by J. F. Gump
She looked at him coolly, smiled, and presented him with a very proper wai. "I’ll call after I've set up your appointment."
Anya Duansawang! Isara didn't know the woman but he remembered the name. He had been fifteen years old at the time and she had been the talk of Phitsanulok. She was the first woman in town to get pregnant by an American soldier. It had churned the rumor mill for months. Isara had wondered if her baby was a boy or a girl or if it had ever been born at all. Now he knew it had been a boy and his name was Surat.
Lieutenant Viboon's report had been thorough. His investigation had covered the Duansawang and Bongkot families in more detail than seemed possible. Nuang Bongkot had married Surat Duansawang and moved to Chiang Mai. More recently she had given birth and then run away.
Isara knew Nuang had ended up at the temple for a while before going to Pattaya, and that she hadn't taken her baby with her when she left. That wasn't in the report, nor was the fact that her baby was now living in his own son's condo in Chiang Mai. There was no way for the lieutenant to know anything about that. Also, there was no way for him to know that Laht had called just two days ago asking for help finding Nuang. The whole situation had taken on a life of its own.
According to the Viboon report, Anya's last known address was Pattaya. Attached was a three year old tax form. Isara’s instincts said that she was still in Pattaya somewhere.
Nuang had gone to Pattaya, too. For a while he had considered that she may have gone to her brother's house, but then discarded that notion. If she had gone there, Viboon would have found out. He supposed she could have gone to Anya's house. That didn't seem likely but anything was possible, and it was his only lead to finding Nuang. If she hadn't gone to Anya's, he probably never would find her. He didn't know what that meant for his son, if anything.
He had sent Pajeeka to find Anya because she would be easier to find than a woman determined to stay hidden. He hoped Nuang was with her. There were issues that needed discussed.
Viboon's report had carried unsettling news, too. Tippawan "Math" Bongkot was dead, killed in a motorcycle accident more than a year ago. The news of her death depressed him. Images of his deceased brother Jum flooded his thoughts. Math had been Jum's daughter, conceived out of wedlock with a woman named Nui, the mother of the Bongkot family. It was a secret that few people knew. Both Math and Jum were dead now and couldn't tell a soul. He was sure that Math's farang lover knew, but Mr. Michael Johnson was at home in America, and would probably never return to Thailand. Even if he did, the chances of him ever meeting Laht were minuscule. Except for himself, Nuang was the only person who knew his family's secret. He had to make sure she never told Laht.
Chapter 35
Nuang sat on the sofa inside Jon's condo and flipped aimlessly through the channels on the TV. She finally stopped on a Thai news station. The weatherman was predicting a heat wave for Pattaya and Phuket, while a cold front was overtaking Chiang Mai and northern Thailand. She knew that meant rain.
Thoughts of Surat drifted through her head. Rainy days were always bad for the business of driving tourist to the temples, elephant farms, and floral gardens. She figured he was probably at home alone, cursing both her and the weather.
It had been two months since she had seen Surat, and more than a week since she had left the temple in Phitsanulok. She pondered everything that had happened during her stay at the temple. Most of her memories were fuzzy, but little Tippawan, Somjit, and the young monk sparked unforgettable imagines. They also triggered sharp feelings of guilt and depression.
Since leaving the temple her life had taken a new course. Any possibility of returning to Surat or her family had disappeared the night she moved into Jon's condo. She recalled the events of the last few days. It was like a fairy tale, or scenes from a soap opera. If she hadn't lived it herself, she would never have believed it could happen.
From the very first night Nuang arrived in Pattaya, she and Jon had lived in the same condo but they’d never slept in the same bed.
Jon was a very kind and generous man. He bought her expensive clothes and enough food for three women, yet he never once asked for anything in return, except his daily Thai lessons. On top of everything, he had paid her a month in advance. It was the most relaxed she had felt in months, and the most frustrated as well.
Jon had never tried to have sex with her. From what she knew of men, that wasn't normal. He seemed to like her, but he had never so much as touched her, not even in private. Really, she didn't care, or so she kept telling herself.
On impulse she went to the bathroom, took off her clothes, and inspected herself in the mirror. Except for the loose skin on her abdomen, her body looked as good as ever. Her face had a few wrinkles but she didn't look old. Jon, nonetheless, seemed oblivious to the fact that she was a woman. It bothered her to the point of frustration.
By the time she finished putting her clothes back on, she had decided to ask him what he found so repulsive. She had all afternoon to think about it, and none of her thoughts were good. She decided the direct approach would be best.
Jon had had a shitty day. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. It was one of those days that would make Murphy and his laws proud. By the time he left work, he was ready for a relaxing night at home. A couple of beers, his daily Thai lessons, and maybe some music. He would use the headphones for the music so Nuang could watch the Thai soap operas she was addicted to. When he opened the door of his condo, Nuang was waiting but she wasn't smiling.
"Why do you think I'm ugly?" she demanded without so much as a hello.
Jon stepped back. Obviously Murphy wasn't finished for the day. "What are you talking about?"
"You think I am not young enough or sexy enough. That's it, isn't it? You think I'm just an ugly old woman."
His mind whirled, searching for a response that made more sense than her accusation. "That's not true. I don't understand why you even think that. You are very beautiful, and the sexiest woman I’ve ever met."
"Goh hoak! Bullshit!"
It was the first time he had ever heard Nuang swear, either in Thai or English. Something was going on, but he had no idea what. He wasn't in the mood to listen anyway. "Well, bullshit to you, too. If I thought you were an ugly old woman, I would never have talked to you in the first place."
She dropped her eyes. "Then I am the one who does not understand. If you think I'm sexy and beautiful, then you would want to make love to me. That's how men are. But you don't want to, so I think you're lying." She turned away.
Jon reached out and pulled her back. "Look, I'm telling you the truth."
She struggled against his grasp, then gave in and allowed herself to be held. Her thoughts were blurred. How could a man want her and not want her at the same time? He didn't make sense. Tears gathered and slid down her cheeks. "I don't understand." She rested her head against his chest.
Jon felt her tears where they dampened his shirt. He was amazed at the whole situation. He had invited Nuang to live with him only because he wanted company and someone to teach him Thai. He had never considered that she would feel rejected because he had never tried to have sex with her. Certainly sex had entered his thoughts but for him it wasn't an option.
"As much as I like you," he finally said, "I can't make love with you."
"I don't blame you," she replied, dejected. "No one could. I think I should sleep now. I want to be alone."
He wondered if she had understood what he had said. "Listen to me. It's not you." His face contorted and flushed bright red at the confession he was about to make. "I can't make love with any woman."
"What do you mean? Do you have some illness, or an injury?"
His blush deepened. He let his arms relax and slip away from her. He stared at a spot high on the wall. "Nothing like that. I just can't."
Nuang struggled for something to say but nothing came. Images of the shower and his limp manhood flittered through her head. She put her arms around him and whispered, "I under
stand."
She held him for a long moment then went to her room. She lay there thinking how sad he must be. She felt sad, too. And so alone. She cried for both of them.
Jon sat awake and thought about what had just happened. As much as he had enjoyed her company these last few days, he knew she would have to go. He didn't want to live with someone who wanted him in a way he could never be. He couldn't deal with a repeat of Julie and the others. He would tell her tomorrow.
He fell into a depressed sleep.
It was after midnight when Nuang went to the toilet. From the hallway, she saw the light beside Jon's bed was still on. She walked quietly to turn it off. Jon stirred as she reached for the switch. She looked down at him. He was naked from the waist up. The rest of him was covered with a blanket. She clicked the light off and headed toward her own room. Then, on impulse, she went back and slipped into bed beside of him. She wasn't thinking about sex, she only wanted someone to be close to. Tonight she needed a friend.
As she lay there, she could feel the heat of his body. It reminded her of Surat and it comforted her. In a while she fell asleep.
Later that night, Nuang awoke with a start. Something had disturbed her sleep but she wasn't sure what. A second later she felt a hot pressure twitch against her thigh. She knew immediately what it was. Jon's manhood had come alive. He had said it wasn't possible, but it was happening anyway. She wasn't sure what to do. The twitch became a hard steady throb, and desire burned between her thighs.
She reached down and touched herself. The wetness surprised her. She rubbed briefly and her heat exploded into raging need. Quickly, quietly, Nuang got to her knees and straddled him. She guided his erect member into her waiting passion. The sensation took her breath away. She saw his eyes flutter awake, but she didn't stop her undulations.
Jon had been dreaming he had to pee. Before he could find a toilet, he found himself naked and surrounded by women touching and loving him. He had to pee so bad he wished they would stop. At the next instant he didn't have to pee, he was erect, and having sex with one of the women. He couldn't see her face.
Suddenly the dream ended and he was awake. Nuang was atop him, moving rhythmically against his hips. Her head was tilted backwards, her hands rested on her naked thighs. He glanced down between their bodies and saw his manhood sliding easily into her body.
Dear sweet Jesus, how had she managed this miracle? His heart raced. For a full minute he watched as Nuang worked to satisfy her yearning. He waited for himself to go soft or climax, but he did neither. Lust coursed through him, heady and intoxicating, a sensation he hadn't felt in a very long time.
Nuang sensed he was completely awake now. She waited for him to stop her, but he didn't. She pulled her pelvis tight against his and oscillated her hips in short rocking motions. A small sound escaped her throat and she increased the speed of her thrusts. In a second, she moaned passionately and pressed hard against him. She nearly fainted at the first pulsing contraction of her orgasm. She held him like that for a few brief moments as the rippling inside her faded. She had never felt such intense pleasure. It left her drained.
Jon was still erect, he could feel it. Watching Nuang's climax sent his own desires soaring. He let his hands slide down her back and across her buttocks. He pulled himself halfway out before stopping and easing back inside. He repeated the motion again and again, reveling in the bliss of their union. In a minute Nuang responded to his steady stroking. All sense of time deserted him. His body, his mind, his very soul was consumed with pure lust. There were no thoughts, only burning passion. This woman was surely a goddess or a sorceress to have worked such a miracle. He closed his eyes and let hot waves of pleasure rush through him.
Suddenly, he pulled her tight against him and in one quick motion rolled her onto her back. She spread her legs wide and succumbed to him. He pushed himself into her as deep as his manhood let him. He held like that for a long moment before continuing his urgent lunging. Nuang lost herself in the throes of his overwhelming desire. Touching, kissing, and moaning they shared a powerful climax that left them both sweating and breathless.
"I love you, Nuang," Jon whispered, when he could speak. "Dear God how I love you."
Nuang knew it wasn't true, but she needed to hear the words.
"I love you, too, teelak," she lied. "Thank you for making me feel like a woman."
They fell asleep in each other’s arms.
The next morning, Jon left for work before Nuang awoke. All day, the events of the night before haunted his thoughts. Sometimes he smiled and sometimes he didn't. Last night was the first time in years since he had made love with a woman. He had decided long ago that he was impotent. Even after what had happened, he still believed it. Yesterday's lovemaking had been a fluke, a trick of nature, an evil joke by the gods of love. He knew it might never happen again.
He had relished their intimacy and he was sure she did, too. That was what bothered him. What if she wanted to make love again and he couldn't? On the other hand, what if she didn't want to do it again? He didn't know which humiliation would be worse. By the end of the day he had decided he didn't want to face either alternative.
After work he didn't go straight home. Instead, he stopped for a few beers with his co-workers. If he could have found a good excuse, he wouldn't have gone home at all. With each drink he became more convinced he should end their relationship before she learned just how dysfunctional he was. He would tell her she should leave and that they should just be friends. He didn't want to do that but it would be the best thing for both of them. He didn't want to live with the constant fear of failure and humiliation.
By his sixth beer, he had steeled himself to end their living arrangement. By his seventh beer, he had decided he would do it in a way that wouldn't hurt her. By his eighth beer he was thinking it might be possible that he could have sex again. By his ninth, he had decided to try one more time before throwing everything away. Maybe Nuang really was magic.
It was almost nine o'clock when he let himself into the condo. The lights were off and the living area lit only by the harsh flickering of the television screen. Nuang sat on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around her. She didn't acknowledge his presence.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his words slurred. He wondered if she was naked beneath the blanket.
"I'm not well, Jonathan." Her tone was soft, subdued.
She hadn't used his full name since the night they had met. He figured she was pissed because he was so late coming home. "I stopped for a few beers with my friends. I'm sorry if I worried you. I didn't think you would mind."
She looked up at him. "It's not you, it's me." Tears filled her eyes and she turned away.
Her mood wrenched at his alcohol-numbed brain. "Hey, what's going on?"
A hard sob shook her body. "There are things you don't know about me. Bad things. I have decided to leave before you get hurt. I’ve packed my things already. I waited until you came home so you will know what I have done."
Jon's drunken thoughts spun. He was the one who was supposed to be ending the relationship, not her. "What are you talking about? Did you leave a trail of dead bodies from Bangkok to Pattaya or what?"
"It's worse than that. I have a husband and a baby. I have shamed them both. I have shamed myself even more. My guilt has been tormenting me all day. I can't live with you anymore."
Jon blinked, barely believing his ears. "You told me your husband was dead and your baby was living with your mother. Isn't that what you said?"
She covered her face and cried. "I lied to you. I have lied to everyone. I even lied to myself."
He knelt down and reached for her hand but she pulled away. He searched for something logical to say. Something to pull reality back from the edge of this nightmare. "I love you," was what came from his mouth.
"You cannot do that and I cannot do that." Her blush showed in the dim light. "I am a married woman. I have a husband and a baby."
"I'm confused. If you have a hus
band and a baby, why are you here in Pattaya? Please be honest with me."
She took a deep breath to brace herself and then told Jon everything right down to the smallest detail. When she finished, she stood and hurried toward her room.
Jon caught up to her before she reached the door. He took her firmly by the arm and spun her around. "Listen to me. You are not a bad person; you are only human. I can't make you stay, but I don't want you to leave." He let an impish smile form on his lips, "Besides, you still owe me two more weeks of Thai lessons."
She looked up at him. "I will have to leave someday."
"I know. But you don't have to go tonight."
Her expression twisted with uncertainty. Her eyes studied him as if hoping to find an answer in his face. "Then I will stay until I have finished your lessons. I want to sleep now."
"So do I." he replied. After she closed her door, he went to his own bed and lay down. He smelled her perfume on his pillow. He held it tight and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 36
In the days following their emergency trip to the hospital, Laht and Somjit lived as man and woman, husband and wife. The feelings they had suppressed at the temple blossomed into fiery hot passions. Their desire for each other grew to undeniable love.
Little Tippawan had recovered nicely and demanded constant attention. Laht spent as much time with the baby as Somjit did. He discovered how it felt to be a father and he liked it. He was usually the first to pick up little Tippawan when she cried, and he was always the last to leave her crib before going to bed.
Somjit spent her days cleaning the condo of non-existent dirt, helping care for the baby, and paying intense attention to Laht. He treated her like someone special, like a queen, and she responded in kind. Every emotion from her past paled in comparison to what she felt. She glowed with a love she had never imagined possible. She prayed to Buddha it would last forever.
Every day Laht would go shopping and bring back something for either Somjit or the baby. Clothes, toys, jewelry, shoes. He enjoyed watching Somjit's face light up at his little gifts.