by Kelly, A. S.
NICK
O’Connor Brothers #3
A. S. Kelly
Contents
NICK
Prologue
1. Nick
2. Nick
3. Nick
4. Nick
5. Nick
6. Nick
7. Nick
8. Casey
9. Nick
10. Casey
11. Nick
12. Casey
13. Nick
14. Nick
15. Casey
16. Nick
17. Casey
18. Nick
19. Nick
20. Casey
21. Nick
22. Nick
23. Casey
24. Nick
25. Nick
26. Nick
27. Casey
28. Nick
29. Casey
30. Nick
31. Casey
32. Nick
33. Casey
34. Nick
35. Casey
36. Nick
37. Casey
38. Nick
39. Casey
40. Nick
41. Casey
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43. Casey
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45. Casey
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47. Casey
48. Nick
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50. Casey
51. Nick
52. Nick
53. Casey
54. Nick
55. Casey
56. Nick
57. Casey
58. Nick
59. Nick
60. Nick
61. Casey
62. Nick
63. Casey
64. Nick
65. Nick
66. Casey
67. Nick
68. Nick
69. Casey
70. Nick
71. Casey
72. Nick
73. Casey
74. Nick
75. Nick
Epilogue
Playlist
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Notes
Copyright © 2019 A. S. Kelly
NICK
O’Connor Brothers
Book 3
A. S. Kelly
English Edition
Translation by Abigail Prowse
Literary and artistic property reserved.
All rights reserved. Unauthorised reproduction prohibited.
This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and storyline are the fruit of the author’s imagination or are used in a fictional sense. Any similarity to facts, places or people living or deceased is purely coincidental.
Photography by Wander Aguiar Photography
NICK
I never liked lies. I’m an honest guy, blunt, sometimes harsh – but I stick to my word, even when it hurts. Even when it could destroy someone’s life.
I’m honest even when no one asks me to be; I’ve decided to live in the sunlight, without any worries or emotions. Apart from my family, I live with nothing concrete surrounding me.
Sometimes, because of my honesty, people think I’m an idiot: a dickhead who only thinks of himself. A selfish bastard.
Maybe that really is who I am: and I’m not ashamed of it.
But being honest means that you expect people to be honest with you – and it doesn’t always work like that.
People lie: sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes to hurt you, and other times because they’re scared. And that’s the most justified kind of lie – at least, that’s what I used to believe. Until I was the one telling that lie.
A huge, great lie. Something that will take my life, rip it up, and indifferently toss it away.
What are you supposed to do when you realise you’ve been lying for years, hiding something so important that it changed your life forever? When you don’t know how to face it? When it could also change someone else’s life?
Do you just squeeze your eyes shut and take a leap of faith? Or do you turn on your heels and pretend that nothing ever happened?
If it were you telling the lie, would you deserve to be forgiven?
And, more importantly: would you ever be able to forgive yourself?
Prologue
NICK
Two years earlier
I roll over onto my right side, burying my head under the pillow to try and escape the morning light bursting through the window. Nothing seems to be muffling the drill that someone seems to have installed into my brain. I peel one eye open, trying to decide whether to keep sleeping or listen to the alarm bells in my stomach and run to the bathroom. Nausea creeps up my throat, suffocating me. It was a terrible decision to get drunk last night like some stupid student on their first night out.
I grumble as I roll onto my back, pulling the pillow away from my face and opening both eyes. I stare for a few seconds at the ceiling, before turning my head to the side; first right, then left. Dozens of cardboard boxes fill the almost-empty room. The only things left are the bed I’m pinned down to, the bedside table next to it, and a wardrobe in the corner, where her white dress is hanging.
Images of the night before start to take shape in my mind, making me jump out of bed and head straight for the bathroom to throw up last night’s alcohol, hopefully along with my stupidity.
I splash some cold water onto my face and dab it dry with a white towel dotted with pink flowers. I close my eyes, hoping to send myself back to sleep right there on my feet in her bathroom. Maybe, if I’m lucky enough, the flames of hell will devour me and pull me into the ground.
I let the towel fall from my face and take a look in the mirror above the sink.
Yep, still me.
The world’s biggest arsehole.
* * *
I poke my head into the kitchen, where she’s staring fixedly out the window. I clear my throat, making her turn to face me: what I see in her eyes only confirms what I already knew.
I’m fucked.
I approach the table and sit down, dropping my forehead onto its cool surface and closing my eyes again. I try to work out how this happened, how I took that wrong step; how I managed to screw up not only my own life, but someone else’s too. I can’t quite work out how I got from giving her a hand to sending everything up in flames.
“Nick.” Her voice is a whisper, but it pierces my heart.
“How the hell did this happen?” I ask weakly, without lifting my head from the table.
Lauren comes over and sits across from me, pushing a cup of coffee towards my hands.
I accept it and lift my head, taking a few sips as I try to ignore the mounting nausea. She lifts her knee up onto the chair and hugs it to her chest.
“I can’t remember, Nick. I don’t remember anything. The last thing I can remember is the taste of Tequila on my tongue.”
I nod. My memory is more or less the same.
“Then, this morning…”
“Were you dressed?” I ask her, stupidly. “When you woke up this morning, were you…?”
She shakes her head, embarrassed.
“Fuck!” I swear, letting my head fall back onto the table.
“Maybe nothing actually happened,” she tries, but I don’t believe her.
Tequila is a terrible influence.
“Jesus, how could I?”
“It was a strange situation, we were both drunk.”
“Lauren.” I lift my gaze to meet hers. “He’s my brother.”
The pain in her eyes almost makes me tear up – but now’s not the time to be a little baby, to panic and start crying. It’s time to act, to take responsibility
for my actions and meet my fate.
Hell gets closer and closer every day.
“We could just pretend nothing ever happened.”
“We can’t lie.”
“It wouldn’t be lying. It would just be leaving out a few details.”
“It’s not a detail, Lauren: it’s a fucking nightmare. For me, that’s lying. I can’t do it. He deserves to know the truth.”
“He won’t be able to bear the truth.”
I sigh. “I know.”
“So why do you want to do it? Don’t you think he’s already suffering enough?”
“That’s not my fault.”
Lauren drops her knee and stands up.
“I couldn’t do it, Nick.”
I nod, closing my eyes.
“I couldn’t marry him.”
“You could’ve told him that instead of ditching him at the altar, disappearing, forcing me to come and look for you.”
Lauren steps away from me and turns to look out the window.
“I didn’t want to hurt him.”
I laugh bitterly. “Well, you really chose a good way to do it. Couldn’t you have told him a few days before? Or maybe not said ‘yes’ when he fucking proposed to you? You know what Ryan’s like. You know how much he loves you, how much he believed in you. Christ, Lauren!” I jump to my feet, losing my patience.
I pace around the kitchen, trying to find an escape route from this disaster – but it doesn’t exist. There’s no way out.
There’ll only be pain, again.
Only for him.
* * *
I gather up my stuff, phone in hand. I have at least twenty missed calls, seven of them from Ian alone.
Ian. Right.
My fingers trembling, I press the ‘call’ button and bring the phone up to my ear. He picks up immediately.
“Nick, Jesus Christ!”
“Ian…”
“Did you really think that was a good time to disappear? With everything that was going on?”
“Ian…” My voice gets weaker and weaker.
“Where the hell are you? Mum’s panicking, no one can find Ryan and–”
“I’m at Lauren’s.”
His silence is proof that my brother knows me better than anyone.
“Don’t go anywhere,” he says. “I’m on my way.”
* * *
“I’m sorry, Nick. For everything.”
I turn and hug Lauren, holding her tight. “Will you be okay?” I ask, worried.
Lauren has been part of our family for ten years. She and Ryan were high school sweethearts, and her family lived around the corner, just a few yards from my parents’ house. Despite her horrendous decision and her shit timing, I love her like a sister and always will – even if she never marries my brother.
She nods, slowly pulling away from me.
“How about you?”
“I’ll be alright, as always.” I cast her a fake smile and leave her to go back inside.
I’m not worried about me. My one thought is him, my little brother, and how he’ll ever be able to bear this.
Lauren didn’t turn up to their wedding. Lauren doesn’t love him anymore. Lauren lied. Lauren hurt him – and I’ve just added salt to the wound.
I turn and head down the steps; but as I lift my gaze and meet the hate in his eyes, I realise that the pain will never go away.
Ryan storms towards me, his arms tense at his sides and his hands balled into fists. He glares at me, his eyes full of resentment and anger.
Lauren has taken his huge heart and smashed it into pieces. Turned it to dust.
“How the fuck could you?!”
His fist makes direct contact with my nose. I don’t fall to the ground, but I get pretty close. Ryan grabs the collar of my tuxedo. He’s still wearing his groomsman’s suit, identical to mine.
“Ryan, I didn’t—”
Another punch, this time much harder, lands straight on my jaw. I lose my balance and fall back onto the pavement. Ryan throws himself on top of me, sitting on my torso and pinning my arms to my sides with his legs. He hits me, over and over – and I let him. I let him get it all out, hoping that his anger never ends. I deserve this, and I don’t know where we can go from here.
Just as I’m pretty sure he’s going to kill me, I suddenly feel his weight lift from my body, letting me breathe again. Ian is holding Ryan’s arms back, trying to keep him still and save my life. Trying to save the remains of this family. But Ryan is strong, furious and distraught, and not even Ian’s muscles can hold him back.
He wriggles out of Ian’s grip and launches himself at me again, trying to throw his fist into my face, but Ian’s not giving in. He punches him right in the face, making him fall sideways, before sitting on him, pinning his arms down and squeezing his thighs against his waist.
All around there’s yelling: my brothers, Lauren, the neighbours who are all rushing to help, and my heart, which screams without pausing for breath. Just like my brother.
The brother I betrayed.
I close my eyes and let myself go, hoping that I’ll wake up somewhere else, and never come back.
1
Nick
Present Day
I park the car and swing the driver’s door open, throwing myself out into the car park. I slam it shut behind me and sprint towards the entrance, anxiety choking me and excitement exploding through my veins. I stop for a second in front of the automatic doors and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before I throw up the entire contents of my stomach all over the entrance. I place one foot inside, ready to face this new challenge, when a huge, muscly mass smacks against my left shoulder.
“Don’t even think about it,” he warns, pulling me aside.
“I got here first.”
“It’s not a race.”
“Looks like it is.”
“No, it’s not, because you’ve already lost.”
I turn to face him, so that we’re chest to chest. “Get out my way.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh, come on!” An irritated voice floats in between ours. “Why do you two always have to be like this? All these muscles are blocking off your brains.”
Chris wriggles between us and steps inside first, then turns to look at us from the other side of the sliding door with a satisfied grin.
“I’ll be her favourite aunt anyway,” she says, teasing us both, before jogging down the hospital corridor, her flame-red hair falling in waves down her back.
“You’re both losers.” Evan takes another whack at our pride before he strides past us to follow his mother, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans and his hood pulled up over his head.
“No way,” Ryan takes advantage of my confusion to step inside the hospital before me. “She can be the favourite aunt, but I’ll be her favourite uncle,” he states triumphantly, before running off behind them. He frustratedly slips in between Chris and Evan, making Chris laugh, as he wraps his enormous arms around their shoulders and protectively pulls them in towards him.
Is his unlikely, messed-up family not enough for him? Does he really have to take the only joy left in my life?
Like fuck he will.
I’ll be her favourite uncle.
* * *
When the four of us get to the waiting room, we’re met by Ian, so anxious he’s almost ready to pass out.
“So?” Chris goes over to him right away. “How’s it going?”
“Good,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face. “At least, for them. I…I feel…”
“Oh shit!” Ryan catches him before he can hit the floor.
“Come on, what’s the big deal?” I say, stupidly. What a dick.
Chris glares at me. “If you don’t have a vagina, you’re not allowed to comment.”
She sits down next to Ian and helps him take a few deep breaths, making him rest his head on his knees.
“Breathe, Ian. It’s just all the excitement,” she says kindly.
“It’s just that you’re a loser,” Evan tells him, winding him up.
This kid is starting to remind me more and more of Ryan. I feel really sorry for Chris having to put up with them both.
“Do you want me to go in with her for a bit while you’re recovering?” Chris asks.
Ian slowly lifts his head. “I can do it.”
That’s good. At least he’s found his balls again.
He gets back up and heads towards Riley’s room, wearing his green hospital gown, as we make ourselves comfortable in the waiting room. Chris sits on Ryan’s knee and he wraps his arms around her waist, leaning his chin on her shoulder; she smiles and rubs her face against his as Evan watches them, shaking his head. He turns to me and mimes vomiting all over the waiting room, and I laugh in response.