by Noelle Adams
“So you weren’t?”
She frowned, obviously trying to follow the line of questioning. “Weren’t what?”
“Swept off your feet?”
“Why would it matter to you if I was?”
The question was too direct. Too close to the truth. He almost, almost told her. But some long-held lifeline of self-defense tightened at the last moment. So instead he said, “I thought it might matter to you.”
For some reason his response seemed to take the air out of her. She drooped and dropped her head. “I don’t know. I thought... I don’t even know anymore. It was fine. He’s a nice guy. I like him just fine. It just feels like I should...”
“You should like him more than you do?”
“Yeah.” She glanced up and shook her head. “That’s the problem with having so little experience with relationships. You don’t know how you should feel at any given time.”
“It seems to me like you should be excited about a relationship if it’s going to go anywhere.”
“Yeah. That’s what I thought too. But I just feel...” She gave a shrug and shifted from foot to foot.
“You feel what?”
“Kind of sick,” she whispered. “That’s not good, is it?”
He laughed, knowing he shouldn’t be so thrilled by her admission but unable to stop himself. “No. I wouldn’t think that bodes well for a long-term future.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
They stared at each other across the threshold until Belinda suddenly took a step back, as if she’d realized she was still standing at his door. “Anyway,” she said, lowering her eyes again in that delectable way. “Thank you for the necklace. It’s beautiful.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad I ran across it. Thank you for my gift too.”
“Yeah. You’re welcome.” She glanced behind her. “Okay. I’m sorry to just show up like this. Have a good evening.”
“You too.” He wanted to reach for her, touch her, pull her into his arms. He wanted it so much he was shaking from the effort. “Merry Christmas, Belinda.”
“Merry Christmas.” She swayed forward before she pulled back. “Okay. Bye.”
“Goodbye.”
“Good night.”
“Good night.”
She turned halfway away. “Okay then.”
The surge of need that had swallowed him up was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. She was there. Right there in front of him. At arm’s length. She was everything he’d ever wanted, and she was about to walk away.
“Belinda,” he said thickly.
She turned back around to face him, her eyes big and rich and expectant. “Yes?”
He tried to say something. Anything. A single word. But his throat was tight, and his eyes were blurring over.
He couldn’t hold back anymore. He took her face in his hands and leaned down into a kiss.
She made a surprised sound in her throat when their mouths met, but it was just a few seconds before her lips softened and her hands raised to hold on to his shoulders.
Pleasure and excitement and possessiveness was pulsing inside him as he slid one hand to curve around the back of her skull, his fingers tangled in her loose hair. This way he could hold her head in place so he could deepen the kiss, his mouth moving hungrily against hers.
She was responding. He could feel it in her body. Her hands moved to the back of his neck, and her body pressed against his. She was making breathless sounds into the kiss as she opened for his tongue.
He had enough sense remaining to move them all the way into the room and then kick the door closed behind them. His body throbbed. Arousal hit him fast and strong. He was already hard in his pants when he slid a hand down her back until he could cup her soft, round bottom.
“Fitz,” she gasped, breaking out of the kiss as she yanked his shirt untucked and got her hands under the shirttails until she was rubbing her palms over the bare skin of his back. “What’s happening here?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted, kissing his way down her neck and taking her long hair in one hand to move it out of the way. “But I think we should just go with it.”
“Yeah.” She arched back dramatically as he nipped a sensitive spot on her throat. “Let’s just go with it. All the way. Please don’t stop.”
Given permission, he straightened and lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Her small body was pressed snug against his, her long legs squeezing him tightly. He held on to her as he walked over to his bed. “All the way?” he asked, making sure he fully understood what she wanted here before he lost control completely.
She rubbed her face against his beard and squeezed him with her arms and legs. “All the way. Please, Fitz.”
He groaned in relief as he lowered her to the bed. She pulled him down on top of her, eager and completely unembarrassed by it.
Thrilled and overwhelmed and throbbing with desire, he kissed her again, holding up some of his weight so it wasn’t all resting on her. He was a lot bigger than she was.
She returned the kiss passionately, sliding her hands under his shirt again and sucking his tongue into her mouth.
It had been a long time since Fitz had had sex. Years. He was so turned on by her—who she was and how she was responding to him—that he was dangerously close to losing it already. He pulled out of the kiss and breathed against her neck for a minute as he fought against the need to come until he had himself under better control.
Belinda tilted his head up so she could see his expression. “You still into this?”
He choked out a laugh. “I’m a little too into it. Trying not to lose it too soon.”
Her face relaxed with a giggle. “Oh. Okay. I can be patient if you need to go slow. I mean, not all of us are good at sex. If you need some extra help—”
He growled at her teasing and yanked her sweater up over her head, making her squeal. “I don’t need extra help.” She was wearing a pretty red bra. Her breasts were firm and full, and he leered at them like an adolescent for just a little too long. “Damn, you’re so gorgeous. The hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Thank you,” she said, almost shyly. “Can you get up for a minute so I can get these stupid leggings off? If I’d known I’d be having sex, I never would have worn them.”
He chuckled and helped her peel off the leggings. Her little panties came with them, but that was just an extra convenience. He stared heatedly as she reached behind her to unhook her bra.
Then she was naked, and once again he was afraid his arousal would just explode whether he wanted it to or not.
“You can say something anytime,” she told him.
“I...” He blinked and jerked his head to the side, breathing raggedly.
“You gonna lose it again?”
“I’m not going to lose it,” he replied with more confidence than was entirely warranted.
She giggled. “You look like you’re going to lose it.”
“I’m not going to lose it.” When he had his body under control, he was able to turn back to meet her eye. “Not until you lose it first.”
“I’m ready to lose it anytime.”
He let out a burst of laughter—which was a mistake. “Shit,” he gasped as sharp pleasure tightened dangerously in his groin. “Don’t make me laugh.”
“Why don’t we hurry up so we can both lose it soon?” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down closer. “Do you have any condoms?”
“Yes.” It was a miracle he had any—and they weren’t expired. But some optimistic fantasy had led him to buy a box a few months ago. He leaned over to fumble in the top drawer of his bedside table until he retrieved a packet. Belinda took it from him to open it carefully while he tore off his clothes.
He didn’t miss how she was eyeing him greedily as he rolled on the condom. It certainly seemed like she liked how he looked.
He was feeling too much. It wouldn’t all fit in his head, his chest, his b
ody. Belinda was sweet and eager as she pulled him back between her legs and then down into a wet kiss.
He gave himself over to it. No longer tried to hold back. She was just as aroused as he was. When he reached between her thighs to feel, he found her wet and hot and pliant. So ready for him.
He lined himself up at her entrance as she bent up her knees and lifted to meet his slow thrust. They both groaned at the penetration. She was so tight. So delicious. The hot throbbing behind his eyes as he fit himself inside her blurred his vision.
“Oh God,” she rasped, shifting her hips as she relaxed around him. “That feels so good. You feel so good. So big.”
He made another growling sound.
“You like the sound of that, don’t you?” There was laughter in her voice now. “Men and their egos.”
He rocked his hips, groaning again at the pleasure of the motion. “So you’re saying you don’t want my ego? Because I can just—”
She wrapped her legs around his waist and squeezed. “Don’t you dare. You and your ego haven’t finished their job yet. So go to it. Unless you really do need some extra help.”
He bared his teeth in a way that made her laugh. Then he started to thrust for real. She was holding him so tightly in the clench of her legs that he couldn’t pull out very far, but he didn’t need to. He pushed hard against her until she fell into rhythm with it, meeting his downward thrusts with urgent bucks of her hips.
He took her like that, giving her everything he had. Soon they were both grunting like animals and banging the bed against the wall in their vigor.
He loved the shameless sound of it. Loved the way the clamp of her channel was getting tighter and tighter. Loved the way her breasts and hair jiggled from the force of his thrusts. Loved the way she tossed her head, arched her neck, gasped out helpless little words that went right to his head. Yes. Please. Fitz. Harder.
She was close to coming. He could see it in her face, feel it in her body, hear it in the frantic urgency of her voice. She clawed her fingernails down his back as he thrust hard and fast.
Then she choked on a loud gasp as she shuddered through an orgasm. It looked like a really good one. It lasted a long time, and she couldn’t control the way she cried out his name or raked painful lines down his back.
The sight and feel of her coming sent him over the edge. He jerked clumsily as the pressure of climax broke hard inside him. He bit back the words that came to his throat and ducked his head to hide his expression. Because everything he felt for her was coming out with his release. All of it. All of what he wasn’t allowed to feel.
When the last of the spasms burst out of him, he collapsed for a minute, hot and exhausted and utterly replete as little aftershocks rocked him.
She was gasping just as loudly. Her legs had come unwound from his waist. “God. Oh God. Oh God, Fitz.” She was caressing the scratches she’d made in his skin.
When he recovered enough to find the energy to raise his head, he lifted up to meet her eyes. She smiled at him, and he couldn’t help but smile back.
“The condom is going to start leaking soon,” she told him.
“I know. I’m taking care of it.” He wasn’t at the moment, but he managed to do it soon enough. When he’d thrown it away, he got back into bed to kiss her again. The passion had overtaken them fast and hard, and he wasn’t ready for it to disappear yet.
“Are you still going?” she asked him, pulling out of the kiss after he’d deepened it with his tongue.
“You got a problem with that?”
“No. I’m just impressed with your stamina.”
“Well, it’s going to be a while before I’m entirely ready to go again, but I’m sure we can find something to do in the meantime.”
Her eyes brightened in surprise. “Really?”
“Of course really.” He kissed her again. Then he spent a long time caressing her. Turning her on again until she was squirming and begging. Making her come with his fingers and mouth. By then he was hard, so they tried out a few different positions until he discovered she liked it best on her hands and knees with him behind her. So he took her that way until she came again, even louder and messier than before. Only then did he let himself come.
They collapsed afterward, exhausted and fully sated.
Fitz’s mind was a hot haze of satisfaction, and he managed to ignore the warning voice underneath it, reminding him that he couldn’t have this. Not for real.
There was a tidal wave of reality waiting, always lurking at the edges of his mind.
But for right now he could ignore it.
At least for tonight.
Seven
BELINDA HAD NO INTENTIONS of falling asleep in Fitz’s very small bed. If they were fully pressed up against each other, there was room for both of them, but the size certainly wasn’t conducive to two people sleeping comfortably.
But she felt so good—and so worn out—after sex that she dozed off anyway for a couple of hours. Then she woke up hot and sticky and a little sore and confused about why she was cuddled up with a bear.
It didn’t take long for her mind to process the situation. Where she was. What she’d done. Who she’d done it with.
Her first instinct was a sheepish kind of pride. Then hot satisfaction. And only then did a little quiver of anxiety creep in.
Had she really just had sex with Fitz? Fitz?
She pulled away from his chest, withdrawing against the strong arm he had wrapped around her. He grunted as she moved—a sleepy kind of sound—but then he must have woken up too because he pulled his arm back and readjusted as she sat up.
She wasn’t wearing any clothes. She couldn’t believe she was naked, and Fitz was in bed with her, watching her sit up and smooth back her messy hair. His blue eyes were on her face, occasionally slipping down to her bare breasts.
Since he wasn’t saying anything, she did. “Well, that was... unexpected.” She reached down to the floor for her bra and top.
He gave a soft, one-syllable laugh. “Definitely unexpected. But good.”
“Yes,” she admitted, hooking her bra and then reaching to pull her panties out of the tangle of fabric her leggings had become. “It was really good. I hadn’t realized you’d be quite so impressive in the bedroom.”
“I’m full of surprises.”
She shot him a quick look, but his expression was bland. Relaxed. His eyes were warm on her face in a way that gave her a delicious shiver.
She put her sweater on and then worked on dragging her leggings up her legs. They really were a ridiculous piece of clothing. She had to search to find both her socks, but eventually she was fully dressed.
It was two thirty in the morning, and she was sitting on the edge of Fitz’s bed. What was she supposed to do now? He wasn’t saying much, and she really wished he would give her a hint about what he thought had just happened and what he wanted to happen now.
How were women supposed to navigate these murky waters? She had no experience in this at all.
She was a type A personality. An all-the-way J on Myers-Briggs. She liked decisions made. Puzzles solved. Questions answered. She’d rather embarrass herself than leave this room confused.
So she looked over at Fitz and said, “So what... what just happened?”
His eyebrows arched.
“You know what I mean,” she said. “What are we supposed to do about this now?”
“I don’t know,” he replied slowly, sitting up on the bed. “Honestly, I have no idea. I didn’t expect this to happen.”
“Me either.” She stared down at her hands, which were twisting in her lap. “I’ve never had sex out of the blue like this before. I mean, I’ve only had sex with two other guys, and we were sort of dating at the time.”
“Sort of?” He scooted over to drop his legs over the side of the bed so he was sitting beside her. “How do you sort of date someone?”
“I don’t know. I guess we were dating. But it didn’t feel...” She sighed, wonder
ing how she’d stumbled into this confession. “With both of them, I was the one who kept initiating things. They went along with it. I mean, they were both decent guys, and I liked them, and I guess they liked me well enough to go out with me and sleep with me. But I kept expecting them to take steps forward, and they never did. And eventually I gave up because I wanted them to... to want me enough to take initiative. It’s kind of embarrassing that both relationships happened in the same way. What does that say about me?”
“It says nothing about you. It says something about them.”
“Maybe. But still... I don’t want a guy to just go along with what I suggest. I want someone who... who’s excited to take every step forward.” She was still staring down at her hands, too vulnerable to see the expression on Fitz’s face.
He was quiet for a while. Just a little too long. Belinda’s heart started to sink like a weight.
The disappointment was so familiar—so inevitable—that she could almost laugh about it. She slanted him a look. “You don’t want to take any steps forward with me, do you?”
She could sense some sort of struggle inside him—silent and powerful. She could only assume he knew what he needed to say but was reluctant to get it said because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
“It’s okay,” she said lightly, preserving her pride if nothing else. “I’m not expecting some sort of declaration of love or something. It was good sex. That can be enough.”
“It’s not enough,” he said, just a little rough. “And a guy would be crazy to not be excited to take the next step with you. But I... can’t.”
It hurt. It couldn’t help but hurt even though she’d never dreamed of having a serious relationship with this man—not until this very minute. But it felt like a loss in her life anyway. She wasn’t going to show him that though. She was a mature, realistic person, and she wasn’t silly enough to assume a random night of sex meant serious feelings. “Okay. That’s probably for the best. I’m not sure we... we could work out.”