by Jamie Knight
“All right, well, thanks for coming in,” said Dean Williams, getting my attention. I snapped my eyes away from Tina and looked at the dean. “I just wanted to inform you both that you’ve tied for the internship.”
“Tied?” I asked. “I thought you would just pick someone.”
“Well, you’re both very qualified and the deciding factors were the GPA’s. Unfortunately, yours are identical. We crunched the numbers all the way to ten decimal points. Exactly the same.”
“So, we both get it?” Tina said hopefully.
“I’ve decided that you’ll both have to present a fundraising project,” he explained. “That’s going to be the deciding factor. Whoever comes up with the best, most comprehensive and ready-to-roll-out project wins and gets the internship for next semester.”
“That sounds great,” I smiled, trying to hide my dismay.
“Wonderful,” added Tina. It looked like there were tears in her eyes.
We shook hands and headed out of the office. I didn’t know who to be madder at, Tina or Dean Williams.
When we got outside, I turned toward Tina to say something and she just walked the fuck away. What the hell’s wrong with this chick? One minute, she’s letting me fuck her silly and the next she is rude as fuck.
I walked the stretch of the building and when I got far away from the dean’s office, I kicked a wall. Dave happened to be walking by.
“Dude, what’s up with you?” he asked.
“Walk with me,” I said.
I ranted for about 30 minutes bringing him up to speed.
“All I do with Tina is fight and fuck, fight and fuck,” I explained. “Now I’m supposed to compete with her while we’re living together?”
“Dude, the dean doesn’t know that,” he pointed out. He shrugged slightly.
“Yeah, but no matter what happens, I’m fucked,” I pointed out. “Either she wins and I resent her or I win and she resents me. And one of us has to move back home.”
“Actually, both of you do, you can’t afford the place alone, remember?”
“No, getting the internship means I can,” I said. “It pays.”
“Then you just gotta win, dude,” said Dave. “You win and then you just pay the rent and let her stay.”
I stopped in my tracks and glared at him. “Why the fuck would I do that?”
“Because you love her, dude,” said Dave simply. “You’re probably falling in love with her.”
“Fuck you, Dave. Fuck you.” I turned and started to march off in a huff.
Dave followed. “Jeez, relax, dude. It’s a classic love-hate relationship,” he said. “You’re attracted to each other, but you hate each other. Simple.”
“It’s not simple. It’s not simple at all,” I snapped running a hand through my hair. “This is a Goddamned disaster.”
“Dude, what’s the worst that’s going to happen?” shrugged Dave.
“Are you kidding me? I could knock her up. I could marry her. I could do both!” I shouted.
“Then, just don’t do that,” said Dave. “God, you’re so stupid sometimes.”
“Hey, guys,” said Kendall catching up to us. “You talking about Seth’s love-hate thing?”
Kendal was carrying a backpack that was absolutely brimming with vending machine snacks. He would sometimes rob the vending machines in the study hall. He’d use a coat hanger, and no one would stop him. He handed us each a bag of chips. We walked over to a nearby park bench and sat down.
“Kendall, you were right, man,” I said. “I’ve never known anyone so right in my life.”
“They faked the moon landing? Damn, I hoped I was wrong,” he said, totally serious.
“No. Not that. About sex with Tina,” I said, opening a bag of chips and stuffing my mouth. “Shit, it’s so intense. And I think I experienced the true spirit of the hate-fuck.”
“Isn’t it amazing?” he said, looking off into the distance. “Such a mix of emotions.”
“But I don’t know what to do now,” I said. “I’m living with her and we’re both up for this internship. How do I get out of this?”
“Get out of it? What are you, insane?” asked Kendall.
“Well, what happened to your hate-fuck girl?” Dave asked Kendall.
“We both realized that if we didn’t stop seeing each other, we’d probably kill each other,” said Kendall simply. “So, we broke it off and never saw each other again.”
“That’s what I have to do, then,” I said. “I’ll just break it off with Tina as soon as I get this internship.”
Chapter Sixteen
Tina
While Seth was out, I hosted a party at the apartment. I knew Seth wasn’t a fan of parties, but he was going to be at class all day, so I figured, what’s the harm? Besides, I was paying half the rent, so shouldn’t I get to do what I wanted? At least, when I was home alone and not bothering anyone? I thought so.
Dylan, Jaden, Greg, Kyla and Emma showed up for my party. They were the usual crowd that used to hang out in my dorm room. I had met Kyla in orientation and the rest, well, they just liked to party. Jaden always had the hook up for booze and pot. Dylan was Kyla’s sometimes boyfriend and Greg, well, he was into me. He was always hovering around me, trying to make a move, but I would put him off. He had a great body though. He did Crossfit constantly.
We cracked open some beers, turned on some tunes and got the party started. After a few dances and a few beers, I was still on edge. I was worried about this internship project and had no idea what to do with it.
“Tina?” said Greg. “You okay? You look like you’re staring into the distance?”
“Wait,” said Jaden. “You didn’t eat that tab of acid I had, did you?”
“No, Jaden,” I said slightly annoyed, turning back to look at Greg. He was kind of the opposite of Seth. He was slightly shorter than me, with blond hair and blue eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little distracted. I have to do a project to prove I’m right for this School of Business internship. It has to be a fundraiser and I can’t think of anything to do.”
“Shots always help me think,” quipped Emma, pouring another line of shots.
We did the shots. They did not help.
“Okay, let’s dance,” said Kyla.
Kyla turned up the music a little and we danced. But after a song, I still had the same sour expression on my face. It wasn’t helping, and it wasn’t getting my mind off the internship. I sat down on the bed to sulk.
“Sorry guys, this isn’t working,” I said. “Maybe we should just call it.”
“No-no, c’mon, we just got here,” said Emma. “We’ll help you. Let us brainstorm some ideas for your thing. What is it, again?”
“A non-profit fundraiser,” I repeated. “I should probably work on it by myself.”
“No, c’mon, we’ve got ideas,” coached Greg. He sat down on the bed beside me. The rest of my friends sat on the floor. “You do a candy sale. We used to do those for wresting back at my high school.”
“Yeah. I’ve done those and sold popcorn,” said Emma. “It wouldn’t make a lot of money unless the whole school did it and then who would we sell to?”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “I really should work on this on my own.”
“Don’t worry,” said Greg, patting my thigh as he scooted closer to me. “We’ll come up with something. C’mon guys. More ideas.”
Unfortunately, the only person with ideas was Greg and his idea was to sleep with me. He was handsome, but I wasn’t sure. This was Seth’s place too and I didn’t know what he expected of me since we had slept together. Often. Then again, Seth kept pulling away. What was that all about? How can a guy just have sex with you and then walk away? It didn’t seem right. But then again, Greg might do the same thing. Then I’d really be a whore.
No, I couldn’t do it with Greg. Not tonight. Seth was due to come home eventually and the last thing I need was even more tension between us, or even him and Greg fighting over me. P
lus, the only place to really do it other than the floor was the bed. I’d feel weird fucking Greg in the same bed where I fucked Seth and slept with him.
College was so complicated.
“What about a campus-wide bake sale?” suggested Jaden. “First, we get everyone high and then sell them cake. Perfecto.”
“How are you going to get everyone high?” asked Emma, raising an eyebrow.
“It won’t be everybody,” said Jaden. “But enough, you know. It’ll start a rush, like the mall on Black Friday.”
“Naw, man,” said Dylan. “That’s not going to work. Where are people going to bake? The dorm kitchens are disgusting. I wouldn’t eat a cake that was made in there. Plus, half the girls on campus, present company included, I seriously doubt they have the baking skills.”
“What?” objected Kyla.
“Hey!” said Emma.
“Prove me wrong, ladies. Prove me wrong,” said Dylan.
“We see right through you. I don’t play in reverse psychology, fool,” accused Emma, poking Dylan in his chest.
“Guys, this is a real problem,” I said. “I can’t do a bake sale. That wouldn’t make much money anyway. Plus, that’s like amateur hour. Why don’t I just throw a campus-wide yard sale?”
“I’d go to that,” said Kyla.
“The only shit they’d have at a campus yard sale would be shit from other people’s rooms they don’t want,” pointed out Jaden. “No-no. That’s not going to work. Plus, you’re competing against eBay. They have way better shit.”
“How would that be competing against eBay?” asked Dylan. “You’re ridiculous, dude.”
“No-no, seriously. If you’re selling anything, you’re competing,” said Jaden. “Oh, my God. I got it. Let’s sell weed.”
“What?” I laughed. “You can’t sell weed for a fundraiser.”
“It’ll be for a good cause,” said Jaden.
“It’s only for medicinal purposes in this state, dumbass,” said Emma. “How high did you get before coming here?”
“Pretty high,” laughed Jaden.
Greg’s hand slid uncomfortably up my leg.
“Greg, you have your hand on my thigh,” I said to him.
“Oh,” he smiled, rubbing my thigh and not removing his hand. “Just trying to comfort you. We could make out for a while. That usually clears my head.”
Dylan shrugged, and he and Kyla started to make out. Jaden rolled over onto Emma, who just laughed. I just looked at Greg and smiled.
“That is definitely not going to help me,” I said. “I already have some issues there.”
“With church and stuff? I don’t think God is watching right now,” said Greg.
I laughed despite myself. Greg was trying. Had to give him credit for that. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t buying.
“You know, another beer might help,” said Greg, getting up to grab more beers.
“Right here,” requested Dylan, stopping in mid-kiss with Kyla.
“Aww,” she said a little disappointed.
“Look, I’m sorry, I just. I need to think of this now or I can’t really party,” I said.
“Beer pong,” suggested Jaden. “Everyone likes beer pong.”
“That’s as dumb as the weed-selling suggestion,” said Dylan. “We don’t have a license to sell weed or beer. It can’t happen.”
“Not with that attitude,” countered Jaden. “You gotta believe.”
“He does have a point,” I said.
Kyla looked at me like I was nuts.
“Not about the beer pong, but about games. That’s like a carnival game. What if we threw a carnival? When I was a kid, that’s what the church would do,” I suggested.
When I was twelve, there was a Valentine’s Day Carnival at the church. They brought in rides, food vendors and games. It wasn’t very romantic, which was a disappointment to me and my budding womanhood. I guess, in a way, that was a good thing. My mother would’ve been right there to ruin things if it was romantic.
“Did it raise money?” asked Emma.
“Yeah, I guess,” I said with a shrug, remembering bobbing for apples with my best-friend Lindsay. “I was a little kid, I didn’t know the numbers.”
“My high school did a fake casino night,” said Kyla.
“We definitely don’t have a gambling license,” laughed Jaden.
“No, you idiot,” said Greg coming back with the beers. “Fake casino night. The games aren’t for money, they’re for tickets that you turn in for prizes.”
“Same principle,” said Kyla. “Only instead of slot machines, you’re renting rides and bouncy castles and whatnot.”
“I want to run the milk bottle game,” insisted Jaden. “I want to see how it works behind the scenes.”
“Jaden, it’s a milk bottle game,” said Dylan. “It’s pretty self-explanatory.”
“It’s rigged, Dylan,” he countered. “No one ever wins those things unless the guy running the game wants it to happen. There’s a switch or something.”
“No there isn’t,” insisted Dylan. “I played one of those games for three hours once, spending fifty or sixty dolla— Oh, my God. You’re right, they are rigged. Holy shit. I was so scammed.”
“You’re real quick on the pick up there, Dylan,” joked Greg. “Anything else you’d like to tell us?”
“So, that sounds like a good idea to you guys?” I asked, ignoring the guys’ banter.
“Yeah, definitely,” said Greg. “I’ll be happy to help. We all will. Now, can you relax?”
Greg leaned in close. He was really pushing his luck, but I just couldn’t do anything in the apartment. Not until I cleared the air with Seth. How could I tell Greg that? That would sound weird. Greg, I’m banging my roommate, but I’m not sure if he’s in love with me or if we’re having a relationship, so can you hold on just a little longer? It was a weird situation.
We went back to partying and drinking. I talked a little bit about the parameters of the carnival. Then I went on my phone to look up prices, while Emma poured more shots. I was getting pretty buzzed and Greg was starting to look really good. So what if I made out with him? It’s not like I owe Seth anything. Did I?
Or was I simply making excuses at this point? God, it was so hard to think clearly about this. On the one hand, I was really attracted to Seth for some reason. Even though he was crass and sometimes a jerk. I had this magnetic attraction to him.
With Greg, it was different. I mean, he was clearly hot, but the magnetic part wasn’t there. But the logical part of my brain kept telling me Greg was a better choice. He was handsome, in shape and more in tune with the stuff I liked to do.
I imagined doing with Greg what I had already done with Seth. Somehow, in my head, it wasn’t as good. Why was that? I knew Greg was better for me. Even my parents would probably accept him. He wasn’t religious, but that probably wouldn’t matter. At least his father didn’t hate mine.
Jeez, was I only attracted to Seth because he pissed off my parents so much? Had my mother and father’s constant interference in my love life driven me into the arms of a boy, just because they didn’t like him? Had this twisted up my sexual desires to the point that it affected me sexually? God, I probably needed therapy.
But somehow, although I could picture Greg’s naked body in my head, I couldn’t bring myself totally over on the idea. There was something in my brain that just kept blocking me. And it wasn’t Greg, it’s just that he wasn’t Seth. Until I was sure Seth didn’t want me or didn’t want to start a relationship, I couldn’t start up with one Greg or anyone else. I had to get a final answer from Seth.
But, once I got this internship, I think I knew what that final answer would be. Seth would probably be so devastated, he’d either kick me out of the apartment or move out himself.
Either way, we’d be finished. There’d be no coming back from that.
Chapter Seventeen
Seth
When I got back to the apartment, I found a not
e on the door. Tina was having yet another party. This was the third one in a month. She had made it clear to me that when she was having a party, I had to stay away. Officially, I never agreed to that rule, but her friends were assholes who were all about the party life, so I stayed away anyway.
Unfortunately for her, tonight I just wanted to relax. I didn’t want to spend the next six hours sitting in the student union texting her asking if it was over.
Standing on the stairs to the basement. I texted her.
“What the hell, Tina? Another party?”
She texted back, “Yes. Get lost.”
“End the party, Maniac,” I texted back. “I need to relax and go to bed.”
“It’s my apartment too,” she texted. “I pay half the rent.”
Fuck this. I didn’t care. I was too tired to walk back to campus. Besides, if I got inside now, maybe the party would break up early and everyone would leave. I walked inside. The usual losers were here: Dylan, Greg, Jaden and also Kyla and two other girls. Everyone looked pretty drunk.
“Wait, what?” said Kyla glaring at me. “You’re that creep that lived down the hall from Tina in the dorms.”
“I’m not a creep, Kyla,” I said. I was just about to tell her I lived in the apartment, but Tina interrupted me.
“Hey, Seth, buddy. You made it,” she greeted. “Guys, this is Seth. He used to live near me. Thanks for coming to my party.”
I got the message. She was clearing telling these idiots it was just her apartment, but that I was invited to the party. I guess that made partial sense. As far as they knew, my room was still back at campus. I was just visiting, and it wasn’t unheard of that I would go to parties.
“Yeah,” I sighed, pretending to look around the apartment like it was the first time I had ever been there. “This place is nice. Got any beer?”
Greg got up and handed me a beer. He put his arm around Tina when he went back to sit on the bed. Our bed. That was a clear signal. Back off, dude. I’m going to get with this chick. I don’t know why, but I had a sort of visceral reaction to that. I mean, I didn’t like Tina. If Greg became her boyfriend, he’d be doing me a favor. But I still felt my blood pressure rising. What the fuck is wrong with me?