“I’m sorry, Papa.” Elisabeth was rubbing her eyes with her free hand and holding the phone in her other.
“I know, baby girl. Let me see what I can do, okay? I’ll have to call him now. That won’t be pretty in itself. If anything Bart is, it’s a lover of his sleep.” Mr. Becker let out another big sigh.
“Thank you, Grandpa Billy!” I called out to him from my corner of the kitchen.
“You’re welcome, girls. I’ll do everything I can. Old Bart owes me a few favors anyway. It’s good to have the county district attorney in your back pocket, ya know.” He tried to make light of the situation, but his joke couldn’t quite surpass the intensity level in our kitchen.
“Thanks, Papa. We’ll be waiting up for your call,” Elisabeth hinted.
“I know, I know. I’ll call Bart as soon as we hang up. Geez, Melanie. You have one crazy life,” he said almost bitterly.
“Sorry, Grandpa Billy. I—” I said.
“Naw, never you mind. I’m tired, is all. Besides, I don’t think Lizzie’d ever forgive me if I let something happen to you because I was too lazy to lift an old man’s rump off the bed to help.” Mr. Becker let out an enormous yawn.
“We both appreciate it. Thank you,” I said with meaning.
Grandpa Billy was sleepy. Couldn’t say I blamed him. I was exhausted too. I suddenly felt so heavy, as if a blanket weighted down with stones on the corners had been flung over my shoulders. I slouched and leaned against the counter, utterly drained.
“I’m on it. I’ll probably call you tomorrow morning with some sort of answer. Hang tight. And, Melanie. This might sound like obvious advice to you, but if we can’t stop his release, please do not go meet that man at Folsom Prison tomorrow because you’re afraid of what he might do if you don’t. Promise me, baby girl,” he said urgently.
He’d never called me baby girl before. It made me pause as it warmed my numb thoughts.
“Hmm. No, sir. I mean, no, I won’t go. Never.” I said, my voice almost breaking with unexpected emotion.
“Good girl. I’ll be in touch. Love you both. Stick together now. None of that super independent feminist crap. That goes for you too, Lizzie,” he said in his most authoritative Grandpa voice.
“We’ll watch out for each other. We love you too,” Elisabeth said.
He hung up the phone, and we both stood there for a moment before breaking the silence.
“He really cares about you. I hope you know that, Mel,” Elisabeth said softly.
“I always knew he liked me, but I always felt like I was a pest to him,” I said.
“Naw. He can be a little brisk sometimes. But he’s all marshmallow inside. He keeps the “baby girl” title for only his most special gals. Elisabeth stepped around and hugged me with one arm as she gently lead me away from the kitchen and back toward the stairs.
“Do you think he and Bartholomew will be able to stop the early release?” I asked quietly.
“I know he’ll try his best. He’ll call in as many favors as he can to make it happen. But this is political. He was right about that. As much as I hate it, there is a game they have to play and legalities that have to be observed in the process,” Elisabeth said with a frustrated shake of her head.
“Do you think it would have helped if I had called you about his message earlier today? Do you think I shot myself in the foot by being too afraid to say something sooner?” I asked, worried I had royally screwed this up.
“No, Melanie. I think it would have been by the skin of our teeth regardless. As it is, eleven hours would be a miracle. Twenty-four would still have been a long shot. But we’ve got God on our side too, right? So somehow, it will all work out. Don’t worry.” She gave me a little squeeze and released me as we started up the stairs.
“It won’t do us any good to fret about it all night. We know where he is tonight—in Folsom Prison. He can’t harm you,” Elisabeth said from behind me.
“I hope Grandpa Billy calls before noon,” I said anxiously as I dragged my feet up the stairs one taxing step at a time.
“He will. Don’t worry,” she said reassuringly.
Oh, I hope so, I thought.
William Becker had always been kind and respectful to me even though I had obviously been a drunkard’s poor white trash daughter. I had always felt like a pest and inconvenience whenever I went to visit Elisabeth at his immaculately clean and spacious home on the other side of Redding. It was in a private, gated community that had its own lake and golf course.
I had been in high school the first time Elisabeth had introduced me to him. She had brought me over to meet him the weekend she had saved me from Jill and the gang since my father was still out of town on his camping and fishing trip with his drinking buds. I had been fifteen. A whole six years younger than his college attending granddaughter at the time. He had been gracious and courteous, and I had been too shy to say more than “hello” or “you have a beautiful home.”
Over the years, I had learned to relax and be more open. But it had taken me moving out with Elisabeth at a fresh eighteen years of age and several trips to his house to go hiking, shooting, boating, or fishing with him and Elisabeth to break the ice. There’s something about loading weapons or gutting a fish with someone that sort of brings out the bonding. That might be why men do it. It sure beats polishing the silver together or discussing fabric patterns like women in the old days.
I sighed as I meandered further up the steps at the memory. Elisabeth was so blessed to have him as a grandfather. I was damn lucky too.
Rush to Blush
Chapter Seventeen
Elisabeth bounced up a few steps to join me on the top of the stairs where I had come to a staggering halt.
“I think you were about to tell me about how work went tonight and explain that news report to me,” she said, a slight light reigniting in her eyes.
Didn’t the woman ever want sleep more than have a good mystery solved? I thought as I recalled her habit during her teaching summer breaks of staying up all night and reading an entire collection of books from a new series just so she could uncover all the mysteries and have all the answers as soon as possible. It must be nice to be a speed reader with such a high comprehension rate.
Elisabeth was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to either speak or keep walking. I sighed at her apparent persistence and meandered into my room like the little engine that could and dropped down on my bed with a bouncy plop.
Elisabeth came and perched herself on the end of my bed where she had been before as if there had been no interruption.
“How can you do that?” I asked a little agitated.
“Do what?” She said, bewildered.
“Sit there and close your mind off to the most anxious and potentially dangerous news we’ve dealt with in years? You are calm, in complete control of yourself, and ready to finish our chat without so much as another break from one topic to the next,” I retorted. “Didn’t listening to those messages and talking to Billy take the wind out of you? It did me.” I shivered.
“It started to, a bit. But I surrender to the fact it is out of my hands and in God’s. Tomorrow will unfold as it will, whether I fall apart and panic or not. The only question is, will I be levelheaded enough to deal with whatever tomorrow throws at me? That is something I can choose. And I won’t let a man like Dwayne Randal Bishop take my thoughts prisoner with cyclical worries and hysterics. That never changes anything. It only cripples you or prevents you from thinking clearly,” Elisabeth said calmly.
“True. But don’t you ever want to run screaming or freak out at anything?” I asked, amazed.
“Maybe for a moment, sometimes. But never much longer. Usually, my first instinct is to fight back, not run,” she answered evenly with a matter-of-fact tone.
“Right. Thanks for clearing that up,” I said snidely.
“You’re stalling,” she said pointedly.
“No, I’m not! I just wanted to know how you could possibly be
composed at a time like this. I can barely hang on to my peace of mind as it is. Yeah, I prayed and gave it to God. But I still feel dread inside and the old reactionary fear trying to sneak back in and strangle the peace out of me,” I said, rubbing my face and then looked at her with weary eyes.
“You’re still stalling,” Elisabeth said, sitting back more comfortably and looking coyly at me.
“I know.” I grunted, a little embarrassed at being called out. But I had been telling the truth.
“So, this morning in class…” Elisabeth started for me with a rolling wave of her hand to say get on with it.
“I know, I know. Get on with it,” I mumbled with dread.
“That humiliating was it?” Elisabeth asked intuitively.
“Worse,” I said sheepishly as I settled into my back rest made of pillows to tell her about my short yet eventful evening at work tonight. At the thought of David, I blushed. The heat crept up my face and knew I was rapidly growing beet red.
This was going to be the most embarrassing thing I had ever had to admit to her. I was always such a good girl. Chaste, pure, and totally inexperienced, for crying out loud! The farthest I had ever let a man, or rather a boy, go was in eleventh grade. His name had been Andrew. He had been sort of a friend who hung out where I usually sat to read my books at lunch. He’d come and sat next to me and handed me a little homemade birthday card. It was about a week late, but the thought was nice. It had been sweet actually, including a big cheesy picture of him on the inside with a hand drawn message bubble saying “Happy birthday, Melanie the beautiful.” I had smiled and said thank you. The next thing I knew, he had leaned over and kissed me full on the mouth, his tongue slipping in before I could push him off me. I had slapped him with all my might and ran off to spit up in the bathroom. It hadn’t been pretty.
“Only one thing can make you blush that deep,” Elisabeth said with her eyebrows raised. “Tell me about you and David.”
I sighed, a big slow release of resistance. Would it hurt her to be wrong for once? Just once? Was that so much to ask?
I’ve never even let a guy make it to second base and tonight I tried to force one into going straight for home base! And I have to say it out loud? Oh, this really sucks.
But I had promised to tell her everything later. Now was later.
Elisabeth waited quietly, the corners of her mouth threatening to give away her not so hidden amusement. She stayed perched like a pretty, hungry little baby birdy waiting for her worm to be dropped into her expectant mouth. I scowled at her.
“I’m so glad my humiliation is such a tasty treat for you, Ms. Elisabeth Abigail Becker,” I said with false bitterness. Her interest, however irksome, was slightly amusing.
Very slight.
“Melanie. Don’t get snippy with me. You promised to tell me everything you could. I’m trying to keep the information flowing,” she said patiently waving her hand again as if to say “get on with it.”
“Yeah, I know.” I sighed. I was unable to resist a large yawn escaping my mouth and I stretched upward in a long line to exaggerate my sleepiness and stall just a little bit more.
Crap, this is going to suck.
“So, you and David,” Elisabeth began for me.
“Okay, fine. Damn it.” Here goes nothing.
I explained to Liz about how every event this morning had compounded upon the next to leave me raw, disconnected, and so angry—from our fight in the kitchen, to David embarrassing me in class, and then to listening to the first message my father had left for me.
“I was angry at my father and at myself for still getting effected by him,” I pressed on.
“David was a convenient target for that swelling anger. I was overwhelmed by a desire to…to have him. Possess him. I was suddenly so consumed with an overwhelming passion and lust for him that I was almost drowning in it! I’ve only felt something like that once before. The night when I ran into that silent mystery man in Italy I told you about earlier.” I looked up at her and met her eyes, willing her to understand how powerful that feeling was.
Elisabeth nodded, looking serious, and said quietly, “Go on.”
So, I agonizingly confessed to Elisabeth the gist of what I had done to David. When I paused in a moment of self-disgust, Elisabeth sat in absolute silence. I looked up to see Elisabeth’s eyes were huge. Whatever she had expected me to say, this was not it. She closed her gaping mouth and opened it again as if to speak then closed it. After a moment of contemplation, she asked tentatively. “Did you succeed?”
I let out a barking laugh. It wasn’t a pretty sound. All of my emotions, the embarrassment, self-disgust, and anger at having given into the temptation to do those terrible things to David, all resonated like a tone-deaf choir in my hideous laughter. Once it died out with a shuddering sigh, I simply shook my head and closed my eyes.
“No. Thank God, no,” I breathed.
“Oh, good,” Elisabeth said with a release of air.
I opened my eyes and looked at her seriously. “I almost did though. We almost did. I think if we hadn’t been interrupted, we might have. Frank walked in on us.” I paused and took a big breath.
“Oh, wait, there was something else I wanted to tell you. Before that all happened with David, I mean.”
“Oh, no, you don’t! You can’t leave me hanging like that! Not after that rushed explanation. Details, Melanie. I need the details,” Elisabeth said, sitting up eagerly.
Now that she knew I hadn’t done the tacky nasty with David, she wanted the specifics. Guess I couldn’t blame her. I’d want them too if she did something so out of character as I had done. Human curiosity and all that. Or was that a girl thing? Naw, guys gossiped about girls too.
“Okay, fine. But don’t let me forget to tell you about my conversation with Frank when I first got to work, okay?” I said, a little agitated.
“I won’t,” she said, scooting up a little closer to me to listen, her eyes big with interest.
I sighed again. “Fine. Since you’re such a captivated audience,” I said with obvious sarcasm.
I pressed on and told her every embarrassing and humiliating detail about my attempt to conquer the rock hard, self-controlled, and incredibly good, David Jonathan Abramson. I explained how I had nearly succeeded in seducing him, all about my tactics, words, and physical interactions. I even confessed to her about his resolve to resist temptation where as I had welcomed it and how a part of me enjoyed it. Though now I hated myself for that.
“I never knew I would be capable of such a thing, Elisabeth. Me? Really? Me?” I asked with my hands outstretched in petition.
“You’re human, Melanie. We all are capable of doing unthinkable things sometimes,” she said gently.
“But me? I didn’t even know I had that in me. I’ve been so careful to protect myself from feeling anything for him. For any man, that is. I’ve always purposely tried to avoid intimate and physical connections. I’m not ready to date anyone. At least…I never was before,” I admitted.
“You just told me you did nearly everything you could to seduce this man except strip off your clothes and dance naked before him,” Elisabeth said.
“Liz!” I said in horror.
“It’s true, isn’t it?” Elisabeth said.
“Yes,” I whispered back in shame.
“So, you still had some self-control in there somewhere. You didn’t do everything you could have. And you learned a few things about yourself and about David from that encounter,” Elisabeth said intuitively.
“What good could have possibly come out of letting myself run amuck with the spirit of lust and indulging myself in temptation?” I asked, growing frustrated.
“First,” Elisabeth held up her index finger, “you learned even though you had an amazing encounter with God, you are still susceptible to sin and temptation. So that means you will need to keep your eyes open to those traps and your heart pure. You can be ready to guard yourself against it in the future.”
; She held up her middle finger to join the first finger. “Two. You learned that deep within you, there is a strong attraction to David and a desire to be close with him. Despite all your denials to the contrary and every wall you barricade around yourself, you still desire his affection, his friendship, and his companionship.” She looked at me knowingly.
“How could you possibly—” I began.
“Come to that conclusion?” Elisabeth interrupted me.
“Yes. Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Because you have been slowly opening up your mind to the idea of trusting David for a while now. It’s been evident in the little things you’ll say about him. The way you grow still and quiet when you think about him. Even the way you blush at the mention of him,” she answered me with a small smile.
“You can’t possibly know when I am thinking about him?” I said skeptically.
“I know the look of a blossoming love when I see it, Melanie. I see it in the rush of blood to your cheeks even now. The speeding of your pulse in your neck. You do want him.”
“Fine. Fine. I want him. What else did I get out of this encounter,” I said dismissively, waving my hands in the air as if to clear it from the topic I wanted to avoid.
We’d had a few brief conversation before like this about David, and I hadn’t been able to deny it then. Now was no different. I had even less ground to stand my denial on now anyway.
“Third,” Elisabeth held up her ring finger to join the first two fingers to stress her point, “I know you know without a doubt how much David cares about you. You said it yourself you could see it in his eyes. He is in love with you, Melanie. He wasn’t about to risk losing his future chances at a real relationship with you for a heated moment of passion he knew you would later regret and probably hate him for. He is a good man, Melanie. He’s worth taking a chance for,” Elisabeth said tenderly.
Broken Seed Page 21