by Kelly, A. S.
My moaning breaks the silence surrounding us.
“Oh, fuck yes. Now,” Nick cries, before I feel myself fill with his liberating heat.
He slowly lowers himself on top of me, leaning his elbows either side of my head. He looks at me, his eyes brimming with satisfaction. But there’s a glimmer in them that tells me that this won’t be the last time; it’s the same glimmer that he’ll find reflected in my own eyes. Because one thing’s for sure: I will always want more.
38
Nick
I lie there on top of her, panting, still reeling in the heat of my orgasm; but I can feel the cold start to seep into my body.
We can’t just stay here like this, drenched through on the cold sand – so I begrudgingly lift myself up, bringing her with me.
“You’re frozen,” I say, rubbing her back.
I spin around, trying to find our clothes, but I realise that some of them must’ve been swept out to sea. Between the darkness and the tide, it’ll be impossible to get them back. I dig around in the sand, looking for my T-shirt, and hand it to her.
“Put this on for now,” I tell her, as I gather up the rest of our stuff. I help her to her feet, taking her by the hand, and we both run back to the car, hoping that no one sees us and calls the police for public indecency. We close the car doors behind us, and I switch the heating on as high as it’ll go, listening to Casey’s teeth chattering next to me.
I was such an idiot.
I turn on the accelerator and head towards the end of the track, trying to find somewhere more discreet to park. I pull into the furthest corner, completely blanketed in darkness, with no other cars around. I open the driver door and get out of the car, barefoot and totally naked, pacing over to the passenger side.
“Come on,” I tell her, clasping her frozen hand in mine.
I lead her round to the back seat, and sit myself down next to her. I lock the doors, before gently pulling the T-shirt she was wearing over her head.
“You need to warm up, and the best way to do that is skin-on-skin,” I say, before wrapping her up in my arms. She burrows herself into me, tucking her legs up on the seat and bringing her knees to her chest, as I squeeze her tightly, rubbing my hands up and down her arms. The heating starts to blast out, and our breathing steams up the windows, giving us a privacy that is almost dangerous; the feeling of her back pressed against my chest, and her arse just in front of my cock, is putting other thoughts into my head. After my behaviour this evening, I didn’t know if I’d get another chance.
“My God, Nick. You’re such an idiot! What the hell were you thinking?”
“I don’t know. It was impulsive.”
“Just like all the other stupid shit you do.”
“But you liked it,” I whisper into her ear.
Casey trembles in my arms.
“Fuck, you really liked it.”
She shakes her head. “It was crazy.”
“I like crazy,” I say, gently kissing her earlobe.
“Nick…what are you trying to do?”
“Absolutely nothing,” I say, my hands leaving her arms and reaching round to her breasts.
“Nick,” she says, her voice no more than a strangled whisper, her head leaning back against my shoulder. I squeeze her nipples between my fingers, playing a dangerous game.
“It…it’s not…” she can’t go on; my fingers are relentless. I open my hands and squeeze her breasts, massaging them. By now, my desire to repeat what just happened, right here in this car, to relive it all over again, can’t be tamed. To be honest, I never tried to tame it in the first place.
Casey turns to face me, her head still nestled into my shoulder. I look at her and realise in an instant, from the light in her eyes, that she wants the same thing.
I knew we were made for each other.
I lower my head to reach her mouth, licking her lips to taste the salt again. My dick swells at her expression, pressing urgently against her arse cheeks.
Casey slides against my body, turning to the side. She’s still covered in sand, but we’re not cold anymore; we’re burning up, blazing, and there’s no way of putting out this uncontrollable fire between us.
I slip one hand between her legs, running a finger along her labia. I stroke it gently, as she closes her eyes, letting my movements take her away. I play with her clit, sliding one finger along it, as the palm of my hand moves against her most sensitive part. I lose myself in her lustful expression, in her parted lips, in the blush creeping into her cheeks.
I can’t resist anymore: I lean into her mouth, slipping my tongue inside her. I push it as deeply as I can, as Casey lifts herself on top of me.
Holy fuck.
She sits right on my erect cock, which pulses longingly against her. It knows what’s happening by now – it could never forget her.
“Casey…” I murmur, moving a strand of wet hair away from her face. This time, she’s the one to push her tongue into my mouth, taking my breath away. Compelled by her tongue, which toys seductively with mine, I don’t even realise that she’s moved herself against the tip of my cock. She lowers herself onto me, taking me, slowly, as I feel her push me inside her.
“Jesus…”
Casey grabs my face, running her hands over my beard. Looking me straight in the eyes, she starts to move on my dick, sliding up and down, leaving me breathless over and over again as she takes me.
I instinctively grab her hips, pulling her down onto me, enjoying the feeling of her skin under my fingertips.
She throws her head up, arching her back, trying to find the best position to pull me in as far as possible; I can’t resist the sight of her breasts, moving in front of my eyes. I take a nipple between my teeth, closing my mouth around it and sucking at the taste of salt that still lies on her skin. I want to suck at her until she’s bruised, raw.
I’m sitting in the back seat of my car, Casey on my dick; we’re both naked, and we’re having sex like two teenagers almost in the middle of a road.
I feel excited, full of life. I feel electric, on the verge of coming.
“Casey… I can’t. You on top of me… fuck, you were right. You definitely go on top.”
Casey laughs, stopping for a few moments and looking at me with those maneater eyes, before lowering herself onto me and bending over my body.
That last push is the end for me.
I grab her arse, trying to move her even quicker, as her breathing grows faster, matching mine.
“Oh God, yes!” she yells, as I feel her heat explode with mine.
I don’t yell, but I collapse into her shoulder, trying to suffocate everything I want to cry out.
I hug her tightly and fall back against the car door, keeping her pinned to me. We’re not cold anymore; we have no breath, no words. We have nothing except each other, and this moment. Another perfect image to complete my collection of negatives which aren’t hidden away in a dusty box anymore: they’re being brought out into the light.
39
Casey
The only clothes we could recover were my jeans and his T-shirt. The rest must have been dragged out to sea, lost on the beach, or dropped during our sprint to the car.
“Okay, no problem. I’ll wear the jeans, and you can wear my T-shirt.”
“And walk around with my arse hanging out?” I ask as I tug the top over my head.
“It’s a beautiful arse. It’d be a shame to cover it up.”
“Idiot,” I say, laughing.
“You can wear the jeans, too, if you like. I have no problem walking around naked.”
“Of course you don’t. Everyone in the world has seen you naked, anyway.”
Nick laughs. “Does that bother you?”
“Absolutely not. Do you want it to bother me?”
Nick leans closer and takes my chin in his fingers. “Are you jealous, Casey Madigan?” he asks, amused.
“What am I supposed to be jealous of, Nick? You’re not mine.”
His
gaze wavers a little – but what I said was true, wasn’t it?
“Then what were we doing tonight?”
“It was crazy. Just a stupid thing that kids do. And we’re not kids anymore.”
He turns away without a word, getting out of the car totally naked to look for his still-wet jeans. I clamber into the front seat from the back.
He turns on the ignition, keeping the heating turned up high, and we drive away in silence from the place where I made the most stupid mistake I could’ve made: the place where I believed in Nick O’Connor.
My God, I’ll never be able to look at the sea again without thinking of the two of us, immersed by the waves. I’ll never be able to lie on the beach without thinking of his face above mine, the droplets of water sliding down my skin, the pressing urgency of his body. I’ll never be able to be with anyone else, without thinking of his thrusts, his mouth; his hands, wandering over me.
I’ll never love anyone like I love Nick O’Connor.
“So it meant nothing, then,” Nick says, suddenly serious, after driving in silence for a few minutes. “Just a quick fuck,” he adds.
“Two, to be precise. And I’m sure that was more than enough for you.”
“Fuck, no!” His voice rises a few decibels. “Of course they weren’t enough. Two fucks could never be enough, Casey.”
“What else do you want, then?”
“I want to sleep with you. Only you. And I want to be the only one you sleep with.”
“Are you trying to tell me I’m a slut?”
“Hell, no! That didn’t come out right.”
“Try and explain yourself better, then. Because you’re about to get a fist to the face.”
He brakes suddenly in the middle of the road, swerving off to the side. Then he loosens his grip on the steering wheel and turns to face me. He takes my face in his hands and leans closer.
“I want to be the only guy you ever want to sleep with.”
I look at him, nibbling at my lip.
“Better?”
“More or less.”
“What about you?”
“What?”
“Do you want to be the only one?”
“How long for?”
Nick pulls back suddenly. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said, Nick. How long do you want me to be your only one?”
I take a knife in my hands and wedge it firmly into my heart. I know I’ll never be able to bear his response, but I’d rather hear it now, before I can start to dream again.
Nick sighs and leans closer to me again.
“Is it enough for you to know that I want to do it again? And that now, the thought of dropping you off at home and seeing your beautiful arse walk away from me, of seeing you again at my parents’ house in a few hours, means I’ll have to walk around with my hands tied behind my back? Otherwise, I’d never be able to stop myself from ripping off one of your ridiculous T-shirts.”
I smile, despite myself. “Yeah. I reckon that’s enough.”
He delicately presses his lips against mine. It’s the first time he’s been gentle, almost careful.
“Now, can you please stop talking shit?”
“Well, I’ve been spending a lot of time around the wrong people.”
“Oh yeah?”
“That’s what it looks like.”
He slowly lets me go, turning back to the steering wheel.
“I have to take you home now, or I’ll never be able to.”
I settle myself back into the passenger seat, as we head past Sandymount and into the city. Nick smiles the whole time. His handsome profile is illuminated by the passing streetlights; his tousled hair, the ends glinting with sand and salt; his ruffled beard. His hand grips the gearstick confidently, his tense arm painted with tattoos.
“Are you staring at me?”
I laugh. “Just making the most of the view.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not fair, I can’t look at you.”
“You have to drive.”
“Trust me, it isn’t easy to concentrate on my driving with you sitting there next to me, wearing my wet T-shirt, knowing that you have nothing…”
“So you were staring at me, too.”
“Maybe a bit. And I’ll be thinking of that image when I get back to my lonely, empty apartment…”
“Stop! I don’t want to know.”
Once we get closer to my house, I start to feel an unbearable weight press down on my chest, and my good mood immediately morphs into something like sadness. Nick pulls up silently next to my house and switches off the engine. He takes a deep breath, then turns towards me. I notice that his smile isn’t the same as before.
“Safe and sound,” he says, attempting to be cheerful.
I nod, because I suddenly have no idea what to say to him. How can I already feel like this, as if he’s dumping me? As if I’ll never see him again? As if I’m scared that he’ll jump on the next flight across the world? Surely one night can’t make me feel this stupid, this insecure.
“Well. Thanks for tonight,” I say, reaching for the door handle.
Nick grabs my arm and pulls me back towards him. “Not so fast.”
His hand slides down to my butt; his smile brushes against my lips, before his mouth meets mine once again.
This kiss doesn’t taste like goodbye; it tastes like goodnight, like good morning and like he can’t wait to see me again, all together.
40
Nick
I get home just as the sun is starting to rise and jump straight into the shower, trying to rinse the sand and salt from my hair. I stand there under the tepid water for way longer than necessary, my mind running over and over the events from the evening.
She wants me. It wasn’t just sex. It was pure, uncontrollable passion – an unstoppable desire to have each other, to finish off what we left behind. But there was something more.
And we both felt the same way.
I’ve never wanted something so much in my life; never felt that desire to have another person inside me. To smell them, taste them, to enter into them and stay there – and I don’t just mean physically.
If I thought before that I’d lost the most beautiful thing in my life, then now I’m certain. Just like I’m certain that I’ll never let her go again, that I’ll do everything in my power to avoid any more disasters. I just hope she can accept that: that her heart will understand, and won’t leave me behind.
I turn off the water, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist, heading towards the mirror that hangs above the sink. I wipe my hand over the glass, trying to get rid of the steam from the shower, and I study myself for a moment. My face is beaten. I haven’t slept, and I’m shattered just from the thought of her in the water, on the sand, on top of me. Of the two of us, one inside the other. And in a few hours, I have to get dressed and go to the centre; I have to face the day ahead, face Jamie, counting down the hours until I can see her again.
I step out of the bathroom and go to make some coffee, trying to concentrate on one thing at a time, and forget about this feeling: the feeling that, for once in my life, I have everything I want. And I don’t think I’m capable of keeping hold of it.
* * *
I get to the training ground slightly late, finding Jamie already there, bursting with energy.
“Good morning,” he says, scrutinising my face. “Someone was up late last night.”
“Someone didn’t sleep at all.”
“Don’t you think you’re a bit old for that now?”
“Fuck off, Jamie.”
He laughs, ordering the kids to do another ten laps of the field: maybe he wants to tire them out completely. I slump onto the stands next to him, my mind wandering as I watch the kids running, already exhausted. I can feel that I’m about to be on the receiving one of his speeches, and I’ll have no choice but to sit here and listen.
“Busy night?” he asks, testing the waters. But I’m
not going to let him dive in: he might drown out of curiosity.
“We’re talkative this morning.”
“We’re absolutely not. But if you like, I have a special fuck off reserved just for you.”
“Is it not going like you hoped it would?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Jamie.”
“No problem. I’ll talk, instead. Let’s see… She wasn’t happy with your services and decided to show you the door?”
I don’t even look at him.
“I guess you’re not as well-endowed as all those magazines would lead us to believe.”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my tongue.
“Okay, I’ll be serious. But don’t complain, okay?”
“No one asked you to do anything.”
“You don’t need to. I just know these things.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I can tell when someone needs to talk, without really talking.”
“You have a seriously big ego, you know.”
Jamie laughs. “I have to compensate for what you O’Connors can’t offer.”
“Is this because you’re desperate to be an O’Connor?”
“It’s because I’m your mate.”
“You have nothing else to cling onto, do you?”
“Actually, I have a lot to cling onto.”
“Didn’t you say you wanted to be serious?”
“What’s wrong, Nick?” Jamie switches back into serious mode. “I know there’s more than just dust bunnies up in that brain of yours.”
“You have no idea what you’re on about, Jamie. You should know me better than that by now.”
“That’s why I know exactly what I’m talking about: because I do know you so well.”
“You don’t always have to know everything.”
“No – but I can imagine it.”
“So what has your sick mind conjured up, now?”