She was gone. Perhaps the rats would fight over her now.
Duncan whimpered. I gave him a pat him on the back.
SAM: The next couple of days will be rough. Get some chocolate.
I kept walking until I spotted a girl sitting, as usual, alone on a bench.
SAM: Hi, Mitzy.
MITZY: (SURPRISED) Er, hi.
SAM: How’s your lunch?
MITZY: It’s just my lunch.
SAM: Can I sit down?
MITZY: Dunno. Can you?
(SAM SITS)
MITZY: (SUSPICIOUSLY) I told you I don’t let anyone look at my homework.
SAM: It’s not that. I wanted to say thanks for helping me with the teacher’s pet thing. When you said to use the fact that Miss Lee thought everything I did was perfect, I didn’t understand what you meant, but then, later on, I did. And it was smart.
MITZY: Did it work?
SAM: Yep. I’m free. Your idea was great.
MITZY: (SHRUGS) I’m an expert on teachers.
I told her about handing in Abby’s art and my conversation with Miss Lee, and even about Mum asking Miss Lee to take special care of me, which was a bit embarrassing.
MITZY: Your mum must really care about you.
SAM: I guess.
(SILENCE)
SAM: You know how you said you always become the teacher’s pet because having the teacher like you was better than having no one like you?
MITZY: Yeah.
SAM: You’ve got it back to front.
MITZY: Huh?
SAM: No one likes the teacher’s pet. In every class, you become the teacher’s pet, so that’s why you’ve got no friends. It’s not because of you. It’s because you’re the teacher’s pet. It’s like Gary and his pool.
MITZY: What do you mean?
SAM: Gary got a pool, and that got him extra friends. You’re the teacher’s pet, and that gets you less friends. It’s like a maths equation. Kid plus pool equals more friends. Kid plus teacher’s pet equals less friends. The point is, if you stopped being the teacher’s pet, kids would be more friendly to you.
MITZY: I’m kinda used to it now. And . . .
SAM: What?
MITZY: (QUIETLY) What if they weren’t? Then I wouldn’t have an excuse.
(SILENCE)
MITZY: (STANDS UP) I’ve got to go clean the whiteboards and empty the bin.
SAM: Wait.
MITZY: Look, I’m not very good at being friends with kids.
(MITZY WALKS OFF)
SAM: (HESITATES THEN STANDS) Come and play handball with me and Gary.
(MITZY STOPS AND TURNS)
MITZY: He wouldn’t want to play with me.
SAM: He definitely would. Gary’s desperate. He’d be friends with anyone.
MITZY: (SARCASTICALLY) Great.
SAM: You’ll like him. Just give it a try. Forget about the stupid whiteboard.
(MITZY HESITATES)
SAM: It’ll be fun. You like fun, right?
MITZY: (SHRUGS) I guess fun is okay.
SAM: Come on then.
MITZY: (UNCERTAINLY) I’m no good at it. And I don’t mean handball.
SAM: I’ll help you. Come on.
(MITZY HESITATES, THEN NODS. THEY HEAD TOWARDS THE HANDBALL COURTS.)
SAM: So, what’s your favourite colour?
MITZY: (FROWNS) Why?
SAM: If you’re going to be friends with someone, you gotta know their favourite colour. Mine’s dark blue. Not light blue. Light blue sucks.
MITZY: Oh-kay. Mine’s white.
SAM: Unusual, but fine. Light white or dark white?
MITZY: (CONFUSED) There’s no such thing as light white or dar . . .
SAM: I know. It was a joke.
MITZY: Oh.
SAM: Here’s a tip. If someone says a joke and it’s funny, either laugh, or say ‘classic’. Got it?
MITZY: Right.
SAM: So if you thought my joke was funny, you could do one of those things now.
(SILENCE)
MITZY: I didn’t think it was that funny.
SAM: Tough crowd. Okay, that’s fine. Friends need to be honest with each other.
MITZY: (FROWNS) But if you start hanging out with me, won’t it . . .
SAM: What?
MITZY: Well, won’t it bad for your popularity?
SAM: Oh. (THINKS) Maybe, but only for a little while, until everyone realises that you’re actually nice. Besides, there’s more important things than popularity, (STOPS, SHOCKED) Whoa! Did I just say that?
... A VERY IMPORTANT AND SERIOUS BIT IN WHICH DAD EXPLAINS SOCIAL MEDIA
DAD: Sam, now that you’re getting a mobile smart telephone, you need to know about social media.
SAM: What’s social media, Dad?
DAD: Well, there are things like Face . . .
SAM: I’m joking. I know what it is.
DAD: Right. So we’re both down with things like Facechat, Snapagram and Instabook.
(SAM STIFLES A LAUGH. HE IS ABOUT TO CORRECT DAD, BUT THEN REALISES THAT IF HE DOES, DAD WILL NEVER USE THOSE EXCELLENT NAMES AGAIN.)
SAM: (INNOCENTLY) Yeah, I’ve heard of Facechat, Snapagram and Instabook, but I’m not sure how they work. Can you explain?
DAD: Sure. As I said, I’m down with it. Let’s start with Facechat. On Facechat, you can chat with other people online about your face. That’s why it’s called Facechat. So, for example, you might want to chat about your eyebrows or your nose or your teeth. If you need to find a good dentist, you could ask someone on Facechat to recommend one, because your teeth are part of your face.
SAM: (TRYING DESPERATELY TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE) Right.
DAD: Instabook is different. With Instabook, you send messages instantly to your friends, and then all the messages get put in a book.
SAM: What sort of a book?
DAD: I’m not sure of the exact details, but it’s called Instabook so there must be a book involved somewhere. Now, Snapagram is dangerous. You send pictures to your friends, but then, ten seconds after they get the message, their phone explodes! (SAM GIGGLES)
DAD: It’s not funny. Hopefully, the police will close that one down soon.
SAM: Let’s hope so.
DAD: Now, I think texting is probably fine, and so is the electronic mail, which people sometimes call ‘email’. Heard of that? ‘E’ for electronic, and then ‘mail’ – ‘email’. With email, instead of going to a post box and posting letters, you can send them on your computer! Any questions about that?
SAM: Yeah. What’s ‘posting a letter’?
DAD: Ha! Good one.
SAM: No, I mean it.
DAD: Yes, very funny, Sam. But seriously, be careful.
SAM: I’ll definitely stay away from that . . . what’s it called? Snapbook?
DAD: (CHUCKLES) No, no. Snapagram. It’s easy to get mixed up.
SAM: I’m glad you’ve got it all sorted out. What about ‘Twitter’?
DAD: Don’t worry about Twitter. It’s just a messaging service for birdwatchers. But if you do want to get involved with social networking, might I recommend ‘LinkedIn’. You can connect with people who have a similar career trajectory. I use it for professional networking.
SAM: (SILENCE)
DAD: Maybe in a few years. Any questions?
SAM: Yeah. What’s posting a letter? I honestly don’t know what it is.
ABouT JAmEs
James O’Loghlin is an author, broadcaster and a few other things. He grew up in Canberra, where he got swooped by magpies, played tennis against the wall of his house and once owned the school’s most desired marble. Apart from that, James is nothing like Sam, the hero of this story. Nothing at all. So let’s move on. James lives in Sydney with his wife and three daughters, who tell him when his jokes work, and when they don’t.
This is his sixth book for children.
Also by James O’Loghlin
The Adventures of Sir Roderick, the Not-Very Brave
Daisy Malone and the
Blue Glowing Stone
The Twins of Tintarfell
The New Kid: Unpopular Me
First published 2019 in Pan by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd
1 Market Street, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia, 2000
Copyright © James O’Loghlin 2019
Illustrations copyright © Matthew Martin 2019
The moral right of the author to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted.
All rights reserved. This publication (or any part of it) may not be reproduced or transmitted, copied, stored, distributed or otherwise made available by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical) or by any means (photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise) without prior written permission from the publisher.
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry is available
from the National Library of Australia
http://catalogue.nla.gov.au
EPUB format: 9781760787264
Typeset by Evi-O.Studio | Rosie Whelan
This is a work of fiction. Characters, institutions and organisations mentioned in this novel are either the product of the author’s imagination or, if real, used fictitiously without any intent to describe actual conduct.
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