Taint of Shadow

by Cassandra Moore

  Pirelli inclined his head. “I understand. I cannot hold it against you. If you will excuse me?”

  “One more thing.”

  Both men turned to look at Kayla.

  It galled her to ask for permission. Even if he refused, she knew what she would do, but Noah’s example made good political sense. Pirelli was right; Kiplinger’s threat involved both their people. They would have to cooperate.

  She would follow the protocol. “Two vampires have wronged me. I ask your blessing to hunt them down and see to it they do not rise with the sunset tomorrow night.”

  “Who are these that you would kill?” He answered the traditional question with his own.

  “Miles and Mason Bristol.”

  He should have asked what they had done, by the old ways. But he didn’t. Like the silver-tongued devil he was, he drew from a werewolf ritual instead.

  “Kill them both, and may the moon bless your hunt.”

  Nine

  She needed to run.

  High in the sky, the moon turned its near-full face down upon the city. To Kayla, it felt as if it watched her, but not in benediction. Werewolves had always talked about the blessing, or curse, of the moon, and which their power fell under. Now, Kayla knew for certain.

  Adrenaline had turned into restless energy. Warmth still tingled over her finger where Vincenzo Pirelli’s tongue had brushed her skin. She could almost smell the moonlight, taste it, a sure sign she’d almost reached the end of her ability to rein in the beast.

  What was I thinking? Riding back into town like some gunslinger at high noon, looking to shoot down the man in the black hat right there in the middle of town. Her confidence had evaporated in the face of Moira’s black-edged wounds. In its wake came an edgy, nervous agitation, the kind that made even placid dogs bite. You got someone hurt, cowboy.

  The urgency built at the core of her, rode along her spine and centered low in her belly. What had begun with the fight in the attic now blazed full-force in her in answer to the pull of the lunar tides. Within her lived a creature of need, dark and primal, and it howled as it battered the cage of her mind to break free. The cab of Moira’s car closed in around her, a prison of its own.

  She couldn’t help it. At their best, werewolves were sexual creatures. The kind of energy the moon gave them when it waxed full translated to violence or sex, the basest of all instincts. It was why they secreted themselves away from humans when they lost all hold on their beasts, why they kept that edge of danger in their human lives. Out of necessity, they came to love the release, sometimes too well.

  Noah could feel it. He looked straight ahead, eyes focused too hard on the road, but they had turned gold again, and his nostrils flared when he breathed. An erection strained against his jeans. Through the bonds they shared, she could sense his need, his own fight with the wolf inside. It fed into the chaos of her desire, which flowed back into him in an endless upward spiral.

  She needed to run.

  Emotions churned through her like choppy seas, each wave threatening to crest and wash away the thin wall she held them behind. Fear, self-loathing, that awful black drive for revenge. And love. Antidote to the blackness, so bright as to blind her. In it, she could see them together, even after Kiplinger and Regina and the twins had gone back to the dust that had spawned them. She could see happiness, a future, a place where someone loved the horrible things inside her.

  It scared her. She couldn’t love what she had become, but he would. Noah would love the thing that may have gotten Moira killed, or worse, changed. The thing that had gotten their apartment burned down. Had taken them to the doorstep of the city’s most powerful vampire. Who had tasted her blood. Which she had liked.

  It all made her dizzy.

  Fight or flight. And she needed to run before the other option was the only one left.

  “Pull over,” she growled.

  He didn’t ask why, just whipped the car into the parking lot of the waterfront park. They jumped out and she shed her clothes as fast as she could. Too tight, too rough, all she wanted was her skin. Or better, her fur, as her feet became paws. She ran into the wooded land, toward the sound of the sea, a white ghost in the trees.

  Soon, she would run out of land. Then she would go into Puget Sound, swim into the sea until the salt water had washed it all from her. If she swam long enough, she would catch up to the sun, and it could burn everything away. Sea air, laden with smells, filled her nostrils.

  Human smells, nature smells. Noah smells. The fur on her back stood up, and her lip curled. He chased her. Why? Didn’t he know what she was? Why would he pursue someone’s shadow? Waves rolled higher against that battered wall. All she could offer him was pain. Unrest. Danger. But he still chased.

  She whirled with an agile turn that kicked up a spray of dirt then charged the gray wolf behind her. They collided with a snarl, a ball of teeth and fur until she sprang away to growl. It was a warning, a plea, not to come closer. To turn around and leave. But his golden eyes stared back as his hackles bristled up along the back of his neck. In them, she saw stubborn resolve.

  He was her mate. He would not leave.

  Anger flared. Why did he make her face this? If he left, she could continue alone. No one else had to get hurt, and she could drown the ache in her heart with blood. A snarl ripped from her as she charged him, slammed into him, writhed to put her teeth around his throat. But he protected himself too well, and he was too strong, too smart.

  The fur retreated with a shocking suddenness. She found herself on the ground, human, vulnerable beneath his naked body. The alpha shift. He’d caged her wolf.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she demanded, trapped under him.

  “I won’t leave you alone,” he answered, hands tight around her wrists. “I made that mistake once. Never again.”

  She thrashed, fought against his grip, but he held firm. “Let me up. Let me go.”

  His golden eyes burned like coals. Need, love, and worry warred in his gaze. “I won’t ever let you go.”

  “You should! Damn it, Noah, did you see Moira? That could happen to anyone close to me.” On her back, neck open, belly against his, she couldn’t protect that soft underside. “I can’t live with that!”

  “You heard her. We make our choices. Sometimes, there are consequences.” He lowered his face to within inches of hers. “I’m prepared to accept those.”

  “I’m not. I couldn’t take it.” Desperately, she tried to shore up that wall that held her emotions at bay. “Go back to the car. Forget me. Let me forget about you.”

  His lips dipped down to kiss the hollow of her throat. The tip of his tongue traced hot circles over that tender skin. “Is that what you want?”

  Against his chest, her nipples hardened, and a rush of moisture warmed her pussy. Her back arched so she could run those awakened nubs over the patch of hair on his chest. “Yes. I have to forget about you.”

  “What if I can’t forget about you?” Teeth closed over the soft skin on her neck, nipped at it, reminded her who he was. Alpha male, in control, and she was at his mercy.

  With his teeth on her neck, she couldn’t thrash. Her body bowed against his, strained upward and got nowhere. One knee nudged the inside of her leg to part her thighs. “You have to. Fuck you, Noah. You have to let me go.”

  He shifted to look down into her eyes. “No. I have to love you. That’s all I have to do.”

  “Do you know what I am? What I’m capable of?” Now she could toss her head, yank with all her strength against his steel grip, although it got her nowhere.

  Then he put his lips to her ear. “Do you?” he murmured.

  The way he said it disarmed her. She didn’t. Since the ritual, she had huddled in the darkness but never accepted it.

  “Let me go.”

  His tongue traced the edge of her ear. “Not ever.”

  “I have to get away.”

  Lips suckled her earlobe into his mouth. She groaned as h
e murmured into her ear. “I’m not going to let you run away from yourself, or from me, anymore.”

  “You don’t have a choice.”

  He chuckled, a rich, deep sound that brought goose bumps up on her skin. “Don’t I?”

  Anger. Desire. They chased through her, fought, but neither won. “I’ll hurt you. I don’t want to.”

  “How will you do that? Do you have purple laser eye beams now?” The head of his cock nudged against her pussy. She shifted her hips forward to rub it against her, let it scrape over her clit, her wet folds.

  “The wolf will get loose.”

  Another chuckle as he dipped his head to take her nipple into his mouth. Sharp suction made her growl as spikes of pleasure jolted through her nerves to meet at her clit. “The wolf isn’t going anywhere, is she?”

  It wasn’t. He had her right where he wanted her. She struggled but only pushed her breast harder against his mouth. “Why can’t you understand? I can’t stay.”

  He lifted his head. “You can, and you will. You are my mate. No matter what happens, I love you.”

  All her inner turmoil had built to a critical pitch. She all but vibrated with the effort to keep the upheaval in check. If she broke, what then? The same question had haunted her since Noah found her in that alley. I cannot break. I will not break.

  Fight or flight, kill or run. Love was not an option, but it wouldn’t let her take either choice.

  Golden eyes stared down at her as his cock rubbed against her. “Tell me that you don’t love me, and I’ll let you up right now.”

  Her mouth opened to say the words. I don’t love you. I can’t love you. I won’t love you. No sound came out. She couldn’t lie about this, no matter how she wanted to. To protect him, to guard her heart. And she couldn’t say four untrue words to save them.

  “You can’t, can you?” His knees pushed her legs wider. “You love me. You need me.”

  “I don’t need anyone.”

  His cock slipped between her folds to rest just inside her pussy. She shuddered, desperate for more.

  “Don’t you?”

  Damn him. “No.” With a growl, she strained to take more of him in, but he wouldn’t let her.

  “Say it.”

  A low growl escaped her as he withdrew himself then pushed in again, only as far as the ridge.

  “No.” She wouldn’t give him the victory or break down the last of the wall. But the wetness between her legs betrayed her desire.

  Slide out, slide in. Her cunt had never felt so empty, so painfully keen for a thick shaft inside it. His dominance gave her permission to want, and his control... She hadn’t realized that his control had restored hers.

  Damn him to hell, right to the bottom. “You son of a bitch.”

  A smirk curled over his lips. “Say it.”

  “I need you.”

  “What else?”

  “I want you, you fucking bastard.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Take me, damn it! Please!”

  His cock thrust in, a long, forceful plunge that made her grunt. Her pussy stretched around him, and finally, she was filled. “Tell me you love me, Kayla.”

  They locked eyes. He loved her so much; she could see it in that wolfish gaze. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes.

  “I love you.”

  He released her arms. She wrapped them around him, clung to him as he took up a forceful, inspired rhythm. Large hands hooked under her shoulders to better pull her down against him, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. With each thrust, her chest slid against his, nipples roughed by the thatch of hair.

  Panting gaps became throaty, lusty moans. He pounded into her, lost to the same frenzy that gripped her. As one, their bodies writhed under the trees, strained to push closer, deeper. She was full, complete with him in her.

  Their groans grew louder, unrestrained. His hips worked against hers in frantic strokes, and the waves lashed higher in her belly. When he threw his head back to howl his climax at the moon, her orgasm crashed over her, rocked her to the core so that all she could do was ride the shockwaves that slammed through her body.

  Profound release, from the deepest fathoms of her body, claimed her. As he rolled to cradle her against his chest, the first sob broke free from her chest. She tried to swallow it, but a second burst out from the heartbreak she had kept dammed for so long. He held her tightly to him, stroked her hair, and at last, she let go.

  Tears wet his skin, her face. Wracked by the heaving sobs, she clung to him as if he were anchor in the storm. It hurt, and she felt broken, splintered by the weight of her fear and sorrow. But his arms held her together, kept her above the waves of her internal storm.

  She thought it would never end. She wasn’t sure she wanted it to, as the worst of the poison in her soul poured out of her. Eventually, the tears slowed, her breath returned. Then she was still, and he hadn’t let go, just as he had promised.

  “I’m a monster,” she said at last. “God, Noah, what have I become?”

  “You are not a monster.” His voice rumbled in his chest. “There’s darkness in you now, sure. You aren’t what you were. But I think that, in the end, you’re whatever you make yourself into.”

  Her breath shuddered as she drew it in. “You saw me. You’ve felt me. I’m dangerous to be around.”

  Strong fingers passed over her hair. “What werewolf isn’t? It’s worse for you, but you can learn to control it. To use it. You’ll have help.”

  “What if I don’t want to? How can I accept this? How can I not hate myself?”

  A gentle hand touched under her chin, and she lifted her eyes to meet his. “I’ve accepted you. And I love you. Are you telling me that I’m wrong about you? Because that’s something I won’t accept.”

  She tried to tear her gaze away, but he wouldn’t let her. “Noah—”

  “Listen to me. I believe in you.” His gaze burned bright, fierce. “More, I believe in us. You and I can beat this. When it gets away from you, I’ll help you get it back. I’ll protect you from yourself. If you can’t go on, I’ll carry you until you can.”

  And she believed him. For the first time since the change, a tiny, fragile hope rose out of the ashes.

  “Please, Kayla. Please give me the chance. Trust in me. In yourself.”

  “Don’t leave me alone in the dark.” The words choked out of her.

  He cupped her face in both hands. “Not ever.”

  All her tears had run dry. Emptiness echoed in her heart in the place where they had pooled, toxic and hidden, until he had broken through. But not for long, not with his love rushing in to take its place.

  From here, she could hear the sea. Waves lapped against the shore, an eternal, sibilant lullabye. The moon loved the sea and called to it, or so the werewolf legend went. Trapped in its bed, the sea could do no more than reach for her lover, never to touch or hold the silvery orb that spun so far away.

  She had thought of the moon as a harsh mistress. A vindictive spirit filled with whimsy and curses. But as she listened to the whisper of the waves, as each stretched toward the moon then fell back again, she realized that she was the moon. She had become what she hated the most, and had almost left Noah, trapped in a place he could not leave, to reach for her and never touch.

  “What now?” he asked.

  Since her return, she had feared this moment, but now that she had arrived at it, she didn’t know why. Even though she had broken and cried at last, she was stronger than ever. “Miles and Mason should be at Night Moves by now, unless that other shadow wolf has scared them off.”

  “He’s probably licking his wounds. The silver should have poisoned his blood by now.”

  Confident. Unafraid. And I almost pushed him away.

  “I hope no one’s in the parking lot.” Leaves fell out of her hair as she stood and shook it out.

  He laughed and got to his feet. “Me, too. Otherwise, they’ll get an eyeful.”

  “Vampires, I can
handle. Gawkers, though...”

  But that wasn’t true. His fingers sought hers, and as they walked hand-in-hand toward the car, she knew she could handle anything.

  She had Noah.

  Ten

  Loud music thumped through the air, a trance-like electronic bump-and-grind drum loop. Windowless brick walls did little to keep the rhythm inside Night Moves; the pavement vibrated on the downbeat, and two car alarms screamed empty warnings. No one paid any attention.

  To her sensitive nose, the parking lot reeked of human excess. Everything smelled like alcohol, from broken bottles to a puddle of vomit to the place where someone had taken a leak in the dirt that edged the pavement. Most of the people who swaggered by were half in the bag, boisterous, obnoxious partiers with shiny PVC pants and vodka breath. One wore an X of electrical tape over each of his nipples, another a mesh shirt with huge holes.

  Perfect, clueless prey. The vampire who wove through the cars seemed to think so, too. By the set of her lips, her fangs had already extended in anticipation of a midnight snack.

  “What a bunch of cattle.” Noah’s disdain was apparent. “How can they not know?”

  “I bet some of them do,” she told him. “It’s probably why they come here. This was one of the places DJ Specter got his start, and we know what kind of scene he liked.”

  He made a face and dug into a backpack. They’d grabbed their things from his truck, including the blessed stakes, before they’d taken Moira to Lord Pirelli’s. “I threw my leather jacket in here. I think I can put a couple of these along my spine and get them in that way.”

  Stakes would make their job easier. She nodded. “All right. But it’s May. We’re going to have to do something about your coat.”

  “Something about it--hey!” Pain for his expensive black coat twisted his face as her hand grew claws and she shredded the sleeves. “You’re cruel, you know this? Aw, shit, haven’t you done enough to it?”