FREYA TO HELMUTH JAMES, NOVEMBER 25, 1944
Saturday morning
My dearest, it’s not very early. I’m at the friends’ home, and we’ve just had breakfast. Poelchau is out, and I want to write a little letter for my dearest that will get to him tomorrow morning. On Monday at 11 I’ll be with Hercher, and before that I want to go to the People’s Court. But yesterday afternoon was wonderful! I had planned to use the day to run a couple of errands in town. I wanted to find something nice for our soldiers’ packages, but that was totally out of the question. All I got was a few nice little books along with a couple of pads, some endpaper, a couple of jumping jacks, and that’s all for one whole morning. But I set aside that day for shopping, tried one thing after another, and have now done my part. I’m not really worried about Christmas, the gift-giving part, I mean. In Kreisau I still have so many old things, fabrics, and a bit of this and that, that I can take care of Christmas giving by taking things out of storage without looting my own things too drastically. But I have no intention of spending money on trash. That’s about it. My dear, how do these reports from a very uninteresting and dull world strike you? It’s all so poorly suited to what is happening within us and in the other world, in the west and the east, I mean. But I tell you about it because it is quite simply part of my life and thus belongs to it. When I got home, my legs were tired, but I wasn’t exhausted. Oh yes, what I wanted to say earlier, though, was that I have always been taking you along within me, firmly and securely, on all my walks. I felt quite calm and fine. I was totally preoccupied with you in the beautiful and strong certainty of our inseparability. That is a gloriously pleasing feeling! With these feelings, your last letter, and the book, I settled in on a sofa and stayed there for two hours, read the passages you had specified for me, then read them again, and others as well. For me it’s positively lovely to see all the hidden treasures that still lie in store for me! I thought of you, read for you, and spent a happy afternoon like that.
But I wonder how things are with you! I’m greatly looking forward to getting news from you again, I hope tomorrow at noon. How is your lumbago? Did you sit atop your table and feel comfortable? I liked the letter to Müller. I wonder if you’ve been brought in, but it probably hasn’t happened yet. I look at all the police cars in the city, thinking you might be in one of them. How you found it when all of a sudden you were outside your cell and riding through Berlin. In principle, my Jäm, you’re now living like a monk, and you should live that way and enjoy the fruits of that sort of life. And you’re doing so, but the love of your Pim keeps pulling you back into the world. That complicates things for you, but I can’t do anything about it, because I know all too well that you are made to have a wife, and that wife, my Jäm, is me. She may distract you, but her great love will keep bringing warmth to your life and warm you as long as you still have that life. May God grant, my dear, that it is restored to you once again.
I’m sending you a tender embrace. You know whose I am and will remain: your P.
HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, NOVEMBER 26, 1944
Tegel, 26 Nov 44
My dear, something new has occurred to me. You could present the following project to Konrad [von Preysing]—after a very thorough preliminary discussion with Poelchau my line of argument is this: Following the occupation, the church is the main support of Germanness. Now that the first German territories have been occupied,1 the Catholic Church offers its protection in the occupied territories to all, to the National Socialists as well as their flock. The bishops will give the pertinent instructions to their clergymen that all internal political differences in particular need to be abandoned, and that help will also be extended to those who have previously attacked the church; and beyond that resistance to all separatist tendencies.—The explanation was that it would otherwise be difficult to gain the support of the clergy for a resolute adherence to this line since they have been attacked everywhere in some way, and everyone from this group knows someone who is in a concentration camp or has been executed, so the following can be expected of the National Socialist state: forgoing the execution of convicted clergymen and forgoing the execution of the “Moltke people,” whether they’re Catholic or Protestant. For the following reasons, I am very comfortable with this position:
a. because I have always taken the stance that the church needs to be a secure base and I’ve acted on behalf of that belief; in the episcopate I’m known to have won over even the most active Catholics, the Jesuits;
b. because along with my head, the heads of Delp, Rösch, and König will likely roll (since Wienken was told that Rösch and König were captured,2 it is clear that it will have to be extended to the three of them);
c. because I’m a cause célèbre3 that the SS Reich Leader has dealt with and because the only Catholic Church involvement in the July 20th uprising is tied to my name and my case is also being dealt with in the church division of the Gestapo.4 Thus it is easy to get a precedent-setting decision since the case is known and serves as a precedent for all other clergymen, because if the Jesuit provincial stays alive, that will apply a fortiori to the others. [Marginal note: d. because through me they may be able to get to the Catholic bishops, since many depositions confirm that I have spoken to them.] There are, of course, infinite objections. First it needs to be clarified whether Preysing would go along with something like this.
My dear love, you wrote such a nice beautiful little letter. It was so wonderfully tranquil and limpid, and it delighted me. My love, may the Lord preserve your steadiness, even when He calls me to Himself. Today is the last Sunday before Advent, when we commemorate the dead, and I began the day with 1 Cor. 15 and John 20+21. We naturally focus our commemoration on those who preceded us, but today the two of us are bearing my death in mind even more. When I woke up last night, I felt close to, not alienated from, death, yet later I found it very unwelcome. We are, after all, a trembling reed,5 and it’s crucial to see new work on a daily and even hourly basis in order to remain upright in any wind. The last crisis took away all my joy in being upright, no, not all my joy but all my pride. Up to that point it had been rather a point of pride that no weakness waylaid me. But the Lord did tell me quite emphatically, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” So I am grateful for every moment in which I feel this grace, knowing that I haven’t earned it and praying that it may remain with me.
My love, my thoughts are forever seeking you and always finding you. It sometimes seems to me as though you are my heart, which keeps on beating resolutely and quietly, come what may, because it does not depend on my nervous system but instead draws its strength and stability from other sources. Do you understand that?
My dear, I wonder if you could bring me some sprigs of fir on Wednesday. I would like to do something for Advent, especially if it is my last one. Next Sunday at home will surely be quite lovely. Do enjoy it, because I enjoy it through you.
My dear love, I’ll stop here. Be well; I really burden you with an awful lot of tasks. Don’t take on too much responsibility, so you won’t have to blame yourself later for anything that went awry. You have to promise me once and for all that you’ll never think: If I’d done this or that differently back then, my Jäm might still be alive. I can expect you to do all these tasks only if you make a firm promise about this. Farewell, my very dear love. I embrace you. J.
Another thing about the issue concerning Konrad: Even if nothing comes of the whole thing, it could still be enormously important for me if the officials in the Gestapo get the impression: a grain of Moltke’s seed is germinating in a way that is interesting to us. All it would take to achieve that would be an absolutely unofficial tentative exploration.
1. Allied troops had taken the first German towns and cities near the Belgian and Dutch borders.
2. Rösch was not arrested until January 11, 1945; König was never caught by the Gestapo.
3. Used here to mean a trial that attracts a great deal of attention.
4. Meaning Karl
Neuhaus, a former Protestant theologian and the Gestapo officer in charge of ecclesiastical and related matters, who was responsible for Helmuth.
5. Reference to Friedrich Schiller’s Wilhelm Tell, 2.1.
FREYA TO HELMUTH JAMES, NOVEMBER 26, 1944
Sunday evening
My dear love, tonight I’m with the friends again. They’re already in bed, but I’d like to write you now because Poelchau wants to go tomorrow morning, and I do as well. When I arrived today at midday, your little letter was here. I read it, but not until after the meal—your letter to Konrad [von Preysing], too. I typed it up right away to simplify things for him and headed right off to take it there. It is a beautiful letter. His Excellency was at home, sitting unassumingly in one of the hospital rooms of the big, modern, and undamaged hospital in Hermsdorf. Since he was there, I went up to him, preferring to hand him the letter myself. When he heard: a letter from you, he said it would have to be burned on the spot, and he read it immediately. I waited and observed him (as he sighed deeply, twice), his surroundings, his beautiful shoes and ring, and his clever clerical head. I must say in advance that the whole way he treated the project did not convey a hint of fear; as you can tell from what I just wrote, he, too, is unquestionably sympathetic to you and wishes to help, but he initially turned down the project, for two reasons. The first and most significant reason, he told me, was that the church doesn’t have anything to offer, as they have no contact with or influence on their clergy in the occupied territories. They no longer had any knowledge about the bishop in Aachen, for example, and the same would soon be the case with Cologne and Trier. The SS, he went on to say, is not the least bit interested in what happens to the Germans in the occupied territories, and so even if it has objective value, it is of no interest to them. Second, for the past twelve years now, he has seen again and again that when the Catholic Church intervenes with the SS, the outcome is both detrimental and useless. In this important case they would surely be highly satisfied that the church was evidently willing to ante up for this matter and it would therefore have been a real coup for them. That could only confirm for the SS that it was dangerous, and besides, it would be sure to be interpreted as a sign of weakness on the part of the church. Finally, it would be virtually out of the question to spur the cardinal1 and Wienken into action. So this was a wholesale rejection of the line of argument. However, he did state that he will consider the entire matter carefully, and if a better approach along these lines occurs to him, he will inform Dix. That was the visit. He said that not a day goes by without his thinking of you and all the many others, and he is counting on your not being killed but rather neutralized because of your name. Maybe it would have been better just to hand over the letter for the time being and to go later with Poelchau, but given his nature, I hardly think that the outcome would have been much different.
My Jäm, what you wrote about the heart that I should be makes me very happy. I think I also understand what you mean. How I would love to keep on beating for you, and how wonderful that’s what you sometimes feel. As I was sitting here peacefully at the round table and deciphering your letter, which is so dear to me, written in your dear little handwriting, and I came to that lovely sentence, I was once again struck by the strength of our great good fortune. What riches we have been given, my dearest Jäm, and what grace to be able to feel that in all its beautiful abundance. The pains of parting truly pale by comparison, and what remains is the feeling of a precious possession that will never be lost. Tell me, my love: Do Matthew 18:18+192 also pertain to us?
I have to go to bed soon and would like to let you know quickly that I came back from my excursion at about 7, and the friends came soon too. We then ate and sat around. Poelchau read us a lovely sermon by Gollwitzer, from which I learned quite a bit, including the fact that other people don’t seem to have an easier time of it in their ways, because the sermon was about prayer. My Jäm, I’m so close to you here, and in such a safe harbor! How would all this be without the friends! Why do they hold me so close, as though I belong to them completely. I also take big fat pieces of the cake they’re always offering me. I’m not even ashamed. I’m just grateful and utterly convinced that one can only accept friendship like this without ever being able to reciprocate in kind. Strangely enough, it is also a sign of much greater humility to take without thoughts of payback. I’m a vile Pharisee by nature, and would always like to have given more than I’ve taken, and edify myself in the process. Before God that is no better than keeping everything for yourself, especially if you recognize what you’re actually doing. My pleasures are far more refined than those of primitive egotists, seeing as I can still stand tall before others! That’s how it is, my Jäm, now don’t you try to gloss over your Pim’s shortcomings with a gentle hand. I do know where to position them!
My Jäm, I love you, I love you with every fiber of my being, and would like to keep you. I probably don’t need to say that, and I also know that’s not the decisive point. Tonight, however, I can still write to you: Sleep well, my love, and I embrace you. That, at any rate, is a nice thing. I’m your P. forever.
1. Adolf Cardinal Bertram, Archbishop of Breslau, who tended to appease the Nazis all along.
2. Matthew 18:18–19: “Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.”
HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, NOVEMBER 27, 1944
27 Nov 44
My dear, Konrad [von Preysing] is a very smart man, and his arguments are certainly correct aside from one thing: I meant less that contact should be established with the now-occupied territories as that the clergy in endangered areas should be given the general directive before the occupation. I’m not in a position, of course, to judge whether he’s right apart from that, because it depends on the current situation. Three months ago, I would have judged it that very same way, and it won’t be possible until the rulers feel as though they are in a somewhat precarious position. Naturally I can’t say when that will be the case. But I do believe that the idea is generally correct that one has to try to stop the lion from lashing out maliciously in the throes of death.
Matthew 18:18 isn’t apt, but 19 certainly is. In my opinion, 18 refers to being bound on account of sins.—My dear love, I’ve been keeping an idea, a wish concealed within me in case you’re able to arrange for a face-to-face meeting, but since I didn’t dare to hope for one, I haven’t mentioned it yet. But now I hear that you may possibly be coming within the next few days. This idea is whether we might be able to take Communion with Poelchau after our face-to-face meeting. We’ve never taken it together, and it would be such a keystone on the path we’ve traveled thus far. But the central question remains whether Poelchau thinks that will be possible. It mustn’t endanger either him or us, and we could celebrate it together in our minds as well. But if he thinks that the warden would permit that without it turning into an incident, that would be wonderful. I didn’t talk to him about it because you really have to want it, not just to please your husband.
Farewell, my calm, dear, strong love, J.
FREYA TO HELMUTH JAMES, NOVEMBER 27–28, 1944
Monday afternoon
My dear, for you it’s already the evening; it’s 5:30. I’m finished with my tasks and I’m sitting in the farthest corner of the waiting room. I’ll probably stay here for a while, because I can’t show up at the good Poelchaus so early, and I’m sitting here quite peacefully and undisturbed. I can’t go to Carl Dietrich [von Trotha]’s at this point. That’s too far. My Jäm, here’s the best part: I have in my pocket a new permission slip for a face-to-face meeting. Herr Thiele liked my lovely request as much as Herr Schulze had previously. “Yes, Frau von Moltke, you shall have permission for a face-to-face meeting,” I was told, but not until today at noon, because today there
was again a major trial in the courthouse and all the gentlemen were there. As a result, I didn’t get a chance to speak to Stier,1 and I’ll try again tomorrow morning, but for now I’m happy that I’ll be seeing you again. Oh, my Jäm, how happy I am, how beautiful it will be to let my eyes take you in, to touch you, to see you once again. How wonderful, my Jäm! My dear! I don’t yet know whether I should already come tomorrow. If it’s to be at the warden’s again, I can’t exchange any laundry, which means I can’t bring any food, and I want to do it on Wednesday as always. So only Tuesday and Thursday are left, and since you may be brought in after all, it’s probably better to try for tomorrow. I’m happily taking a bit of pleasure in the possession in my pocket. We’ve been granted half an hour!
When I found myself standing in front of the People’s Court at 9 without having achieved anything, I decided to pay a visit to Frau Lukaschek; Fräulein Hapig recently told me about her being there and utterly abandoned and desperate. I was appalled by what I saw. I barely recognized her. She saw Lukaschek2 once and said he had been tortured horribly, mainly, it would appear, in Breslau, and he turned as white as a sheet and wept. But it seems to me that on the whole, he’s not faring badly; he just wanted to give vent to his feelings for once. He can read and smoke, and is at Lehrter Str.; his file’s not yet at the court, but she’s afraid that it will go quickly. She sees everything as far worse than it needs to be seen and has no one to comfort her. Her helplessness can break your heart. I spent an hour consoling her, but I didn’t get the feeling that it did her much good. The poor woman! We have to stay in touch with her. By the time I was back with Carl Dietrich, it was 12. There I found out about a call from Fräulein Hapig saying that I should come again. Since I wanted to go to Thiele beforehand and afterward to Hercher, I had time only to make myself some cream of wheat, eat a couple of sandwiches, and set off again. After that, things all went smoothly with Thiele. Frl. Hapig had moved away from her project and now had a new one, namely to get me together with Frau Planck. Why not?! She has passed on her requests to Himmler via Frau Himmler, but I still believe that Planck senior was the reason.3 Incidentally, she doesn’t have it in black and white yet. All these things took place on Grosse Hamburger Strasse. I’m gradually getting to know Berlin quite thoroughly, since the morning visit was near Kottbusser Tor. I’ll see Frau Planck tomorrow between 1:15 and 1:30, and that was arranged through her father confessor, who, incidentally, is a brother of Frau Kleinert in Gräditz!—Here, it was said, there was “trouble brewing,”4 whereupon I promptly set off. In any event, I did arrive, and it was harmless, as you also noticed. Poelchau isn’t here this evening, but I found your lovely little note. Yes, my dear, you know I want to.5 I would find that very beautiful. I believe that I’m wholly prepared for it. No, not in order to please you, no, I couldn’t do it for that reason. I share and affirm your wish from the bottom of my heart and say “yes” to it. But Poelchau will have to say whether it will work out. So I’ll leave the little slip of paper there for him and won’t come tomorrow unless Poelchau tells me to, because it either will or will not work out.—Now I’ll come back to Hercher. He said from the outset that he wouldn’t get the permission for a face-to-face meeting until shortly before the trial, but when I said that I wanted to go to Stier for that, he was instantly ready to come to you if he got permission that way. Tomorrow morning it’s Stier’s turn.—Brigitte [Gerstenmaier] is quite willing to have a go at bribing Thiele, and she has some talent in that sort of thing. She should entice him with a goose, but first we have to discuss the project in detail with Poelchau. Today he6 told me there was no certainty about the trial as yet, and looked pensively at the schedule, which, he said, he had just drawn up. Herr Thiele is the local group leader7 of Rengsdorf; he is gaunt and pale and Saxon, but when he is shown respect, he is very friendly. So far I haven’t felt the slightest bit of unfriendliness anywhere. But because I go with my head held high in this matter, it makes unfriendliness difficult. It could still come, but that doesn’t matter to me at all.—My heart is full of love and full of happiness, because I belong to you completely and I’m so firmly and finely connected to you. P.
Last Letters Page 20