured.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “She bled out. Died. I couldn’t save her. Couldn’t save our babies either. I tried, Mya. So did Anna’s mother.” My eyes burn. I squeeze my eyelids tighter. “She even tried to cut the babies out. We all knew Anna wasn’t going to make it. There was too much damage, too much blood, even for a shifter.”
I’m rambling. I can’t help it. I’ve got to get this out. “And our boys…the one had the cord wrapped around his neck. The life was already gone from him. The other…he wouldn’t breathe on his own. No matter how much I tried to get him to take a breath. He wouldn’t. He joined his twin and his mama.”
The pain chokes me, harder than it has in ages. I land hard on my back next to Mya. I hate that I hurt her like this. Can’t take it back. I messed up. The next move is on Mya.
Fourteen
Mya
Rick has managed to shatter me in a way even Todd didn’t. I won’t survive this, not like I did after Todd betrayed my ignorance. There’ll be no more putting a smile on my face and dealing with the shitty events of my life. I won’t be singing in my head along with the songs playing in the bar. Looking forward to my kids’ smiles won’t save me either.
Tonight changed everything. I touched heaven in Rick’s arms. He took me there. My stupid jealousy cast me out. The landing shattered my world and exposed the truth. I’m falling in love with a man who is even more messed up than I am. I don’t know if I can fix him. No amount of sex will make this better.
“I should’ve told you about Anna.” Rick drapes an arm over his eyes. “Confessed to loving another woman. I have no good excuse to give you other than telling you Anna would’ve been happy to know I found you.”
Rick’s statement pulls me back to this pivotal moment. I can either find the right words to heal us both or drive a wedge into our budding relationship. By the goddesses, I don’t want to do that. I’d never be able to live with myself if I let my true mate suffer with this pain alone. I need Rick as much as he needs me. He’s the only one who can bind the shattered pieces of my world together.
I open my mouth. No words come out. Dang it. I don’t know what to say. Rick loved this woman. That much is clear from his tone and tortured expression. How do I get past knowing Anna will always hold a place in his heart, if not his soul? Or that Rick had likely once made love to her the way he had with me moments ago? Or that he’d probably kissed her until she was breathless and weak-kneed. Maybe spread her legs and worshipped her down below, making her thighs tremble.
My jaw cracks from clenching my teeth so hard. I’m being ridiculous. Rick was with Anna before me. He hadn’t known he’d meet me, and it’s not as if I expect him to have lived a celibate life. Shifter males are highly sexual. It’s why many take multiple lovers besides their breeding partners. Heck, I’m glad he’s experienced. The things he did to me left me satisfied. So why does knowing Rick loved another woman bother me?
A raw, explicit curse breaks the silence of the night. Rick pushes to his feet and grabs the white button-down shirt he’d worn to my place, balling the fabric in his hands. “I’m old, Mya. Doubt I’ll live much longer. When I die, you won’t feel any pull to me. You can move on with your life. Maybe we’ll get things right the next time our paths cross.”
The stark loneliness I’d seen in Rick’s eyes the night I brought him his bourbon flashes before me. I’ve seen that look a few times in the faces of shifters who’ve come into the bar, then went on to end their lives. Suicide is the leading cause of death among our kind. Even I’ve considered seeking the escape it offers, but to lose Rick to suicide is unimaginable.
“Rick, I—”
“Let’s get you dressed.” Rick pulls my shirt over my head, then gently frees my hair trapped underneath the collar. He smooths his hand over the strands. “And get you home. It’s late.”
“I don’t have a bedtime.” Geez. Why did I say that? I sound like a stubborn child.
Rick raises his eyes to mine. The blue has receded from his orbs, allowing the white of his eyes to show. They look completely normal, but I won’t soon forget the beauty of seeing them all blue when he made love to me. Or knowing the transformation was my doing. Only shifters in the presence of their true mates exhibit the phenomenon.
“No, but you do need your rest.” He uses his shirt to wipe the evidence of our lovemaking from my thighs. “I took you hard.” He slides my jeans on, tugging them as far as they’ll go while I’m sitting. “Then exposed you to a crapload of emotional stuff you shouldn’t have to deal with in your condition. That wasn’t right.”
Rick moves to stand. I clasp his wrist, stopping him from escaping. “Being pregnant doesn’t automatically turn me into a fragile doll. With Peyton and Rey, I worked until my contractions were twenty minutes apart before calling Jenna to help me through the labor.”
Fury burns in Rick’s eyes. He leans over me. “Where was your breeding partner?”
“Not around.” I gnash my teeth. Todd is not a topic I want to discuss, especially after the best sex I’ve ever had…with another man. I won’t sit back and let this go, however. If I want a chance with Rick, we need to be very clear on my situation, past and present. “Remember, Todd and I don’t have a romantic relationship or even a friendship. I’m a vessel for his kids. That’s it. If I was anything more to him, I wouldn’t have allowed you to have sex me tonight.”
“Make love to you.” Rick lifts me and tugs my jeans on, then pulls me against his body. “Don’t lessen what we shared. It was the best encounter I’ve ever had with a woman.”
“Better than with your breeding partner?” The moment the words are out of my mouth, I freeze. Guilt squeezes my throat. Why did I go there? Why?
Rick makes a disgusted sound. He releases me and snatches the used shirt and blankets. With long strides, he moves toward the edge of the sacred circle.
“Rick, wait!” I hurry after him and grab his hand before he can step over the ring of scraggly bushes. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…” Just what? Ugh. I’m making this worse.
“I loved Anna, and I loved Lena. I won’t pretend I didn’t for you.”
“Lena?” I release Rick’s hand. “Who is Lena?”
“A human girl I almost married. She’s soul-bonded to her feline mate now. Happier than she ever was with me.”
Rick’s voice is hard. His words are sharp. Lethal. I ignore the obvious signs of the wall he’s building between us
. I won’t let this go. I need to understand the life Rick led before me and what it means to us.
“What happened between the two of you?”
Back ramrod straight, he faces the woods. Not me. He’s ignoring my question. I can’t help but wonder why. What did this woman do to him? I lay my hand on his rigid back. “Did she leave you for this guy she mated?”
“What I shared with Lena wasn’t the forever kind of love.” Rick looks over his shoulder at me. There’s confusion on his face as if my interest surprises him. “Lena recognized that and walked. I didn’t follow her. I didn’t follow Anna into death either. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love them. I did. We made some wonderful memories together. Laughed and stuff. But I love that they’re in better places now.”
“Death is not a better place.”
Rick steps over the edge of the circle. “For Anna, it is. Hopefully, she’s been reborn and found her true mate already. She did die over forty years ago.” Rick holds his hand out to me. “Sometimes, another chance is the best a single shifter can hope for.”
I focus on Rick’s open palm. Two other women held it before me. Who am I kidding? Lots of women have held it before me, but only two held the honor of being loved by Rick. If things had turned out differently in those relationships, I’d never have the chance to slide my hand along Rick’s or discover what’s so special about being with your true mate. In that respect, Rick’s right, but we don’t have to wait for death to wipe our slates clean.
We have today. And tomorrow.
Rick curls his fingers. “Like I said, if the goddesses are willing, we’ll get another shot someday too.”
His harsher tone matches the tight fist he’s formed. He’s shutting me out. I jerk my attention to his face. Stony features form a rough mask, hiding his turbulent emotions. Only anger and frustration remain. Both are my doing. I’m failing at this relationship thing. Not surprising. I never got the chance to learn how to function in a normal one.