by Yuli Ban
The police arrived on the scene, but there was nothing for them to do so they high fived each for a perfectly done job.
Making Sense Of It All
Once I was in the RV, I was thankful for the alien technology known as a ‘heater’. It wasn’t until I was in a hot bath with a naked Ana sitting with me that I finally noticed how much I was trembling. Pulling off all the clothes already felt awful, but it happened so quickly that I didn’t realize when it did. Touching that piping hot water was like ecstasy.
Finally, I realized that I was in the RV and jumped.
“Whoa, what the hell?”
Ana splashed some water about. “What’s wrong, Bossy-boo?”
“How did we get here?”
She tilted her head all the way to the side like a dog.
Tatiana barged into the little bathroom nook and sat right on the toilet so she could marvel at my member. I didn’t remember when this had become an ecchi chapter. In fact, I had to check to make sure that we hadn’t skipped a few pages.
“Wait, what?” I shook my head. “Wasn’t I just fighting Brother Dowdy in the rain like a literal minute ago? How did I get here?”
Tatiana was kneeling over the side of the bathtub, staring straight into the water and pushing away the bubbles.
“And why are you so aggressive today? You’ve wanted to fuck me since this morning.”
She giggled and said, “I did, that’s right. But I’m just here to tell you I’m not available tonight.”
I could hear the record scratch. “Wait, what?”
She sighed and ran her face into her hands. “I… I need a little while to get over today is all. So just let me look and imagine.”
I felt weird being checked out sexually. Was this what girls always felt? She was just looking at it. Not even going to do anything— at least not at that moment. She just wanted to check me out. That felt weird.
So to break the awkwardness, I stuttered, “So seriously, how did we get here? The battle just ended like that?”
“You hit a G-Man’s brain. Of course it did,” she said as we locked eyes— though her two eyes were looking at my third. “Ana didn’t tell you?”
Ana shrugged. “I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to him. It’s all been one nonstop stream of bullshit with no pause.” That was the first thing she said all day that made actual sense. How right she was anyway!
"I don't get it," I said to Tatiana. She finally brought her eyes to the ones on my face and seemed to take on a more serious and glum expression as she did. "What on Earth happened? We were just... I..." I pointed to the open door trying to symbolize that we were outside, but I wasn't following my own words and movements by the end of all that stuttering and I was left with my broken attempt at communication failing me and any hope of the girls understanding my intention.
Yet understand Tatiana did, as she said, "I know what you're trying to say. That Colonel Doof just seemed to come outta nowhere and whatever. Trust me, that's not random. I knew he was gonna come after us from the start, and I prolly shoulda warned you beforehand, but I just guessed that you needed more time to adapt to the world and all the crazy stuff that happens to us. You know?" She chuckled warmly and I felt like I was actually talking to her for once rather than listening to a script of a badly written video game. "It's really not your fault that any of this happened. Doof's my problem." Then she sniffed and said, "Well, he was my problem."
Ana pushed some water and froth away and said, "And I should've said that Johnic was part of the G-Men too."
"That's what I'm trying to understand the most right now. Who are the G-Men? They never came up before! They weren't a factor in the first book or anything. Why are they a thing now? Where did they come from and why should I care?"
Ana laughed and dunked me under the water, flaring up my anxiety and making me splash about. Once I surfaced, I took a big inhale and said, "Don't do that again!"
She didn't hear me and instead said, "Oh, Alex. You're so cute!"
Maria walked into the bathroom to join us. She was wrapped in a purple and white towel. Her hair was scraggly and wet, and her eyes were half open. She wasn't shivering, however, and the entire room took on a darker haze upon her entrance. That, I knew, was just the power of a succubus. They had such paranormal powers as part of the whole package.
And she said to me, "You disobeyed me again, big man. I thought I told you about that."
I shook my head and said, "Look, it was all spur of the moment. I didn't know what was going on. I still don't, really. And I was about to learn about the G-Men and Doof before—"
She plunged her hand under the water and stroked me off. I went, "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!" with ever stroke. Her teeth were digging into the skin below her lip and she was looking smug.
"I thought I told you that's my kink, big man..."
Tatiana gave her comrade a cute little noogie and got up. "I'll leave you three alone for now. I'm gonna go sulk in my room. You can tell Alexei about Doof if ya want. I don't really care."
"Wait, but isn't that your personal story?"
"Can't say. Sleepy." She closed the door behind her.
And for several minutes, we were all alone. I rested my elbows on the edge of the bath and said, "Soo... where's Olga? Isn't she gonna molest me too?"
"She's working on a communicator trinket so she can talk to her guy."
"Just who is this guy you keep referring to, anyway?"
Maria looked away, but more in the way of staring towards Olga through the walls, as she said, "You mean Svboogydood?"
That name rang familiar. I heard it before. More than that, I heard it earlier in the day! I sat up and said, "Yeah, exactly. That Spookydude fellow. Or whatever it is. Who is that and why is the Elf trying to talk to him so badly?"
Maria set the toilet seat down and took a seat, sitting cross-legged and folding her arms. "Well, let's just rewind here. What do you wanna know first?"
"Holy crap, I get a choice for once?"
"Of course. This is all happening to your benefit. It's your story, isn't it?"
I shrugged. "I'm just along for the ride, honestly." Then I focused on the one question that burned at me the most: "So who was Colonel Doof and why did he hate Tatiana?"
Ana was the first to answer as she said, "Well... You prolly haven't been too interested in hearing about our lives before the game started, so we didn't think to tell you. But we all have reputations. Some of ours—" her eyes shifted in the same direction as Maria's to aim towards Olga, "are better than others." For the end of that sentence, her head shifted to the opposite direction, perhaps following Tatiana's path.
Maria's eye twitched as she said, "Tatiana wasn't always a road pirate like us. Once upon a time, she was the polar opposite of everything we were, in fact— rich, famous, well-connected, a pop idol..."
"Really...!" Immediately, I was fascinated. As before and then again, I wasn't surprised. Just the way Tatiana held herself, a little suspicion always existed in the back of my mind whether she was someone who wanted to be famous. That she actually was seemed fitting.
Maria said, "She had legions of fans, including many in the real world. It seemed like she might actually become a breakout sensation. The next Hatsune Miku. But then, Colonel Doof happened."
Ana sighed and rested her cute puffy face on the edge of the bath. "What's sad is that it really was her fault."
"When you're from that world, your perceptions get skewed. And when you're created knowing only that as your reality, it's no wonder she was as rotten as she once was."
"Boy, was she rotten!"
My neck started to ache from looking back and forth between them. "Specifically, though. What went wrong? Was Doof a stalker?"
"Oh no," Maria said, shifting her whole body towards me. "Colonel Doof was her tour bus driver. And he reached his limit over her demanding schedule and perpetual bitchiness."
"I see..." I scratched my chin. "A loyal soldier who had to answer the ca
ll of duty a few too many times, then."
"In a manner. And in the end, Tatiana had a tour stop in Amville."
Maria stood up and set her hands in her pockets just enough to leave her thumbs out. She stared to the ceiling and said, "So in a manner, this was like a bookend for her. It was here that Doof finally broke down and quit. He hitched up with a dame a few cities over, and they became lovers. But Tatiana didn't want them together. So, after a falling out, he just had to leave. And it was at a certain hotel that he went to in order to cool off."
I turned to Ana, my brow fully furrowed. "Wait, not the one we were at..."
She nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah."
"And he got sucked through a drain."
I beat the edge of my fist down. "How does that even work? Why does that even work? What is up with that?"
"Batzor works in mysterious ways," Maria said with a shrug. "He sensed that Doof was undergoing mental turmoil and drew him down. Batzor gave Doof one of those evil ultimatums of his: surrender either his life or the life of his beloved. If he didn't make a choice, he'd remain down there forever until he rotted away. And of course, he wouldn't respawn."
I gulped. That was drilled down into my consciousness enough. I didn't need to be reminded of it.
Ana said, "Wait, did Batzor ask him for his girlfriend or his mother?"
"Just his girlfriend. And Doof chose to sacrifice his girlfriend. You can imagine he wasn't in his right mind to begin with."
"As no one would after being sucked through a two-inch drain," I said a bit louder than necessary.
"Exactly. So, once he understood what had happened, he went mad. He blamed Tatiana for ruining his life and vowed to destroy her. And that's been the story of it ever since. He's just been a psychotic loon. Tatiana tried apologizing, but he was too far gone." Maria sucked in air and exhaled. "And then, at some point, he got involved in the G-Men."
The prompts reappeared, so I went to the next one that seemed natural: "So, who are the G-Men?"
Maria turned to me with a particularly hard look in her eyes. "That's what I'd love to know. I don't know exactly myself other than that they are evil. Completely, totally evil."
I then looked over to Ana, who was squeezing a rubber duck to make it squeak. That she was a cat who enjoyed water wasn't an irony lost on me, but it just made her cuter.
Once Ana realized I was focusing on her, she tossed the duck aside and said, "Oh, right. Well, when I brought you to Johnic, I did so expecting him to extract some lost memories from your head. Remember when I said I'd take you to a doctor to help you out?"
"Yeah, Shotgonavan."
"We'll still have to see what he has to say, but we'll do that another day. Consider that subplot over for now."
Right then and there, a text box appeared:
Subplot: Meet the Mysterious Shotgonavan
ON HOLD
As long as that unnecessary plot thread was severed, I didn't mind. I had no desire to meet Dr. Shotgonavan to begin with. To be fair, I didn't want to meet Johnic either, and nothing about him made me regret my feelings.
"So he's one of them, then?"
"He was." Maria sat back down. "That's why he lived in a room with no windows. He defected, so he knew they were going to kill him sooner or later. In fact, that's almost certainly why there was a tornado that didn't drop below that floor as well."
"Just to kill him?"
"Exactly. The G-Men basically control everything about this game at the moment. If crazy unexplained events happen, you can probably expect them to be behind it. Except for that machine gun you keep obsessing over, I think that’s just a glitch. But that's the messed-up thing— I don't know why! And it bugs me." She rested her chin upon her knuckles and looked away, brow wrinkled. "It's creepy to think about sometimes."
"So says a literal hellspawn!" I said as I splashed some water her way. She laughed and pushed water into my face. But Ana stopped us before we started spilling fluids everywhere.
"Alex, you remember that nasty stuff he made you drink?"
I wanted to just keep pushing water around, actually. Now that she reminded me, the blackened, annihilistic taste returned to assault my tongue. "I'd be fine to never remember such a dreadful experience again in my life. It was like drinking a mixture of gasoline mixed with a blended shoe."
"That wasn't just a memory stimulant," she said as she rubbed her paws across my chest in a way that wasn't just to add to the conversation. Oh no, that kneading felt too good. "That wasn't even a stat booster. That was supposed to disconnect you from the game for a split moment without giving up your location to any outside server."
"Wait, so you're saying I'm playing on a proxy?"
Both of them shrugged. "Maybe Mya set you up for that, but I really don't know. She left the game well before you entered it and didn't tell us the specifics."
"But what did she tell you?"
"That's just it. Everything she said amounted to little more than 'Alexei has to find and defeat Sam and rid the gameworld of the Hurricanes,' but she was never very specific about why."
I groaned. "Yeah, that sounds like my sister. Well, look, let me finish this bath, and we'll go formulate a battleplan. There's supposed to be a meeting, right?"
"That's just it—" Maria pulled out and unfolded a small square of paper. "It turns out Brother Dowdy had an invitation to that meeting! He was likely on his way to it. As long as we have this invitation, we can get in. It's good for the invitee and one extra visitor. And if you don't mind, I'd like to go with you."
I chuckled and said, "That's fine with me."
"What time is the meeting?"
"3 AM, so not for another five hours or so. This gives us some time to rest."
I decided to get out of the bath, and my dick flopped around to amazement and joy of the girls as I walked over to fetch a towel. "Right. Well, if we're going into that venue, we're gonna need a new look."
Maria flashed money. "Even better— Dowdy was loaded. I'd imagine a mobster connected to a secret society would be. So you have $250,000 to work with when you're ready."
Ana gasped, so Maria and I simultaneously said, "NO."
She pouted, letting her tail dive back under water. "You stole my blunt. Meanie..."
I shrugged. “I mean, it was for a good purpose. Unless you wanted Doof to just keep gibbering nonsense and then die without telling us anything. We wouldn’t even know where the damn meeting was held otherwise!”
She glomped me, ruining my attempt to dry off. “I know!” Then she began to lick me, starting with my neck. However, I wasn’t in for this ecchi shit at the moment and pulled away.
Maria followed and said, “Wait, I’m gonna lick him!”
I had to run for my life before I was licked dry by two hot women. I darted straight to my bed and jumped in, still soaking wet, as they followed after me on my heels. If this was really going to go the way we expected, we were still gonna be soaking wet anyway, so why not pre-emptively get it going?
Tatiana was there, sulking in the corner of the room next to a blank screen. She smiled at us and turned away.
“You sure you don’t want in on this?”
She shook her head. “Some other day. If that’s alright with you.”
That was fine by me since my dick and I wanted to enjoy some sweet catgirl and succubus pussy. Maria got to show me once more just why she was a level 71 sex witch, while Ana had a puddle between her legs just waiting for me. Yeah, life is pretty cool sometimes.
But right as we were about to get it on, Maria tapped my nose and said, “Ah-ah. You can’t have all the fun this time. We don’t want you going El Sexorcisto! on us.”
I dropped my arms and said, “But that’s the name of the damn book!”
“True…” She dropped her legs and squeezed the shaft, sending electric shocks of pleasure up my spine. “But the anticipation is what makes it good, big man.”
“I dunno,” Ana said in a sing-song voice. “It looks like it got
smaller. You sure your dick’s okay?”
Even my orgasmic precum wasn’t enough to wash away my disdain. “The last thing I knew, I was fighting some superhuman psychic mobster in a hurricane, and now I’m getting fucked by two non-human entities.” Right as I said ‘entities,’ Ana stooped over Maria and let her breasts fill my cupped hands. “I don’t even care how my dick’s doing. I just want my sanity back.”
“Ah-ah,” Maria said right before her tongue met my head. “I thought you said you’re done with that.”
“I am! I’m just—ah, ah, ah! Ooh!” I could not help but instinctively thrust my hips. Once that primal pleasure ripped through me, I had to let my body go. That was just as had happened last time in a way. I couldn’t control myself. My hands dug into Ana’s shoulders as I choked Maria over and over. Ana’s paws went down my back, all the way down to my cheeks. Her own legs were spread and she was sitting on Maria’s head. To this day, watching her grind against Maria’s right horn was the hottest thing I’d ever seen.
That I couldn’t wreck their actual pussies that night was a shame. But I was up for having any fun I could. No harm.
When I finally came, I could tell neither of the girls themselves were ready— Ana was still grinding and Maria spat out the cum onto the floor. It’d eventually clear itself, but it was still hot to watch it drip from her lips.
Though I already made sure before, this was the ultimate confirmation that my sexual leveling had indeed been reset. What a bummer.
The RV hit a bump in the road, and Ana’s entire pussy slipped right into Maria’s horn. She went, “Woo!” and pat her mouth. “Uh oh…”
Maria looked up. “Wait… Anastasia, where is my horn right now? What is it sticking into?”
And I could almost see the hearts flying out of Ana’s eyes. She couldn’t even form the words. That horn had girth. I saw her little clit and tickled it for her and then went to wash up while they had their fun. But Ana pulled herself out quickly and stood. They were both red in the cheeks, as if what had happened was embarrassing more than it was hot. Goddamn, eso estaba caliente! I was almost sad to see it end, but that’s how harems work. My pleasure was damned by the tropes!