by J. P. Comeau
“Hey, son,” Dad said as he stood, wiping his hands on a rag. “Your mother just made lasagna if you want a piece.”
“No, thanks,” I said. “I just had lunch with Julianna.”
The look on his face immediately changed, and he sat down on his bench. “And how are things with her?"
“Well, they were great until this morning. I have to go back to San Diego. The company is expanding globally.”
Dad looked up and took off his glasses. “Well, I’ll be damned. Congratulations, son! You’ve worked so hard, and it’s really starting to pay off.”
He could see that I wasn’t nearly as happy as he was, though.
“Thanks,” I said and leaned my back against his car.
“Julianna’s holding you back, isn’t she,” he said, as he stood and resumed working.
I didn’t have to say anything for him to continue his lecture. “Son, let me tell you something. I love your mother so much, but business always comes first.”
I looked at my father hard at work on his precious vintage sports car, then out at the size of his home and the surrounding property. I thought about all of the times I’d wanted to spend time with him after school and before bed, but Mom said he was busy at work, providing for his family. She always went out of her way to remind us that he was the provider, too, as though a real man isn’t home that much because he’s busy making money.
“You definitely drove that point home with Richard and me,” I said. “But my business is already quite successful. I mean financially speaking, I can’t complain.”
My father breathed deeply and turned back to his work, resting his tool carefully on the car’s fender. “Well, then let me ask you a question. This new expansion you’re talking about, what are the projected profits?”
“Millions.”
He let out a long whistle, stood back, and looked up at me. “Then why are you even questioning it, son? Look, Julianna’s a nice girl. But don’t throw away an amazing opportunity over a woman. Relationships come and go, but you’ll always need money.”
I shuffled my feet against the cement. “Yeah, no, I know. Do you ever regret getting married to Mom?”
There was a long, awkward silence between us as he thought about what to say. “That’s irrelevant. And like I told you, I love you and your brother and am happy how my life has turned out. But you’re still young. Not every production company has the chance to expand globally.”
I tried to absorb everything that Dad was saying, but my heart kept going back to Julianna and Caley. Maybe I was just wired differently than he was. “But what about if you’re in love?”
He let out a sigh and dropped his wrench on purpose. “Even though I love your mom, that’s an emotion for women, Jake. It something different to men, you know? Women they need that sense of security. Us men? Not so much. I think what you’re feeling is passion, and that’s vastly different than love.”
As I watched him go back to work on his car, I pictured myself working on a vehicle as Caley watched. I thought about how I wanted to have those conversations with her as Julianna cooked dinner. How the thought of not going home to the two of them every night tore me apart inside.
I also didn’t agree with what my father said about love.
All of the women I’d hooked up with before Julianna wanted something more, but not me. What I felt with Julianna was absolutely love.
“I know that I’m in love, Dad,” I said. “And I don’t know what to do.”
“Give it a few days and think about it,” he replied. “I think you’ll come to your senses soon enough.”
I pulled up a lawn chair and sat down next to my father. I admired the pride he took in everything that he did, whether it was his career or fixing his own cars. The older I got, the more I realized that I could always find my dad doing one of two things, working on his vintage cars or pulling long hours at his business. My mom was almost always alone when Richard and I weren’t home.
“You’ve always loved your business, haven’t you?”
He tossed aside a wrench and picked up another tool and started hammering, not looking away from what he was doing when he spoke. “Of course, I did. What’s the point in doing something if you don’t love it?”
He continued hammering away trying to loosen a bolt, and I thought about those words and how it reflected on my relationship with Julianna.
“Don’t you love your production company?”
“Are you kidding me? It’s what I’ve always wanted to do with my life. I mean, I can’t imagine having any other career.”
It was true. Ever since I was a kid, I knew that I wanted to be creative. The second my father saw my passion, he put me to work. He had given me all sorts of projects related to the entertainment industry to spark my interest, so much so that I had to beg him just to have a somewhat normal social life.
“I made sure that you turned that dream into a reality, too, when I introduced you to some of my Hollywood contacts. You never had your head up in the clouds like those other kids. You were always writing up business plans and bouncing ideas off of my head.” He lightly tapped me on the forehead with the hammer.
“It meant not having much of a social life, though.” I regretted the words as soon as they escaped my lips.
I owed my success to my father.
He glanced down at the ground. “Look, I know that I was hard on you and Richard…”
“Just a tad, Dad. I’m surprised you even let us watch television.” I chuckled nervously.
On several occasions, our father had actually hidden the television sets that were in our bedrooms. Not because we’d done anything wrong, but because he thought it was a waste of time.
He put all of his tools away, closed the hood of his car, and sat down across from me. “I’m not perfect, and I never claimed to be. Maybe, I wasn’t always the best husband to your mother, and maybe I should have been around more for you and your brother. But I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Because I busted my ass, you were able to go to an excellent college, and we lived in a mansion that most people only dream about.”
I stood up and ran my hands through my hair. I had always thought my father was so wise, but standing there in front of him, listening to him talk, I wasn't so sure anymore. It could have been my emotions, or it could have been the truth. At that moment, though, I couldn't tell.
He stood up and patted me hard on the back. “I’m proud of you, son. I hope you know that. Just don’t let me or yourself down because of some broad.”
21
_____
JULIANNA
After calling Helen to tell her I was getting sick and wouldn’t make for the showing, I walked into the house and threw my purse on the couch. It was quiet. Disturbingly quiet. I wrapped my arms around my chest and rested my back against the front door, closing my eyes, trying not to think about what had just happened. That lunch had been so uncomfortable, a drastic change from what our breakfast had been like.
Of course, he’s going back to San Diego. Why wouldn’t he?
Mr. Womanizer had the chance to make even more money. No man in his right mind would walk away from millions of dollars just to play house with a woman like me. What was I thinking?
Images of Cam kept going through my mind, too, reminding me that I needed to stop making the same mistakes expecting a different outcome. I needed to learn that most men didn't want a relationship, and they also had no problem lying to get what they wanted before breaking your heart.
I instinctively placed my hands over my chest, right above my own heart.
After a few minutes, I forced myself to walk down the hallway and into the kitchen. It still smelled like pancakes and maple syrup, and sure enough, there was a sink full of dishes from that morning. Jake hadn’t washed everything he needed to make pancakes with Caley. As I felt tears forming in my eyes, I walked over to them and began scrubbing. I couldn’t believe that it was happening all over again.
The batt
er had formed a crust along the top of the mixing bowl, so I squirted more dish detergent onto the sponge and took out my anger. How ironic, I thought while washing it as hard as I could. Yet again, I’m forced to clean up a mess that a man made.
I couldn’t take looking at the pancake batter anymore. All it did was conjure up images of that morning, seeing Caley’s face so happy as she called him ‘Jakey,’ and he helped her make breakfast.
The coffee pot was still half-full, so I dumped it out and began washing it. In all of my years with Cam, not once had he made me coffee. It was always me getting up to make breakfast. I was the one who had to make coffee. If I ever woke up after him, he’d just be sitting downstairs waiting for me to make it.
Tears tipped my eyelashes and slipped down my cheeks. I finally found a man who wanted to take care of me, and then he had to leave town.
I dropped the sponge, and the coffee pot in the sink wiped my face clean and went upstairs. Since Caley was always putting on new clothes, she had a never-ending supply of laundry that needed to be washed.
Sure enough, her hamper was full, which I was thankful for. It gave me something to focus on instead of moping about another failed relationship.
As I was throwing her clothes into the washing machine, I saw a dress that Jake had recently gotten for her. It was pink with white bows all over it. Caley was so proud, she put on a fashion show to model her new dress for us. He had even taken part in it by wearing a purse and hat.
I chucked it, and the rest of her clothes into the washer carelessly dumping some detergent in and then slammed the lid shut.
How dare he do this to Caley.
My heartbreak was turning to anger because it had nowhere else to go. I leaned against the washing machine. I knew I’d be strong enough to get through it, even though it’d take some time, but Caley may never recover. She might as well grow up believing that all men eventually leave, and why wouldn’t she? Her father hadn’t seen her in God knows how long, and his phone calls had become more sporadic day by day.
I suspected he only called to keep me from getting on his case, and I’m sure Lydia was involved in that too. That bitch didn’t have any boundaries. I shook my head and walked down to the living room. Standing in the doorway, I took a deep breath. Cleaning. That was the only thing I knew to do.
The living room seemed clean for the most part, save the blanket I always wrapped myself in at night after putting Caley to sleep. I folded it and draped it neatly over the back of the couch, pausing to remember how Jake and I decided in that very spot that he’d sleepover for the first time.
Once again, the tears started to flow, but I wiped them away and left the living room. Jake was not worth crying over, I kept telling myself.
The last thing I wanted to see was my bedroom, but I knew that I’d have to eventually. So I slowly made my way upstairs, mentally preparing myself for what I was about to see.
There were my bedsheets, still messed up from when I had raced out of bed that morning, convinced he’d left me just like Cam. As I stared at the bed, I felt the tears taking over.
Our shower sex was more sex than making love, but it was impossible to deny the emotional connection between us. Especially since I ended up sleeping in his arms all night long. I could still smell him, feel his warmth around me.
This time I couldn’t hold back the tears.
They began pouring down my cheeks like waterfalls. I backed up and reached out, grasping the doorframe. Everything I feared was happening, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I absolutely hated myself for falling in love with Jake Truman! Before I knew it, I was hunched over, my hand on my chest, feeling the pain coming full force.
I stumbled for the bed and laid my body on Jake's side, face down into his pillow. It smelled just like his cologne, Versace Euros.
As I sobbed for what seemed like forever, images of us flashed through my head. I kept trying to get them out, but it felt like they were on autoplay. Our picnics at the park, outings to ice cream shops, taking Caley to museums, and our movie nights. We became a family, and now we weren’t.
I am so stupid.
I picked up my head and punched the tear-stained pillow. It was all my fault, too. What kind of woman falls for a guy like Jake? I deserved every ounce of pain that I was feeling and deserved the deep depression that would undoubtedly follow over the next months, if not years. I’d even heard him talking with his best friend back in San Diego on a few occasions.
Hillard. I knew damn well that when Jake went back home, the two of them would be flirting and hooking up with women who were only after his money. There would be even more articles of him online, possibly even mocking his small-town romance and how he just couldn’t wait to get back to his playboy ways.
That should have been a big enough clue. If Jake had really become a changed man, then he would have avoided those calls from Hillard!
Perhaps the worst part was that I’d have to hold it together for Caley. Poor, innocent, and sweet Caley. She didn’t deserve to be abandoned yet again. It wouldn’t have been nearly as bad if I hadn’t invited him to sleep over. That was the hardest part for me to swallow. If I’d just kept it as it was, then Caley never would have woken up to see her “Jakey.”
It wasn’t long before my sobs wore me out, and I slowly felt myself succumbing to exhaustion.
As I started to fall asleep, the doorbell rang and jolted me awake. I wiped my eyes, sat up, and looked in the mirror. I was a complete mess. Mascara was running down my face, red lipstick was smeared all over my cheeks, and my hair was completely disheveled. I went into the bathroom, pulled myself together, and went downstairs to the door. I looked through the peephole.
It was Jake, standing on my porch, pacing back and forth. I wondered if he was there to tell me that he’d changed his mind and would be staying, but I refused to get my hopes up.
After letting out a big sigh and composing myself, I opened the door and tried to remain calm.
“Hey,” he said in a quiet voice.
He looked so good in his dark denim jeans and tight white shirt. The wind blew, and I got a whiff of his cologne. I prayed he wouldn’t smell any of it on me since I had just been on his side of the bed.
“Hey,” I replied.
We just stood there for a few moments, neither one of us really knowing what to say. Jake was clenching his hands together. “How are you? Don’t you have to leave for work soon?”
“No. I called off. And um, I’m okay, I guess.” I kept waiting for him to say something, to tell me that he was on his way back to San Diego and was just saying goodbye.
I didn’t want him to come inside, but I also didn’t want to come off as a bitch. “You wanna come in?”
I moved back a few inches, just enough to let him in.
“Is that okay?”
I nodded and gave a little smile.
Jake walked inside, and we just stood in the foyer, looking at each other. The tension between us was intense, and I was doing my best to be distant, but not too cold. I didn’t want us to end things on a bad note, but I also didn’t want to show how much I was dying inside.
He immediately picked up on my body language, slid his hands into his pockets, and let out a long breath. “We need to talk.”
22
_____
JAKE
I could tell Julianna was keeping me at a distance. As soon as she opened the door, her entire body stiffened, and it was like there was an invisible wall between us. One that I wanted to so desperately knock down, but couldn’t.
“Go ahead.” She folded her arms and kept a significant distance between us, making it clear that I wasn’t allowed to go any further than her foyer.
“I just want you to know how much I’ve enjoyed these past few months with you, and Caley too. Believe me, you have no idea how bad I wish things had turned out differently.”
“It’s fine,” she said while faking a smile. “Really, Jake. I knew this would eventually happen.
You made it clear from the beginning that your visit to River Valley was just that… a visit.”
As I stared into her eyes, I could tell that she’d been crying. Her hair also looked messy, which was unusual for her. She was usually so put together. More knots formed in my stomach.
“I hope you know that it’s not an official goodbye,” I said. “I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”
She quickly wiped a tear from her eyes and looked away, pretending to search for something. I stared at her for a few minutes longer, thinking of what else I could say to make it right. “Do you know when you’ll be back?”
I gave her a look that said returning wasn’t in my near future, that it was just a business trip that included a fling. “I, um-“
“Look, I have to go pick up, Caley. But I really appreciate you stopping by. Really, I do.” I wanted to grab her and kiss her one last time, but I knew that if I did that, I wouldn’t stop.
“Can we talk later on tonight?”
There was a long pause before she nodded. “I’ll call you after Caley goes to bed.”
I gave a halfhearted smile and let myself out, knowing that neither one of us would benefit if we embraced each other.
By the time I got home, it was dark. After going inside the guest house, I plopped myself down on the sofa and called Hillard. Even though I knew he’d encourage me to let Julianna go, I still needed some advice from my best friend. I needed reassurance that I was doing the right thing.
“Jake!” Hillard’s voice boomed so loud into the phone that I had to pull away.
I could tell that he was at a bar, probably surrounded by gorgeous women. “Damn, man. Can that music get any louder?”
I actually felt a small headache coming on.
“Sorry, let me go outside.” I heard a few women say his name as he walked by, which I knew inflated his ego.
And I also was aware the personalities of those women were the polar opposites of Julianna.
“When the hell are you coming back, man? I need my wingman!”