by Kari Trumbo
He’d been thinking all day, not of how to make things better, but instead that there was no reason to try. After a few hours together, he was ready to give up and send her back to her room at the boarding house. Why bother picking her up from work when she wouldn’t need any more of her things at his home?
Her sisters had all fought for what they wanted, but Daisy never had. She was just too quiet, too meek, to ever fight back, and there were times it had cost her. Silence had sometimes been her worst enemy, but she had yet to learn how to speak up. Nothing she desired was hers for the taking. Elias was a handsome man, far too handsome for her. He would find a real bride in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. But Daisy would be alone, with Patches, forever.
The cat took that moment to rub her ankles and twitch her tail. Elias stood in the kitchen, where she’d left him. He’d asked to talk, but by the sound of it, he’d already convinced himself to be done with her.
“If you want me to leave, give me a few minutes to pack up my trunk. I didn’t unpack it. It won’t take long.” She turned and he somehow managed to cross the space quicker than she. He met her at the base of the stairs.
“Daisy, it isn’t that I don’t want you here. I do. I want nothing more than to have you as my wife. But I can’t stand to see you unhappy. I…”
Words failed the lawyer. She wished she could take that as some comfort, but it was hollow. “I want to be your wife, Elias. But I refuse to be half a wife. Either I am, or I’m not. You must make up your mind.” She caved in to her desire to touch him and laid her hand on his chest over his pounding heart. He sucked in a breath and stared into her eyes, an understanding passing between them. The spark was there, but would he build it, or blow it out.
“I can’t give you what you ask for, Daisy. I won’t hurt you. I refuse.”
She let her hand drop, just as her heart shattered in her chest. “You hurt me more by your refusal. Don’t you see?”
“I don’t. I see a beautiful woman who doesn’t deserve to be married to Goliath.” The pain in his voice rent her in two.
“You are nothing like Goliath. He was a beast, a monster, a tormentor… You are kind, generous, intelligent.” She’d never seen him as anything but. How could he think such a terrible thing about himself?
“Open your eyes and look at me, Daisy.” He took her hands in his and held her palms tight to his chest. “Look at me and tell me you aren’t terrified.”
She searched his face. He had to be jesting with her, but the deep pain in his eyes told otherwise. Terrified? What could she be frightened of? Then she searched her own heart, because her words had to be true, or he would see a lie.
“Elias, when I look at you, all I see is my friend. Now, my husband. I’ve never feared you. Never.”
From her place on the stair, she was eye to eye with him. It was the first time he’d allowed her to touch him outside of his arm. When she had been young and wistful, she would sit under the tree and dream about Elias, and if he would kiss her someday. When he’d finally asked her, she’d thought that was finally the day, but it wasn’t meant to be. So many years had passed, yet the dream had never wavered, she still wanted him to be her first kiss.
Daisy smiled, and his face contorted in confusion. She leaned forward and brushed her lips on his. They were much softer than she expected, the stubble of his beard tickled against her chin. He jumped slightly, and she pulled back before he could back up and leave her to fall forward down the stairs.
Their eyes met and his were so apprehensive, so worried.
She should’ve known better. Why would her kiss change his mind? He didn’t want her. “I’m sorry. I’ll go pack now.” A tear streaked down her face.
Elias reached out and held her arm until she met his eyes. “Why?”
Now it was her turn to be confused. “Because you don’t want me here.”
He shook his head. “No, why did you do that?”
Heat rose up her cheeks. One of them had to admit at some point that they cared for the other. He’d said he didn’t want to see her unhappy, he’d said that he wanted to kiss her, but wouldn’t. It wasn’t love, but it was close. “Because we’re married, and you’ve yet to even try. While I might no longer be a temptation to you, I’ve wanted you to kiss me for many years.” She didn’t realize embarrassment could ever burn so hot.
“You … wanted me to?” He’d yet to release her arm so she could run off to her room and escape the terrible embarrassment of her admission.
“Yes. Even in school. I was such a silly, fanciful thing. I guess, I just always hoped to be married to someone who wanted to be married to me. I never dreamed…” Her words wouldn’t come. She couldn’t voice that utter disappointment. He’d said it wasn’t possible for her to be more desirable, but it was a lie. If she were, he would smile at her, hold her, kiss her … be her husband.
Daisy tugged, but he wouldn’t loosen his hold. “You’re not frightened, because you don’t understand … what goes on between a man and a woman.” This time, his ears flamed red, and she almost laughed.
He didn’t know that one of her sisters had been kept against her will as a prostitute, she didn’t have to listen hard to know what the mechanics were between married people, and yet, she still didn’t fear him.
“The Lord created two bodies to come together in marriage, Elias. I don’t know what there is to fear. I know it’s not my place to set boundaries in our home but, in this instance, I will. If you don’t want me as your wife, then I’ll pack my trunk, and you can take me right back to my apartment with my cat. But if you want me as your wife, then we share a room.” Though he still held her shoulder, she crossed her arms and waited. With seven sisters, she’d had to have a little stubborn streak or risk being forgotten.
A battle waged within him and it took him a few moments to formulate an answer. He was a lawyer and he would look at every option before he said anything, even to her.
“I don’t want to lose you, Daisy, but I won’t…” His chest fell as he expelled a deep breath and he turned away from her. “You just don’t understand.”
“No. I don’t. I don’t understand how my husband can say that I can’t possibly be more desirable in one breath and then cast me aside in the next. Explain it to me, Elias.”
He whipped back to her, fire in his eyes. His arm slid around her, up her back, and cradled her neck as he pulled her in. His mouth came down over hers, silencing her. She clamped onto his vest and held tight against the swirling, dizzying, maelstrom of her heart as it sped through her whole body.
He released her, and they stared in each other’s eyes for a moment. She didn’t dare move or say a word. Frances had never described such a kiss in any of her books, but she wanted another, and another, forever. But somehow, she knew it would never be enough.
Daisy couldn’t breathe for the raging inside her, and Elias had yet to decide. His arm was still around her, holding her from going further up the stairs.
“Please, Elias. Tell me what you want.”
He slid his hand down her back and took her hand in his. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t know how to make us both happy, but, selfishly, I don’t want you to go.”
“Then let’s sit down and talk about Patches and what will make us both happy, we’ll compromise.”
Elias’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he hesitantly nodded.
She’d won this round, but she sensed another battle was close at hand. After his kiss, she wouldn’t be put off forever.
Chapter 10
Elias held his breath as he led Daisy back to the kitchen table. She’d managed to change his mind about letting her go, even though she still wasn’t happy. It wasn’t fear in her eyes after he’d kissed her, though. He’d wanted to test her, to show her just what it would be like with him, and she’d matched him, even bested him. There hadn’t been a twinge of fear in her. In fact, she'd leaned into him, kissed him back. He’d fought to end it because everything in him didn’t want to st
op. Then he’d heard his grandmother’s voice in his head. It’s too bad he’s so big, women will be plum terrified…
Daisy sat in her chair, waiting for him to say something, and the words wouldn’t come, yet again. After years of negotiating with clients he couldn’t think of what to say to start a compromise when he knew he would never be able to concede. A compromise would be just another lie. He loved her too much to give in.
He took a deep breath. “Let’s start with Patches.” The cat was neutral. He couldn’t possibly think about kissing her again when they were talking about that infernal cat.
Daisy smiled and tipped her head slightly; her lips formed a perfect curve. “Patches is well-behaved while I’m here. Why don’t we put her in the old stable while I’m at work, and she can come in when I get home. That way, you won’t have to deal with her while I’m away.”
That would work for now, but not in the winter. There weren’t any other animals to keep the stable warm enough when it got cold, and in Custer, it would be chilly by October.
“Are you sure she won’t dash off? I don’t want to spend an evening looking for her.” Because the only reason he ever would, would be to make Daisy happy. The cat could stay gone and it would make his life better.
“She may wander a bit, but she won’t go far. Though … if she’s out and about, you may have to deal with more cats than just Patches in a few months.” Daisy’s eyes danced with mirth.
She was toying with him. Mentioning children to make him think about kissing her again. He clenched his jaw as he thought of a good answer. Anything besides those lips.
“Well, we don’t want more. Any other ideas?”
Her softly arched eyebrows raised as she thought. “We could always… No.” She shook her head. “That wouldn’t work.”
He sighed. The woman was obviously used to court proceedings and knew how to make him want to hear her thoughts. “Why don’t we discuss it, before you decide it won’t work.”
She smiled again, meeting his gaze with her heated blue eyes. “Well, we could turn my room into the cat’s room for a while. She would cry but we would only have to do it until she and Gracie learned to get along.”
“And just how are they going to learn that?” He’d chased that cat for the last time. It wouldn’t be making a fool of him again, nor would it be gouging his dog.
Daisy puckered her lips in thought. Blasted woman, he already wanted to taste her lips again, and he no longer had the excuse that he couldn’t because it was wrong. It wasn’t anymore. They were married.
“We’ll have to keep them together when one of us is home. Train them to get along. Gracie is a hunting dog. If she tires of Patches…” Daisy’s eyes misted over. “She could hurt my poor cat. So, we have to show them how to get along.”
“You said ‘turn your room into the cat’s’.” He hadn’t missed that part, but he was keen on knowing her plan. Would she still push to be with him?
“I’ve already told you. If I’m not leaving, that means I’m staying, with you. No more separate rooms. We are husband and wife.” She smiled, a smug tilt to her pretty lips.
How he wished he could focus on anything but those beautiful lips.
“Fine. I’ll move your trunk and you do what you need to with that cat, but I am not training anything. The cat is yours and you can teach her to be civil.”
Daisy flinched a little, but this was a compromise. She would have to work, too. She might be in his room, but he still wouldn’t succumb. He’d have to keep from kissing her, touching her, even looking at her if she kept up looking so good. If he didn’t, he might not be able to keep his resolve. As much as he hated it. It was his own fault. He hadn’t known what he’d been missing until he’d kissed her. His attempt to show her being with him would be terrifying had backfired completely.
“You look like the cat that got the mouse, why is that?” He couldn’t help but ask.
“When I got home, you were ready to send me away. Since then, I’ve been kissed and I’m moving into your room where I belong. I would say that’s a success.”
How he hated to burst her bubble. “We’ll see. I’ll go get your trunk, if you wanted to start supper…” He had to think of something else besides the fact that he was doing exactly what he knew he shouldn’t. If she laid next to him at night, right next to him, she couldn’t help but notice his height, his weight pressing the bed down. Even that worried him. What if his weight made her roll into him? He wouldn’t let himself think of how pleasant it would be to have her curled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder...
Elias stood and went up to her room. The second floor had been hardly used. He’d had no reason to go up there other than to prepare the room for her. A room that would now be used by a cat. She’d opened her trunk, but most everything was still packed within, just as she’d said it would be.
On top of everything, within the open trunk, was a book with worn leather binding. He opened it. It was an old Bible. The family tree on the inside was difficult to make out, but there, at the bottom of eight sisters was Daisy Arnsby. She’d written next her name, in parentheses, Laury, her new last name. It suited her. Daisy Laury, his wife. So beautiful, precious, and far too small to be with the likes of him. He tossed the book back where it had been and slammed the lid.
As he toted the heavy trunk back down the stairs and to his room, the smell of frying onions lingered in the kitchen, and his stomach growled. It had been a long time since he’d eaten anything that wasn’t from a can.
He returned to the kitchen and moved to peer over Daisy’s shoulder. She laughed and flicked a kitchen towel at him.
“Go, take your dog outside for a while and let me finish in here.” Her eyes danced, and her smile about did him in.
This was what he’d hoped for. Smiling, happiness, joking, all the things his parents had. But would it last in a marriage like theirs?
Chapter 11
Supper had gone well, and Daisy had cleaned up while Elias sat in the living room. Gracie lay under his chair and poor Patches watched him, her tail swishing with a menacing flick from the safety of a kitchen chair tucked under the table.
Though she’d wanted to move into Elias’s room, her nerves weren’t made of steel or even copper. He was a tall man who made her feel so small, and his kiss had done things to her she’d never experienced. What would it be like when he didn’t stop? Would all those feelings consume her? She was already shaking.
Daisy took advantage of his distraction and followed the short hall behind the stairs to Elias’s room, now her room, too. It held a faint smell of shaving soap. His bed was large, with a metal frame head and footboard. He had a tall dresser along one wall, but no curtains on his window. She would fix that if she ever found the time. He had a shaving table near the door, with a very small wash bowl on it, and his trimming scissors and razor at the ready. On the floor, at the foot of the bed, was a small, quilted blanket for the dog.
He’d moved her pillow from her bed upstairs down next to his own. That alone was more a picture of married life than what they’d experienced so far. It wasn’t that marriage was all about where she slept, but he was fighting that connection, and he’d yet to really tell her why. He’d said she should fear him because he was so tall, and while there was some trepidation, she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. For the most part, his size made her feel protected and safe, not nervous.
Daisy closed the door and opened her trunk, nervous that Elias might just walk in any moment and find her changing. She fingered the thin cotton of her sleeping gown. None of her nightgowns were pretty. Merely long-sleeved chemises that fell down to her calves instead of stopping at her knee. Her summer one had a scooped neckline. The winter one, made of flannel, had a high neckline. But both were plain white, nothing fancy. She’d not been prepared to become a wife.
She removed her gored skirt and tailored shirt, hanging them up in the small closet. After she’d removed her stays and chemise, she quickly ducked into
her summer nightgown and pressed the soft fabric to her body, hoping that Elias would be pleased. Since his room had no dressing mirror, she sat by his shaving table and slowly removed all the pins from her hair and brushed it out into long waves. It still wasn’t as pretty as Lula’s tight curls or Ruby’s bouncy red hair, but perhaps Elias would like it more than she did.
Elias pushed the door open and he and Gracie came in. The dog was quick to find her bed, circle three times, and lay down. It didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest that Daisy was in the room. Elias wasn’t near as at ease.
“Are you sure this is what you want? I can always move you back upstairs. It won’t bother me at all.” He stood on his side of the bed in the darkest corner of the room. His tall frame cast a deep shadow against the wall. He was hunched, as if he wanted her to avoid seeing him.
His words cut deep. He wouldn’t mind tossing her out of his room once again. She reached for her dressing gown and held it in front of her, feeling exposed before a man who obviously didn’t want to see her.
She didn’t fear him, there was no need to, and she wasn’t about to change her mind. Nor would he let her be the one to part them. If he wanted her gone, he would have to say so. Couldn’t he understand that her trepidation was only fear of the unknown. She feared how her body would react, and his?
“I’m not leaving, Elias.” She strode to the bed and pulled back the coverlet. She climbed under the covers and tossed her dressing gown to the end of the bed, then snuggled down in, turning her back to him to give him privacy to do the same.
She hadn’t realized how tempting it would be to look at him. At the rasp of every button coming undone on his shirt, or his trousers falling to the floor, she’d had to force her eyes to look at the door. Her cheeks burned hot as he made his way to the dresser, almost within her line of sight, to get his own night shirt. She closed her eyes tightly and waited until she felt the bed sway and lean under his weight.