by S M Mala
Flora had been looking at him from the corridor and how he was completely absorbed by his work. Again and again he would go over something, using his fingers to check the grain to see if it was smooth.
As she said all those years ago, he did have creative hands.
‘Oh, yes please,’ he replied, sanding it down, this time by hand.
‘How do you take it?’
‘White no sugar.’
She didn’t even know that about him. How he took his tea.
Making two cups she returned and put one by his side before walking out. Then she stopped and turned.
‘What you’re doing in here is really lovely but I need to pay you something towards it. It’s eating into your own time and I don’t feel right,’ she said, watching him stand up straight. ‘Please tell me what I owe you and I can sort something out.’
He let out a sigh and she noticed his shoulders slumped down.
‘What I’d really like is a chance to talk to you,’ he said, turning to look at her. ‘I just want to set the record straight, once and for all.’
‘You don’t have to explain.’
‘You asked me what you did wrong, why I never met you that night. I expect you’ve heard various rumours?’
‘Honestly? Only now I hear things.’ Flora hesitated. ‘I was only friendly with Lee because I wanted to know what happened to you. Nothing more. He always gave me the creeps.’
‘What did he say?’ Ed looked over his shoulder at her.
‘He said you’d moved to Fulham to be with a woman and were very happy. Lee said he’d lost contact with you,’ she replied, recalling how devastated she felt at the time. ‘I knew it must have been your older lover and that it was serious.’
‘Amazing,’ he mumbled. ‘You know someone for years but you never really know them at all. Then you meet somebody and it’s as if you’ve known them all your life. It doesn’t really make sense, does it?’ Flora was stumped by the comment. ‘You’ve not changed that much.’
‘I think you’ll find my mottled thighs and stretch marks on my tummy show a whole different story,’ she laughed, not knowing what to say. ‘Twenty-five years is a long time, a lifetime.’
Ed put this sandpaper down and walked towards her. He seemed serious.
‘I’m sorry for not turning up all those years ago and then a few weeks back. Both were for very different reasons. Can we start again? When can I take you out? That’s if you’d like to.’
She smiled wearily, knowing he was kind and that was because he’d probably found out a little bit more about Lee.
‘I think meeting up at places is not a good thing. The kids are going to their dad for the weekend. We share. Two weekends with me, one with him. That’s his idea of a split.’ She gulped hard. ‘He’s engaged to Ramona and wants to tell them.’
‘I heard.’
‘He’s happy. Friday or Saturday, unless you’re busy seeing friends. We can always re-arrange and do it in three weeks.’ Flora looked away, knowing he was going to say he couldn’t make it. ‘Or we could meet for coffee. Maybe that’s a better solution-.'
‘I can come round this Friday, if you like,’ he said quietly. ‘I might have to leave a little early to meet friends.’
‘I don’t mind,’ Flora said, smiling at him, realising he’d have to see his young woman. ‘We could eat about six thirty. My life hasn’t been that interesting so it’d take fifteen minutes tops.’
Ed looked puzzled.
‘I can cook,’ she added, wondering if he thought she didn’t have the skills. ‘I’m quite good.’
‘But can you make pie or pudding?’ he asked, leaning forward. ‘I know you said you were going to learn.’
‘I can.’ Flora realised he hadn’t forgotten. ‘You remembered.’
‘I remember everything,’ Ed replied and continued his work.
Flora then wondered if he really did.
‘Pie or pudding?’
… asked Harry. They were having a quick drink before Ed was due to go to Flora’s for dinner. ‘You want to eat pie on a warm summer’s evening?’
‘I don’t know if she can even cook,’ Ed said, smiling. ‘I’m still pissed off with Lee. Why would he tell her he didn’t have contact with me?’
‘Twenty five years ago this happened, let it drop,’ Harry said quietly, grinning at him. ‘And are you going to tell her everything?’
‘I owe her an explanation.’
‘All because she kept the receipt, a sketch book and the art box you made her? She could be the sentimental type.’ He then cleared his throat. ‘What are you expecting from this?’
‘To make friends with an old acquaintance.’
‘And what about Emily?’
‘This has got nothing to do with her,’ Ed sheepishly replied. ‘We’re friends.’
‘You’re sleeping partners.’
‘It’s only been going on for a few months.’
‘Ed,’ Harry said, taking a deep breath. ‘Just be careful. People change and I don’t want you to get hurt.
‘I’m not going to get hurt and I don’t intend to hurt anyone. I want to talk to Flora, that’s all. Nothing more, nothing less.’
Arriving at her door, he felt nervous and pressed the doorbell.
There was no answer.
He rang it again then heard footsteps run to the door.
‘Sorry!’ she laughed, part of her face covered in flour. ‘I tried to make a cake but the thing…’ Flora was giggling hard and couldn’t control herself. ‘It exploded.’
Then she ran back into the kitchen, scraping out pieces from the newly fitted oven.
‘I’m so bad at baking. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea. They usually sink not combust. Then it could have been the space dust I put inside. I couldn’t remember whether it should go on top or in the mixture. I know you said you liked it years ago. I was going to give you a surprise.’
‘You remembered?’
‘Of course I did.’
Ed smiled at her on her knees, scraping residue of cake and brushing it all up. Then she looked up.
It grasped him very hard across the throat, like being strangled, what he was feeling.
He couldn’t say a word.
‘But the good news is, my steak pudding hasn’t exploded and I can clean the oven another day. I have ice cream if you want desert.’ Flora stood up and brushed her apron down. ‘Would you like a drink or are you driving?’
‘Here,’ he said, thrusting the bottle of red into her hands. ‘I thought if you were doing pie it might be red meat but then again…’ Ed let out a nervous laugh. ‘How can you make a cake explode?’
‘I don’t know,’ she sniggered. Her face had gone very red. ‘This was a sound proof recipe.’ Flora let out a sigh then caught her reflection. ‘I better clean up. Help yourself to wine. There’s white in the fridge and an opened red on the side.’
She dashed past him and up the stairs.
Ed stood looking at her home and realised he’d put most of the things in or designed them. It was like a part of him was in the room. The feeling was odd but equally good.
‘I look more human and less doughy,’ Flora laughed, walking down the stairs.
To him, she looked adorable, the cheeky smile making him want to laugh.
‘Are you good at cooking?’ Ed asked, watching her walk back to the kitchen.
‘I try. Don’t go telling anyone what happened here. Once I was making a cake and thought it was red colouring. In fact, it was cayenne pepper. Think that’s why Matias keeps to a carb free diet.’ Again she giggled. ‘He lost a few pounds from the heat.’ Flora looked around. ‘You haven’t got a drink.’
‘I was just admiring the place,’ he said, walking into the kitchen and stopping.
He noticed a painting.
‘Yes, that was my A’ level art. The disproportioned pineapple, flat tomatoes and rock like eggs. Any wonder I got a B?’ She gazed at it. ‘My mother got it framed. I’m not sure if it was to
show I was that good or bad. It’s food and suits the kitchen.’
‘Twenty six years ago,’ he said to himself, remembering what she said about it the day she fell over. ‘It’s timeless.’
‘It’s rubbish.’
‘Don’t say that. It’s colourful, full of life.’
‘You’re very sweet.’
They stood smiling at each other before Flora said,
‘Let’s eat. I bet you’re dreading it. You can tell me about your life to avoid chewing.’
‘It’s very good,’
… Ed said and Flora wondered if he was lying.
She liked the taste and was happy the suet pudding wasn’t sticking to her teeth.
For the past few days, she was in a flurry about him coming over. There was so much expectancy from his visit and she wanted desperately to be his friend.
‘I’m sure you’re used to better,’ she said, realising he hadn’t said anything about his life so far. ‘Is your mum okay?’
‘Dad says she’s in some pain and has an infection which means she’s not one hundred percent. Plus the anaesthetic made her sick. She’s threatening to discharge herself tomorrow saying she hates hospital food. The woman’s gone private but I bet she was expecting Michelin starred meals.’
‘The pain goes. It’s not very nice at first but plenty of pain killers and rest is good.’ Flora sipped her wine. ‘So tell me about your life, that’s if you want to.’
‘Where do you want me to start?’ he replied, looking at his plate and eating slowly.
‘The day after I saw you last?’ she asked and noticed he glanced up. Ed seemed uncomfortable. ‘Actually, I’ll let you eat for the next ten minutes and tell you about me.’
Taking another mouthful of wine, she cleared her throat.
‘You have to say if I’m boring you, okay? Promise?’
‘Promise.’
Flora watched him look intently at his plate as she began.
‘I went to Brighton and hated it,’ she sighed. ‘I wanted to come back home. I didn’t know mum had put the house on the market and wanted to move to Liverpool. So I stuck out the whole year, planning my return.’ Ed’s eyes flicked up at her and back down. ‘I made some friends but not too many. I wasn’t feeling sociable.’
‘What about Lee?’ he asked, taking a sip of his wine then filling their glasses.
‘He tracked me down, pretended to be my friend.’
‘Pretend?’
‘He wasn’t much of a friend towards the end but I don’t want to dwell on that. Like I said, I was friendly because I wanted to know about you, if you were happy. He said you were and I thought best to move on.’ Flora took another gulp of her drink. ‘Lisa helped me come back to London and we shared a flat in Kensal Rise. Of course, I had to work like a dog, waitressing, bars and late night shops. You name it, I did it. Mum sent me money but Faith was always first in line for hand-outs.’
‘What did you end up studying?’
‘Computer aided design that was very new back then. I would have loved to do the illustration but I wasn’t good enough. I only had one idea for furniture design which was a chair.’ She noticed he smiled. ‘Made of wood, not acrylic.’
‘And you never came back here?’
‘Priti had moved and so did Gaynor, there was no need.’ Flora bit her lip, wondering if it was a good idea to tell him the next bit. ‘Though I did come here from time to time to walk along the river and Mario’s.’
‘Were you worried you were going to run into me?’ he asked, darting a look.
‘I knew you’d moved on. You found love very young.’
‘That’s not necessarily true.’
‘That’s what Lee told me,’ she whispered.
‘What did he do to you?’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Flora shrugged not wanting to talk about it. ‘It’s in the past.’
‘It obviously upsets you and your friend Lisa.’ Flora stared at Ed. ‘She was very angry and came to tell me after I spoke to you. I shouldn’t have said anything. Raking up things that are best left alone.’
The sinking feeling began in her gut, knowing there was nothing worth saying to him which would only make her look like she was still upset.
Though she was.
‘Anyway, I got lots of jobs and ended up working in a publishing company working on magazines. It’s a good way to make a living and it was new then, so I was having fun.’ Flora smiled. ‘Partying and being a twenty something.’
‘No relationships?’
‘Nothing worth talking about,’ she replied, wanting to laugh. ‘The men were unsuitable and I probably picked them on purpose looking back at it. I spent my time running away.’
‘Why?’
‘When I couldn’t deal with it.’ Waiting to see if he’d ask her more, she carried on. ‘Then I met Matias and it all changed. I think I was in awe that he liked me. I wanted to make him happy.’ Flora closed her eyes. ‘I became a robotic wife. Perfect hostess, wife, mother and lover. But he liked it, I think, thought it was great. I put him first and myself second.’ It pained her to say the rest. ‘I thought that would make him love me more.’
‘Why would he love you more for it?’
‘Then he’d have less chance to find fault and abandon me.’
It trickled off her tongue and she caught Ed’s stunned glare.
Quickly, she ate her food, swallowing, not chewing a morsel.
‘You still think that’s what men do? Willingly abandon women?’ he quietly asked.
‘Just me. I thought we were happy and when I got the diagnosis, I realised he did want some android for a wife, not me. Within weeks, he was flaunting any bit of skirt while I’ve still got stitches and lumps missing from my body. God, that hurt me so much.’ She suddenly sat up. ‘Is that too much? I know he’s your friend. I don’t blame him. It was hard and he never let the kids down.’
‘Just you,’ Ed said, sipping his wine, focussing his blue eyes on her. ‘And no one since?’
‘Oh my god!’ she laughed out loudly. ‘Not only am I mentally and emotionally scarred, I’ve now got them across my chest. Why would anyone want me?’ Flora gulped. ‘It’s just too silly to think about and I can’t even contemplate being abandoned again. Three times that happened and I’ve got too many battle scars.’
‘Three times?’ Ed asked, frowning.
She realised what she’d just said and put that down to the drink.
‘Yes but forget about me, what about you?’
‘Who were the three?’
‘My dad,’ she began and then realised she was about to make things uncomfortable. ‘But that’s obvious. I should have known better than to get involved with someone from South American origin.’ Flora let out a nervous laugh. ‘The second doesn’t matter as I’m being silly and the husband. Soon to be ex because he found looking at me disgusting. It was written all over his face when he visited me in-.'
‘Sorry,’ Ed interrupted, taking a napkin and putting it across his mouth. ‘I don’t feel very well.’
‘Really? I know you don’t like kidney so I didn’t put any in.’
Flora wondered if the food was that bad.
‘Do you mind?’ he choked, getting quickly up to his feet. ‘I better go.’
She didn’t know what to say then realised it wasn’t the food.
It was her.
Trying to act composed, Flora stood up and didn’t know what to say.
‘Would you like a glass of water?’ she asked, feeling anxious. ‘I’m sorry about the meal.’
‘I have to go,’ he said, walking quickly to the door and opening it. ‘I’m really sorry.’
‘Do you want a carrier bag to be sick in?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Ed, what did I do wrong again?’ Flora blurted out, unable to hold back her panic.
She just received a strange glance before he rushed out of her house.
Flora closed the door and walked back to the dining table. He
’d hardly touched her food.
Then she started doing her breathing exercise to stop from getting upset, holding it all back in so she wouldn’t cry.
Flora felt absolutely crushed and started to sob in utter disbelief about him letting her down again.
‘Make mine a double,’
… Ed said when he got to the pub around the corner.
The vodka was placed in front of him and he took a massive swig.
When she spoke, he listened and tried not think too much about what she was saying. Flora had said enough for him to know she felt he abandoned her.
It was her guilty expression when he asked about who the three were that gave it away.
She was never good at hiding her feelings from the short time he’d known her.
And, again, Flora thought she’d done something wrong.
Knowing he should have stayed in her home and explained his situation, he couldn’t.
It was in the past and there was no need to speak about it.
Then he thought back on his reaction about Lee. That certainly didn’t show an adult attitude on his side.
Flora hadn’t had this glittering life he’d have thought was waiting for her.
It was simple and she worked really hard.
The path was the usual one.
She met a man and fell in love, had a family and got her heartbroken when he walked out on her.
What bothered him was why she didn’t think anyone would want her when she was very wrong. Any man would but she admitted that scars were not only on her body, they were in her head and heart.
Then when she spoke about damage to her breasts, he felt a little appalled and scared.
He knew first-hand what it was like to see the person you loved less than perfect.
The image that would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Ed dreaded her next explanation on why Matias found her disgusting. In his head all he could remember was the beautiful young woman he’d made love to all night. The same one who had taken a bit of his heart many years ago.
It could have been the bit which stopped him from really loving another woman but left enough for him to love the people closest to him.
The last thing he wanted to do was look at Flora the same way Matias had.