Smooth Call

by Ken Kelly

After they each had a shower and a change of clothes they went out to the front of the hotel in search of a cab. There were three or four cabs available as well as a stretch limo.

  “Have you ever ridden in a limo?” said Rick.

  “No, have you.”

  “Not yet. If you want I can try to negotiate a deal?”

  “Sure.”

  They walked to the driver’s side of the limo and Rick asked how much to Planet Hollywood. The driver gave him a price in passable English with what sounded like a Russian accent. They bartered back and forth until they found a price they both could live with. Gloria smiled as Rick held the door and when they both had a seat she took his face in her hands and kissed him.

  “This is cool. I’ve always wanted to do it.”

  “You’ve always wanted to kiss me in the back of a limo?”

  “I always wanted to ride in a limo. But you’ll notice that once I got in kissing you was the first thing I did.”

  “That’s true. I feel better now.”

  Rick ran the back of his hand up the length of Gloria’s leg. ”Should I tell you what I’ve always wanted to do in the back of a limo?”

  “I think I can guess,” said Gloria with a nervous glance toward the driver. ”Why is the partition up between us and the driver?”

  “I asked him to put it up when I was working out the price.”

  “You did not, I was right there.”

  “You missed it because I was speaking in Russian”

  “I’ll bet the only Russian word you know is ‘vodka’.”

  “Actually I didn’t even know that vodka was a Russian word. You learn something new every day, if you pay attention.”

  “Why do you make up all those stories?”

  “I don’t know, maybe to entertain you. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”

  “You can do it as long as you don’t let me believe them more than a couple of minutes.”

  “Okay, it’s a deal.”

  “And as far as fulfilling your limousine fantasies, if we get the opportunity to ride in one again, I’ll do my best to make your fantasies realities, but not this time. The ride won’t be long enough to do the job right.”

  Rick waited for a moment and then said, “Gloria, if I know you in 50 years I’ll bet you will still be able to surprise me in positive and interesting ways.”

  “Thank you, Rick, that’s nice of you to say so. Oh, I almost forgot,” she said as she pulled a folded packet of bills from her purse. “Here’s $1000, your half from the game at the Bellagio.”

  “Thanks,” said Rick, taking the money. “You’re a good investment, you doubled my money in less than 12 hours.”

  “And I could have lost it even faster.”

  “You could have but you didn’t and I think you’re going to keep winning the rest of the time we’re in town. So if you want I’ll reinvest this $1000 with you.”

  Gloria thought for a minute and said, “Okay, but don’t feel bad if I lose it.”

  “I won’t. What would make me feel bad would be if I didn’t back you and you won big.”

  “Alright,” said Gloria as she reached out for the money, “as long as we understand each other.”

  As advertised there was a wide variety of dishes at the Spicy Market Buffet. Gloria and Rick were determined to not overeat, which was easier for Gloria, who tended to eat slow, than for Rick who ate like an impatient wolf. They both sampled a lot of what the buffet had to offer and Rick held himself to two regular, not heaping, plates, plus a dessert plate. Gloria had just over a single plate of food and, like Rick, one desert plate.

  They both had water to drink but heard someone behind them order a Coke and the waitress got it for him.

  “So whatever their problem was before,” said Gloria, “it looks like the Spicy got it straightened out.”

  “At least with the Coke but how about the Sprite?”

  “If they fixed the Coke chances are they fixed the Sprite, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Probably. You going to write a review?”

  “Maybe. Something like, ‘If you happen to land on the Planet Hollywood try the Spicy Market Buffet. It’s the only buffet I’ve been to since I got to town so I don’t have much to compare it to, but the food was good, lot of variety and good desserts. The reviews I’ve read seem rather extreme, from ‘the crab legs are TO DIE FOR’ to ‘the food was basically crap.’ I don’t want to die for crab legs or filet minion or cordon bleu. And I try to avoid eating food that is crap since I might die from that but certainly not for it. The food at the Spicy was good, worth the money, and if you’re going to see the Peep Show afterwards, you can’t beat the location. I give it 4 stars.”

  “Why did you give it 4 stars, why not 5?”

  “I thought about giving it a 5 but figured if I ate in a place I liked better I wanted to have an extra star for them.”

  They were in the lobby of the Peep Show at 7:45 along with quite a few fellow show goers. There was a bar along one wall and the customers were keeping three bartenders busy making drinks at break neck speed.

  “Want a drink?” said Rick.

  “Thanks, a vodka martini, dirty.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Rick was at the bar for less than a minute when a female bartender appeared before him. She was young, barely over 21, and pretty and she wore her hair in a pony tail.

  “What can I get for you?” she said in a pleasant voice.

  “A vodka martini, dirty and a Scotch of the rocks.”

  “Any particular Scotch?”

  “Whatever’s good……..and inexpensive.”

  “You got it.” The bartender turned to a woman who had slid up next to Rick. “What can I get for you ma’am?”

  “Two merlots,” said the lady and the bartender disappeared down the bar.

  Rick turned toward the lady next to him and said, “Spending the money you won from me when I held your lucky numbers?”

  The lady looked up at Rick and said, “Oh hi. How are you?”

  “Fine, thanks. I do have a question for you though.”

  “Sure.”

  “Why didn’t you bet your 10s full of Jacks when you knew you had the winner?”

  “It wasn’t a sure winner, you could have had two jacks.”

  “Come on, you knew I didn’t have two jacks.”

  “I was pretty sure you had a 10, 4 for the lower full house. I felt bad for you, knowing you were going to lose with my lucky numbers, so I had mercy on you and let you keep your last hundred.”

  “We’ll thanks. I was down about $400 at the time and I got that back plus another $500.”

  “Good for you.”

  “Tell me, do you really believe in lucky numbers?”

  “Of course not. I never play a 10, 4 unless I’m in the blinds. If I win with it I make a lot of noise just for fun, but lucky numbers? Come on.”

  The drinks came and the lady gave Rick a sly look. “Since you did so well with the money I left you I wouldn’t say no if you offered to buy my husband and I a drink.”

  “Certainly,” Rick said with a smile.

  The lady picked up her drinks and said, “Thank you. Enjoy the show.” Then she slipped back into the crowd.

  Rick paid for the four drinks and left the girl a ten dollar tip.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” said Rick. He knew that the boozing and tipping and live shows would stop soon but he was enjoying it while it lasted. He found Gloria and handed her the dirty martini.

  “Who were you talking to?”

  “A woman from the game at the Bellagio. She beat the biggest hand I held all day. After she left is when things started turning around.”

  Gloria looked at her watch and frowned, “It’s ten minutes to eight, where is Fran?”

  “Call her.”

  “Can you hold my drink?”

  Rick took her drink and Gloria found her phone a
nd speed dialed Fran. On the third ring she picked up. “Where are you?”

  “I’m in the lobby of the theater where the Peep Show is showing. Turn around.”

  Gloria turned and saw Fran coming toward her across the lobby, her friend Bobby at her side.

  Fran gave her a hug and said, “How could you doubt me?”

  Gloria looked at her watch. “How could I?”

  Fran got busy with introductions. Bobby shook hands with Gloria and then Rick. Bobby and Rick looked at each other, both knowing it was an important meeting, both wanting to make a good first impression on the boyfriend of their girlfriend’s girlfriend.

  There was an announcement asking everyone to take their seats so the small party followed the crowd up a ramp and entered the theater. An usher took their tickets and led them to four seats almost half way up and just a little to the left of center.

  “Great seats,” said Gloria. “Fran, you were able to get seats next to us.”

  “I just followed your directions and, wa-la, here we are.”

  Rick looked at the stage, a large half circle with three runways coming out to the crowd from the left, right, and center. He looked over his shoulder at the people taking their seats behind him. They all seemed content and Rick concluded that there wasn’t a bad seat in the house.

  Then the show started with a black and white video of a woman, Bo Peep, played by Holly Madison, reading a book of fairytales after a hard day at work. She falls asleep and into a dream that takes her and the audience on a journey that includes lots of burlesque type dancing, skits and theater. Twenty five dancers, dancing sometimes topless, sometimes not, keep the numbers steamy but light, a nice touch Rick thought.

  The master of ceremonies, Bo Peep’s guide ‘Peep Diva’ was played by the tall Puerto Rican pop star Chaeza who, Rick thought, might have been a dominatrix in another life. She did a good MC job and kept things moving.

  There was a ‘big bad wolf’ played by a hard body in jeans, no shirt and a large fur vest. He’d show up now and then and Chaeza and the girls would shoo him away until once, shirtless with his back to the crowd, they pulled his pants to his ankles to reveal that big bad wolves don’t wear boxers or briefs.

  Later ‘A Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater’ pumpkin, the size of a Sion xb, came up from beneath the stage floor and began rotating to reveal Pumpkin Eater’s wife. Wearing a glittering green costume she leaves the pumpkin and, while a male singer belts out ‘Feeling Good,’ dances a steamy number using a stripper’s pole. At the end of the dance she puts both hands and both feet on the pole and starts spinning around and around and around, long past any momentum she could have gotten from the first spin. It was a puzzler.

  Sometime after the pumpkin was gone a large glass cube of milk rose up to the stage for some dancers to splash around and press their bodies against the glass. Then Chaeza and two girls went out into the audience and selected three men. Chaeza talked to and eliminated the first two which left the third to romance Bo Peep. Chaeza told him to feel Bo Peeps breasts but he was reluctant. Finally he reached out with one hand, touched a breast for a millisecond, and pulled back his hand.

  Bo Peep’s face showed displeasure at the lame attempt and Chaeza said, “That was terrible. Haven’t you ever felt a woman’s breasts before?”

  The guy looked out at the crowd and, with his eyes wide, said, “Not in front of my mom.”

  Things moved fast after that. They got the hapless guy, who was looking more like an actor than someone picked from the audience, down to his boxers and into a bed. After some singing and dancing Bo Peep joins him in bed and finally, with Bo Peep standing, the guy kneeling in front of her, and the bed rotating, he reaches up and holds her mostly covered breasts like he means it.

  When the show was over and they’d made it to the lobby Fran asked if anyone would like to have a drink at the bar near the entrance to the casino. Everyone liked the idea so they made their way there. They walked into the bar and picked a table near where they entered. The bar was open in every direction, no doors or walls. A cocktail waitress arrived and took their orders. The two ladies had dirty martinis, Bobby a Manhattan with Knob Creek bourbon, and Rick a Sam Adams.

  While they waited for the drinks they talked about the show. Everybody liked it, thought it was great, cool, fun, sexy, worth the money.

  Gloria said, “One bit I really liked and thought was pretty clever was when Holly Madison was laying on the rug in front of that large mirror in a bikini. She takes it off and she’s totally naked, or so you’re led to believe, until she gets up and you see she’s wearing a flesh colored bikini.”

  “I noticed there were a lot of couples in the audience and groups of young women, but no groups of men,” said Bobby.

  Fran said, “Young men visiting Vegas are going to want their entertainment a bit raunchier, like that provided in a strip club. You can watch, you can drink, you can even get a lap dance and become part of the show, in a manner of speaking. Girls like things toned down a little so the Peep Show is perfect for them. They might even pick up a few ideas for their next slumber party.”

  “Next slumber party?” said Rick, “I thought slumber parties were for 11 and 12 year olds.”

  “She’s joking,” Gloria said. She put her hands on Rick’s cheeks and gave him a kiss. “That’s why I like this guy, he’s so trusting.”

  The waitress came with the drinks and Rick paid for them in cash and left a healthy tip. “Thank you,” said the waitress, smiling.

  “I’ll get the next round,” said Bobby.

  They drank and talked and enjoyed each other’s company until three loud, slightly drunk, suits entered the bar and decided to get a table near theirs. On the way there the biggest of the three kicked the back leg of Bobby’s chair.

  “Hey pal, move in your chair, you’re blocking the aisle.”

  Bobby looked up and smiled. “You got it.”

  It unnerved the big guy a little, Bobby looking him in the eye, smiling, acting cheerful. He wasn’t used to that reaction when he barked orders at strangers.

  Bobby turned back to the table, and gave the guy time to move on. “They’re probably conventioneers,” he said. “Guys who don’t get much chance to flex their muscles at work and figure Las Vegas is a good place to prove they’re testosterone rich.”

  When nobody laughed Bobby knew something was wrong. Gloria, who was sitting across from him, caught his eye and moved her eyes sideways to where the suit stood. “Swell,” Bobby said under his breath. While Bobby turned in his chair the suit grabbed Rick’s beer bottle and brought it down hard towards Bobby’s head. Bobby slid off his seat and the bottle hit the back of his chair and broke, giving the suit a deadlier weapon. Bobby was on one knee, the man standing in front of him, probably ready to swing the jagged bottle toward his ear. Bobby wrapped his arms around the man’s left leg and stood up quickly. With only one leg to stand on and Bobby yanking his other leg up and forward the suit fell hard to the floor.

  Bobby gave him a kick in the ribs to distract him, then grabbed the arm with the bottle and twisted it hard. He removed the broken bottle and tossed it under an empty table then continued twisting the arm until the suit rolled almost face down in an effort to avoid the pain. Bobby put a foot on the man’s neck and part of his face to hold him in place. He looked down at the suit, read the shock and fear in his face, and almost felt sorry for him.

  The suit’s buddies didn’t know what to do. They knew their guy was obnoxious and were somewhat glad to see him get what he deserved, but on the other hand they worked together and they didn’t want to be known as the guys who deserted their corporate brother in his time of need. They looked at each other and stood up.

  Bobby addressed them.

  “Sit down, or I’ll break his arm.” He pushed on the suit’s elbow with his free hand and his buddies heard the pain when the big man groaned.

  The two suits sat down, relieved they had
a valid excuse not to get involved.

  “We need an exit strategy,” said Gloria to Rick and Fran.

  “Yes,” said Rick. “I’m going to talk to the waitress.”

  The cocktail waitress was about 15 feet from where Bobby had the suit pinned to the floor. Rick approached her and said, “Sorry about that.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. That guy’s a nut case.”

  “Yeah, he’s got issues. Have you called security?”

  “The bartender did. They’ll be here soon.”

  “Listen, we’d like to go. I doubt if we’ll press charges. Can you tell security what happened? If they showed up now, and saw how our guy’s got the big man laid out, they might think he was the aggressor.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll set them straight.”

  “Thanks. If this hadn’t of happened we’d have had another round and I’d have given you a tip.” He took her hand and placed a twenty in it.

  “Thanks,” she smiled. “You’re a nice guy.”

  “So they tell me,” he laughed.

  “Entertaining as well.” She looked over Rick’s shoulder and said, “I better get out there, here comes security.”

  Rick walked quickly to Bobby. “That’s security, the cocktail waitress is going to talk to them. We should change venues.”

  Gloria and Fran walked up to Rick. Bobby dropped the guy’s arm and Fran took his arm. Gloria took Rick’s arm and all four started walking toward the front door of the casino. The security men wore black suits, white shirts, and black ties. They were both big, with barrel chests and flat stomachs. One was black, early 30’s, with a shaved head, the other Caucasian, about 10 years older, with a short salt and pepper crew cut.

  They could feel the older one checking them out as they walked by but he didn’t say anything. Rick was sure the cocktail waitress would set the security guys straight. He looked around and saw one of the suits buddies helping him stand up. The other suit was shuffling sheepishly along, his hands in his pockets, toward the security guards and the cocktail waitress. Rick had a feeling he’d admit his friend’s sins and try to get him off the hook. In any case he was glad they were on the way out and hoped he’d never lay eyes on the suits, especially the big one, again.

  It wasn’t until they got out on the Strip that they realized they didn’t know where they were going. What was the plan? After a brief discussion they decided they’d had enough excitement for one evening and, after walking to the Planet Hollywood parking lot for Bobby’s car, they headed north toward the Four Queens.

  On the way there they talked about what can happen out of the blue. Gloria said, “We’re having a drink, minding our own business, and the next thing you know that bruiser is swinging a beer bottle at Bobby’s head.”

  “I should have made sure he was out of ear shot before I began expressing my opinions.”

  “Probably, yeah, but don’t you think he overreacted?”

  “Oh yeah, he overreacted. You don’t normally try and bust a beer bottle over somebody’s head because you overhear them say something uncomplimentary about you.”

  “Where did you learn to fight like that, Bobby?” said Fran.

  “In the Navy, I was a Navy Seal. To train we would swim 100 miles and then go ten rounds with various mixed martial arts experts!”

  “Come on, tell the truth.”

  “Alright, here’s the real story. I had a friend who owned a bar in the Gas Lamp. Three nights a week he’d keep it open after hours and a bunch of us would train with an instructor who had been a bouncer in bars all over the world. I trained for five years and was awarded a black belt in bar room brawling. Now I’m the batman of bars. I sit quietly, ever alert, waiting for trouble to rear its ugly head so I can strike a blow for justice and freedom.”

  Fran laughed and shook her head. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not going to tell us?”

  When they got back to the Four Queens Bobby imagined the wild sex they wouldn’t have tonight but, hopefully, would have soon, the sex of people who were just getting started with each other, the sex they’d both put a lot into because they’d want to make a good impression and because it was hard to tell how long it would last. After they’d brushed their teeth and each got into their own bed Bobby said, “I learned it from my brother.”

  “What? You learned what?”

  “I learned how to fight from my brother Al who was one of those kids who got in a lot of fights. He was skinny and didn’t look at all menacing and he got picked on a lot. He decided that whenever that happened, win or lose, there was going to be a fight. He was particularly interested in that move I used in the bar because once you’ve got your opponent down and your foot on his neck he’s helpless, and if he had any friends looking on you could give them a glare that would hopefully convey that they could be next.

  “Al needed to practice so he’d practice on me almost daily, usually when I least expected it.

  “I finally decided I had to make him stop. He was starting to fill out a little and he was bigger, stronger and more devious than I was but I had to do something. I waited until the night of his junior prom. Our folks we’re out so there was nothing to stop me. I waited in the kitchen with a quart of motor oil on the table.

  “Al came in dressed in a tux: black slacks, white coat and those shiny shoes that look like black glass. He was carrying a corsage in a box for his girlfriend who was a real nice girl and a real fox. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to screw up her junior prom but I was prepared to if necessary.

  “I asked him if I could see the corsage and he brought it over and handed it to me. I set it on the table then slid off the chair, did the take down, the arm twist, the foot on the neck and face. I took the oil off the table and told my brother that unless he promised to stop practicing that move, or any other moves, on me I was going to dump the motor oil all over him and his tuxedo. He started to curse and threaten me the best he could with my shoe covering half his mouth. Then he laughed and said, ‘Good one dude, well planned, well played. I promise.’ I let him up, he went to the prom and all was well.”

  “Did he keep his promise?”

  “He did. He never laid a hand on me after that night.”

  * * *

  Chapter 13