“We’re going to be a family,” I said matter of factly.
“Does she know that?” Sinclair asked.
I shrugged. “I haven’t talked to her in a while. I want to get my house in order, physically and financially. Plus, the last time I saw her she was pissed at me. I’m hoping that the fact that she defended me to you means she’s not still mad.”
Sinclair arched a brow. “What did you do?”
“Nothing. She saw a reporter’s card on my dresser and assumed I was eager to move on to a new woman. Which I’m not.”
Sinclair nodded like she was aware of this. Had Trina told her?
“The only reason I kept the card was to give it to you and let you know that a story was being written about Stark. I gave it to Wyatt.”
“I know. He told me,” she said. “Did you know Erica Edmonds has a thing for you?”
I shrugged. “She gave off an interested vibe. Trina said something about how she was waiting until our fake marriage was over to make a move.” I held my hands up in surrender. “But I swear to God, I never returned her interest or gave the impression I was or would be available.”
“I believe you,” she said.
“Does Trina?”
She made a face. “I don’t know. I get the feeling that she’s thinking this thing between you is over. I mean, she knows you and her have to co-parent this child, but I feel like she’s not thinking you two are an item.”
My heart pinched at that. Not that I was surprised. The last time I saw her she was walking out. I’d hoped maybe she’d missed me. It didn’t sound like it, though.
“Don’t give up, man,” Wyatt said patting me on the back. “If anyone can win Trina, it’s you.”
From his lips to God’s ears, I thought.
My house was far from perfect. In all likelihood, it still fell short of what Trina thought would be acceptable. But it was cleaner, brighter, and safer. It was time to reach out to Trina to discuss our future.
The next day was Sunday, which I knew was her nap day, and I didn’t want to interrupt that. Instead, I decided to check in with her in the evening after she had her siesta. I made a casserole and when I was certain she’d be up, and hopefully hungry, I went to her apartment.
Feeling nervous like a teenage boy asking out his first date, I knocked on the door.
“Ryder? What are you doing here?”
In the few days since I’d seen her, I’d forgotten how red her hair was and how pretty her eyes were. My heart twisted into knots with longing for her.
I held up the bag with the casserole. “Homemade takeout. I wanted to check on you and the baby.”
She gave me a smile and opened the door. That was a good sign. As I stepped inside her place, I realized, I’d never been here before. It was just like I’d have expected. Crisp and white, uncluttered. Everything had a place.
“The kitchen is in here.”
I followed her in. “It could use some rewarming. Are you hungry?”
“Actually, I am. What temp?”
I told her the temperature and then put the casserole in the oven. When I shut the door, I looked over at her.
“Do you need something to drink? I don’t have anything but water and juice,” she asked.
“I’m fine,” I said leaning back against the counter. “You look tired, are you okay?”
She nodded. “Yes. Tired but fine. The doctor said everything looked okay.”
“You went to the doctor and didn’t let me know?” I tried not to sound annoyed, but I wasn’t going to let her push me out. At least not out from our child’s life.
“It was just to confirm the pregnancy. I peed in a cup and that was about it.”
“I’d like to know about future doctor appointments,” I said. I could let her grumpiness roll off on most occasions but when it came to this, I’d fight for my rights.
“Yes, of course.” She stood on the other side of the small but cozy kitchen looking at me like she was uncomfortable.
Just a week ago, we were living and sleeping together, and now she felt a million miles away. I desperately wanted to hold her. To inhale her sweet, spicy scent. To taste those sassy lips.
“Is this weird?” she asked.
“Is what weird?” I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her.
“This. Now?”
“No. Not to me. Is it to you?”
“A little. I mean, it seems like last month didn’t happen. Like it was a dream.”
A good dream, I hoped. “It did happen,” I said. “Right now, I really want to have it happen again. I’m dying to kiss you.”
She let out a small gasp.
“I’m not sure I should. I keep wondering if you’re still mad at me about the business card, or maybe about the Stark thing.”
She gave me a small smile. “I’m not mad about the card. If you want to see her, I know she’s interested.”
I pushed my annoyance away. “I don’t want to see her. I never did. I still don’t. I never will.” I held her gaze hoping she’d see the truth of my statement in my eyes. “What about the Stark thing? Sinclair said you defended me.”
She laughed softly. “I know you love her and wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”
I love you too, I wanted to say, but couldn’t be sure she was ready to hear it.
“Have you talked to her?” she asked.
I nodded. “I saw her yesterday. Alyssa gave me some toys for the baby.”
She swallowed, and clearly felt something about that, but I couldn’t be sure of what. “That’s sweet.”
I took a deep breath. “So, if you’re not mad at me, is there any reason why I can’t kiss you?” Fingers crossed that she wouldn’t push me away, I stepped closer to her.
She looked down again. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
I stopped a foot away. Perhaps it was time to tell her all I’d done to secure our future and fix my home so that being with me wouldn’t seem like a bad idea.
“Ah, what the hell,” she said, gripping my shirt and pulling me to her. Her lips fused to mine and all thought went out the door as I tasted her again.
I groaned, and wrapped my arms around her, wishing I could hold her there forever. Her body pressed against me. My dick had sprung to full-throttle the minute her lips were on mine, and the only thing I could think of was to get inside her now. I maneuvered her to her kitchen table, running my hands under her shirt to massage her gorgeous breasts.
In minutes, her shirt was gone, her shorts were off, and I was standing, my dick wild and free between her thighs.
“Fuck I need you,” I groaned as I rubbed my dick along her wet folds.
She moaned. “Ryder.”
I knew that voice. That was her “fuck me” voice. So, I did. I pushed my cock inside her as far as it would go, wishing it would reach her heart and make her love me back.
“Hold on, baby,” I said, leaning her back slightly so I could go deeper. I dipped my head and sucked on one hard nipple, loving how she cried out and arched up to me. Like this, she felt all mine. If only we could have this when we weren’t fucking.
I kissed my way back up her chest and along her jaw. “I missed you,” I whispered in her ear.
I started to move, wanting to go slow, but my orgasm was building fast. My dick was hard and pulsing, and I knew I wouldn’t last long.
“Tell me you’re close,” I groaned in her ear.
“Yes, yes…Oh god, harder.”
I shifted slightly, and held on to her hips so I could give her exactly what she asked for. I plunged in and out, each time the friction was so fucking awesome. How she’d think I’d want to be with another woman was beyond me. My dick was made for her.
“Come on…come on me, baby.” I was hammering away at her, teetering on the edge of oblivion. Each stroke I found it harder and harder to hold back. “Fuck, I’m coming…” I plunged in, releasing my first blast of cum.
“Yes!” she cried out, her puss
y clamping down on me until I saw stars. I pumped again and again, until my legs could barely hold me up.
When I was finally able to see straight, I cradled her face in my hands and kissed her, thoroughly, wanting her to understand what she meant to me.
I lifted my head, searching her eyes for some confirmation that maybe I meant something to her too. Before I could see it, the timer went off on her oven, effectively breaking the moment.
Reluctantly I released her. I pulled myself together and realized I really was a coward. I was too afraid to give her the words that my heart wanted to tell her.
As I zipped up my pants, I made a vow not to leave tonight without her knowing how I felt, even if it meant hearing that she still didn’t think I was a good idea.
26
Trina
What had I been thinking to let Ryder touch me again? I hadn’t been thinking, that’s what. Or maybe I had been thinking because from the first minute I saw him when I opened the door, I wanted him to touch me. But it was wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, but it definitely wasn’t a good idea. It was one thing to indulge when we were playing house during the bet, but now we were in reality. Our real lives. I couldn’t afford to pretend that he and I could have something real. Yes, we were having a baby, but if not for that, would Ryder be here? No. He wasn’t in love with me. He was here to check on me because of the baby.
But as I glanced at him as he put his clothes back together after a glorious bout of sex on my kitchen table, I wished he did love me, because I was pretty sure I loved him. I couldn’t be sure because I’d never been in love before. Sure, I’d liked a few of the men I’d dated. But this swelling longing in my heart hadn’t been there. Was that love? Was my feeling desperately wanting to beg him to stay, love?
But even if he did love me, I was a practical person. I knew who I was and how difficult I could be. He was my polar opposite. How long would it be before the novelty of each other’s differences wore off and we ended up hating each other? No, it seemed wiser to find a way to be friends so we could raise this child to be happy and healthy.
I turned off the timer and used my hot pads to pull the casserole from the oven.
“There’s plates up there,” I said with a nod toward my cupboard.
Ryder opened it and pulled some dishes out.
“Look, they match,” he said with an amused grin as he set them on the table. I knew he was joking, but it had just been one more reminder of how he and I weren’t compatible. Not because he and I had different ideas about dishes, but because I was the type of person to gripe about it. I’d been irritated the first day I showed up at his house for the bet, and had taken it out on him. I think I’d known from that first night that I wouldn’t be able to resist him and I was looking for reasons to keep myself from giving in. It was stupid, but there it was.
We sat down to eat.
“Are you all right?” he asked as he scooped up some of the casserole. “You’re unusually quiet. I didn’t hurt you, did I? Or the baby?”
The baby. I was glad he was so attentive about the baby. That’s why he was here.
“No, it’s fine. I’m just surprised you’re here.”
He frowned. “Why? We’re having a baby. We need to do this together.”
I smiled, even though inside I was breaking. For all my self-talk about how we couldn’t be together, I found myself heartbroken that he wasn’t here for me.
“Yes. It’s just been a while.”
He nodded. “I had a few things to take care of.”
“Stark?” I asked, hoping he heard amusement in my question.
He gave me a sheepish smile. “Among other things.”
We had a pleasant dinner that reminded me of all the other dinners we’d had together. How come we could be so comfortable and normal like this and yet, not be suitable? Because deep down, I needed to feel safe, secure, and loved, and I didn’t think Ryder, with his easy-going attitude towards life, and bachelor ways could give me that.
After dinner, he told me to sit while he did the dishes. When he finished, he leaned against the sink and looked at me sitting at the table.
“My house is empty and quiet with you gone,” he said.
My heart did a flip in my chest, but I told it to settle down. That wasn’t a confession of love. “Not too quiet with those creaking floors,” I joked.
He laughed. “Yeah, well it’s not the same.” He rolled his shoulders like he was releasing tension. “I liked having you there.”
I smiled. “Turns out being fake married wasn’t so hard after all.”
He looked down. “No. It wasn’t.”
“Perhaps it was too easy. I mean, look at us now. I was the last person to think I’d ever get accidentally pregnant. I hope it’s not putting a cramp in your style.”
His eyes narrowed. “Why do you say that?”
I’d been trying to be light and friendly, but his tone suggested he didn’t take it like that. “I messed up and now you have an obligation—”
“Obligation?” His body tensed.
“Yes.”
“Is that how you see this baby?”
I swallowed feeling like he and I were having two different conversations.
“No.” I was scared shitless about having a baby, and at the same time, since I’d had a few weeks to let the idea settle, I was happy about it. I’d been alone for so long and now I’d have someone to care for and to love that would love me back. This baby somehow made me feel tethered to the world. Like I wasn’t a single oared boat drifting in a vast ocean.
He looked at his watch.
“Do you have a date?” I asked.
“Jesus, Trina why do you do that?”
I stared at him, not sure what he was talking about. “Do what?”
“Assume the worst of me.”
I shook my head. “I’m not assuming the worst. You checked your watch which made me think you had somewhere to be.”
“I fucked you on your table an hour ago and you think I have a date tonight?”
I hadn’t really thought it through. I could only shrug.
He shook his head. “I checked my watch to see how late it is because I want to bring you over to my place.”
“Ryder, that’s not a good idea.”
“Me. I’m not a good idea. That’s what you’re saying right? Because I’m not organized, don’t have a 401(k), and my plates don’t match, I’m not worthy of you. That’s what you mean.”
“This isn’t a game, Ryder. Those things are important. Children need routine. They need stability.”
“And I don’t offer that? That’s what you’re saying? What else is wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “And yet, I can’t get you to come to my house.”
“You and I…we’re too different.” My brain was in a fog as it tried to navigate what he was saying. It sounded like he wanted us to be together and part of me wanted to run into his arms and see what would happen. But the smart part of me said it was dangerous. The last few times he and I had been together we’d end up in bed and then later we’d fight. I didn’t want the sort of craziness in my life after working so hard to get out of it.
Our priorities and values didn’t completely align. Then there was the fact that our temperaments were like oil and water. We’d just never mix.
“Different. Is that your nice way of saying I’m useless?” he asked.
All of a sudden, anger erupted. I shot up from my chair. “What do you want me to say, Ryder? Do you want me to lie and say it doesn’t matter that you don’t have a safe home or financial security? I’m going to have a baby. I can’t waste time on an affair.”
“Waste time?” His expression appeared shocked more than anger.
“It’s not about me anymore. That’s what I’m saying.”
“It’s always about you, Trina. Baby or not, you’d still think I was unworthy. Tell me who is worthy? Stark maybe?
”
“What?”
“He’s got money. A big fancy house. I’ve seen it. He has stability up the wazoo.”
“What are you talking about?” I shook my head at him, wondering where he got the idea that I’d be interested in Stark.
“Sinclair told me how chummy you two were. Fuck, maybe that’s why he had me play for him. He wanted to rub in how much more he could give you and the baby. Make me feel inadequate. I could have saved him the trouble. You do a perfectly fine job at making me feel worthless.”
“Ryder, you’re talking crazy.”
“Oh, so now I’m crazy?” He shook his head.
I’d never seen him like this. Ryder was always even-keeled, but now he was agitated. Angry. Maybe even hurt.
“This is serious, now. We can’t just play house. Life isn’t all fun and games.” I wanted him to understand that I didn’t think he was worthless, only that he didn’t take life seriously enough. He wasn’t prepared.
His eyes narrowed and he studied me. “Even after all our time together, you still see me as a slacker who doesn’t give a shit, don’t you?”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t say I thought he was a slacker, but I also didn’t think he truly grasped the magnitude of what being a parent was going to mean.
“You know what? Fuck it. I’m done trying with you.”
I jerked back at the force of his words.
“I give up. Live your lonely life,” he said.
Inside, I was breaking into a million pieces even as I wasn’t quite sure what was going on.
His angry glare pierced me. “I think you like to wallow in misery. You want to be alone. You want people to disappoint you, so you find all their faults, and when that doesn’t work, you drive them away. You want to be by yourself forever? Fine. Be alone.”
My anger spiked again. “Finally, you get it. I and this baby will be fine without you.” Even as the words were leaving my mouth, a terrible dread came over me.
He jerked back like I’d slapped him and then looked away. It appeared he was gathering himself together.
When he looked back at me, his eyes held a darkness I’d never seen in him. “I was an idiot to fall for you.”
Fake Marriage (Contemporary Romance Box Set) Page 37