by Skye Jordan
I’m struck by the normalcy of the situation, by the level of comfort we share with each other. A pang of longing hits me. Just as I think I miss this, Xavier slides his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. The pang drops lower in my body and turns into a vicious pull.
Truth be told, I haven’t had a particularly difficult time with my celibacy for the last year. The only man who’s ever made me think about or want sex during that time is Xavier. That desire was so much easier to ignore when I could keep walls up between us.
His body feels utterly divine against mine. Big, strong, warm. The faint scent of his cologne or soap mixes with the unique scent of Xavier, making me hungry for something completely different from Thai.
But all I have to do is think about one of the many times I’ve seen him out with different women for my mind to shut off those thoughts.
“Then why are you melancholy?” he asks.
“I don’t know. Seeing him is just… It brings back all the pain. I guess I’m just mourning the love I thought we had.”
He hums at my ear and kisses my neck.
I offer him a plate of food, and I’m both relieved and disappointed when he releases me to take it. “Let’s eat on the back deck.”
He reaches down and pulls his one chilled beer from the fridge, then replaces it with one from the cupboard.
I smile. “Who says men can’t be trained.”
“Ha. Now if some genius could figure out how to make it happen with women…”
By the time I meet him on the deck, he’s pulled off his boots and rolled up his uniform pants and sits on the edge of the swim platform, his feet in the water. I turn off all the lights so we can appreciate the starry sky and the water under moonlight. I sit beside him, dropping my feet in the cool water.
The last dinghy carrying Bodhi heads toward the body of the lake.
“Looks like everyone is back at their boats,” he says.
“I hear a bit of melancholy in your voice tonight too. What’s wrong?”
He sighs. “It’s just Piper.”
“What about her?”
While we eat, he tells me about Willow and Dale being at Piper’s house and how Karen didn’t come home until 3:00 a.m.
“Piper’s playing with fire,” he says, “and she’s still lying to me. I don’t know what to do to get through to her. Karen isn’t helping. She’s more interested in being twenty again than being a mom. I suggested that Piper stay with me when Karen’s going to be out late, and you’d think I’d told her she was looking old for her age or something. She was totally offended, saying I was insinuating she was a lousy mom.”
“That’s got to make Piper feel like shit,” I tell him. “There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re an afterthought or a nuisance to your only parent—except having no friends. Poor thing’s trying to deal with both. She’s lucky to have you.”
“She doesn’t see it that way.”
“It only seems like that on the surface. Besides, if it weren’t for you, she could very well be deep into drugs or sleeping around by now. That’s how I spent my youth, going to extremes in search of good feelings.”
“I guess there’s hope for her, then. You turned out incredible.”
I smile. “I’ll see what I can do about reaching Piper on a deeper level while she’s working here for the summer.”
“That would be amazing. She loves you. Keep me posted, would you? If you could give me a glimpse inside her head or tell me if she’s headed toward trouble, that would be a huge help.” He scoops white rice onto his plastic fork, then stabs a chunk of mango. “It’s just the lying. If I knew what was happening, I could deal with it head-on, but the lying… It makes me crazy.”
“Says the man who’s perpetuated a living lie.”
“This is different.”
“Everyone who lies thinks their lie is different.”
He bobs his head side to side, as if he sort of agrees, and we slide into comfortable silence for a few minutes. The night is finally taking an edge off the heat. The marina is quiet and serene. Another day down. One less day to worry about dealing with Bodhi. I think about Piper and Karen. About myself at Piper’s age and how so many of my mistakes could have been prevented with an adult like Xavier in my life at the time. It makes me think about the sacrifices he made by following Piper here.
“You never told me much about what happened with Keith,” I say, bringing up his partner. “Just that he was killed on duty.”
Xavier finishes a bite as he considers the comment. “Over the years, he got progressively more lenient with criminals. I don’t know why. Maybe it was watching Piper grow up, maybe it was related to a rift in his marriage.” He shrugs. “All I know is that he was letting more and more criminals go instead of taking them in, which only made things worse on the street. It was becoming a real problem between us when he died.”
I finish up my rice and mango and turn toward him, sitting cross-legged on the swim platform and sipping my sparkling water. “How did that cause his death?”
“There was this kid, a small-time drug dealer and repeat offender who was working himself up the food chain. He was a nice-enough kid, I guess, and Keith took a liking to him. One night, we caught him in the middle of a deal with tons of product and paraphernalia on him. He’d definitely upped his game, and we should have taken him in, but Keith let the guy go. We had a pretty big argument about it afterward. Keith thought he was giving the kid a chance to go back and make a better choice next time. I thought we were enabling more drugs to flow in the streets.”
Xavier puts his plate aside and leans back on one hand, using the other to hold his beer. “A week later,” he says, “we came across that same kid, who was higher than a kite, and when Keith tried to talk to him, the kid shot him.”
The force of that image shocks me.
“That’s why I like things to be upfront,” he says, “so there’s less chance of something biting you in the ass, or in that case, shooting you in the face. That’s why I harp on Piper about her friends. Why I try to get her to talk to me and be honest. It doesn’t help that her mother isn’t exactly setting a good example. When Karen finally got home this morning, she tried to tell me she was out with friends, but she smelled like sex. What she was doing is immaterial. The problem is she wasn’t home with Piper, allowing Piper to have less-than-ideal friends come over.”
I laugh softly.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. What are you thinking?”
“You’re just doing that kettle thing again. Karen isn’t the only one in Piper’s life setting a bad example.”
His mouth drops open, but nothing comes out. Then, finally, he mutters, “Well, shit.” Then he shoots me a half grin. “That’s really your fault. If you’d just date me—”
“Uh-uh. So not working. I’ll talk to Piper. See if I can reach her.”
His smirk turns into a smile, and damn, the man has a killer smile. “Can’t ask for more than that.” He sighs and gets to his feet. “Except a break from this heat.”
He reaches back, fists his T-shirt, and drags it over his head.
The move surprises me, and the body he uncovers is completely distracting. “What are you doing?”
“Cooling off.”
I’m preoccupied by the sight of his wide shoulders and sleek abs when he starts working on the button and zipper of his pants.
“Wilde, don’t you dare get naked on my boat.”
“Don’t worry, I only get naked by invitation.”
But he’s still undressing, dropping his pants and stepping out of them. Now, in nothing but boxer briefs, the moonlight drifts over his skin, creating stunning hills and valleys of muscle. And, as always when I get this rare opportunity, my gaze follows his happy trail to the deep vee of his pelvis, all directing my eyes to a very appealing package.
Before I can tell him to put his clothes back on, he jumps off the deck and
pulls his knees to his chest just before he hits the water, dousing me with a cannonball splash. The cold water shocks me, and I gasp, then laugh.
When Xavier surfaces, he’s grinning like the devil, his smile gleaming in the dark, his hair slicked back. “Come in with me.”
I’m caught between annoyance and humor. When he comes closer to the dock, I roll to my knees, plant my hand on his head, and push him under. But before I can get away, Xavier grabs my wrist.
He comes up for air, laughing. “Girl, you ought to know better.”
And he pulls me in.
I tumble headfirst into the cold water with a shriek that’s cut off the second I submerge, and I’m laughing even before I break the surface and swim out of his reach.
He’s right. I really should have known better.
He’s grinning at me, and, God, he looks so happy. His boyish humor rolls back the years and I feel like a teenager with a crush.
I splash him. “You little shit.”
“You gotta admit, it feels nice.”
“I don’t gotta admit anything.” But it does feel like heaven. Except for the wet clothes weighing me down.
I kick to the platform and plant my hands on the deck. Before I can push up, Xavier tugs on the back of my sports bra.
“Leaving so soon?” he asks with mischief in his tone. He floats in behind me and wraps his arms around my body. Ecstasy shocks me, and I suck in a breath. He’s all long limbs and tight torso, and with my hands on the deck—the only thing keeping us afloat—I’m at a disadvantage. “Stay awhile.”
His chest presses against my back, and our legs tangle. The intimacy of the situation makes tension coil inside me. I need to create some distance, even if it’s only emotional distance.
“Saw Kim Penton in town today,” I tell him. “She said to tell you to call her.”
He laughs softly against my shoulder. “Guess she hasn’t heard that I’m taken.”
That’s not the answer I expected, so I go for direct. “We should end this. It worked while I was trying to get back on my feet after Bodhi knocked me down, but I’m fine now. You should go back to your harem.”
“Harem? Seriously?”
“You can tell everyone you were just doing me a favor.”
He goes quiet a long moment before resting his chin on my shoulder. “What if I don’t want it to end?”
All my air exits on a heavy exhale. He’s throwing me curves when I’m expecting fastballs. He kisses my jaw, then my neck. Flares ignite in my brain, signaling danger, but he feels so good. “I…we… What?”
“This chemistry has been burning between us from the day we met. I want to see where it goes.”
I cross my arms on the deck, so I use less energy holding us both up.
“Is that really want you want? To end all your freedom with other women?”
“I’m only entertaining other women because I’ve been waiting for you.”
Everyone close to us has said as much, but he’s never admitted it before. Angst fizzes in my gut.
“I’m not Bodhi,” he says, his voice soft. “I’m always upfront and honest, even if what I have to say is hard to hear. This thing between us has never been a lie for me.”
He’s making my heart beat double time.
I turn to face him, forcing him to deal with the floatation issue. He holds the swim deck with one hand and me with the other arm, so I’m flush against him. And, damn, his body…
My brain tries to slide out from under me, but I force it to stay on duty and speak from my heart. “You have no idea how much our friendship means to me. I’d never trade that for sex, no matter how good. Never.”
The reality hurts the way it does every time I think about having to keep my feelings for Xavier in a box.
He kisses me. It’s a lingering kiss, and when he pulls back, his gaze is so…affectionate. My heart flutters, demanding to be let loose.
“They don’t have to be mutually exclusive,” he says. “Isn’t that what the best relationships are? Being in love with your best friend?”
Whoa. Love? Did I just hear Xavier Wilde talk about being in love?
It’s enough to shoot my blood pressure through the roof. “What’s…” I look around for normalcy, for something to ground me. “What’s happening right now?”
I don’t wait for an answer, I turn away, plant my hands, push up on the deck, and manage to get out before he drags me back, but before I can even stand, he’s got a solid grip on my ankle, and his devious smile is back.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Away from you. Were you drinking on duty today? You’re not acting right.”
He pushes up and out of the water, then he’s kneeling over me, grinning, streaming water onto me. I sputter, laugh, push at his chest. “Wilde, you’re acting like a crazy man.”
I crab-walk backward to put space between us, but he follows, that boyish grin making me laugh. Until he reaches out, cups the back of my neck, and pulls me in for a kiss. A hard, meaningful, mind-tipping kiss.
And, fuck, yeah, I kiss him back, even though I know I shouldn’t.
Just when I’m sure he’s going to pull away, he tilts his head and strokes his tongue into my mouth. It’s jolting in the most sensual way, and I know I’m walking right into the perfect trap he sets for all women—making himself irresistible until they take the bait, then moves on.
Thinking about that moving-on part breaks the spell. I pull back and find his gaze dark and dreamy.
“I want you,” he says. “I want you in a way I’ve never wanted anyone. It won’t ruin our friendship. It will make it better. Deeper.”
I’m about to argue when he wraps me up in his arms and sits back, pulling me into his lap. He strokes my cheeks with both thumbs and murmurs something he’s probably heard me say a hundred times, “Listen to your heart, Chloe.”
That’s all it takes for the tether on my heart to snap.
10
Xavier
Something shifts in Chloe’s eyes. I can’t tell whether it’s good or bad until she wraps her arms around my neck and sinks into a soul-searing kiss.
Yes.
Adrenaline surges through my body. My heart opens, my stomach floats. South of the border, I’m already hard, have been for what seems like an entire year, and the way she moves her hips against mine makes starbursts rocket through my body. The abandon in her kiss and the heat of her mouth turns all my thoughts to vapor.
One of her hands slides into my hair, her head tips a little more, and she answers my need by spiraling her tongue around mine. I groan into her mouth, slide my hands down her back, grip her hips, and pull her against my erection.
She echoes my moan, then breaks the kiss, breathing fast and shallow. Her light eyes have turned dark, her apprehensive expression now soft. “Promise me we’ll always be friends.”
“I promise. Always.”
“This is just sex,” she insists. “Just…friends with benefits.”
What-the-fuck-ever. I kiss her neck. “Uh-huh.”
“And it stays between us. The crew will never know.”
I bite her earlobe. “You and rules.” But I agree because, damn, I’m turned inside out with need. “Fine.”
“Last one.” She pulls back, cups my face, and lifts my head until I’m meeting her gaze. “It ends when the retreat is over.”
No. That one I’m not going for. “Compromise. You give me your all for the next seven days, and if you still want to call it off, I’ll accept it.”
She’s breathing hard, and I recognize that look on her face. She wants me just as much. “Deal.”
I slide my fingers beneath the edge of her bra and drag it off over her head. It’s not the easiest thing to do when she and her clothes are wet, and we’re both laughing by the time I toss it aside.
But the humor quickly melts as I cup her breasts, making a pillow for my face to press kisses there. I rake my stubble across one nipple before taking it in my mouth an
d soothing it with my lips and tongue. When she breathes a sound somewhere between a purr and a moan, I repeat the move with the other breast. Her hands tighten in my hair, her hips rock against my erection, her breathing comes quicker, her eyes slide closed.
It’s a thrill to see her rise with nothing but my mouth on her tit and my cock pressed between her legs. I want to know if I can make her come with nothing but my mouth on her breasts, but judging by the way she’s riding my erection, that will have to go on my to-do list, along with about twenty other ways I want to make her come.
Right now, she’s headed toward climax, and I want to keep her on that trajectory. I scrape my teeth across one nipple and gently bite down, then suck.
“Fuck,” she murmurs in a whine. I growl against her skin and move to the other breast. Scratch, bite, soothe. The sounds she makes are intoxicating, the way she moves mesmerizing.
“Jesus.” She’s on the edge. Her arms tighten around my head; her cheek rests against my hair. I moan against her skin, adding a vibration across her nipple. Take her hips in my hands and pull her harder against my cock.
She whimpers. Her fingers fist my hair. The sound of pleasure rolls in her throat, and her body goes rigid a split second before the orgasm rocks her in a spasm of shivers.
Even through two layers of clothing, I feel her sex clench.
The thrill courses through my veins—sensations of accomplishment, affection, white-hot lust. In that moment, I know I’ve never wanted a woman like I want Chloe. Levi, Ben, and other friends insist sex is always better with someone you love, and now I know that’s true—even before we have actual sex.
I hold her against me as I get to my feet and carry her inside. Another time, when the property isn’t swarming with retreat attendees, I can think of a dozen places to take Chloe for outdoor sex, but with her ex creeping around, I want to keep things at least semiprivate.
She lifts her head when I step through the door into her bedroom. The space is postage-stamp tiny. Before I set her on her feet, she takes my face in both hands and kisses me.