Murder Ahoy!

by Fiona Leitch

  “Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Joel stood awkwardly (but undeniably handsomely) by the table.

  “Just us banging our heads against a brick wall. What’s the matter?” Because now I looked at him properly, it was clear something was the matter. He looked grim-faced.

  “They just found your missing steward.”

  We made our way to deck 5, where a white-faced David, from the pursers’ desk, was waiting for us. The Chief Purser stood with him, looking anxiously towards a lifeboat.

  The lifeboats were suspended from cranes and hung alongside this deck, the entrance to their covered cabins level with the railings for easy access in case of emergency. I was guessing this was a completely different sort of emergency than the type they were designed for. Two security guards had blocked off the deck and were fielding curious passengers, redirecting them on to the deck below and refusing politely to be drawn into conversation.

  David turned to us. “After I spoke to you I thought I’d come and check out some of our secret spots,” he said, his voice shaking slightly to match the trembling in his hands. “I know some of the stewards come here for a fag - we don’t normally get many passengers up here because the lifeboats block the view.” He ran a hand nervously through his hair.

  The ship’s doctor emerged from the last lifeboat, towards the prow of the ship, followed by Carter who looked grim. The head of security looked annoyed when he spotted me, Will and Joel waiting, and turned to protest to the Chief Purser. But she stopped him in his tracks.

  “We all need to hear this, Mr Carter,” she said firmly. “The Captain suggests you take advantage of Mr Carmichael’s experience in these matters. And I suggest you do what the Captain says.”

  The doctor looked around at all of us before speaking. “Okay, before I go any further let me remind you that I’m not trained in forensic medicine. I’m not a scene of crime officer and I’m a lot more accustomed to dealing with live bodies than dead ones.” We all nodded. “Having said that, I’m becoming more used to crime scenes and murder victims by the day. By the time we get to New York I’ll be able to give CSI a run for their money.”

  “So what’s the verdict, Doc?” asked Carter. The doctor smiled grimly.

  “Well, he’s definitely dead… Abdominal stab wound, right - here.” He demonstrated. “Judging by lividity, swelling and discolouration I’d say he’s been dead for around 3 days, maybe more, maybe less - difficult to tell with absolute certainty, due to the temperature inside the lifeboat. At least he died happy.”

  I frowned. “What makes you say that?”

  He looked at David and Carter. “You didn’t tell them?” David shook his head and Carter scowled at the very idea of volunteering any information to us. “He’s stark bollock naked. And there are signs that he copped off before copping it.” He held up a latex-gloved hand with a grimace. “Thank god for gloves.”

  “Ewww…” I said.

  “So that ties in with no one seeing him since just after the murder,” said Will. “Maybe he got worried when he found out about Louise’s death, realising he’d got involved in something much worse than he’d thought, and arranged to meet this mysterious woman - ”

  “And she lured him up here for a bunk up and then did him in,” I finished. Will nodded.

  “But how could she have sex with him first?” asked the Chief Purser, with a disgusted look on her face. “And why?”

  “To get him at his most vulnerable,” I said. “He was young and fit, and presumably stronger than her. What better way to distract him?”

  “Are his clothes still there?” asked Will. The doctor shook his head.

  “No sign of them.”

  “And that ties in with what Karl said,” I said. “Karl thought Rob had been back to the cabin, to drop off his dirty uniform and pick up a clean one. But that must have been our murderer.”

  The Chief Purser looked alarmed. “You mean the murderer’s strutting around dressed as a member of the crew? But they’ll have access to all areas of the ship - ”

  “They may not be using it, of course,” said Will. “They may have just taken it to make it look like Rob was still alive.”

  “But they could have used it to get into Bella’s cabin and steal her corkscrew without being noticed,” said Joel. “And as a disguise when they killed Sylvia, in case anyone spotted them.”

  I felt a rush of gratitude for Joel, for still believing in me after everything we’d been through. And an equal rush of thankfulness to have Will by my side, helping me through this mess. Carter, of course, still had me pegged as the killer.

  “None of this proves Ms Tyson didn’t kill Ms Meyers,” he said stubbornly. The Chief Purser shook her head.

  “Haven’t you read any of her books?” she asked. “If she was going to kill someone she’d have done it in a far less obvious way. Why would she use her own corkscrew, and her own belt in the second murder?”

  “I’m not a big reader,” said Carter. “I haven’t read any of them. I’ll admit it does sound pretty stupid, using her own belt - ” That’s why he didn’t say anything when I told him it was mine! I thought triumphantly. He knows it blows his case out of the water.

  But Will was frowning.

  “Hang on - if you haven’t read any of her books, how did you know that the corkscrew murder was in one of them?” he asked.

  “I can’t remember,” said Carter, looking uncomfortable. We all stared at him. “Alright, I didn’t come up with it myself, one of the passengers might have mentioned it to me - we’re running a murder mystery cruise, there are a lot of your readers on this ship.”

  “Who told you about it?” I demanded. He shook his head.

  “I can’t tell you, you know that,” he said. “Look at what happened to the last person who said something against you.”

  “Oh for God’s sake - ” I started, but Will put his hand on my arm.

  “I know who it was,” he said. “Who was the one who riled Sylvia up and made her suspect you?”

  Chapter 26

  Back at the poolside bar - I had a hankering for another one of those camp, fruity mocktails - we discussed Will’s hunch. Joel looked unconvinced.

  “Her? But she’s a bloody airhead!”

  “Think about it,” said Will. “You weren’t there, Joel, but all our amateur detectives, led by Zoé, had a meeting to discuss the case, and she sat there listing all the things that pointed towards Bella being the murderer.”

  “True…” I mulled it over, sucking on my straw. “But she was just saying what the police would possibly think.”

  “I know, but she did go on about it in great detail,” he said. “She’s managed to continually protest your innocence whilst making you sound completely guilty.”

  “I heard about that,” said Joel. “I saw Harvey and Michael at breakfast and they were arguing about you. Michael said that it all pointed to you and I told him he was a twat.”

  “So Michael thinks I did it as well now,” I said. “He’d better be careful, I might bump him off in some ridiculously obvious fashion too. Maybe I’ll carve ‘Bella woz ere’ into his forehead, just to make sure they know it was me.” I was so annoyed I accidentally sucked up a tiny bit of fruit and nearly choked on it.

  “Okay, so we know Zoé has got a big mouth,” said Will, patting me on the back before I succumbed to death by pineapple. “What else do we know about her? Who is she?”

  I shrugged. “She’s my number one fan, apparently. That’s what she told me on the first night.”

  “Have you read ‘Misery’?” asked Joel with a shudder.

  “I have, I just hope she hasn’t… What kind of a grudge could she have against me?”

  Joel looked alarmed. “Bloody hell, is that what you think? That the murderer was actually after you?”

  “Not after me as such,” I said, “but trying to set me up. Look at how the bodies were left for me to find. We think someone’s trying to f
rame me for murder.”

  “Shit…” Joel looked genuinely worried for me.

  Despite the fact I could easily believe she was the one who had dobbed me in to Carter, mentioning the similarities between my book and the murder, I still couldn’t believe that Zoé was guilty of anything other than having a loose tongue. As much as she could irritate me, she’d been nothing but supportive ever since Louise’s murder. She worked in a book shop, for Christ’s sake; she was basically a mild mannered librarian. What possible motive could she have for getting me into trouble?

  I sighed. “Even if she did arouse Carter’s suspicions about me, what does that prove? Only that she likes a good gossip - ” I flushed as I remembered her loudly prattling on about Joel and Louise, and me being jealous - “and that she speaks before she thinks. Plus she’s one of the few people we know was definitely in the Pearl during the pretend murder. Her phone went off, remember?”

  “If it’s someone with a grudge against you, you should talk to Susie,” said Joel. I wondered if he had any idea of the names my faithful friend and agent had called him after his indiscretions. “She might have some idea of the people you’ve upset over the years…”

  “Let’s hope she kept a file,” said Will, and he and Joel both sniggered. Great, I thought. The last thing I bloody wanted was the two of them becoming best buds.

  “Oh you are sooo funny,” I said moodily, watching the ice cubes glittering at the bottom of my glass as I stirred them with the straw.

  “I’ve been taking lessons from you,” said Will, grinning. I reached out and clipped him round the ear.

  “Behave!”

  “Sorry Mum.” He tried to look contrite but it just came out smug. I put my hand out to slap him again and then stopped as inspiration struck me like a bolt of lightning. Will’s smile evaporated instantly. “What is it? Your face just changed like that.” He clicked his fingers. “And you didn’t hit me…”

  “It’s Sarah,” I said, still thinking it through but already convinced. It had to be her.

  “Sarah?” repeated Joel, stunned. “Not Sarah Sarah?”

  “How many other Sarahs are there?” I said. “Well, I mean there are loads, obviously - ”

  “Yeah, but Sarah? She’s always got Doris with her. Unless you think the old biddy’s in on it too. She’s - ”

  “She’s a would-be crime novelist who sent her work to my agent.” I said. The two men looked at me, mouths open. “I spoke to her and Doris at the karaoke. Doris said she came on this cruise specifically to talk to me, and when I told her to send her book to Susie - ” Joel opened his mouth to berate me but I shook my head - “I know, I know, never offer to help someone unless you know they can actually write - I was kind of on the back foot at the time, I’d just almost suffocated Doris - ” Both men looked at me again, their mouths open even wider. I shook my head again.

  “Doesn’t matter - anyway, I told her to send it in and she said she already had… This is after Doris had said she wasn’t getting anywhere.”

  Joel shuddered. “God, it’s hard enough sending your work out there without having Doris playing the Voice of Doom when you do,” he said. I nodded.

  “What with the almost constant rejection you get when you’re starting out, along with having to care for an elderly and very demanding parent - ”

  “It would be enough to drive anyone mad,” said Will, thoughtfully. “But would she have had the opportunity to kill Louise and Sylvia? Doris seems to keep her on a short leash.”

  “That night my belt went missing - you know, when we got back to our cabin and I was sure someone had been in there - we saw Sarah in the corridor, didn’t we?” I remembered her coming across us, forcing us to stop our saucy shenanigans; we hadn’t really taken much notice of her, being somewhat out of breath and flushed with horniness, but she had been heading back to the dining room. “She could have been coming from our room then! She could have been in there and taken my belt - ”

  “Okay…but how did she get hold of our corkscrew, days before?” asked Will.

  “I don’t know, but how did anyone get hold of it?” I asked defiantly. “I know it sounds tenuous, but there’s no one else on this ship who’s even remotely connected to me, apart from you and Joel. I’m telling you, there’s no one else it could be.”

  “Come to think of it, you might be right,” said Joel. “I’ve seen her, wandering around the ship late at night on her own…”

  “How come you’re wandering around the ship late at night?” I asked.

  “I haven’t been sleeping very well,” he said. I looked at him and he gave a small, self-conscious smile. “Bad life choices coming back to haunt me.” He looked at me for a moment, aware of Will watching him, then looked away. “Anyway, the casino bar is open 24 hours so I go for a walk around the deck and then get a night cap. I’ve seen her a few times.”

  “Hmm…” Will still looked thoughtful. “You definitely need to talk to Susie.”

  But Susie was not an easy person to track down. I dialled her number and heard it go straight to voicemail. Where could she be? The woman practically had her phone welded to her hand; I’d known her to take calls on the toilet, at the hairdressers and even with her feet up in stirrups having an IUD fitted. My fevered imagination conjured up images of my late, lamented agent sprawled across her desk, her life snuffed out by the cloud of innocuous-looking white powder spilling from an envelope addressed to me, sent by a rejection-crazed aspiring author.

  Or she might just be at the dentist. Even Susie couldn’t talk with a drill in her mouth, although she’d give it a bloody good shot.

  So instead I left a voicemail message, and texted her. And then sent an email, outlining the importance of checking into Sarah and getting back to me.

  “And now we wait…” I said, but of course waiting patiently is not something that’s ever come naturally to me. “Better get another mocktail. Maybe with a shot in it.”

  Chapter 27

  “There you are!”

  The soft Scottish burr next to me made me jump. Joel had gone for a walk around the ship to spy on our murder suspect, while Will had popped back to the cabin (using his own key card, for once) to call a colleague at Interpol, leaving me sitting on a bar stool gazing into the distance as I supped at another drink. I’d been so caught up in the whys, whens and hows of Sarah being our killer that I hadn’t heard the Chief Purser approach.

  “I’ve got something you might be interested in,” she continued, placing an iPad on the table in front me.

  “I’ve already got one of those,” I said (to be fair I was on my second pretty strong non-mocktail and the sun was still barely over the yard arm, and as I never usually drink anything stronger than a well-brewed cup of tea in the day I was starting to feel the effects. The bar stool seemed to have developed a pronounced lean, although that could have just been me). The Chief Purser eyed my glass suspiciously but diplomatically didn’t mention it.

  “No,” she said patiently, “it’s what’s on it that you’ll want to see. Will, too.”

  On cue, Will arrived. “Who’s taking my name in vain?”

  “Talking about you, not to you,” I said. Was I slurring? I felt like I was slurring. I ran my tongue over my lips and opened my mouth to try that again, but thought better of it. Will frowned and discreetly moved the glass away from me, signalling the bartender to bring us a bottle of water.

  “What can we do for you?” Will poured me a glass of water as he addressed the Purser and I sipped at it obediently.

  “Harry Carter told me there was no CCTV footage of the night of Ms Meyer’s murder,” she said. “But there was.” Will and I looked at each other, dumbfounded. CCTV had never even occurred to me - if there were security cameras around they were well hidden - and from the look on Will’s face, he hadn’t thought of it either.

  “Where’s it from?” asked Will. “Too much to hope that it’s from the corridor outside Louise’s cabin�
�”

  The Chief Purser smiled ruefully. “Yes, that is too much to hope for. This ship is basically a hotel, and like all hotels, we have to maintain a balance between discretion and security. For whatever reasons, our guests don’t like to feel that they’re being spied on, even if it’s for their own safety. So there are no cameras in the cabins, of course, or the accommodation corridors. But there are cameras in all the public areas - the bars, the casino, and the dining rooms.”

  “Including the Pearl?” said Will. She nodded.

  “But what good will CCTV footage from inside there be?” I pointed out. “The lights went out, remember? We won’t be able to see anything.”

  “No, but we’ll be able to see for certain who was there when the lights went out, and who was there when they came back on.” Will turned to the Purser. “We now suspect that it wasn’t Louise who made that last phone call. So the murder could have taken place just before or during lights out.”

  The Purser nodded. “David told me about your conversation. I asked Harry for the footage from that night days ago, and he said there wasn’t any. But this morning, when I realised that we had a much wider crime window of opportunity, I asked him again.”

  “I can’t believe he didn’t volunteer it,” said Will. I snorted.

  “I bloody can,” I said. “It’s just one more thing that’ll prove I didn’t do it.”

  “We hope,” said Will, and I immediately felt totally, horribly sober.

  “Yeah, we hope…”

  “So this time I made sure I asked him in front of the Captain.” The Purser grinned again, and I realised that she disliked the head of security as much as we did. “It didn’t go down well when Captain Butler realised Harry had been keeping information from me.”

  “So let’s see it, then!” I reached out for the tablet but Will stopped me.

  “Can we watch this inside the Pearl? That way we can work out where people were, from the footage.” He looked around. “Quite apart from the fact that I think we should be keeping this amongst ourselves, it often helps if you can visualise the crime.”