by Lori Wick
The men had been quite pleased with themselves, and the entire crew had all shared a good laugh while having coffee in the bus later that night. Casey fell into bed sometime after midnight, her heart ready to praise God for this special day, but she fell asleep before she could shape any of her thoughts.
Big Pines Christian Campground was one of the most beautiful places Casey had ever seen. The ground was a carpet of pine needles, and the air was so clean and crisp that she could have stood in one spot for an hour, simply drinking in the beauty and fragrance. Everyone in the group, all longtime visitors to this camp, enjoyed her reaction. Well, almost everyone. Hunter was still keeping his distance.
For two weeks now they'd lived and worked in close proximity, and Casey had grown close to everyone but Hunter. While never unkind, he was neither warm nor approachable. The others had talked of their families, their hopes, dreams, and prayer requests, but Hunter usually remained silent.
Casey knew he wasn't quiet with everyone. She had noticed that when it was just family, he laughed and talked comfortably with Brad, Chris, and Morgan. When the group met, however, even if Casey was the only nonfamily member, he said little if anything.
21
He did, however, do much observing. Casey had grown proficient at not paying him excessive attention, quite an accomplishment since she was becoming very aware of him. Maybe this was the reason she would often glance up and find him studying her.
She never let her eyes linger on his, but she asked herself repeatedly why he didn't approach her if he found her so interesting. Casey did a mental shrug. She was honest enough to admit to herself that she would have welcomed a little attention from Hunter, but she figured it wasn't part of the Lord's plan or it would have happened already.
"Casey," Morgan broke into her musings. "If you'll
gather your gear, I'll show you to your cabin."
"Oh, sure. Is it far."
"Not bad. Your cabin is tucked back into the trees, but it's close to the women's shower room. Your seven fifth graders do not arrive until Sunday, so take advantage of the peace and quiet."
"I have all fifth graders--no one older."
Morgan smiled at her disbelieving tone. "It won't
be so bad. At least you're not getting what I'm getting." "What's that.'' "Fifth-grade bo ys."
Casey laughed at the look of mock horror on his face and went into the bus to retrieve her things.
A heartfelt sigh escaped Casey when she woke from her nap. She had used the dresser next to the one double bed in the cabin to put away her things and then spread out the sleeping bag Morgan had said was
22
hers for the next three weeks. When she was finished, the bed looked so inviting that Casey stretched out and fell almost immediately to sleep. Now she was awake enough to see the dial on her watch and was surprised to see that she'd slept for more than two hours.
Casey swung her feet to the floor with two purposes in mind--heading into the small bathroom in the cabin and then eating. Lunch had been so long ago that she felt hollow inside.
Fifteen minutes later she walked through the trees, her nose leading her in the direction of food. Someone was cooking over a grill, and Casey found herself praying it would be the Rileys. She felt it would be most unfair to smell something this wonderful and not get a taste of it.
"We wondered when you would joinus,"Morgan called to her as soon as she came into view.
The entire group was there plus a few people Casey didn't know. She walked with unconscious grace, her long legs encased in blue,jeans and a white cotton blouse tucked in at the waist. The wind teased her shoulder-length blonde hair around her lovely, tanned face.
"Casey," Brad began, "come and meet the camp directors, Marcus and Lizzy Peterson."
"It's good to meetyou,Casey," Lizzy offered with
a smile after they'd shaken hands.
"Your camp is wonderful."
"We rather likeit,"Marcus told her with a grin. "How is your cabin?"
"Just great."
23
They talked for several more moments, both of the Petersons working to make her feel very welcome. She was told that the other counselors, as well as the guest speaker, would be coming the next day, and that the campers would arrive on Sunday sometime after lunch.
Casey was then introduced to Kim and Linda Riley, who had finally arrived with their grandparents. After she met the girls, Chris teased her.
"We'd begun to think we'd lost you," she commented with a smile, referring to Casey's nap.
"No," Morgan put in, a teasing light in his eye. "Hunt checked on you and said you were snoring to beat the band. I'm surprised we didn't hear you all the way down here."
Casey smiled but didn't say anything. She sincerely doubted that Hunter had been anywhere near her cabin, but the thought of his hearing her snore was humiliating. Thankfully, dinner was proclaimed ready, and Casey was able to hide her embarrassment when she chose a plate and got into line.
"You don't snore."
The words came so softly to Casey more than two hours later that she thought she'd imagined them. They were, however, all too real. Casey turned from where she had just thrown away her paper plate and
cup to find Hunter standing behind her.
"What did you say?"
"I said you don't snore. You looked upset when Morgan teased you, so I thought I'd reassure you." His deep voice was serious but kind.
24
Casey blinked at him. "You actually came and checked on me in my cabin."
"Uhm hm. We were supposed to have a meeting at three o'clock, and everyone wondered if you were all right."
Casey's hand came to her mouth. "I forgot all about that meeting."
"Come on, everyone!" Brad, still standing over by the fire pit, called to the assembly at large. "We're ready to light this fire and get down to some serious campfire activities."
Hunter moved offwithout another word to Casey. She followed behind him feeling vaguely irritated, at whom she wasn't sure, but she was angry. He'd come to reassure her, and all he did was make her feel foolish. It had been a long time since Casey had felt any real interest in a man, and when she finally did, he had to be one who was horribly aloof and still wore a wedding ring years after his wife had died.
She was so angry right then that she wondered what she had ever seen in the man. Oh, he was tall and good-looking, and he sang like an angel, but beyond that, she decided he wasn't worth her time. Her anger began to work like a purge as she walked. Casey suddenly didn't care if Hunter looked at her or completely ignored her. In a way she felt something of a relief settle over her, but she also knew this wasn't a right attitude.
As she sat on a log that helped make up a ring around the fire, Casey did some serious praying. If this campfire was like others she'd been a part of, there would be singing and sharing. She couldn't do either in
25
BE CAREFUL WITH MY HEART
the mood she was in now. By the time Brad finished telling everyone what a great-job they'd done on tour and how much he was looking forward to these weeks at camp, Casey had taken care of things. Just in time too, since Kim said she wanted to sing.
Two hours later the sky was very dark, and the temperature was dropping. They had sung every song they could think of, but now everyone had gone for jackets before meeting back at the fire to make s'rnores. Casey was just finishing her second one when the sharing began.
Marcus Peterson shared some riotous stories from the family camps earlier that summer, and then Hunter related something someone at their last concert had told him when they were signing albums and tapes. When he finished his story, a comfortable silence fell on the group. After several moments Brad's voice broke the quiet, taking Casey completely by surprise.
"I know I didn't ask you about this earlier, Casey, but I wondered if you might share your testimony with us."
Casey did not immediately reply.
"I know you feel put o
n the spot," he went on, "but we've come to love you in these weeks, and hearing how you came to Christ would be really special."
Casey smiled across the fire at him and Chris, who sat beside him. Chris' parents had taken the girls off to bed, but she could feel everyone else's eyes on her face.
"It's a rather long story."
26 "We've got time," several people chorused. So with that Casey began.
"I grew up as an only child in Bakersfield, California, but in the middle of my junior year of high school, we moved north to Sacramento. I wasn't raised in a Christian home, and I remember giving my parents a pretty hard time about the move. However, it wasn't as hard at the new school as I thought it would be. I made friends very quickly and even tried out for the varsity cheerleading team for my senior year.
"Well, I made the cheering squad, and during that year I got close to a boy named Nathan." Casey's voice had grown very soft, but she was looking at the fire and didn't notice the intense attention of her audience.
"He was captain of the football team, and I was head of the cheerleading squad. We were home coming king and queen, and it seemed like the perfect match. However, Nathan was a believer and I was not. His family strongly disapproved, but he rebelled and saw me anyway. They were never hateful to me, but I was a real concern to them. We started dating before Christmas, and I'm sorry to say that by the time we graduated, I was two months pregnant."
Casey had come to realize now that every eye around the campfire was glued to her, but she con tinued gently.
"We really did love each other, so we married just a week after school was out. My parents had no problem with it at all. In fact, my father set us up in a small house, one that had been my grandmother's. I had been unhappy at home for a long time, so I was just glad to escape. It wasn't much fun for Nathan. He began to
27
grow weary of a sick, crabby wife and the weight of responsibility. He didn't leave me or even lash out at me. He did something in my opinion that was far worse: He went back to church.
"At first I was so hurt I didn't know what to think. Then I got angry. Life was pretty miserable for a time, but Nate stuck with me. Although I was still bitter that Nathan believed he needed others besides me, after our daughter, Alison, was born, I simply poured my life into her.
"When I think back on it, I don't know how Nathan stood it, but he kept working at the marriage, and I finally began to come around. I was not comfort able discussing church or the Bible with him, but when he attended, I no longer became angry. He used to take Alison, and I would feel very alone on those Sunday mornings. Still, my heart was hard toward God."
Casey paused now, and although she didn't seem to be fighting for control, she did stare intently into the fire before continuing.
"Alison was 14 months old when our house caught fire one night. We had no smoke alarms, and since Nathan and I were both sound asleep, the house was filled with smoke by the time we woke up. The house was quite small, so Nathan nearly dragged me from the bedroom and pushed me down the stairs toward the front door before running for Alison's room. Neither of them ever made it outside. They both died of smoke inhalation."
Here again, Casey took a deep breath. She could hear someone crying, but she didn't dare look beyond the fire, or she would never finish.
28 "It was a horrible night, as you can imagine. The families gathered on the lawn, and I eventually went home to my parents' house and finally fell into an exhausted sleep about midmorning the next day. When I awoke sometime after two o'clock, Nathan's brother, Neil, was sitting next to my bed.
"I didn't know it at the time, but Neil had been praying fervently for my salvation. He told me that lately he'd been begging God to save me, no matter what it took. He said, 'I've lost my brother and my niece, but I know where they are. All I care about right now is you, Casey --you and your lost eternity.'
"My heart broke on those words, and I knew for the first time that I was as lost as he'd said. Neil brought out his Bible and read to me how much I needed a Savior, how Jesus Christ was willing to be my Lord. I won't tell you that I never looked back, because I did, but God has never left my side.
"I think I'd better end by telling you that I'm all right," Casey said with a small smile as she took in the swimming eyes all around her. "I went back to school and now have a bachelor's degree in education. I've been teaching music at a.junior high school for two years. In and of itself, time is a healer, but with Christ the changes are forever. It's been over nine years since Nathan and Alison died, and as much as I miss them, I honestly don't believe I would change a day."
No one spoke. Never dreaming of the depth of her pain or God's provision, Brad had innocently asked Casey to share. One by one the group stood and came to her. Casey stood also. The family and crew, most of them with tears in their eyes, hugged her and thanked
29
BE CAREFUL WITH MY HEART
her for sharing. The last one to stand before her was Hunter. He didn't hug her but looked at her for the space of several seconds.
"When you're ready to turn in, I'll walk you back to your cabin."
"All right," Casey said after just a moment. "Thanks, Casey." It was Brad again. When he'd hugged her earlier, words had failed him; now he came back to speak with her. "That couldn't have been easy for you--thank you."
"You're welcome, Brad. It is a hard story, but I think it's good for me to talk about it from time to time."
Overcome with her sincerity, Brad hugged her again. "Chris and I are turning in now. Breakfast is -just a walk-through between 8:30 and 9:00. I'll see you then."
"Goodnight," Casey told him and everyone else as they began to disperse. She turned toward her cabin, Hunter falling into step beside her. A flashlight suddenly flicked on from his hand and they walked quietly up the hill to Casey's cabin.
Casey had not thought to leave any lights on, so she was glad for Hunter's flashlight. He opened her door for her and flicked on both the inside and outside light. Casey stood looking at him under the yellow bulb, not saying anything but trying to search her heart where this man was concerned.
Having put both lights on, Hunter was ready to turn and speak to Casey. "Did Jan ever mention to you that I'd lost my wife a few years ago?"
"Yes, I knew you were a widower," Casey said softly.
30
"I have a tendency to think that no one has ever experienced the depth of pain I have, or that anyone could possibly understand what I'm going through," Hunter admitted. "When you shared tonight, it was a good reminder to me that we all hurt. My wife has been dead for over two years, and I still feel married. I still feel unfaithful if I'm attracted to a woman. You made yourself vulnerable before all of us tonight so we could see how God works. Thank you, Casey."
With that he wrapped his arms around her. Casey's eyes slid shut for the brief moment she returned his embrace. She felt more confused than ever. Was he trying to tell her that he did care for her.) Casey simply didn't know. She had told herself not to give him another thought, but if he opened his arms once again, Casey knew she would be strongly tempted to walk right back into them.
"That's an interesting look I'm getting," Hunter commented, and Casey started. She hadn't been aware of her expression.
"I'm just trying to figure you out, Hunter Riley."
Casey returned, opting for total honesty.
"Am I such a puzzle.''
"Well, now, you tell me. I come into this group, and you're all a little standoffish at first. Understandable, considering the way Janelle had to leave, but the others have all warmed up. You seem to keep some sort of guard up between us, but at the same time you watch me intently." Casey's voice held no rebuke; in fact, she still had a few more gentle words.
"Now you come to me in all sincerity and tell me you still feel married. Am I supposed to believe that
31
you would be interested if you could get beyond your wife's death.)"
It wasn't a question t
hat needed an answer, and Casey could see Hunter knew that.
"I see what you mean," he told her after just a moment's thought.
"Please don't misunderstand me, Hunter. I really appreciate your honesty, and I'm sure you realize I'm not demanding answers, but I'd be made of stone if I didn't wonder where I fit in, or if I fit in at all."
Hunter nodded, a curious light in his eyes. "I'm glad you're ready to wait for answers, since I don't have any right now. I'm also glad you told me how you feel."
"What exactly did I tell you, Hunter.)" Casey wondered if they really understood each other.
Hunter tipped his head to the side in a way that Casey found adorable. "I think you said that if I asked you on a date, you'd go."
Casey smiled. This was the most bizarre conversation she'd ever had.
"I'd better go in and let you be on your way," Casey said after a moment's quiet, thinking she was more tired than she realized.
"Was I right.)" Hunter asked, not ready to drop the subject.
"I don't know." Again Casey was very honest.
"In other words, I'd have to ask you to find out."
"No, Hunter. My words were not intended as some sort of challenge to you."
He tipped his head again, and Casey turned her head away. She was certain he had no idea what he did to her heart.
32
"Goodnight, Casey," he finally said when Casey didn't look back at him.
"Goodnight, Hunter," she echoed and moved inside. She waited until she heard his footsteps moving away from the cabin before turning off the outside light, locking the door, and getting ready for bed.
Since Casey had enjoyed a nap, it would have been understandable had she been the one to lie awake, but this was not the case. Casey slept almost immediately. On the other hand, Hunter lay in the dark of his cabin for hours.
His first wife had been a wonderful person. Gail had been warm and giving, dedicated to Christ and Hunter. But two years was a long time, two and a half to be exact, and Hunter wondered why he still felt so odd when he thought of marrying again.
Maybe it was because he'd never met a woman like Casey Sheridan, one who had endured such pain but still chose to serve God. She was warm and fun and so pretty that Hunter just wanted to stare at her. She was also so gifted at the piano that Hunter could have listened to her play for hours. So why was he holding back.