by J. L. Drake
I walked back to the house, up to my room, and pulled out my suitcase. I packed as much as I could since I didn’t have any idea how long I would be gone. I just knew I had to leave. I took a seat by the window and felt myself shut down while I waited for the sun to come up.
At 6:00 a.m. I walked out the front door with my suitcase in hand. I turned the key to my lipstick-red BMW 5 Series and drove off. I didn’t stop once on my three hour drive to Temecula to the only family I had in the United States. I hadn’t seen them since my dad died. David and Shawna were like my second set of parents as I grew up. They had loved me as if I were their own.
I drove up their long driveway and hoped I had made the right decision. As I parked, Shawna came outside the house. When she saw me, she put her hand over her mouth. “David!” she yelled, coming toward me as I reached for my purse. She came right up and hugged me. “Emily,” she said through tears. “We’ve missed you so much.”
David came running out. “Oh my God, come here, girl.” He wrapped his big arms around me. I felt like I was hugging my father. We all hugged and cried together for what seemed like forever. It was wonderful.
***
Seth
I heard someone turn a key and come into the house. The beeping of buttons on the security pad sounded utterly too loud in my thumping brain. My eyes fluttered open, but everything was blurry. I closed them again, moaning. I felt like shit.
“Hey, Seth, wake up,” I heard my partner say. “Jesus, you smell like a frat house.” The footsteps moved around, and Garrett’s shadow cast dark moments of relief on my eyes. “Where’s Em?”
I flashed back to several hours ago and tried to replay what had happened. I heard Garrett go up the stairs. I pulled my heavy body up and held my head in my hands. This was one of the top reasons why I didn’t drink.
“Seth!” Garrett ran back down the stairs. His face was pale. “Did Emily have plans today?”
“No. Why?” I flinched at my growing headache.
Garrett held up the note. “Because she’s gone.”
I didn’t think twice and shot toward him. “What?” I pluck the note, all pain pushed aside for the moment.
Need some time alone.
Em
Garrett looked at me. “Do you think he took her?”
I shook my head, holding my stomach. “No,” I whispered. “I think this was my doing.”
“What do you mean?”
I rubbed my hands over my face as the night came rushing back to me. “I was really upset last night. I had a lot to drink, and I think I told her that I…I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her.”
“How could you do that to her, man?” Garrett looked horrified. “It’s Emily. You’ve been in love with her since the day you met her.”
My stomach twisted and rolled. I felt like I was going to be sick. Garrett pulled out his phone. “You’d better hope we get to her before he does.”
***
Emily
I sat in their big, country kitchen. The walls were painted a cheerful shade of green, and a large picture of a meadow hung beside their breakfast nook. The appliances were new, and I could tell their floors had been redone, but it still had that same homey feel it had always had.
The faint smell of fresh-baked banana muffins filled the air, something I had so desperately missed since I came here as a little girl.
Shawna handed me a cup of coffee. She could always tell when I was upset. I wrapped my hands around the hot mug, seeking warmth even though I wasn’t cold. I just felt numb.
I felt a slight pinch in my gut for the way I left. I was sure the guys were going mad looking for me. But Seth’s words, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you, repeated over and over in my head, and it made my eyes moisten. I swallowed hard and pushed the thought back down deep inside me. I didn’t want to show my pain. I…I didn’t know what I wanted.
I felt David’s eyes on me. Finally he broke the silence. “I feel like I’m looking at Mitch.” His voice cracked as he reached for my arm, giving it a squeeze.
I forced a smile through the pain of his name. Hardly anyone talked about Dad anymore, let alone used his name. “I miss him,” I whispered.
Shawna looked down, no doubt trying to restrain herself. “We do too, sugar. He was such an important part of our lives. You all were. How is your mother?”
Who cares?
I shrugged. “She’s alive. That’s about as much as I know.”
Shawna took my hand. “We always hoped you would visit us again. Is everything all right, dear?”
I have a crazy psychopath after me and my boyfriend wishes he didn’t know me. Everything is not all right!
“Would it be okay if I stayed here a couple of days?”
I’ve never felt more lost and alone. I need you guys.
Shawna squeezed my hand in delight. “Of course. Stay as long as you like.” I let out a thankful sigh.
The sun felt nice as I stood and leaned over the rail and sipped the remainder of my coffee. My gaze traveled over their massive piece of property. I closed my eyes and remembered running through the tall grass up to the stables to find my pony waiting for me. I’d pick some fresh carrots along the way, knowing they were her favorite. My father would laugh when she nuzzled at my hand, wanting them. His laugh seemed to echo off the hills. God, I missed him so much.
“Em,” David said as my eyes popped open, “you want to come into town with me this morning?”
I quickly wiped away a tear as I turned. “I’d love to.”
It took me two tries to get into his silver Ford F350. It was higher than I expected it to be. David didn’t strike me as someone who would lift his truck, but guys would be guys, I guessed.
He didn’t say much on the drive in, which was perfect for me. I watched as the rolling hills flew by the window and then were taken over by small town buildings. It was such an old-fashioned-looking town, but with a mix of new. I had missed this little place. I missed a lot of things I didn’t know I did.
We pulled up to Berry’s Hardware Store. Okay, so some things hadn’t changed at all. The paint still looked like the original coat. I hopped out carefully and rested my hand on the door to better stabilize myself. David waited patiently as I made my way over to him. He opened the squeaky screen door for me and gestured me forward with his hand.
A tall woman came to greet us. “Morning, David, what can I do for you today?” She turned and gave me a friendly smile. “Hello.”
I smiled back and moved off to the side and pretended to look around. I wasn’t overly friendly today. The woman and David talked for a bit about what he needed. She made a few comments about me, but he didn’t bite or give away any information. He must have thought I was in trouble, but he never let on, nor would he ever gossip about it. A guy loaded up the back of David’s truck with plywood and fencing material.
When we were done, he pulled into a little diner named B & P’s. “You need to eat something. You’re too small,” he muttered as he opened the truck door. I huffed under my breath. David was always concerned when people didn’t eat, or maybe he thought I wouldn’t ask if I was hungry.
When we walked through the doors, all eyes were on me. David ignored them and sat at a table in the corner. I looked down at what I had on, a pink tank top and ripped jean shorts. I didn’t think I stuck out. Maybe they thought I was his niece. Most folks knew he and Shawna had tried to have kids, but Shawna wasn’t able to carry one. When I was a baby, they decided to co-own me with my father. That had always made me laugh.
David chuckled while I looked at the menu. “You look the same, honey. People are most likely trying to place you.” That was probably true since most of the people here had watched me grow up.
Breakfast was good. David still snarled at how little I ate, but the servings were too large to begin with.
I knew I had to call someone so they didn’t worry about me. I needed them to know I just needed some time to sort out things in my
head. I grabbed my phone and walked out to the patio. I turned it on, and noticed seventeen missed calls and a billion texts from Seth and Garrett. I quickly scanned through my list of favorites and called Erin. She answered on the second ring.
“Emily? Where are you? Are you okay?” Her voice sounded stressed.
Guilt flooded me again. “I’m all right. I just needed some time to clear my head. Things got to be too much.”
Shawna popped her head out the door.
“Hey, sugar, we’re heading for a ride, you want to come?” I shook my head no but mouthed, “Thank you.”
“Who was that?” Erin demanded, but I didn’t answer. There was a pause. “Emily, what if he finds you? What if—?” I felt the knot in my stomach twist.
I cut her off. “I’m being careful.”
I heard a door shut on her end of the phone. She lowered her voice. “What happened with you and Seth? He’s freaking out.”
I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose. I needed a moment to lean on my best friend. “He said it was a mistake, getting involved with me.”
“He said what? I’m going to kick his ass.”
I paused and swallowed back a sob that was trying to fight its way up. “Look, Erin, I’m fine. I just wanted you to know.”
“Emily, please tell me where you are. Or at least, when you’re coming back,” she pleaded with me.
“Not sure.” I hung up quickly; I didn’t want to hear her voice. What a shitty friend I was for putting her in the middle of this after she had cared for me when I got…hurt.
I felt like I’d just gotten punched in the stomach. Everything was so confusing. I took a seat and watched David and Shawna happily ride up the trail together. I wanna be happy.
***
Seth
I stood impatiently in the patio doorway of Emily’s house. “What did she say?” I felt exhausted, and the constant waves of nausea didn’t help the situation.
“Not much,” Erin said as she shook her head. “She sounded tired, but okay. She said she needs some time.”
I took a shaky step forward. My eyes narrowed in as they tore into hers. “Are you aware of how much danger she’s in? She didn’t give you any indication of where she was? Come on, Erin, think!” I shouted in her face. Fuck! This was so frustrating!
Erin’s lips drew into a thin line and her eyes narrowed. “Actually, she did. When I asked her what happened with you guys, she said she was a mistake. She tried to hide the fact that she was crying, but I could hear it in her voice! What did you say to her, Seth?” Her hands were on her hips and her chin stuck out.
My face snapped back like she had just slapped me. Oh God, what had I done?
Garrett came out behind me. “She didn’t say anything to you about where she was?” he asked as he refocused the conversation.
Erin’s body language loosened as she shook her head. “Umm…” She tried to think. “Wait!” I looked up, hopeful. “A lady spoke to her.”
I ran my hand through my hair. “What did she say?” I asked gently. I didn’t want to be any more of an ass than I already was.
Erin closed her eyes. “That she and someone were taking a ride and wanted to know if Em wanted to go along. Oh! And she called her sugar.”
Garrett nodded. “Well, that’s a start.”
***
Emily
I walked up to the barn. David and Shawna were long gone now. The heavy, red barn doors slid open surprisingly easily on their tracks. The smells of fresh hay and horse manure filled my nose as I stepped onto the concrete floor. A few photos hung on the walls, mostly of me when I was little with my pony, and two of my dad and me up by the old lake. In one of the five, Mom was off to one side, looking a million miles away. She had only been here a handful of times. She always had a reason not to come. Not to be a part of our lives.
Shaking my head at the memory, I headed to the third stall on the right in the back corner. I ran my fingers over the carving in the wood. It read, “D & E”—Dad and Emily. I was surprised by the emotion that came over me. I was glad I was alone.
After my brief cry, I decided to take Claire, their new horse, for a ride. She had a sweet personality and the whitest mane I’d ever seen. We took the trail I knew best. I rode for about fifteen minutes until I came to a little water hole. We used to take family picnics there. It had been our little slice of heaven.
I hopped off, bringing Claire to the water for a drink. I splashed some cool water on my own face, relieving my puffy eyes. Then I looked around. It hadn’t changed too much. Big weeping willows lined the edge of the water in a horseshoe shape. Rays of sun shone through the branches. It looked like a Thomas Kinkade painting. I leaned my head against Claire’s neck as she moved into me, seeking attention too. Seth’s words were still playing over and over again inside my head. They made my insides ache.
We both stood like that, enjoying each other’s company. Neither of us made a sound. There was no judgment, just unspoken companionship.
When I was a few feet away from the barn, I hopped down and walked the rest of the way. I stopped in front and turned to Claire. “Thanks for the ride, girl.” I leaned over and rubbed her neck. She was fast becoming my new best friend.
“She likes you,” a voice said, startling me. I whirled around to see a guy holding a saddle. He wore a white t-shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. He was tall, with a five o’clock shadow. I smiled, thinking that Pete would be a puddle at this man’s feet if he were here. I missed Pete.
I walked past the man into the barn. He watched me but didn’t say anything else.
After I got Claire settled and removed my dirty riding boots at the door, I grabbed a bottle of water and went upstairs for a shower. I pulled on a white sundress and silver flip flops and made my way down to the kitchen.
Shawna smiled. “Don’t you look pretty? The neighbors are going to be joining us for dinner tonight.” I nodded as I leaned over the counter and rearranged the apples in the bowl. Shawna opened a bottle of white wine and poured us each some. She raised her glass. “To family.” I smiled and tapped her glass to mine.
“Emily, could you be a dear and get me some fresh tomatoes from the garden out back?” I grabbed a basket and went outside. The garden was full of fresh vegetables: green beans, yellow beans, carrots and…oh yes, tomatoes. Everything looked delicious. I picked a few tomatoes and watched as the sun set over the house.
I couldn’t help but wonder what Seth was up to. Then I heard voices. Our company had arrived. Time to be friendly, Emily. I set the basket on the counter and quickly washed my hands. Shawna came over and introduced me to Nancy and Gary, saying I was a family friend. “Oh, and there you are. Emily, this is Vince.”
There stood Pete’s cowboy, and he flashed me a crooked grin. “Hello again.” He was dressed in a light blue dress shirt and dark jeans. His brown hair was slightly shaggy and fell over one eye. He pushed it back as he watched me.
I nodded and stepped forward. “Hi again.”
Nancy looked at her son. “Have you already met?”
“Sort of. We go way back to this afternoon.” He chuckled as he moved toward the table and took a seat.
I pushed my dinner around my plate while I listened to everyone talk.
“So, Emily, where are you from?” Gary asked.
I looked over and tried to recall what he had just said. “Um…Orange County.”
“A city girl. Are you in school?”
I didn’t like the attention on me. “Yes, I go to Orange University. Fourth year.” I didn’t feel like I needed to give any more information since it would only lead into more questions.
Nancy smiled. “That’s nice. Are you here visiting long?”
I shook my head, looking at David for help. “Not sure yet.”
David changed the topic. “So, Gary, how is the new steer doing?” He winked at me when he knew only I could see. I thanked him with a small smile.
After dinner, everyone moved into the living
room. Shawna filled up my glass.
“If you want to slip out and get some air, that’s fine.” She nodded toward the door.
Yes, please.
“Thanks.”
Shawna touched my arm. “We’re always here for you, no matter what. We love you, sugar.”
I wrapped my arms around her, fighting tears that desperately wanted to escape. “I missed you.”
The moon was full and the sky was crystal clear. I slowly made my way to the fence and ran my fingers along the tall grass. The breeze made a soothing sound as it rustled the leaves of the autumn trees. I leaned over the rail and watched Claire. She took a nibble at a weed nestled in the dirt. After a few moments she sensed my presence and moved toward me, her eyes never leaving mine. Her stare was intense, almost like she was trying to tell me something.
I didn’t move as she gently touched my cheek with her nose and breathed out quietly. A tear slipped down my cheek from her act of kindness. We stayed like that for a few more moments. She stepped back. I could see in her look that she knew I was hurting. I reached up and rubbed her nose. “Thanks, sweet girl,” I whispered. Something caught her eye and she moved away slightly and made a sorting sound.
“I’ve never seen her connect with anyone before,” Vince said quietly as he came up next to me. He leaned over the rail also. “They say horses can feel what you’re feeling.” I looked over at Claire and took a sip of my wine. He turned to me. “They’re great listeners too.”
“I’ll remember that,” I said softly.
He scuffed his boots in the dirt. “Shawna says you used to come here a lot when you were little. How come you haven’t been here in the last few years?”
I sighed. More questions. “Things are different now.”