by Sue MacKay
Because Nathan had already slung his jacket over the one next to it. Looking around the table, Molly saw seats were filling rapidly, leaving her little choice. Fake it... Forcing a smile on her mouth and lifting her chin like nothing was wrong in her world—because it wasn’t any more—she strolled around to plonk down on the chair Nathan was holding out. ‘Thanks.’
‘You want a coffee?’ he asked, surprise and something else she couldn’t interpret flitting across his face.
Thoughtlessly putting a hand on his arm, she said, ‘I’ll get it.’ She jerked away. She never touched a man. Showed how safe she felt around Nathan, despite his attitude.
He said in his I’m-here-to-help-you voice usually reserved for patients, ‘I’m going to check the champagne I’ve ordered to toast Vicki’s birthday is coming out soon. I’ll put our coffee orders in at the same time.’ His gaze was intent, his eyes searching for something in her expression.
Okay, lighten up. ‘That’d be great. A flat white, thanks.’ Her tongue felt far too big for her mouth. Just another way he tipped her world off its new axis. ‘Are we all putting in for the champagne?’ But he was gone, slipping through the crowd building around other tables, aiming for the counter, head and shoulders above everyone he passed.
Since she’d run away from Paul she hadn’t gone out with a man, never let one in her home or talked about her past to anyone. At first she’d struggled facing the world as most people she knew had blamed her for Paul’s arrest. He was so charismatic they’d believed him until the truth had come out in court and those same people had begun fawning over her, wanting to get back onside. She’d struggled not to turn bitter. At the time, dating men had been an impossibility.
Until now. Looking at Nathan, she thought he’d be protective of those he loved. He always stood up for a patient whenever a family member tried to force proceedings in the department that were wrong. No doubt he’d protect anybody who got into danger if he was close by.
Downright crazy to believe that without proof. Look what happened the last time I trusted a man.
Paul hadn’t been kind and gentle with those less fortunate than himself, instead he’d enjoyed showing how much better than others he was. Something she hadn’t seen until it had been too late. Hadn’t known to look. Paul had been the catch every woman wanted, and with her mother actively encouraging her, she’d gone for him and won. Then lost. The first year of her marriage had been bliss, then the cracks had started appearing. She was a lousy hostess, a simpleton, useless at any damned thing. Then she’d fallen pregnant and it was all over.
Molly shook her head. Stop right now. She was out with a bunch of great people. She needed to forget the self-pity and enjoy herself, not turn in on herself and repeat the mistake she’d made with the Roos, the basketball team she’d been a member of. The regret she felt every weekend when she looked up the team’s results from the Saturday game made her ache, made her wish she’d stopped worrying about letting anyone close for fear of being hurt and got on with enjoying being a part of a great bunch of women. If only she hadn’t given in and quit, she might’ve moved on with getting a life sooner.
So, get cracking and enjoy this morning.
Straightening her spine and breathing deeply, she then fell into another old habit, checking out the latest suits to walk into the café, swinging briefcases and checking their phones. But today she wasn’t looking for trouble, instead comparing the men with Nathan. He came out top every time. Something to think about once she was back in her apartment.
‘Here you go. Coffee’s on the way.’ A glass of water appeared before her. ‘As is the champagne,’ Nathan told Vicki.
‘Great.’ Molly sat up straighter. Today she might even celebrate her divorce. One sip of champagne for that, and no one at the table would be any the wiser.
Her gaze returned to Nathan, and instantly her heart forgot that memo about not thumping too hard. Crazy. He was just another male she worked with—one who happened to be bone-meltingly good looking, and currently making her aware of him in ways she’d hadn’t known around men for a long time. Yet there was something about him that had her wondering what it would be like to curl up against his chest, be held in those strong arms and just relax, be happy. No, it wasn’t happening. She wasn’t ready. Could she give it a go? Probably not.
Nathan handed her a menu. ‘Here, take a look. Most of us know this off by heart. There are some great choices.’
‘Suddenly I’m starving.’ Molly began scanning the page.
Nathan grunted. ‘I’m past hungry. Could eat a whole sirloin.’
She laughed. ‘How about tofu and grains?’
His eyes widened. He hadn’t thought she’d tease him? Last week she wouldn’t have. ‘You can’t pull that one. Like I said, I’ve been here before.’
‘Okay, so one whole sirloin, and what?’ The whole steak wasn’t on offer, but he could order two helpings. ‘Chips or hash browns, as well as eggs and bacon?’
‘Stop right there.’ He was smiling directly at her, and it was making her stomach feel like hot chocolate dropped into cream, swirling, warming, tempting. ‘Don’t mention food like that when I’m this hungry.’
‘But you’re smiling.’ When she was starving she couldn’t smile.
‘Don’t trust it.’
Sorry, Nathan, but I do believe you. Gazing at him, and especially at his smile, Molly felt no qualms. No fear of him erupting into a rage because he needed to eat now, not in ten minutes. Again, she felt that rare sense of safety around him. Needing to put mental space between them, she’d join in the conversations going on around her and enjoy the birthday celebration. After she told the hovering waitress she’d like the eggs Benedict, that was.
The room was crowded, with a queue waiting at the counter for take-out coffees and pastries. In their corner her group was out of the way and could talk without yelling. The champagne arrived and glasses were filled.
Nathan stood up. ‘Happy birthday, Vicki. May all your wishes come true.’
Vicki blinked. ‘Thanks. I only have one, and it’s not happening.’ Another blink, and she raised her glass. ‘Cheers, everyone, and thank you for joining me today.’
Molly wanted to hug Vicki and wipe away that sadness. Spontaneous hugs not being her thing any more, the best she could manage was to have fun, and not bring her past into the room. Suddenly she was very glad she’d come. Today she’d started to live, not just exist. It was a tiny step in the right direction, but it was a bigger step than usual. There’d be plenty more. Yes, there would.
Nathan sat down and picked up his glass of water. ‘Anyone want to start singing “Happy Birthday”? Not me, I’d empty the place.’
‘That’d make it a memorable day for Vicki,’ someone joked.
Without a thought, Molly began singing ‘Happy Birthday’. Instead of everyone joining in, they stared at her. She faltered to a stop. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing,’ everyone cried. ‘Carry on.’
Embarrassed, she shook her head and sipped her water. ‘Someone else can have a turn.’
‘Not after that, they can’t,’ Nathan muttered. ‘You sing like an angel.’
For a moment she forgot everything except the memories of singing, especially with Gran, and how happy it had made her. ‘I inherited my grandmother’s singing gene.’ Gran had paid for her lessons until she’d decided she didn’t want music as a career but rather a happy go-to place. ‘She sang for the national opera company.’ She’d also been the only one to question her love for Paul before the wedding.
Not now, Moll. Having fun, okay?
She turned to Nathan. ‘That’s some car you’ve got. I saw you arrive at work last Wednesday when I drove in for a change.’
Again he was watching her intently, but at least there was no tension lurking behind his gaze this time. And he went with her change of subject. ‘Not bad
, eh? I only bought it a month ago and haven’t had time to take it for a spin out on the highway. But it has to happen soon, or else I might as well sell it.’
‘That’d be a waste.’ She couldn’t think of anything more exciting than speeding along the road in that amazing car, forgetting everything and enjoying the moment.
Wrong, Moll. Being with Nathan would be more exciting.
Molly spluttered into her coffee.
Nathan held out a serviette. ‘Here, wipe your face.’
Trying to snatch the paper serviette from his fingers only caused her to touch him, and she pulled back. Heat that had nothing to do with stopping the spluttering and everything to do with longing began unfurling deep inside her. It came with a growing awareness of herself as a woman, and of the man beside her. ‘You a dad, by any chance? You have a thing about goo on faces?’
The serviette was scrunched into a ball and dropped back on the table. ‘No kids,’ he muttered and looked away.
Back to upsetting him. She didn’t know what to say for fear of further annoying him. Time to talk to someone else. Leaning forward, she eyeballed Emma across the table. ‘When do you head over to Queenstown?’ The intern was going to New Zealand’s winter festival.
‘Thursday. I can’t wait. Have you been?’
‘Years ago. It’s an amazing event in an extraordinary location.’
Nathan wasn’t going to be ignored. ‘Did you go on the jet boat?’
‘Of course.’
‘You’re obviously into speed.’ When he smiled his whole face lit up in a way she rarely saw.
‘I guess I am. Not that I’ve done anything extreme. Nor will I be. Safe and sensible is me.’
‘Nothing wrong with that.’ Nathan was watching her in a way that suggested he wanted to know more about what made her tick outside work. But he waited, didn’t push.
Which had her opening up a little. ‘I liked my sports, sailing on large yachts, going to rock concerts, things like that.’
‘Liked?’ he asked quietly. ‘Not any more?’
Thump. Reality check. Hurrying to deflect him, she spluttered, ‘Still like, but I don’t seem to find the time any more. Neither do I know anyone in Sydney with a yacht the size I’m used to.’ Actually, she did, but that family was part of the past, so she wasn’t paying them a visit any time soon. In fact, never.
‘I don’t suppose a three-metre Paper Tiger would suffice?’ Nathan wasn’t laughing at her, just keeping the conversation going on a comfortable level, like he was trying to stop her tripping into the black hole that was her past. He couldn’t be. He knew nothing about it. ‘My brother-in-law’s got one.’
A laugh huffed across her lips, surprising her. ‘Me? Actually sail a small yacht? I don’t think so. I’d probably fall off or drop the sail at the wrong moment.’
‘All part of learning to sail.’ He grinned, then told her about his misadventures on his surfboard.
* * *
Nearly an hour later people had finished eating, and were beginning to gather their gear together.
‘Guess it’s time to head away,’ Molly said reluctantly. It had been fun talking and laughing with everyone, but especially with Nathan. He was different away from work, more at ease with her somehow, talking about Queenstown, his car, and other things. He even laughed and smiled often. He was a man she liked and wanted to spend more time learning more about.
Nathan leaned closer, said quietly, ‘Feel like a ride in my car?’ There was a cheeky smile on that divine mouth, and something in his eyes that asked if she was up to it. ‘I can drop you home.’
Molly’s mouth dropped open. She snapped it closed. Then spluttered, ‘That’s not necessary. I’m fine with the train.’
Across the table Vicki rolled her hand from side to side. ‘Train or top-of-the-range sports car. I know which I’d prefer.’
So did she. Except the car meant being squashed into a confined space with a man. Not just any man. Nathan. Standing up, she said, oh, so casually, ‘It’s a long way to Bondi Junction.’
‘It’s on my way. I live in Coogee.’ When she raised her eyebrows, he continued in a voice that suggested he was determined she’d go with him, ‘I didn’t even finish one glass of champagne so you don’t have to worry about my driving.’
‘I wasn’t.’
Nathan shrugged. ‘Let’s fix our bills and get the car.’
‘Nathan, you don’t have to do this.’ At least he hadn’t offered to pay for her meal. Thank goodness for something, because she’d have argued hotly. Paying her own way meant never owing anyone anything. Her stomach was doing a squeeze and release thing, while her head spun with the thought she’d be crammed into a car with a male she didn’t know very well. With Nathan Lupton, sex on legs, kindness in his heart and, don’t forget, someone who was quick to get grumpy with her, but who she trusted not to hurt her.
‘You said you like fast cars.’
True. She couldn’t contain the smile splitting her face. Her first car had been a racy little number bought by her mother for her eighteenth birthday. She’d loved it. ‘But you can’t get up any speed between here and my apartment.’
‘Now, there’s a challenge.’ He smiled back and flipped a coin in the air, caught it and laughed.
* * *
Nathan watched the conflicting emotions zipping across Molly’s face and damned if they didn’t make him want to spend more time with her, not to prove he could win her over but because he just might like her. The challenge was heating up. Though not in the way he’d intended. The offer of a ride home was because on and off throughout breakfast he’d warmed to her more and more, therefore he didn’t want the morning to end.
Today Molly intrigued him. He was not walking away. Nope. The genuine happiness lightening her gaze throughout breakfast had stirred him in places usually unaffected by other people, and had him wishing for more, had him remembering he’d once had a heart and thinking he just might like to get it back—if he could find the courage. She’d be a keeper, if he wanted to get involved, and that was the problem. He didn’t. Here was the rub. He might be ready to start dating on a regular basis but the thought of anything permanent still freaked him out. To fall in love and have his heart torn out of his chest a second time was unimaginable.
‘Ready when you are.’ The smile lifting the enticing corners of Molly’s soft mouth was real, and not that strained, ‘smile if I absolutely have to’ version she was so good at. Seemed she’d quite quickly got over trying to talk him out of giving her a lift.
Because he wanted to believe Molly’s smile had been for him, he’d risk being hit over the head by teasing her. ‘You could seem more excited.’
‘Sure.’ She leaned in to give Vicki a hug. ‘Happy birthday. If you need some company later, give me a call.’
Vicki’s eyes lit up. ‘I might just do that. Shoe shopping comes to mind.’
Molly was looking surprised about something. It wouldn’t be shoes. Everyone knew of Vicki’s fetish for footwear. Something else had put the stunned look on her face.
‘You could do worse than hanging out with Vicki.’
She glanced down at her high-heeled, black-with-a-bow shoes. ‘I reckon.’ Then she looked back at him and shrugged, said with caution in her voice, ‘No time like now to get back into it.’
Get back into friendships? Again that protective need nudged, stronger this time. He felt certain something had gone amiss with Molly, something that kept her on edge and wary around her colleagues. ‘Vicki, you right for getting home?’
That cheeky grin flicked from him to Molly, then disappeared, unhappiness replacing it. ‘I’m fine.’
Only because his car was a two-seater, he nodded. ‘See you around three.’
‘You don’t have to coddle me because it’s my birthday. Anyway, I’m going shopping with Molly.’
‘Y
es, I do.’ Or Cole would have his guts for guitar strings. ‘Shop as much as you like but be home when I get there.’
Molly eyed first him then Vicki, who gave her a big smile before heading out the door. ‘You two are close.’ Something strangely like envy darkened her voice.
‘Her husband’s been my best mate from years back when we were into surfing. We continued our friendship into med school, and never stopped since.’ Cole had been there for him in the darkest days. Taking Molly’s elbow, he kept his touch light when he longed to pull her closer and breathe in that rich fragrance that was her. Funny but he hadn’t realised how often he’d smelled it until now. She really was doing a number on him, and didn’t have a clue. Which was something to be grateful for. That, and not how he was spending time with her, breaking down the barrier she kept between them.
‘You don’t surf now?’ When she tilted her head back to stare up at him it was almost impossible not to reach across to tuck some wayward curls behind her ear.
Resisting required effort, so it took time to answer. ‘Occasionally I chase a wave out where I live but not as often as I used to. Cole joined the army and I broke an ankle. That didn’t prevent me getting back on the board once the bones mended, but around that time specialised study began taking up all my spare hours.’
What was left had been for Rosie. Rosie. His heart wavered. The love of his life. Nothing like Molly. Would he have taken a second look if she had been? It would be too strange.
Hang on. Second look? There’d been a third, fourth and more. He shivered, suddenly afraid of where this might lead. All the moisture in Nathan’s mouth dried up. He might be getting closer to stepping off the edge in the hope of finding that deep, loving happiness he’d once known, but what if it all went sour? Turned to dislike instead? Or worse, what if he fell in love with a woman he couldn’t make happy because of his past?
They reached his car. ‘What’s your address in Bondi Junction?’