Misadventures with a Book Boyfriend

by Blue, Victoria

  “Did you just use the word ‘feels’ after badgering me into admitting I jerked off three times in less than fifteen minutes this morning? I don’t even…yeah…I don’t…” I stood up so abruptly, my chair toppled backward on two legs and smacked the wall behind it before dropping back down onto all four legs with a clatter. A deep dent was left in the drywall that Skye would zero in on the moment she came through the door after work.

  “Wow. Three times? Fifteen minutes? No wonder these clients keep calling back asking for you. It’s been a long time since my husband had that kind of stamina. Well, maybe he never did, the more I think about it.”

  “Janine.” I held my hand up for her to stop. “Please. No. I can’t take any more today. I’ll beg if I have to.” I flopped back down into the chair and just stared at her.

  “I’m just happy for you. I love the idea of love more than anything, Oliver. That’s why we all read these books in the first place.” She pointed to one of the popular books we got character requests from, which was lying on her stack on the table. “Because we’re all suckers for love. It keeps hope alive and passion burning strong. It’s at the root of almost every other emotion. Whether it’s twisted up and looks more like jealousy or betrayal and hiding behind hatred, it’s always involved in one way or another.”

  We both sat in silence for a couple minutes.

  “I’d never really thought of it that way. But you’re exactly right.”

  “Again.” She shrugged.

  “Yes. Again.” At this point I was just giving in to it. Arguing with her was pointless. I’d remember that for the future too. Hours of saved time coming my way.

  “But can I ask you something? I’m curious to hear your opinion, since you clearly have tons of experience and I literally have none.” Hopefully I wouldn’t regret letting this mongoose out of the cage.

  “Ask away.” She closed her notebook and sat forward in her seat. Her enthusiasm was actually adorable.

  “I’m concerned about Bailey and Skye. I feel like something bad is brewing between them.” I threw my hands up and slid lower in the chair. “I don’t even know what I’m saying. Like I don’t know what that means when I say the words. It’s more of a gut feeling.”

  “Well, let’s break it down. What’s making you feel that way? There must be something to it.”

  “I don’t really know,” I answered.

  “That’s bullshit. If you want my advice about something, Oliver, you have to shoot straight with me. In other words, I don’t have some random bad vibe about, I don’t know, say, you and my husband, because you are both men I know, and you are both men who are predominantly in my daily life. So, something must have happened, or was said by one of them, to give you bad juju about their relationship. Saying you don’t know is a cop-out. An easy answer.”

  “I would’ve hated having you for a mother as a teenager. I’m just going to say that for the record.”

  “You know there’s a saying… FBI agents have nothing on a mother with a hunch.”

  “Truer words have not been spoken.” Was it possible to hate and love someone at the same time? I was pretty sure that’s how I felt about this woman.

  “Get back on track. Tell me what’s really bothering you,” she persisted.

  “Okay, okay.” I held my hands up to settle her impatience. “First of all, I found out this morning that Bailey has a job.”

  “Okay. That’s not exactly state’s evidence, Oll.”

  “I know, I know.” I laughed. Maybe the whole thing would sound as absurd. “But it struck me as odd that I’ve known her this long and I didn’t know she had a job. How hasn’t that ever come up? And then she told me she works at city hall. So how in the hell hasn’t Skye ever mentioned it either? They must see each other on occasion at least. And Skye was working for her husband up until recently.”

  “Hmmm. Okay. So that just made it a degree stranger. But still, it could be easily explained. Like Skye thought you knew already, and it wasn’t something that necessarily would come up in your household conversation?”

  “True. True.” I agreed with her logic. To a point. Something still seemed odd.

  “Aaaannnndd…” She drew the word out while she seemed to be coalescing her thought. “And you have said that you and Skye have been drifting apart since you’ve been seeing Bailey.”

  “Yeah. Unfortunately, it does feel that way.”

  “What else? I’m sensing you haven’t addressed all your concerns yet.”

  “Are you fucking Yoda or something?” I changed my voice to sound like the green fuzzy swamp dweller. “Read your mind, I will.” Janine wasn’t impressed.

  “I’m a forty-something-year-old woman, Oliver. It’s called intuition. And by this age, women know to listen when the bell goes off. It’s warned us on some doozies by now, and we’ve had to learn the hard way what happens when we ignore it. So now, even when the little tinkle bell sounds, we pay attention. Let me use my powers for some good.” She smiled slyly, wiggling her fingers in the air. “Hit me with it!”

  “I hope I’m way off base with this. Because if not, it’s going to cause very big problems in my personal life.” I thought about it again. “Yeah, very big.”

  Janine smacked the table in front of her, making me jump from the startling sound. “Tell me, Oliver!”

  “Okay! Bailey said something strange, not out of the blue, necessarily. She’d just told me she worked at city hall and that she thought Skye was very ‘ambitious,’ I think is the word she used. I agreed with her, because Skye has always been extremely driven when it came to her career. Always. And the conversation wasn’t a bash session. We were just talking.”

  “Don’t give me so much fluff. Just tell me the words and let me make of it what I will. You’re trying to sway me in a certain direction. And that, in itself, should be telling you something. Go on.”

  “I think I’m making too much of nothing. I probably shouldn’t have said anything in the first place. I feel stupid for bringing it up at all.” I was deeply considering just not saying another word.

  “Oh no you don’t. Out with it. And whatever is going on, you’ve already decided in your head it makes Bailey look bad and you don’t want to tell me. Let me be the judge, and trust that I will give it to you straight. That’s what you asked me to do, right? And I’ve never been anything but completely honest with you, Oliver. Now do me the same courtesy.”

  She had a valid point, and I really could use an outside opinion on the whole thing. So I spilled it.

  “Bailey said, with reference to Skye, something along the lines of, ‘sometimes being very focused on a particular goal can make you miss what’s going on right in front of you’ or something like that. I’m totally paraphrasing, obviously. But I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what that means.”

  “Did you ask her what it meant?” Janine quizzed.

  “Yes, and she said it meant nothing in particular. Something about it being a general comment about the nature of the political arena. That people had to find their own way. It was all very vague. But I felt like it really did mean more. And I still do. If she was trying to give me some sort of message to warn Skye about something at work and I don’t figure out what it means…and then something bad happens to Skye… How will I live with that?”

  “All right,” she interrupted before I could go on any longer. “Now you’re just sounding dramatic. Let’s look at this logically. They work in the mayor’s office. The city manager’s to be specific, right? We’re not talking about the President of the United States here. Shit, we aren’t even talking about state-level government. How deep and dark and sinister can her message have been?” Janine had a point but at the same time might have been oversimplifying the situation.

  “I see what you’re saying, but Skye told me some things when we were at the hospital when Hardin was at death’s door.”

  “Really? Like what?” She sat forward on the edge of her seat again.

&n
bsp; “She said Bailey was the puppet master behind his entire career. She had been driving him since they were in college.”

  “Again, Oliver, he was the city manager, not the sitting president of the free world. You’re talking about them like they were Hillary and Bill. Let’s not get carried away.” She waved her hand dismissively. “It all just seems so over-the-top, you know?”

  “You have to realize, governing a city the size of Los Angeles is bigger business than governing some entire states.” I held my hand up to stop her before she pointed out the difference. “I know what you’re going to say, but this is still a big deal. We aren’t talking about the town I grew up in in Iowa.”

  I walked over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. “Anyway, the point of me telling you that was to point out Bailey is just as driven as Skye. I have to wonder if she doesn’t have a hidden motive. I mean, it’s possible, right?”

  I sat back down, twisted the cap off the bottle, and drank about half in one gulp. “I’ve seen sides of both women now that honestly I’d be happy to never see again. Skye outright told me that Bailey is friends with the mayor. The mayor appoints the city manager. Since William died, they will be appointing someone to replace him until the election takes place in November, when the mayor happens to be up for re-election. But if a new mayor gets in office, who knows what will happen. Skye was banking on Bailey putting in a good word for her now so she could take the office and do a bang-up job, so whoever wins the race in November will see she’s more than qualified for the job and keep her on as city manager.” I knocked the cap back and forth between my fingers to expend my nervous energy.

  “And that would make sense because it would be one less thing either person, the reelected mayor or a brand-new mayor, would have to deal with when starting his term.” She sat back in her chair and sighed. “Well, it seems like you’re really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or have the potential to be.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t want to lose my best friend if I know something I should be warning her about, or if my girlfriend is gunning for her behind her back, I feel like I should warn her. Skye and I have been friends for the better part of a decade. She stood by me when even my own parents turned their backs. I can’t betray her.”

  “But?” my business partner supplied.

  “But I’m in love with Bailey. There. I said it. I love her. I want the chance to see where things can go between us. I’ve never felt a connection like I have with her. If Skye is manipulating me, or Bailey, in order to get what she wants, or in order to get ahead in her career, it will devastate me. Not to mention infuriate me. And I’m not convinced she’s above doing that anymore. Not after the way I’ve seen her behave lately. She’s turned a new leaf, and every once in a while, when her very practiced guard slips, I get a glimpse of it. And let me tell you, it’s not pretty. If she hurts Bailey, I don’t think I will be able to forgive her.”

  “This is quite the pickle, isn’t it? Now don’t hate me for saying this, but from what you’ve said, it sounds like Bailey has a bit of a nasty streak too. She can probably handle herself where your roommate is concerned. Especially if she’s been the puppeteer to her deceased husband for all these years. Maybe you should just stay out of it and let them do their thing and see where the pieces fall.”

  “But no matter how it all ends, someone I really care about is going to get hurt. It’s hard to sit by and watch that happen. And who’s to say if I don’t intervene, I won’t be blamed for not stepping in when I could’ve helped? When I should’ve helped?”

  “I think, at least for right now, you need to try your best to concentrate on BBI. It needs all your effort to get off the ground and to do it in a strong way. All this drama with the ladies in your life is going to go on with or without you babysitting it. You’re trying to apply virtue to a seemingly unethical situation. I’m not saying don’t do your due diligence. Obviously, you care about them both a great deal, and you have a lot at stake too. But where are you going to be left if you only concentrate on them and not put any energy into you and your own endeavors? And I’m not just saying that because I recently sank a buttload of money into this operation, although that is derailing my train of thought marginally.”

  “I hear you, I do.” And I had an abundance of appreciation for Janine’s honesty.

  “You came up with this idea, Oliver. And it’s a great one. The need is there. The clients are there. Bring the service to the people. It’s the only part of the equation missing. It’s right there for the taking. We’re this close.” She held up her thumb and index finger with just a small space open between the two. “This close.”

  “You’re right. You’re exactly right. Now enough about the drama mamas. Tell me what happened with the interviews. How did we end up with only three candidates?”

  Janine and I spent the next few hours digging in on ways to bulk up the stable for Book Boyfriend Inc. By the time she finished explaining how each interview went, I understood why she’d only chosen the three she had. We ended our workday with phone calls to the candidates offering them positions with BBI, and all three accepted. We planned an orientation meeting for the end of the week.

  I was completely exhausted by the time she left and decided a nap was just what the doctor ordered. By the time Skye came home from work, the sun had long gone over the horizon and an autumn chill came in with her when she opened the front door.

  I sat up and stretched, getting the kinks out from being curled up on the sofa.

  “Must be nice.” Maybe it was her attitude that chilled the air and not the outside breeze after all.

  “What’s that? No, never mind. How was your day?” I could be the bigger one.

  “I said it must be nice. Lounging around all day,” she fired back.

  “Well, if I owe you any type of explanation, I was taking a nap for”—I looked at my phone—“about forty minutes. Janine and I worked for the better part of the day. We hired three new employees, oh, and a web designer. How about a glass of wine? You seem tense.”

  “Do I?” she asked.

  I stopped on my way to the kitchen and turned to face her. “What’s up?”

  “With what?”

  “With you? Specifically, the attitude. You seem to have a really big chip on your shoulder lately, and I seem to take the brunt of it. We’ve been best friends for a really long time, and I can’t think of a single time you’ve treated me this way. So, what gives?” Honestly, I’d had all I could take of it too.

  “I think you’re imagining things, Oliver. Maybe you’re spending too much time in these fictional worlds. You want everything to be so dramatic.” She tapped on the cover of one of the romance novels Janine had left sitting on the breakfast bar. Her tone was so elitist it made my skin crawl. Nothing like the woman I once knew and loved. But how could she have made such a drastic change in such a short time?

  I poured two glasses of Chardonnay and sat at the breakfast bar. I pushed one toward her by the long stem of the glass. “Tell me what’s going on. I know something’s up. You’re not yourself. And I’m not the enemy. I’m your best friend, Skye.”

  “Are you? Are you, Oliver?” She sounded like a schoolgirl in a recess argument over whose turn it was to jump rope.

  “Yes. Why would you even ask me that?” I was trying desperately not to rise to her bait.

  “What if you’re sleeping with the enemy? Does that still make you my best friend? How do I trust you then? How do I live under the same roof with you even?” She glared at me over the rim of the glass while she gulped down the wine, her hand trembling as she held the stemware.

  “What the hell are you talking about? Tell me what’s going on. Seriously, Skye. Tell me.” Okay. This was way bigger than jump rope. Clearly.

  “I think your girlfriend is trying to sabotage me. Everything I’ve worked for. All of it. Down the drain. I’ll be back to fucking interning by the end of the election cycle if she gets her evi
l fucking way.”

  “Are you—”

  “Don’t even fucking defend her right now, Oliver. I can’t bear to hear it. Not from you. That’s why I haven’t said anything. That’s why I’ve been doing my best to avoid you. I didn’t want to have this little chat. But you kept pushing. You don’t know that woman. Not even a little bit. She’s manipulative. Calculating. Driven and unrelenting. She will stop at nothing to advance her agenda. Nothing.”

  “Sound familiar?” I said, getting oh-so-tired of this talk track.

  “How dare you? Fuck you. Seriously, Oliver. You asked me what was wrong. What I was so bothered by. Asked me to tell you! You played the best friend card! And that’s what you say to me? Just fuck off.” Her eyes were welling up with tears, and I knew she was furious. I could count on one hand the number of times I’d seen Skye Delaney shed tears.

  She hurried to her room and slammed the door. I even heard the little lock on the handle click into place. The silence that followed seemed louder than practice shots at a firing range. But the damage to my heart felt about the same as the barrage of holes on the humanlike paper silhouettes that were called forth and taken home as trophies, proving the marksman’s accuracy at destruction. Turned out my roommate was firing with sniper-level precision.

  Coincidentally, my phone chimed with a text from Bailey within five minutes. An ominous four words lit up the screen.

  We need to talk.

  I quickly wrote back.

  Is this about Skye?

  How did you know?

  We just had a blowout. Again.

  Spend the night?

  Be there ASAP. XO

  I can pick you up.

  Even better.

  I struggled with leaving my condo. I wanted to spend the night with Bailey, but I felt like Skye and I were at a crossroads. If I left, it would be fairly obvious where I had gone. I hadn’t hung out with guy friends in months. Why would I start that night? Skye would know I wasn’t home in the morning when she left to go to the office, and she would take that as a declaration of where my loyalties lay.