by Frost, Sosie
“Cool!”
“She’s getting bigger.” Dad twisted his phone in his hands. Nervous. “That’s my fault. I should have seen her more.”
I wasn’t going to comfort him. “Yeah. You should have.”
His office was busy, but he actually closed the door and silenced his cell so we could talk in peace. Rose played on the floor, singing to herself and the bunny.
“I want to apologize,” Dad said. “Really, I do.”
Good. It only took him a month to do it.
“Why are you apologizing?” I asked. “Is it because you humiliated me in front of the league, the Monarch coaching staff, and my client? Or are you apologizing because you said something hurtful and completely inappropriate for a father to accuse of his daughter?”
“Can I apologize for everything?” he asked.
“You can try.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. But I’ve always…wanted the best for you, Piper.”
“You thought the best for me was appeasing me with college until I could be married off.”
“And when that didn’t happen, I thought I could help by giving you some tough love.”
Rose grinned at me. “Mama!”
“Tough love?” I laughed. “I balanced a laptop on my belly while in labor so I could do more work for the agency. I didn’t need my life to be any harder. I already handled doctor’s appointments—alone. Finding an apartment—alone. Buying baby furniture—alone. And, I gotta tell ya, raising a newborn alone? That’s the toughest love I was ever gonna get.”
“If I had raised you differently—”
“Dad, stop thinking of my life as a series of mistakes. I knew when I got pregnant things would change. But I worked hard to give Rosie a good life.” I paused. “And I was grateful that you gave me a job.”
“But I should have given you help.” Dad heaved a breath. “I see that now. I should still be helping you.”
“It’s not about the help, Dad. I just…I want Rose to know her grandfather.”
“Is there still a chance that can happen?”
There shouldn’t have been. Not now, not ever. But I’d already lost Cole. I didn’t want to lose anyone else we cared about.
“What you did to me during that meeting, the things you said…I won’t let it come between you and your granddaughter.” I pointed at him, a warning. “But if you ever hurt her the way you hurt me, we’re through.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You called me a whore.”
“I didn’t understand. I didn’t see how much you cared for him.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “Email Cole and ask if he’ll accept your representation again. If he does, send me the paperwork, and I’ll sign him over to you.”
Dad didn’t let me leave. “I don’t want Cole Hawthorne for a client.”
“Why?”
“Because I rather have my daughter as an employee.”
“I’m not an agent, Dad.”
“You could be. And a damn good one.” It was one of the first compliments he’d given me since before Rose was born. “The way you controlled the meeting with the league was spectacular. Everything. The presentation you gave, how you conducted yourself—Piper, that was quality work. I couldn’t have expected that from anyone else in my agency.” He winked at me. “And if you were honest with yourself—you’d realize you enjoyed it too.”
“I was helping Cole,” I said. “Nothing more.”
“So, you can help others. You’re smart, Piper. You understand contracts. You do your research. You are polite and intelligent and persuasive. This could be your calling. Come to work for me again.”
The words were hard. “You and I don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, Dad.”
“I know.”
“And I don’t think we ever will.”
“I hoped it would get better.”
“If I work for you, it will never change. I don’t want to be your employee. I want to be your daughter. I want to be your friend. I’m not a little girl waiting to get married off, and I’m not an underling trying to get you a new contract. I’m family. If you want that, I’m here. If there’s no room in your life for that then…”
Dad nodded. He looked to Rose, a touch of sadness in his voice. “We’re not alike, you and me. That’s probably for the best. I’ve never been a good man or father. I’m too practical. Too number-oriented and bullheaded. But you amaze me, Piper. You’ve always searched for happiness in places I’d never think to look. Education. College. Raising your baby alone. I worried about you, always seeking adventure but not watching where that first step would land.”
“Do you still worry?”
“I don’t have to. I couldn’t imagine you any other way, Piper. You’re a brilliant woman, and you’re an excellent mother.” He looked away. “And if Cole couldn’t see that, you’re better off without him.”
It was amazing how one little sentence could rip through me. I hoped my voice didn’t catch, but a month separated from Cole hadn’t healed the ache in my chest.
“It was amicable,” I said. “We broke it off when he left for Ironfield.”
“Any reason you didn’t go with him?”
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
Dad snorted. He distracted himself with his computer, checking an email. “Don’t go looking for Prince Charming, Piper. Do you know what happens when you wait for fate to drop the perfect person in your lap?”
“What?”
“A lot of unnecessary trouble. Fingers pricked on spindles. Apples lodged in throats. Shattered glass slippers tearing up your feet. Forget what’s meant to be. Make your own happily ever after.” He raised his eyebrows. “Go get him.”
I didn’t let my heart beat with that flicker of hope. “I have everything I need in life with Rose. She’s the one who needs the happily ever after, not me. I’m going to make sure she gets it. No princes required.”
I stood and shouldered my purse, taking Rose’s hand before she climbed every piece of furniture in Dad’s office.
“Wait,” he said.
Dad rifled through his filing cabinet and pushed a folder towards me. His writing scrawled a name over the top.
Lachlan Reed
“He’ll go first round in the draft,” Dad said. “You should represent him.”
“I don’t need charity.”
“It’s not. I can’t handle him. He’ll need a lighter touch. I wouldn’t trust him with anyone but you.”
Uh-oh. “Is he another Cole?”
Dad laughed. Hard. “Couldn’t be more different. You’re the best suited for him, I think. I’ve been courting him, but…he’s yours. His contact info is in the folder. Give him a call.”
“I can’t deal with both Cole and now…” I looked at the folder. “Lachlan.”
“Looks like you’ll have to start your own agency.”
“Dad—”
“This has been fun, but I’m very busy, Piper. I gotta get out of the office before Monday Night Football.” He eyed me. “You shouldn’t miss it.”
Yeah, right. Rivets versus Cyclones. Cole Hawthorne’s Ironfield debut would take place live on national television.
Where everything could go wrong.
My heart couldn’t take it.
I tucked the folder into Rose’s diaper bag. “Thanks, Dad.”
We weren’t the hugging sort. We waved buh-bye, and I left the agency for the last time with a little more confidence than when I’d entered. I loaded Rose into the car and let her babble to Mr. Bumpybottom for the ride home.
Or…at least, what was passing as home.
I had a lead on an apartment that would open up in a few days, but the hotel worked for a temporary stay. I couldn’t wait at Cole’s home anymore, despite his insistence that I remain until I was settled.
The house. The beds. The garden. Everything had wrapped me in his presence. I couldn’t handle it.
But even when I finally lef
t, when Rose and I settled at the hotel, I still dragged memories of Cole into our life. My clothes smelled like him. Sports Nation wouldn’t stop talking about him.
I’d dreamt of him. I’d hated him.
I’d stared at my phone waiting for him to call.
He didn’t.
I knew he wouldn’t.
When was it supposed to stop hurting? When could I go five minutes without thinking of him or worrying about him or getting angry with him?
Everyone talked about broken hearts as if they shattered once and were lost. It wasn’t true. Every day apart from him only splintered me more. The pieces got smaller, turning to dust. Not much remained for time to heal. Maybe these wounds were just too deep.
I shouldn’t have watched the game, but I think I wanted to know if it still hurt.
It did.
Rose should have gone to sleep before the game started, but I didn’t mind her company. It’d be nice to have a girls’ night, just me and her sharing an order of fast food chicken nuggets.
Watching the game.
Pretending to care about anyone and anything but the man wearing the black, number ninety-two jersey.
The pregame was in full-swing, and the announcers made sure they got a close up of Cole Hawthorne, warming up on the field in his new Ironfield uniform.
His hair was tied back, but he’d wear it loose for the game. Wild. He said it intimidated his opponents, and I believed him. His nose had finally healed, despite the bit of crookedness. It suited him.
He looked fierce, focused. But something was different. The camera cut away just as quarterback Jack Carson walked through the warm-up, shouting to his men. Cheering them on. Firing them up.
And Cole responded. They pounded each other’s shoulder pads and shook hands before the game.
The Beast and Play-Maker?
Were they…friends?
My mouth dropped open, but I didn’t close it in time. Rose stuck a piece of previously chewed chicken nugget between my lips.
At least I hoped it was a chicken nugget.
I spat it out and sipped my soda, staring at the TV though they had long since panned away.
She bounced the bunny next to me. “Cool!”
Was it possible Cole had looked…happy? It wasn’t just him getting pumped. He was eager to start the game.
“Cool!”
“Bodacious, meatball. Totally rad.”
“Mamamama.”
I should have turned the game off. I shouldn’t have watched.
Seeing Cole pained me in ways I hadn’t imagined.
But the time apart from him destroyed me more.
I allowed myself one night of weakness. I snuggled into the bed, Rose at my side, and together we watched the game.
Cole didn’t play in the first quarter, but I hadn’t expected him to play at all. The game was an important mid-season matchup. Cole was gifted, but could he really learn the entire Rivets’ defense in two weeks?
I never should have doubted him.
He took the field in the second quarter, lining up to blitz on a third and long. The ball snapped, and he exploded from the line, leaping over the offensive line. He twisted from a hold and dove over the Cyclones’ quarterback. The ball popped out, and he leapt over the fumble with a superhuman speed.
I shrieked, tumbling out of the bed and nearly bouncing my toddler off the side. I cheered with the Ironfield crowd. Rose loved the excitement. She bounced with me.
“Cool!” She clapped her hands. “Cool!”
“I know, Rosie! It was a cool play!”
My child looked at me like I was an idiot. And maybe I was.
“Cool!”
I plunked onto the bed and stared at her. She wiggled under my attention, but that devious smile told me everything I needed to know.
I tried to speak, but the words came out as a whisper.
“Cool?” I asked her.
“Cool.”
My heart broke once, and Rose gathered the pieces together just to shatter it again. She had been babbling all week, speaking that word over and over again. Tears prickled my eyes.
She wasn’t saying cool.
“Rosie, do you mean…Cole?”
She squealed, clapping as I finally understood what she said. She repeated his name, singing each word with an excited flourish.
“Cole. Cole. Cole.”
Oh God.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I was the one who was supposed to be crushed, falling for a man I shouldn’t have loved.
Not my baby. Not a little girl who loved him like he was her…
I couldn’t even think the word.
Of course Rose would love a man who had shared his breakfasts with her. Read to her. Danced with her. Looked after her. Spoiled her with toys and furniture.
He’d showered her with the devotion and care and affection that he’d denied himself. And she remembered. She wanted him back.
“Do you miss Cole?” I whispered.
Rose nodded.
“Momma misses him too.”
Her little fingers poked at my lips, trying to make me smile. I owed it to her. I owed it to myself. But I had no idea how to be happy unless I was with him.
And he had to feel the same way. I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. I should have never left without making him say it.
Screw it.
I wasn’t living a life of regrets.
I’d forced my way into his home to help him once.
This time, I’d find a way to save him.
“Do you want to go find Cole?” I asked.
Rose nodded.
“Good. You and me? We’re gonna go get him.” I pulled her in for a tight hug. “And we’re not going to leave until he says I love you.”
23
Cole
It had been months since I loathed the sound of someone knocking at my door.
Tonight, I regressed. I knew exactly who pounded on the frame. I just didn’t know why she was here.
Did Piper want to hurt me? Did she want me to hurt her?
I couldn’t face her. Not now. Today was supposed to be a day off, a gentle day. I hadn’t played in a month, and Monday’s game tore me apart. For the first time in weeks, my body punished me more than my fucking regret.
But I couldn’t give her the answers she needed, and I couldn’t say the words she wanted.
Those feelings lodged in my chest like a sickness, one that left me feverish and confused and every bit as disoriented as the first time she touched me, kissed me, and refused to leave my door.
The apartment was furnished with items that weren’t mine and décor that didn’t suit me, but it was home enough. Again, she invaded my space. Not just my house, but my heart and soul.
Why did she come?
What had taken her so long?
How could I get her to leave?
Christ. I wasn’t afraid of seeing her, but I didn’t know what would happen when I got her back in my arms.
I closed my eyes and breathed deep. I’d hoped for a minute to compose myself. Instead, a cry in the hall echoed through the apartment.
The baby fussed. She had Rose with her?
I opened the door.
Piper was every bit as beautiful jet-lagged and pissed off as she was naked and rolling in my bed.
“Please don’t close the door!” She stuck her foot inside the jam, as if I could slam it after seeing her beautiful eyes for the first time in a month. “Cole, please listen to me. Just once, just now, before you do anything. I’m not going to leave until you listen to what I have to say.”
Where had I heard that before?
“You are the most frustrating, loathsome, infuriating man I’ve ever met.”
Those weren’t the sweet, honey-brushed words I’d expected. I frowned. Piper panted, forcing her insults through a bitter voice.
“And you are the most intimidating man I’ve ever met,” she said.
A knife through th
e heart might have been a better greeting. I tightened my hold on the door, but Piper spoke quickly. She stared into my eyes and whispered with absolute honesty.
“But you’re not intimidating because of the man you are. You’re frightening because of the way you make me feel.”
Christ, I couldn’t even look at this beautiful woman without bracing against the door. One wrong and right word, and I’d crumble to my knees.
“You don’t believe me, and that’s fine. The media and the league and your reputation would prove that you’re the wrong man for me, but I know we have something special.” Piper sucked in a deep breath. “You say you’re a beast, a monster, a slave to your rage. But do you know what else you are?”
A coward.
A man too weak to deny his feelings but strong enough to protect the one he loved.
“You’re gentle,” Piper whispered. “You’re caring. You’re loving and compassionate and tender. You have a capacity for such kindness. You’d did all you could to spoil Rose. You made love with me. Cole, you know those aren’t the makings of a beast.”
They weren’t the qualities of a prince either.
I averted my gaze only to trap myself in another beautiful face. Rose had fallen back to sleep in her stroller, tucked in with those chubby brown cheeks and tiny little hands. She snuggled with Mr. Bumpybottom. Quiet.
I’d have committed Piper’s first cardinal sin and woken her up just to see her smile.
Piper watched me, her voice softening. “You think you’re wrong for me. And maybe I’m wrong for you. But I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never had anyone make me feel so beautiful and wanted. Every day with you was a risk—not because you were dangerous, but because I didn’t know how to protect my heart.”
I didn’t either.
Piper knew how to twist the knife into my heart. She’d make it beat once more, for her and her alone.
“It’s not that you don’t have the capacity to love, Cole,” she said. “It’s that you love too much. You love the baby and me so much you’re afraid you’ll hurt us. You love football so much you’re afraid you’ll lose it. It’s not a weakness to be afraid of your own strength, and it’s not dangerous to let me help you.”
Her honest admission ripped through me like silken daggers.