by Juno Rushdan
Charlie removed her wig and the tomato-red shirt. “Can we talk?”
“Nothing else to say. We covered it last night.” He tugged off his boots and sighed in relief. “I’ve been pushing for over thirty hours and it’s been a tough day. I just want to take a nap. We can talk over dinner if necessary. Okay?”
Charlie hung her head. “Sure.” She went to the bathroom and closed the door.
The shower started.
Aiden lay down, facing a wall and nightstand, fully dressed, and stared at the clock. He knew he needed to sleep, but he was restless and edgy. Too amped up to close his eyes or to relax.
His thoughts were a whirlwind and his emotions were all over the place before Charlie had kissed him in the market, and at the moment, they threatened to call the shots, but he refused to let them mess with his head.
Flopping onto his back, he stared at the ceiling. The curtains were too thin. The room was too bright. The sun was too hot. The room was too stuffy.
He looked back at the clock on the nightstand. Charlie had been in there a long time. She’d taken five minutes last night and now had been in the bathroom for close to thirty.
It wasn’t his business. She wasn’t his business. If she wanted to spend three hours in the bathroom, that was her prerogative. Have at it. Use all the hot water. I don’t care.
Going on close to an hour, he admitted he was getting worried. Tempted even to knock on the door and ask if she needed anything. But nope.
He. Would. Not.
Finally, the water stopped; movement in the bathroom. He rolled onto his side, ensuring his back would be to her when she came out.
The door opened. Aiden shut his eyes, stilled his body, pretending to be asleep.
Charlie padded around the foot of the bed. Based on the sound, she was barefoot.
The mattress sank as she sat and lay down. His pulse skyrocketed, but he forced himself to take slow, even breaths. Forced himself not to move beyond the rise and fall of his chest.
“Aiden? Are you awake?”
It crossed his mind not to respond, to keep feigning sleep, but pretending for years that he wasn’t in love with her and that whomever she slept with didn’t bother him had only made things worse—throwing gasoline on the fire that had torched their friendship.
“I’m up,” he said, letting every drop of irritation that he felt leak into his tone.
The mattress shook as she scooted closer and clasped his arm. “Aiden. Please. Look at me.”
But he couldn’t. Listening was one thing, but he didn’t have the strength to look at her and keep a rein on his emotions.
“I lied—” Charlie’s voice was soft, quiet “—when I said I think of you as a brother.”
Tell him something he didn’t know.
“I’m sorry I slept with Nick,” she said. “It wasn’t fair to you.”
No, it wasn’t, but he was guilty of a far greater wrong by not telling her that he loved her and not telling Nick to back off.
“If I could undo it, I would,” she said. “You don’t have to worry about getting under my skin. You already are.”
A flutter of hope beat inside him. Was she saying what he longed to hear?
Confessions were dangerous; they exposed a person, made them vulnerable.
Charlie would give him some but, some out, an excuse in the end to protect herself. He just had to wait for it.
“Please, look at me,” she said, her tone soft. He didn’t move, and she squeezed his arm. “Aiden...for me, home isn’t a place or a house. It’s you. You’re home for me. I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”
His heart kicked hard in his chest. His first instinct was to look at her, make her say it again while meeting his eyes. But the expectation of disappointment inextricably tied to this miraculous admission from her made him sick. With sadness. With anger. With love.
Lovesick.
Wait for it.
Her voice grew brittle and her hand fell from his arm. “But...”
A lead weight dropped in the pit of his stomach. Everything inside him tensed. Here it comes.
“I can’t give you happily-ever-after. A family. All the things your parents had. I can’t have children.” Her words stalled time, stilled the beating of his heart.
For a nanosecond.
He rolled over and faced her.
She was wrapped in a towel, stripped of all her defenses. Her gaze lifted to his, her eyes pink and her face flushed like she’d been crying in the shower. He read the misery and fear in her unguarded expression, saw the icy bravado melt, and he took her hand in his.
“I had endometriosis. Nothing worked to help, and I had to have a full hysterectomy. I know I’m damaged, and I don’t mean just the surgery. You can have everything you want. A great wife. Kids. The kind of family your parents had. Big and loving and warm. But not with me,” she said, her voice cracking. Tears leaked from her eyes, a pinch of pain between her brows, the strain of sorrow pursing her lips together.
He wiped at her tears with his thumb, slid his palm over her hair, his heart aching for her. For them both.
“I want you to have that,” she said. “You deserve it. More than anyone that I know. Any woman would be lucky to have you and you’ll make a fantastic dad one day. The absolute best.”
Neither of them breathed for what seemed like an eternity.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked in a whisper.
“I tried. Once, when you took me home for your mom’s funeral.”
He remembered the moment she was talking about. They’d been sitting on the porch, watching his nieces and nephews play in the yard. He’d gone on and on about how much he wanted a big family—four or five kids. To be a good dad like his own father.
His sister had given Charlie her youngest to hold. Charlie held the baby close to her chest, rocking him. He’d imagined marrying her, how beautiful she’d be pregnant, her belly heavy and round, her face glowing, her holding a baby that was a little bit of him and a little bit of her one day on that very porch. He’d envisioned their life together, happy and playful and satisfied, side by side, growing gray and old together.
She’d turned so somber that he’d put his arm around her and waited. For her to share. That was what he did. Gave her space, showed her patience until it hurt. She’d put her head on his shoulder and he’d sensed she’d been close.
“That afternoon on the porch,” he said. “But my brother asked me to go horseback riding. You insisted that I should, and I went with him.”
Charlie nodded. More hot tears streamed down her cheeks.
He’d taken it as a sign of progress when she’d chosen to go home with him, that they were headed to the next level, but he realized he’d been wrong once he got back from riding with his brother. She’d left. Packed and taken a taxi to the airport. Given his family some excuse and had asked them to pass along the message that she’d see him back in San Diego.
He’d been shocked. Confused. Unbelievably hurt. Half tempted to run after her and demand an explanation like a lovesick fool, which he didn’t want to be, and had chalked it up to Charlie being Charlie.
It all made sense now.
Aiden kissed her cheeks and wrapped his arm around her, bringing her in close. Held her tight, soothing her until she stopped crying. “I should’ve gone after you. To the airport. Made you talk to me and hashed it out then and there. It would’ve saved us so much time.” So much grief.
“I’m sorry. You could’ve moved on sooner.”
He pulled her deeper into his arms, cradled her head against his chest. “There is no moving on from you.”
“Didn’t you hear what I said?” She trembled against him and he held her tighter. “I can’t give you a family. You want kids so badly.”
“I want you more. You’re my family. I love you, C
harlie. The only future I want is one with you.”
She shifted away, lifting her head. A tear slid down her cheek as she stared at him, lips parted. “No. You’re supposed to understand. You’re supposed to let me go.”
“I’ll never let you go. I’ll always choose you.”
“Aiden, I won’t deny you—”
He stole her words with his mouth and kissed her.
Chapter Fifteen
His lips brushed over hers in a gentle, sweeping caress that made Charlie’s heart turn over in her chest as he swallowed her objections. The kiss was raw and open and full of honesty.
She wanted Aiden to have the whole world. His greatest desires.
Not to choose her over having the family he wanted.
Aiden dragged his mouth across her cheek, slid his hands into her hair. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Charlie.” He planted kisses along her throat to where her pulse pounded. “Let me love you.” He nipped at the thundering beat in her neck. “Let me love you.” The words sank into her, healing some gaping wound, and he repeated it like a mantra.
A demand.
A call from his soul to hers.
One she could no longer ignore, no longer refuse. Need unfurled inside her. A deep ache entangled with a much deeper longing to be with him in every way. To be his.
Warmth blossomed low in her belly, radiating through her.
His mouth turned insistent. Hungry. The kiss was long and wild. She glided her hands down his broad back and skimmed up again, taking his shirt with them. Her deft fingers undid the button on his jeans and lowered his zipper.
In a blink, he was off the bed, on his feet, and he made quick work of getting his jeans and boxer briefs off, tossing them to the floor.
Her jaw went slack at the sight of Aiden in all his naked glory. She’d never tire of seeing him, touching him, kissing this beautiful man, who, beyond reason and despite her numerous flaws, still loved her, wanted her.
Sitting up, she reached for him. He dropped back to the bed and shifted her onto his lap as he sat so she straddled him. She let her towel fall to the side, baring herself to his ardent gaze. He cupped her breast, thumbing the stiff peak as he watched her with a smoldering intensity.
Moaning under his touch, she took the hard, thick length of him in her hand. “I’ve wanted this for so long. To make love to you,” she said, rocking against him. Dampness flooded the space between her legs, anticipation racing under her skin.
“You have no idea. I’ve wanted you since the day we met.” His hand slid over her ribs, down her belly and lower to the apex of her thighs. “Knew we were inevitable.” He groaned as he stroked between her folds, making her slick with desire.
As if he’d been studying her, preparing for this moment, he teased with expert fingers, used just the right amount of pressure, which sent an exquisite jolt of pleasure that left her throbbing with need for him.
The inevitability of their commingling, this communion shook her to the core.
Dropping his head to her breast, he sucked hard at a nipple, driving her crazy.
“Aiden.” She made a tortured sound of pleading that she’d never imagined possible.
“Patience. You’ve rushed in the past with others,” he said, proving once again how well he knew her. “Not with me. Not the first time, anyway. I need to savor this. You.”
“Don’t you want to devour me?”
“I intend to. Slowly. For hours.” He kissed her with such fierce tenderness that a colony of butterflies took flight inside her on wings of fire.
She’d never been so aroused, so eager, felt so connected to another person.
Charlie didn’t think he could get her any more excited or ready, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Exercising inhuman willpower, he made good on his promise. Savored her slowly. He explored every inch of her body from her scalp to the soles of her feet. Licked, tasted, nibbled and sucked, taking her to the brink with his clever tongue, only to deny her the ultimate gratification. Layered pleasure, letting it build and tighten, finally giving her a blinding climax with his head nuzzled between her thighs and his mouth on her.
Screaming his name, she shattered with the most uninhibited release of her life. Sensation thrummed along every nerve. But this wasn’t her, wild and begging, writhing and loud.
Two could play the teasing game. It wasn’t until she took him in her mouth and gifted him with a similar torture that he tossed her onto her back, flattening her against the mattress, and fully covered her in a motion of unparalleled grace.
She spread her legs wider in invitation.
Sliding his hand up to the back of her neck, he held her tight as he took her mouth and kissed her, deep and hard and wet. His first press into her was long and excruciatingly slow as though it brought him both pleasure and pain.
Which she understood. The friction relieved one kind of ache while making another deepen at the same time.
He rolled over, taking her with him, up into a sitting position. Her legs went around his waist, her hands to his shoulders. He held her hips, guiding her up and down the steely length of him. Pushing up on her knees for leverage, she pulsed with liquid heat, flowed with their building rhythm, matching his hunger and desperation.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said between ragged breaths. “You’re perfect.”
They took each other harder and faster, his mouth sensual and sweet, his hands wild and possessive. Her heart brimmed with so much love—with the surety of his, bright as a star—that she cried. Happy tears.
Another shuddering release spilled through her. His arms locked around her waist and he drove her down, grinding roughly until he found his own.
In the past, at this point, once both parties had been physically satisfied, she would’ve said something callous and goading to establish distance and got the heck out of there.
Instead, when Aiden pulled her down beside him and wrapped his arms around her, she sank into it. Reveled in it.
The sun was fading, and it was nearly dark.
Snuggling with him, she was glad they’d made love slowly, so she’d always remember every caress, every whispered word of affection, each kiss and exhilarating breath of their first time.
First.
With many, many more to come.
Emotions barraged her. The world had changed.
Even she was different. Sort of. She wanted to be strong enough to handle this, brave enough. Aiden was right. It took courage to love.
“What are we supposed to do now?” she asked as a prickle of anxiety wormed to the surface. “Exchange BFFs bracelets? I guess it should say lovers. What does one put when your BFF is your lover?” Charlie pressed her lips together to stop the babbling redirection pouring out of her mouth. She had to be honest with him. Face her fears. “I don’t know how to do this, a relationship, and I don’t want to mess it up.” Her stomach flip-flopped. She wanted it to work between them more than anything, but... “I’m scared.”
“I know.” He squeezed her arm and rubbed up and down. “We’re going to keep doing the same thing that we have been. But we’ll do it under one roof, sharing the same bed, only sleeping with each other. No bracelets.”
She chuckled, her trepidation easing. “You make it sound so simple.”
“Simple, yes. Easy, not always. But don’t forget.”
“What?”
He kissed her temple and tightened his embrace. “We’re the dynamic duo. Together, we can do anything.”
Next to Aiden, she felt invincible, like they could conquer the world. Maybe they could make a relationship work. Find happiness one day at a time.
The cell phone on the nightstand buzzed. A text came in.
Aiden reached over and grabbed the phone. He showed her the screen as he opened the message.
An orange jumpsuit wouldn’t
suit me. What do you want to trade?
“Even if Walsh agrees to give us Albatross, he’ll never follow through and make good on it.”
“We just have to buy Edgar time. Keep him safe until we can get to him.”
Charlie nodded. “We should ask for money, too. To really sell it. Anyone corrupt would.”
* * *
AS GARCIA ILLEGALLY parked her car in a bus lane on Elk Place, her cell phone rang. She kept the sedan running, took out her mobile and noticed it was the office.
She was about to answer, but she spotted her confidential informant. Her CI abhorred working for the FBI. Most did. After getting busted and charged with drug possession and an intent to distribute, being an informant sounded better than jail, so here they were.
The girl was skittish, but careful. Garcia made their weekly meets as fast as possible to keep her at ease and lessen her exposure.
Whatever McCaffrey wanted would have to wait. She thumbed the reject icon.
The slim brunette pushed through the door of the Tulane University School of Social Work building. They rotated their meeting spot to a place she regularly continued to sell drugs to maintain her cover. The girl came up to the passenger’s side of the car, and Garcia rolled down the automatic window.
Colette dug in her voluminous boho tote bag that had a colorful patchwork design and handed over the small six-by-six-inch box through the window. Inside was the special saltshaker that had been designed to match the others at Avido’s and had a hidden recording device. The surveillance tool was voice-activated, with up to fifty hours of storage and battery life, and it didn’t transmit a signal. Colette kept the saltshaker in the soundproof box in her purse, transporting it to and from the restaurant every day. It was only activated when she served Bill Walsh his lunch.
Garcia gave Colette the replacement device that she’d use for the next seven days.