Unable to hold the steadiness of her eyes, I glance away and shrug. “It was fine.”
Brinley scrunches her face. She looks like she’s either trying to work out a complicated calculus problem or having issues with constipation. With Brinley, the look is one and the same.
“It was just fine?” There’s a pause. “You’re trying to tell me that having sex with Reed Philips—Mr. Campus Super Stud—was just ho-hum?” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Nothing special?”
“I didn’t say that,” I mutter. Ho-hum doesn’t come close to describing this weekend. “I think the most important factor is that I finally cashed in my V-card.” I throw my hands up and shake them, giving her jazz hands. “Yay, Southern University no longer has a pathetic virgin in its ranks. Woo-hoo!”
“Riiiiight.” She goes back to making the constipated face. The pinched expression isn’t a good look for her. “What happened? Didn’t it go well? Did you guys have a fight or something? Wait, maybe you weren’t able to figure out how tab A was inserted into slot B?” She waits a beat. “You’re being super weird about this.”
“No, I’m not.” Before the last syllable can roll off my tongue, tears prick the back of my eyelids. I’m not even sure what I’m upset about.
I blow out an exasperated breath.
All right, I know exactly what I’m upset about. But talking about the situation isn’t going to change matters. It’ll just make me look like a stupid virgin stuck on the first guy who was kind enough to have sex with her.
And I don’t want to be that girl.
Even if it turns out I am that girl.
“Hey!” Before I can blink back the little buggers, Brin shoots off the bed and gathers me into her arms. “What happened?” Her voice rises about ten decibels. “Did that big jerk hurt you? If he did, I’ll kick his ass.” She pulls away enough to search my eyes. “You know I’ll do it, right?”
Damn right she’ll do it. Brinley is completely badass.
“You don’t need to do that,” I sniffle, swiping at the embarrassing wetness. Just another humiliation stacked on top of a growing pile. “He was great about the whole thing. I’m not upset with Reed.”
Confusion flashes across her face as she rubs soft circles against my back. “Then what’s the problem?”
I shake my head as more tears well in my eyes. I don’t want to discuss this. Not even with Brinley.
“Listen, girlfriend, this has something to do with Reed. I don’t know what, but that much I’m sure about. If you don’t tell me, I’ll call him myself and ask what the hell he did to make you so upset.”
“No!” I shove my way out of her arms and stare in horror. “You can’t do that!”
“Sure, I can,” she fires back, not looking the least bit deterred by my protest. “And I will unless you tell me what’s going on.”
Why does Brinley have to be so single-minded? She’s like one of those small yappy dogs that like to nip at your heels.
And her threat to call Reed?
It’s not an empty one. She’ll do it.
As if to solidify those thoughts, Brin slips her phone from the back pocket of her shorts and dangles it in front of my face. “Should I make the call?”
“No,” I grumble. “Can’t a girl have any secrets?”
“Not when they make her cry, she can’t.” Her voice softens and that only makes the tears trek down my cheeks with increasing speed.
No amount of wiping them away makes the faucet stop dripping. I huff out a breath and press my fingertips to my eyes. I don’t want to look at her when I reveal just how pathetic I am. “The weekend in Chicago was amazing. Way better than I imagined it would be.”
Gently she pries my hands away from my face so I’m forced to meet her concerned gaze. “Okay. So far, so good. Go on.”
Once I allow the damn to break, it’s like a swiftly moving current and I tell her everything. Well, not everything. Some memories are too intimate to share. The entire time I talk, tears leak from the corners of my eyes.
What’s wrong with me?
I’m never this emotional. If this is what having sex does to you—makes you a hormonal mess—I’ll take a pass.
My shoulders slump as I end with, “Now I feel like an idiotic virgin.”
That last statement has Brin wrapping her arms around me again and holding me tight until it feels like the very life is being suffocated out of me. “You are the least idiotic person I know, Em.”
“Ha!” I chortle. “Of course, I am! Reed told me himself that girls confuse sex for love all the time and I didn’t believe him. I certainly didn’t think I’d feel that way but look at me,” I say with disgust. “That’s exactly what happened!” I sniffle. “I have stupid virgin written all over me. No wonder I had to convince Reed to sleep with me.”
Brinley snorts and shakes her head as her lips quirk at the corners. “Yeah, you really had to twist his arm.”
In an attempt to calm the chaotic emotion raging inside me, I inhale a deep breath before gradually forcing it out again. “What does any of it matter? I need to get over it.” I just wish someone would explain how to do that. “I need to steer clear of Reed until I have a better grip on my emotions.” And I have no idea how long that will take. The thought of avoiding him indefinitely makes my heart hurt.
“I don’t know, Em. Maybe you should talk to Reed about this. For all you know, he feels the same way as you do.”
That’s the most ridiculous statement that has ever come out of Brin’s mouth. And the girl says outrageous things all the time, so that’s really saying something.
Needing distance, I separate myself from her. As painful as it is to admit, I force myself to say the words out loud. She needs to hear them and so do I.
“Reed doesn’t feel that way about me, Brin. He didn’t want to sleep with me in the first place. And then, when he finally agreed, he came up with a list of rules so that it wouldn’t affect our friendship.”
In hindsight, I can’t blame him for having reservations. He was right to be concerned.
When she remains silent, I continue. “Plus, this is Reed we’re talking about. We both know that he doesn’t do relationships. He likes to keep things casual.” I shake my head. “And I can’t be a fuck buddy.” The thought of sharing him with other girls makes me want to throw up. “I just can’t.”
Brinley’s shoulders fall and I can tell that everything I’ve said has struck a chord with her. “If you won’t tell him how you feel, what are you going to do?”
“Nothing.”
When she opens her mouth to no doubt counter my argument, I hold up a hand and cut her off.
“No! This is the way it has to be. Reed and I are too good of friends to let sex ruin our relationship. I’m sure it’ll take some time, but eventually everything will slide back to normal.”
She huffs out a breath. “Are you sure about that?”
Nope. Not even a little.
“Of course, I am. What other choice is there?”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Reed
I drop my shoulder and drive it into Alex McAvoy’s chest. The momentum sends him crashing into the boards with a loud grunt.
“What the fuck, Philips?” he grumbles, catching his breath.
I don’t bother to stop or respond. I’m like a shark circling the rink, looking for my next victim. By the time Coach blows his whistle an hour later, most of my teammates are giving me a wide berth since I’ve knocked a number of them on their asses.
Unfortunately, I’m just as pissed now as when I stepped foot in the arena. I have no idea how to rid myself of all the frustration rolling through my system. Normally when something’s bothering me, a two-hour practice helps clear my head. I can work myself over physically which settles my mind and helps me find clarity.
But that hasn’t happened.
As we skate off the ice, Colton pulls alongside me. “Is it safe to be around you, bro?”
I grunt in answer.
He jerks his gloved hand over his shoulder. “You caused a lot of damage out there. Better watch yourself in the locker room. You might get your ass kicked.”
Let them bring it. Right now, I’m spoiling for a fight.
“You gonna tell me what crawled up your ass and died?” Silence falls over us. “I thought Chicago went well.”
“It did go well,” I grumble. Too fucking well. And I’m not talking about the team shit either, but everything that went down with Emerson.
The Blackhawks should be the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing on my mind when my head hits the pillow. Instead, I can’t stop fantasizing about the way it felt to slide deep inside Em or hold her in my arms when we drifted off to sleep. Usually, when I hookup with a girl, it lasts for about an hour or so and then we go our separate ways. Em is the only girl I’ve woken up with the next morning.
And I liked it.
Way too much.
“Then what’s the problem?”
My lips stay pressed together as we step off the ice and head to the locker room. Most of the guys are already in there showering and getting changed.
A knowing grin slides across his face. “I should have guessed this had something to do with Emerson.”
I glare at him as he slaps me on the back.
“You want my advice?”
“Fuck, no.” Even when I pick up my pace, he stays alongside me.
“You need to get your head out of your ass where that girl is concerned or someone else is going to snap her up.” I slam through the locker room door and toss my stick in the rack. Colton does the same before we strip out of our gear.
Just when I think he’s dropped the subject, he says, “How are you going to feel then?”
Like shit. That’s how.
I shove my helmet and chest pads into my locker before slumping onto the bench. “It doesn’t matter how I feel.” I glance at the guys who are standing around and talking. None of them are paying any attention to us, but I lower my voice just the same. “She’s not interested.”
Colton falls onto the bench across from me and unlaces his skates. “You already had a convo with her about it?”
I jerk a shoulder. “Not in so many words.”
“Then you didn’t talk about it, you’re just guessing.”
I drag a hand through my sweat-dampened hair in frustration. “On the ride home, she said she wanted everything to stay the same between us. That’s a pretty clear indication as to how she feels, don’t you think?”
Colton shrugs. “If it were me, I’d want to make damn sure before I threw in the towel.”
Ha! Is he fucking kidding me?
I raise a brow. “Oh, is that so?”
“Yeah.” His dark eyes turn guarded.
And with good reason. He’s smart enough to know what’s coming. The guy wants to get in my personal business? I’ll give it right back. And then some.
“Then why haven’t you made a move on Brinley?” I pause for a beat. “What’s holding you back?”
He scoffs and glances down at his skates as he pulls them off his feet. “Now why would I do something boneheaded like that?”
“Umm, maybe because you’ve had your eye on her since sophomore year?”
He shakes his head before jamming his pads into his locker with more force than necessary. “Nah. She’s not my type.”
I snort.
He’s full of shit and we both know it. “That girl is exactly your type.”
“She’s way too much fucking work.”
Probably. Neither of us mention that Brinley also happens to be Coach’s daughter.
“And we’re not talking about me right now, we’re talking about you,” he continues, stabbing a finger in my direction. “So let’s try to stay on topic.”
“Hey, I have an idea,” my skates clatter against the metal as I toss them in my locker. “Why don’t you stay in your lane and I’ll stay in mine?”
“Fair enough,” he grunts, looking far pissier than when we started this unwanted conversation.
And why that should lighten my mood, I don’t know, but it does.
Maybe misery really does love company.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Emerson
I push through the glass doors of Edmonton Hall into the gloominess that is Thursday morning. It’s as if my feelings are one with nature. I glance up at the gunmetal gray sky as I rush down the wide stone steps. Dark storm clouds have gathered overhead. Any moment, the heavens are going to open up and dump rain. I quicken my pace, hoping to make it back to my apartment before that happens.
“Emerson!”
Hearing my name shouted, I turn and see Tyler jogging to catch up with me. The moment our gazes collide, he hastens his pace until he reaches my side.
I haven’t spoken to Tyler in person since he stopped by the diner after my shift a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully, his stalker-like texts have dwindled. I’d been hoping that meant he’d moved on to greener pastures.
“Hey,” he says, giving me the same lopsided smile I used to find so charming.
“Hi.”
We glance up at the sky at the same time as a few sprinkles land on our bare arms.
“Looks like it’s going to rain,” he murmurs as his gaze settles on mine again.
“Yup, it does.” Not wanting to stand around and get soaked, I take a step away, hoping to keep our run-in short and sweet. “I’m going to try and make it home before that happens.”
As I get further away from him, he picks up his pace and falls in line with me.
Tyler shoves his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee. Maybe wait out the rain.”
The drops are falling faster, dotting our clothes.
I glance up at the dark sky, cursing my shitty luck. There is no way I’ll make it home without getting drenched. Although, maybe it’s worth an attempt if the alternative is sitting down with Ty. Now that we’re no longer together, I can’t imagine what we have to talk about. Our relationship wasn’t built on common interests.
The comment Brin made about finding it strange that I spent so much time with Reed instead of Tyler surfaces in my brain. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but she’s right. Being with Ty should have been a priority.
And it wasn’t.
Without question, I chose Reed every time. That should have been a huge red flag but I chose to ignore it.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, trying to come up with an excuse to get out of this impromptu coffee date. Everything that needed to be aired between us has already been done and I have zero interest in rehashing the past.
“Please, Em?”
I sigh, knowing that I’m moments away from caving. I don’t particularly feel like getting caught in a torrential downpour, so maybe sitting in a warm shop and sipping an iced coffee won’t be so bad. If I’m lucky, the storm will pass quickly and I can be on my way. “Okay, sure.”
“Great!” His lips stretch into an overly enthusiastic grin as hope ignites in his eyes.
I groan and pray that my capitulation doesn’t set me back to the beginning of our breakup. I don’t think I can deal with another onslaught of poems, take-me-back songs, and heart emojis.
Tyler keeps up a steady flow of chatter as we head to the shop nestled in the heart of campus. I cringe as The Beanery comes into view. The last time I was there, Brinley had announced that I wasn’t a virgin freakshow. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. Just as I consider baling, the rain picks up leaving me with little choice.
Tyler grabs my hand and we dash to the door as a crack of thunder rumbles overhead followed by a flash of lightning. “Come on, hurry!”
As soon as I step over the threshold, I push my wet hair out of my face, knowing that I look like a drowned rat.
Could this day get any worse?
Even though it’s midmorning, the shop is crowded. Tyler glances around before
jerking his head toward the back corner. “Why don’t you snag the table over there and I’ll grab our drinks.”
I nod and take off in that direction before someone else beats me to it.
“You want an iced mocha, right?” he calls out when I’m a few steps away from him.
I glance over my shoulder, surprised that he remembered my favorite drink. It’s not like we were together for very long and frankly, he was more consumed with fraternity business than me. “Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.”
His lips lift. “No problem.”
Five minutes later, Tyler returns with our drinks in hand. He greets a few people along the way before settling onto the seat across from me. He takes a sip from his cup and I mimic the gesture.
A couple of silent moments tick by before Tyler clears his throat. “I know we didn’t leave off on a good note—”
I lift my brows. Is that what we call getting caught with your penis in another girl’s mouth? Not leaving off on a good note?
Interesting.
When I remain silent, his cheeks flush with color as he lowers his gaze. “I’m sorry, Em. That girl…what happened…it was stupid. All I can say is that I wasn’t thinking with the right head.”
Even though there’s nothing humorous about the situation, I snort out a laugh. “You can say that again.”
As I stare at my ex-boyfriend, it hits me for the second time that Ty never came close to touching the kind of friendship I have with Reed. Our relationship was never deep or meaningful in any kind of way. It was fun and light. And when it stopped being that, it was over.
Unaware of the thoughts churning through my head, Tyler leans forward. “I hate myself for causing you even a moment of pain.”
It would be so easy to gloss over the damage he inflicted, but I find myself unable to do that. Tyler needs to understand just how much his thoughtless actions affected me. “Maybe that’s not what you intended, but that was the outcome. Not only did you cheat on me, you tried blaming me for your bad behavior. It was a shitty move on your part.” His eyes widen at my bluntness. “I told you a secret in confidence and you turned around and used it against me. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? People I don’t know were discussing my virginity.” A fresh wave of humiliation washes over me. “You made a laughingstock out of me.”
Just Friends Page 22