“So… basically we just have a beach party?”
Hannah crossed her arms. “If you insist on belittling my master plan, then yes. We’re having a beach party. But this is only the first part of the plan. Right now we’re just trying to get Daniel to stay in town for the rest of the summer.”
“Speaking of Daniel.” Emma coughed. “And speaking of the devil … here they come.”
I whipped my head around, forgetting to act calm and normal, and saw Daniel carefully making his way down the uneven boardwalk. He wore a patterned tank top, cutoff denim shorts, and a frown. The frown made sense because Katie was by his side.
“I’m going to start on the hot dogs,” Blake told us urgently, hurriedly searching for roasting sticks.
Emma got up and followed him. “Let me help!”
“I’m coming too,” Michael said.
Hannah put a hand to her forehead. “Guys, what happened to helping Will?”
“We’re just waiting for the initial storm to pass,” Emma whispered, clutching a bag of potato chips to her chest like a shield.
I turned my attention back to Daniel. He had evidently noticed me, as his expression had blackened. But he didn’t seem angry … more like sad and, possibly, frightened. Katie, dressed immaculately in shorts and a baggy off-the-shoulder sweater, seemed indifferent to my presence.
“Hey, guys,” he muttered uncomfortably once they arrived at the bonfire. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing much,” Hannah answered with a wide grin. “Just the most epic farewell bonfire we have ever put together. We’ve got hot dogs, chips, soda, s’mores for dessert, and—”
“That doesn’t sound any better than the bonfire last year, Hannah,” Katie said with major sass. “The only thing different is that he’s here.”
I guess Katie wasn’t over the whole boy-kissing-her-boyfriend thing. I was sensing a bit of hostility. Daniel had been staring at his feet the whole time but now looked up at me. He blinked a few times, surprised by my new look. But there was also pain in his eyes, and I felt a pang of culpability. He said softly, “Hey, Will.”
I was so surprised that he’d actually spoken to me that I barely managed a choked, “Hi.”
“If I hadn’t have been interrupted, Katie,” Hannah snapped, narrowing her eyes, “you would have heard me say that we have alcoholic beverages in our possession. Maybe that sounds a little more exciting to you?”
“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” Katie told her. “You know, given what happened last time certain people got drunk.”
Daniel cringed and clenched his jaw. “Katie.”
“Hot dogs?” Blake interrupted, thrusting a stick into Daniel’s hand. He offered one to Katie, who grabbed it roughly. “Awesome. Let’s get these wieners roasting, okay?”
The tense moment deflated, we all made our way around the fire. Katie slid up next to me and whispered in my ear, “If there’s any funny business tonight, the hot dogs won’t be the only wieners roasting … understood?”
“Uh-huh,” I squeaked.
She smiled at me, her teeth bleached white and dangerous-looking. “Good.”
I plopped myself down in the sand next to Hannah. She had strategically placed herself so that we would have a perfect view of Daniel across from us. However, this also meant that every time I looked up, I would have to see Katie’s hellish face through the flickering flames.
“Well, it’s certainly nice to see everyone all together again,” Hannah announced, jamming her hot dog deep into the flames. It hissed in the heat.
Katie groaned. “That’s disgusting, Hannah.”
“Shriveled, black, and hard.” She shrugged. “Just like your heart.”
“Okay,” Blake boomed, reaching for a bottle of liquor and a stack of plastic cups. “Why don’t we just pretend to get along for now, all right? Can we try to have a peaceful night? Please?”
As he distributed the cups and filled them with an amber liquid that smelled of permanent marker, Katie and Hannah groaned in unison. Emma stood by Blake, raising her cup. “A toast! To an awesome summer with old friends … and new ones.”
We raised our glasses, and Katie caught my eye, tipping her cup in my direction with a sourpuss expression. I nodded at her, offering a thin smile. And then I noticed Daniel looking at me, his eyes blazing in the firelight. I so wanted to pull him aside and talk to him. There was so much to say. But when he saw me looking, he turned away.
“To summer!” Blake cheered.
We echoed. “To summer!”
As the sky became streaked with dashes of pink and orange, darkening until the sun tucked itself into bed, our cups were never empty. The fire blazed on, a luminous beacon on the beach. On the dark horizon, the ocean was calm and inky, and its waves lapped gently at the shore.
I found myself sitting alone on a small mound of sand. My pant legs were rolled up—though God only knows how I’d managed to fold over those sausage casings—and my boots and socks were gone. I hoped they were somewhere safe. I was not drunk but certainly somewhat buzzed. I’d learned my lesson at the party.
Blake and Emma were dancing around together further down the beach, lighting sparklers, and playing in the surf. When the sparklers ran out, their shadows fell to the sand together, and they stayed down for a long time.
“Mind if I join you?” The voice startled me. It was somewhat tentative and definitely male. And when I looked up, Daniel was standing beside me.
I nodded a few times. “Sure.”
He sat down far enough away from me that the distance was noticeable. We sat quietly for several minutes. I waited for him to say what he’d come to say.
“I’m leaving tomorrow, Will.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“It’s for the best.”
“Okay.”
“That’s it?”
“I don’t know what there is for me to say,” I told him. All the words I’d prepared for him had deserted me.
He tousled his hair. “Will, about what happened … I really—”
“Truth or dare!” Hannah screeched, skipping down to the waves and kicking at the water. She had a gigantic flashlight in her hand, training its beam on each of us in turn. “Truth or dare!”
“Bitch!” Emma shouted when the light fell on her and Blake.
“I love you, bitch,” Hannah called over. “Everybody, gather around the fire; it’s truth or dare time. It’s tradition.”
With a loud whoop, she pirouetted away. Emma and Blake picked themselves up off the sand and trudged back toward us, Emma practically disappearing into his side. Blake’s shirt was draped over a shoulder, and he winked at me as they passed.
“We should go,” Daniel whispered. I’d forgotten that he was even sitting there. Before I could answer, he was on his feet and plodding to the fire. I followed.
Hannah distributed glow stick necklaces and s’mores and refilled everyone’s cups. She was totally giddy, and I wondered how much she’d had to drink. I thought it was kind of funny how the mastermind of the evening’s plan had interrupted Daniel and me.
“Welcome to the … how many years has it been, again?” She paused, frowning, before bursting into a grin. “Whatever. It’s the annual game of truth or dare.”
Michael cheered, and Katie applauded loudly, wobbling from her perch on a cooler. The rest of us clapped unenthusiastically. Blake was grumbling about wanting to get back to what he’d been doing.
“So who wants to go first?” Hannah said way too loudly.
Emma hissed, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“It’s tradition, Em.”
Michael blurted out, “I’ll go first.”
“Awesome!”
“So … Hannah,” he said, grinning slyly. “Truth or dare?”
“Truth. I’m not that drunk.”
I barked out a laugh before I could stop myself. Michael shot me a look as everyone else tried to stifle their own sniggering. Hannah squinted her eyes at him. “You’re cute … I’ll admit that. But I don’t want to be arrested for pedophilia so—”
“Oh, shut up,” he growled, flinging a s’more at her. Hannah made kissing noises.
“Your turn, Hannah.”
The fog in her eyes seemed to lift a bit, and she turned sharply to her twin. “Daniel … my brother from the same mother.”
His smile fell, and he coughed nervously. “Uh, yeah?”
“Truth or dare?”
“Truth,” he said.
She smiled too brightly and faked a laugh. “Why are you leaving town so early?”
My stomach dropped. Maybe there was real method to her madness. And I certainly didn’t like the way the method was turning out. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. I looked over at Daniel and saw his Adam’s apple bob as he gulped. His eyes looked panicked. “I … don’t know what you mean. We have to go prepare for school. There’s nothing more to it.”
“Are you sure that you’re telling the truth?” she goaded.
He looked briefly at me. “Yes. I’m sure.”
I felt terrible, because I knew what he was feeling. In that moment, I was able to look past the anger I felt toward him for alienating me from my friends. I saw the very fear that I had also experienced, the constant denial and pressure to keep a shameful secret.
I knew that my mission had changed. After our very dramatic night together, there was no question that Daniel had outed himself in every way but in words. This was no longer about me or what I wanted from him. This was about making sure Daniel knew he was loved and supported by his friends, so he wouldn’t feel the need to retreat back into the darkness of the closet. Once he knew where he stood with his friends … well, then I’d see where he and I stood.
With a clear new mandate, I was ready to take a stand and call the plan off. The elaborate evening Hannah had set up as a method to take revenge would not continue. I would put an end to it and—
“Will,” Daniel said. “Truth or dare?”
I was so startled that I immediately and stupidly responded, “Dare.”
Daniel seemed stunned, frowning in thought. He was expecting me to choose truth, and I had to wonder what question he was planning on asking me. Throwing up a hand in confusion, he said, “I don’t know … uh, chug … something.”
In seconds, Blake had thrust a full cup of foul-smelling liquid into my hand. I eyed it warily, swirling the contents around and cursing as some of it sloshed out.
“You have to do it,” Hannah announced. “It’s the rules.”
I glanced back and forth between the six pairs of eyes glowing in the firelight. And then I brought the cup up to my lips. I didn’t know what was in the cup, but it scalded my throat on the way down. I vaguely heard everyone chanting for me as the cup became emptier, my head became lighter, and my body became much heavier.
I gasped once I was done, and someone thumped me on the back in congratulations. The blow almost sent me face-first into the sand. This was a problem. How was I supposed to tell Daniel what I had to tell him if my brain was short-circuiting?
“Will, it’s your turn.”
I frowned. “My turn for … what?”
“Okay.” Hannah laughed. “Way to go, Daniel … you fucked him up.”
Daniel clenched his jaw. “Sorry.”
“Let’s go to Blake for the next one. For now, I think Will’s better off as an observer.”
Through the haze that had clouded my mind, I somewhat followed the progression of the game. Maybe it was a good thing I’d been sidelined because the truths began delving into deeply personal places, and the dares became more and more sexual.
When I clued back in a certain point, Blake was retrieving marshmallows from Emma’s bra … without using his hands. Hannah and Michael were sitting very close together, and Katie was rosy-faced and giggling.
“I have one,” I slurred suddenly. Everyone looked at me, surprised. “Katie … truth or dare?”
“Uhm …”
“Psst!” I whispered, snorting. “Choose dare.”
“Dare.”
“I … dare you … to go skinny-dipping!” I exclaimed. Blake choked on a marshmallow and started howling with laughter. Emma joined in, and the delirium spread to Hannah and Michael.
She nodded, considering, and said, “Fine. But I dare you to do it with me!”
The image of the List fluttered to the front of my memory. Skinny-dipping was somewhere on there, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember the number. It didn’t seem to matter much. The alcohol in my system made the decision very easy. “Let’s do it.”
“Have fun with your little game,” Katie said, wiggling her fingers in farewell. She stood up and grabbed me by the hand, yanking me to my feet. Blake and Emma went at it again, as did Hannah and Michael. The last thing I saw was Daniel’s intense stare as I hurried off toward the edge of the ocean with his girlfriend.
Far away from the fire, it felt very private. I giggled, thinking that Katie and I were about to act out the beginning of a porno. She laughed along with me. I liked drunk Katie. She was nice.
“Turn around,” she told me, twirling her finger.
I laughed. “I’m gay, remember?”
“Oh … yeah. But still.”
So I turned around, tugged off my shirt, and squirmed out of my pants. All that was left were my lovely new underpants. I snuck a glance back at the fire but couldn’t quite see anybody. They could have been watching me through binoculars for all I knew. But the fuzz in my brain had become a burning heat coursing through my whole body. I stuck my thumbs under the waistband and pulled the last remaining garment down.
My heart thudded urgently, and I felt an adrenaline rush unlike anything I’d felt before. Katie’s hand slipped into mine, and we dashed into the surf, screwing our eyes shut at the cold bite of the water. I thought how glad I was that Daniel wasn’t with me, because the cold water was doing something to my body that I didn’t want him to see. It made a certain something very unimpressive, to be clear.
The waves became larger and swallowed us up to our shoulders. We pushed out further, letting go of each other and treading water as the ocean floor slanted away.
“Wanna go under?” she shouted over the sound of the water.
“Sure!”
So we sucked in huge lungfuls of air and slipped beneath the surface. The water was truly frigid, and it gave me instant brain freeze. I felt as if I’d been jolted back to my senses with an electric shock.
Spluttering, I returned to the surface and shook out my hair. I learned quickly that alcohol combined with waves is not a good mix. My head reeled. But I’d never felt more alert and exhilarated.
“This is amazing!” Katie laughed. I saw that the sense had returned to her eyes. Skinny-dipping was a truly sobering experience.
“Yeah,” I answered, not quite sure what else to say.
Her eyes fell to the rippling surface of the water. She pushed aside the darkened locks of hair that were plastered to her face. “It’s a little weird, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“You and me,” she said. “Doing something like this together, I mean. We’re supposed to hate each other.”
I nodded. “Yeah, we’re supposed to.”
She laughed ruefully and shook her head. “I should want to drown you right now, you know? I should want to … I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry, Katie.” It was a simple statement and surprisingly sincere. I laughed. “I shouldn’t be, right? But I am.”
Katie looked at me strangely. “Will, I hate you. I hate hate hate you. You know that, right?”
>
“Yes.”
“Daniel was mine … the one thing that I had. And then he got taken from me by someone I never thought I’d need to worry about. I was always looking at the other girls, wondering which one he would find prettier than me. I should have been following his eyes and looking at the guys.”
“If it’s worth anything, I hate you so much. I hate you because you had him. Maybe it was stupid to hate someone over a guy. But I loved him … and he chose you. So I hate you.”
She smiled. “You don’t hate me nearly as much as they do. Why is that?”
“I don’t really know,” I answered. “I just remember thinking that there had to be more to the story. Sure you were—are—pretty, and you go to a good school, and you’re rich and stuff … but you didn’t seem to be the major C-word that Hannah made you out to be.”
“I appreciate it.” She chuckled.
I nibbled on my lip, not wanting to push my luck with the new harmony between us. “So … why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do they think you’re such a bitch?”
Katie sank a little lower so that the water pooled in the dip between her shoulder and collarbone. “Maybe it’s because I am one.”
“You’re not really a—”
“No,” she interrupted, smiling. “It’s okay. I know that I can be a bitch. I’m proud of it actually, even if I’m hated for it. It’s better than the alternative.”
“I … I don’t understand.”
“I’m a bitch because I refuse to be weak,” she told me. “I’m a slut because I go after boys, not the other way around. I’m a stupid, spoiled brat because my family has money. And I’m apparently the antagonist in Hannah’s life because I don’t let her walk all over me. I fight back.”
“Oh.” There was nothing really profound to say. Katie had been wrongly vilified.
“Is that so wrong? Is it really that bad for me to be strong?” She needed me to understand. “I see what weakness does to my mother. She gets tipsy by noon and spends the whole day at the slot machines while my dad fucks his bimbo secretary against the wall. She knows … but she’s weak.”
The Big Summer Page 22