by Yuli Ban
She scoffed with a laugh and said, "You learned something, didn't you? You're having an epiphany as we speak because you realized something about the—" she wheezed and coughed, beating at her chest until she felt something and grabbed my shoulder. Finally, she wretched and something horrible slopped from her mouth into the water below. "Oh god, I think I just vomited someone's—"
"You don't need to say it out loud, 'kay? We're done with that. We're moving on." Then I pulled her closer. "As for... what I was saying earlier, well, I was thinking a lot of things every day since I started playin' this game. And, uh, I think that I finally realized how I can win at this." I began to pet her.
And she began to purr. Ever since the first time on the bike, I wondered if she could purr from simple stroking, and now she confirmed it. What's more, I saw her fur bristle and her tail arched. If she were not a catgirl, this all would have been so creepy.
"And what did you learn, Boss?"
Finally, her voice sounded normal again. The horror in her throat had passed.
"Well, I think I learned how to play video games again."
She pushed herself away and gave me a look, but I didn't know what it looked like beyond the most basic curves on her faces. "Really? That's what you learned? Of course you're playing a video game, Boss!"
"No, no, listen." I licked my lips, the worst mistake I had made yet as I tasted a bolus of sewage on my tongue afterwards and decided to just let it go down. "I realize that this is a game where you have total freedom to do anything. That's what we're supposed to do. Have fun, go crazy, all that stuff. And I guess that I just didn't want to accept that for the longest time until just now. This whole time, I've just been treating this as a particularly loony period of my life instead of a game. And what has that gotten me? I'm still low-level and reacting like a damn fool to everything. I know that everything that's already happened is probably just normal in the game, but I didn't know how to deal with it."
"Yes, that's true. It was getting pretty..." She let loose a sigh as she said, "Pretty tiresome to hear you rant and rage about every little thing, I'll tell you that much. There's only so much bitching people will handle until you go overboard."
I went, "Alright, I get it. Look, we just have to get out of here. I don't know exactly what happened, but earlier, when I was pinned under the debris, I heard someone talking to me."
"A rescuer?"
"No." I forced myself to my feet and clutched my chest. I felt exactly where my rib had broken, as well as exactly which rib had given way. "Someone else. I thought it was one of the girls, but I didn't immediately recognize the voice. And it was accompanied by this weird light. But—"
"That's crazy. We were under a whole mountain of stuff!"
"That's just it. I don't know who it was, but they knew me. And if I know these kinds of stories well enough, I'm gonna bet that it was Mya."
Even though I couldn't see her face, I could still hear her mouth pulling wide as she gasped, "Mya? The Sistar sister?"
"Exactly." The needly pain started to take my breath away and a moment of panic took over— had the rib punctured my lung? If I didn't find some sort of emergency first aid kit, I'd just wind up slowly drowning.
But then I remembered that I was supposed to have learned this was also a video game and that there were ways of restoring health. As a result, I stumbled over the wall and leaned while balancing with my palm against the grunge.
"You've ever been around the Amville sewers?"
I heard the swish of her head shaking. "Not really. I think I..." She staggered and found the wall right next to me. "I don't think that I ever went into the sewers." Finally, with a little hint of worry on her lips, she said, "I really need to find a health draught. Or a sandwich. Or a potion. Or a sandwich. Anything to keep my health up."
"You read my mind."
"Heh. Like Maria?"
I began to walk forward, making sure to keep my foot moving deliberately and carefully so that I never came across an unseen gap. "What other abilities does she have? Just so we don't ever deus-ex machina them and have some root to use."
She said, "As you may recall, she's a level 69 sex witch, so she has some abilities relating to that skill tree. I know she has some mystical demoness powers relating to confusion and seduction too. But I don't think that she has anything really amazing beyond those you already saw. Unless she's been hiding them from me."
"You're gonna hafta refresh my memory."
"Mind-reading and fazing through solid matter. But in truth, I think all succubae can do those things, Boss."
I started when my hand ran off a corner, but before I could overcorrect, I was able to grip the perpendicular wall and shift myself.
"Watch yourself, there's a turn here."
"This sucks."
I laughed, and it hurt. When she started getting angry, I always thought she got even cuter. As if she could prove that she was not just some cute waifu but an actual person.
But as we shuffled along into the darkness, we heard another gurgle echo across the tunnel walls. It sounded so similar to the drain from before, but it was borne of a much larger creature judging by how far the sound traveled.
"What is that noise?" I heard her ask. The way she said it inspired no confidence from me. Instead, I began to fear that some kind of monster lurked about these sewer halls and that we were walking to our doom.
As I realized this, I forced myself to embrace the inevitable conflict by reminding myself that this was all a video game.
I did not have my old limits. I just had to fight.
Before I took another step, I decided to hold back and bring up the menu once again. I just needed to make sure that I was well equipped to fight against anything that may stand in my way.
And it was absolutely dreadful. I didn't bring much of anything with me besides the ray gun, and my health was flashing red the whole way through. At that point, I could have been lightly brushed by a squirrel and I'd probably croak. So every fiber in my body was screaming to move in the opposite direction— I needed to leave, get as far away from the unexplained noises as possible, and never return.
But I was a dumbass. What did I do? What did my feet do? I took steps towards the gurgling. Why? Because I didn't care anymore. If I was going to die down there, I'd rather at least satisfy my curiosity. Even as I walked up to the chamber, I knew that this was probably going to be the mythical 'Batzor.'
Boy, was I not disappointed.
Ana called out after me, begging for me to come back, but I didn't care enough to hear her individual words. They were all pessimistic nonsense I'd let roll over my shoulder.
Without my ray gun, I was defenseless. For the most part, at least. There were still a few tricks up my sleeve that I could try should anything go truly downhill. And when I thought that I was about to come across the monster, I made sure to keep the word 'Shoryuken' very close to the edge of my mind. Man, I could see Ryu twisting upwards and the syllables were bouncing around in the back of my mind.
I felt the air change and new that I entered a new room. The gurgling hadn't changed in pitch or intensity, but I could tell that it was coming from my left. Behind me, I heard sloshing. Ana followed me as best as she could. Somewhere along the way, I realized that I was probably wasting her energy by making her traverse this muck. But if we were both going to be eaten by a monster, why bother worrying?
As my feet brought me deeper into the darkness, my anxiety faded. Yes, I could feel it seeping from my pores. All of my rage and confusion over the game drained from me. I honored my epiphany.
Then I sneezed and prepared to make the final trek.
"Gesundheit, traveler!" echoed off the walls. My heart pounded in my ears. Ana stopped.
She whispered, "What was that?"
I shook my head as if she could see me.
Then I said, "Thank you!"
And it replied, "De nada." Those words bounced off the sewer walls louder than the trickling water. What's
more, they sounded as if they came from the throat of a fairly normal man. That man being somewhere ahead, but also to my left.
Realizing my opportunity, I said, "Hello?"
"Hello! How are you?" came from ahead and back from behind.
I smiled. "I'm doing quite well, fellow. Are you here to hide from Batzor?"
The gurgling stopped. "I am Batzor! Look above!"
Batzor From Satan’s Core
When I looked up, I noticed the most horrible face hanging from a wall. It was reminiscent of a clown, if not the Joker. There was no body. One dim red spotlight illuminated its features in such a way that the shadows deepened its face. On its face, there was only a smug smile worthy of a comedy mask, coupled with big round cheeks and slits for eyes. Actually, a comedy mask would describe it perfectly. Batzor was the comedy half of the Sock and Buskin, and this made it all the more unsettling to see from a distance in such gloomy light.
Its eyes and mouth did not move as it spoke. "All apologies for the fright, traveler!"
Ana gasped. "Oh wow... It's Batzor!"
I wanted to ask what on Earth Batzor was supposed to be, but for the first time, I decided to roll with it and said, "I've been told to beware you. What exactly was there to beware?"
Batzor let out a hearty chuckle, one that further set off my fight-or-flight response because of how the giant mask simply had no visible emotions beyond that permanent smile, and said, "It is because of my means of finding friends, of course! You've seen my method. You've felt it, definitely!"
I rubbed the back of my head, but the motion brought a sharp pain across my ribcage and I let my arm drop. "Yes, that wasn't exactly the most exciting of experiences. But you saved us. If it hadn't been for you sucking us through the drain, we'd have been crushed or suffocated or who knows what!"
Again, Batzor chuckled. "That may be so, but I did not say that you were completely free of danger, El Sexorcisto."
I stepped back. "You know...?"
"Yes. Of course. I can see it in your avatar's history, of course. This intrigues me greatly!"
My avatar's history? I felt puzzled by this phrase for a moment before I remembered that most MMOs and RPGs left for players a log of their previous activities. Batzor was one of those cheeky NPCs who could peer into your history log and pretend to know about what you've done as if they were psychic or omniscient. That would have been the case, at least, if he had not outright declared his quirk.
"Go back for a second there," Ana shouted to Batzor. Her voice sounded damn cute with an echo, even one that carried across such filthy air. "What did you mean by we're not free of danger?"
Despite the echo, I still told her, "Mind your voice! You shouted right into my ear."
"Oops, sorry. I just can't see where you are."
"Never mind that, listen."
Batzor spoke, "I will allow you to leave my lair on the condition that you complete a task for me. If you complete it, I will reward you with 5,000 general experiments points that you may place into whichever stats you so choose. What's more, I will also reward you with increased notoriety— you shall become famous in Amville and have various buffs and rewards given to you."
"That sounds just fine, then. What is this task?"
"It is quite simple: kill me."
I paused. "You want me to kill you, did I hear that correctly?"
"Yes, of course."
"Well then, I'd be able to if I still had my strength. Is there any reason for your suicidal ideation?"
"It is not suicide, El Sexorcisto. I give you permission to slay me as a means of progressing. For I am an NPC. This is my programmed task."
"I understand that," I lied. As much as he might have said things about being programmed to speak of suicide, I could not help but wonder if there was an ulterior motive to its request. Nor could I let the mention that it was merely an NPC be forgotten— all of the girls of the Wytches Crue were also NPCs, and they were all nihilistic hedonists who I presumed had gone mad from the revelation. As a result, for a few moments, I wondered if Batzor was not also asking to be set free from the knowledge of its own irrelevance. "I'll do it. Just stand still and I'll be right there—"
"Now hold on, El Sexorcisto. I don't mean for you to leave this lair with free experience and fame. You will most certainly suffer for this."
My heart sank. The last thing I wanted to do was suffer. Hadn't I suffered enough?
I said, "That won't scare me. I'm up for the challenge. Tell me what the secret is for killing you."
"It's simple enough. In order to kill me, you must surrender the life of one of your harem girls. It does not necessarily have to be the one with you— merely give me their name and I shall suck the life from them. As a result, the door will open and you will be free."
FUCK.
Fuck Batzor. Fuck it in its fat fucking ass. How could it give me such a Sophie's Choice? I looked to Ana but I did not know if I was actually staring at her or the wall. But I could hear her whimper. For the first time since I had met her, I heard fear in her voice. Not just worry— genuine fear. And I hated it. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted her to never fear again. And I was failing her.
Though she was weak and had lost her life once, she did not want to die.
How could I take the life of one of my own harem girls? That wasn't how harems work. And I could never choose to begin with. I loved them all.
Yes, even Olga the Elf.
So I said, "What if I choose no one?"
"Then you shall die."
FUCK.
And this was what I didn't want to happen the most. The last thing I needed to experiment with was whether or not I could respawn because that ran the risk of only having one chance to prove or disprove. And if I chose poorly, I would fail Mya before I ever discovered what I was supposed to do for her.
“This death…” My mouth was dry and my nose burned. “Is it permanent?”
An eternity passed before he answered. “Yes. You will be kicked from the game. Or, alternately, the victim of your choosing will not respawn.”
My heart stopped beating for a moment and my face grew numb. The darkness grew lighter and yet more empty. Even Ana's presence felt to me as if it vanished. I didn’t know why I asked. Ana wouldn’t have been scared otherwise. Or maybe she was worried I’d make the wrong choice and disappear from her virtual life forever. There I stood, lost in another void, unsure of what to do, afraid of the consequences, and fearful. What had my epiphany been for if I was suddenly thrust into such a sadistic game of consequence? Everything I thought I had figured out in that ray of light had been snuffed out.
I dropped to my knees and let my arms dangle. To Batzor, I said, "I can't choose."
I could not lie. And I knew that I had been utterly defeated by the game. For brief microseconds, I tried to justify each’s death. But oh how evil that was. Anastasia, Maria, Tatiana, and Olga— god, they didn’t deserve it. As I choked, I tried to ask about if it would be painful, but the words never came. No. I just didn’t care.
I didn’t care anymore.
'Wait.... That's it...! Of course!'
I stopped choking on myself and stood up at once. I felt Ana's hands run across my back, but I let her step away and ask her questions. This was my time for action.
I said to Batzor, "You think you can get me to kill my ladies? My lovers? The ones who care for me so dearly as to sacrifice everything they have just to see my own safety?" I threw down my arm. "No! You won't have it!" Then I said to Ana, "Give me a boost! Throw me to Batzor!"
She did something like wipe her face and said, "What?"
"Do your ninja thing and throw me like a cheerleader. I'll take it from there!"
I couldn't see what she did next, but she said, "Right." Then she moved away from me and said, "Ready when you are."
I ran and stepped into her hand. Then she vaulted me into the air.
At once, I thought the magic words that would take my straight to the bastard's face. More t
han that, I shouted them with abandon: "SHORYUKEN!"
And my body twisted. I flew just a bit higher than I ever had before. And my fist almost but didn't quite reach Batzor's face.
I landed on my back. The force was enough to cause another crack in my ribs and I spat out a bit of blood. "Augh!" If I could have seen my hit point count, I bet I wouldn't want to. But my adrenaline was pumping again. I knew that I messed up and briefly wondered if there was no way out other than the worst way, but I refused to accept it.
"Boss! You okay?" She ran to me, but by the time she had stooped down to tend to me, I was already on my feet.
"No time. I don't want to hear that thing start gloating or explaining why this is all futile. Can you give me another lift, sweetheart?"
This time, she sounded confident as if she figured out my plan. "You got it, Boss!"
She lifted my leg for me, and I readied myself. I could feel the tension in my legs. This was going to be a longshot, but if I was right, there was going to be an exploit I could use.
She then threw me into the air as I forced myself upwards. That 10% height bonus came in handy as I felt myself soar upwards through the unusually spacious cavern. The red-and-black face of Batzor remained unchanging as I approached. And as my ascent slowed, I shouted one more time: "SHORYUKEN!"
It worked. Spontaneously, my body shot upwards once more. My knuckles rocketed right into Batzor's smug face.
We both fell.
There is my mind! There is my mind! There is my mind! There is my mind! There is my mind! There is my mind!
Ana caught me.
Batzor's mask shattered on the floor.
She swung me around like a bride and said, "Alex, you did it! You did it! You saved us all!"
Like magic, light from nowhere filled the cavern. A fortress door slowly lifted, cranking upwards bit by bit and revealing gloomy evening light from the streets. Actually, it was brighter inside the sewer cavern than it was outside!