My dear love, here the radio is playing beautiful Bach chorales, which move me but don’t melt me. It’s strange that in my own way, I’m doing exactly, exactly the same as you. I’ve written that again and again. That’s why I know so well what you mean and how things are. I, too, am not tense, I, too, am cheerful, I, too, am doing well, and although my mind keeps warning me to face the facts, my inner being doesn’t want to go there. I feel quite close to you, but in a matter-of-fact, natural, unagitated manner that looks to the future with confidence. Everything is quite calm and completely sheltered in you, and not as though in a matter of days my entire life will be at stake.—Early today I got the two beautiful long lovely letters. I was delighted by your description of the sick bay and read it aloud to the friends, who also enjoyed it very much. It is one of the many comic situations in a very serious matter, yet it is more than just comic. I quite liked Herr Mittelstädt from the start, by the way. It was so wonderful to catch a glimpse of you, my dear love. It was dear, but also devoid of excitement; it seemed altogether natural to me, although once I had heard that you were on the way back, I ran to the door every time I heard a key and peered through a tiny slit. I didn’t have to be embarrassed in the company of the women behind me. They all have similar feelings. Then you came, all bent over and limping, my dear love. I’m not mortified by it, but it looks as though it must be very unpleasant for you. Yes, maybe it will be an advantage for you to be able to sit. Other than that, you looked the same as always. I liked your beard, too. I would have liked to go on looking at you, but the two nice old men1 had already been so friendly.
Herr Thiele was, as always, quite friendly. I didn’t say anything about postponing the trial. He’s too far down in the hierarchy anyway, but I already have the permission for a face-to-face meeting in my pocket, my dear love. Isn’t that wonderful? I’ll come on Friday. But now it all continues. In response to a question about transportation, Thiele explained that they had no say in that matter. Lieutenant Colonel Kiesel—you surely know him—took care of that, and, better yet, Second Lieutenant Wehrstädt. Kiesel was out of town, but Wehrstädt was there. I told the girl what I wished to see happen, which is always a stupid thing to do. She pulled a card from her file and left. Then she came back and said, “You needn’t worry at all, Countess, your husband will be picked up by car directly from Tegel and driven to the trial.” I was skeptical and asked whether I could definitely rely on that. She affirmed this eagerly.—Peters now knows. He has come up with a different and possibly better option, which he will be calling Frau Friedrich about tonight, and tomorrow night I’ll go to see her and discuss it. He’s pondered the matter, and is looking to come on the 9th. Also coming on the 9th is a man who is very close to Heinrich Himmler, whom Frau Friedrich can approach. I need to hear about this. The 9th is still in time for this attempt, if it is opportune. Tomorrow I have a wonderful schedule. Listen to this: Start shortly after 6, drop off a letter with Hercher, go to Lichterfelde, make a telephone call to Kreisau. 9:45 Frau Graf, 10:45 Schellhase at Lehrter station. In between the above errands, Dr. Wickenberg. Pick up a hare for Poelchau, deliver a package to Maria [Schanda], go to see Dorothee [Poelchau]. Help with the laundry starting at 3, then drink a cup of pure coffee, go to the Trothas because Margrit [von Trotha] will be there tomorrow during the day, eat dinner there, and head to Frau Friedrich by bike, I think, because it’s not far. If you have time, let your thoughts travel with me, and then everything will be unhurried and go smoothly.
Good night, my dearest. I’m yours for life and death. You know that. I love you with all my strength. I was created by God to belong to you. That is why I may accompany you on all your paths, and you on mine.
On Friday I’ll come to visit you!
Yours
1. She is referring to the guards Claus and Gissel.
HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, JANUARY 3, 1945
Tegel, 3 Jan 45
My dear love, there will be another three letters at most, and this is one of those precious ones. How wonderful it was to see you today. I had been hoping that it would work out, and I caught sight of you when you were still quite far away. Even if that turns out to be the last look I will have had of my dearest in this life, it would still be very beautiful, as we were both buoyant and in good spirits.—It will be even nicer if you can come again, but that was already a great deal. And what treasures you brought me, my love. That was, once again, terrifically sumptuous. After I ate, I drank raspberry juice with whipped cream and then coffee with whipped cream, because the cream had to be used up.
It’s already well into the evening, because I’ve been working like crazy. The latest unpleasant development is that Eugen [Gerstenmaier]’s lawyer told him we would each be questioned in the absence of the others, followed by a comparison, in order to convict each of us with the help of the other. So there goes my nice hope that I could provide the framework for everyone in my opening statement. The result is this: I have nothing to fear with Reisert; when it comes to Sperr, I have to hope to God that he doesn’t dredge up really awful things; but it is necessary for Theo [Haubach], Steltzer, Eugen, Delp, and me to form a phalanx and not to decimate one another. This is why I wrote new secret messages for Theo and Steltzer, which I’m including in the attached material. I’ll give Steltzer’s to Poelchau a second time in good penmanship, in the event that he can deliver it personally. But I would ask you to think over if anything is possible with Steltzer, because he seems to me to represent the main danger. It would be a blessing if it were possible to get him the long secret message. Maybe you can shorten it, if you recall what Steltzer already knows, likewise with Theo. I’m sorry to be burdening you and the others with this business again, but now this is far more significant than before. I would also ask you to check on whether the two of them know that Maass and Reichwein are dead, and Rösch and König are gone. That, too, is important.
My love, I really have to laugh about our last pairs of letters, because we always wrote each other the exact same things. Not only did we discuss the same ideas but we even raised the same questions, and to an extent even chose the same turns of phrase. This shows how united we are.
My dear, what else should I be telling you? That I love you very much? That this will last? Yes, that is so. We married “until death do us part,” but that is only because these wedding vows were made by people who were not waiting for their execution, or else they wouldn’t write such claptrap. But the good Lord has something better in mind than our wedding vows; we are certain of that.—Just don’t let all this trouble you. It seems to me that if you’ve consciously sacrificed your husband, you really ought to be immune to everything else. I just wish that the little sons may hold on to you and you on to them. May the Lord watch over you and us. J.
HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, JANUARY 4, 1945
Tegel, 4 Jan 45
My dear love, so this is in all likelihood, that is, in all likelihood from a human perspective, the next-to-last letter you’ll be getting from me. I’m writing that without a trace of melancholy, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Might that be the case when I write “J.” for the last time tomorrow? I’m surprised at myself, because a true Moltke ought to be at least on the verge of tears now, and that is not the case.—But now you’re in Lichterfelde,1 and you’re all probably chatting away nicely, and you, my love, are thinking about your husband. It has stopped surprising me that your letter, which arrived today, once again addressed the same issues as mine. We simply have one heart and one circulatory system and are a single thought of divine creation. He shows that to us in new signs again and again, in the friendliest manner. Should my heart want to skip a few beats under the onslaught on Monday and Tuesday, then I can always think: Where is my heart? It keeps on beating very calmly, quietly, steadily, and full of faith in God in Lichterfelde, and then my own outpost, having begun to race, will grow quiet again. And that’s how I will be in Plötzensee if I have to go there, and that is how it will remain. And should
I return to our Father, my dear, you know that your heart will keep on beating up there, calmly and forever sheltered for you, and that it will want to soothe you if things should get too much for you.
Let’s get some business out of the way first. If I could remain here, that would truly be very welcome. I wouldn’t give much credence to the word of an SS second lieutenant in a matter like this. It would probably be best for the lead Reich prosecutor to be brought in as well, either Schulze or Görlich (?).2 But to begin with that will depend on whether you’ve made some headway with Wickenberg (?), the doctor. If he doesn’t go along with it, we’ll have to rely on the word of some second lieutenant. In any case, I aim to have an appointment with him again tomorrow and I’ll sing the same tune.—You’ll see me tomorrow. I think I’m doing a bit better.
It is, of course, still the case that secret message transactions can be made only if things are really safe. We can’t afford to make a mistake with this at the last moment.
So you’re coming tomorrow, my dear love; how wonderful. I now consider that just wonderful, whereas in early December I would have been terribly worried about falling into a state of melancholy. Now I am unreservedly happy. Today I also got a shave, so I don’t look quite as wild anymore. It turns out that Thiele was quite decent about a face-to-face meeting, much better, at any rate, than Schulze.—If I only knew where this change in our attitude comes from. Might it be because we have become inured to the thought of my death? Or because now that the situation is getting serious and I may be killed in a matter of days, the flesh is revolting and won’t accept the thought of it? Or because God just wants to strengthen me? I don’t know, and I regard it with amazement.
My Pim, the day is over. Everything has been written, and everything has been said. Sleep well, my love, keep your sense of peace, whatever should happen, and in doing so you’ll keep mine as well. May the Lord watch over you and us. J.
Another thing: Peters, about whom I was interrogated, albeit quite superficially, needs to know that he cannot mention Poelchau under any circumstances. Besides that, it is—or would be—especially useful for me if Peters could say3 that he took part in several weekend discussions in Kreisau starting in 1927 or ’28. Something along those lines.
1. At the home of Carl Dietrich von Trotha.
2. The reference is to Gerhard Görisch, but he was the senior public prosecutor; the chief Reich prosecutor was Ernst Lautz.
3. In Peters’s planned conversation with Freisler.
FREYA TO HELMUTH JAMES, JANUARY 4–5, 1945
Thursday afternoon
My dear love, the laundry is done, and I’ve checked off all the items on my schedule, but soon I have to leave to see Carl Dietrich [von Trotha] and his wife. I’m tired now and don’t want to do anything else, but today I still have to. Tomorrow it’ll be calmer. Asta [Wendland] wrote a beautiful letter: starting on Monday morning she’ll be staying in Kreisau: “Now we’ll stand like a solid wall. On the 8th/9th I’ll get to Kreisau and will stay there. I’d much rather come to Berlin to be with you and Helmuth . . . Ulla [Oldenbourg] and I, we’ll be very close to you.” Overall I’m not in favor of spreading the news about the trial, but I want to let Sister Ida [Hübner] know about it too, and Romai [Reichwein]. Is there anyone else you’d like to have filled in? First I met with Frau Steltzer and Frau Graf. On the 24th he1 got your little written message by means of a cake, though not inside it but under it—it was in a paper casing made by the baker—so in a relatively careless way. The women didn’t yet know how it got in there.—It occurs to me that I’ve yet to tell you about the unproductive talk I had with Dr. Wickenberg. I met him at Lehrter Strasse. He was neither unfriendly nor friendly; he was completely neutral and said he couldn’t do anything, contending that this was simply a matter of transportation and he had no influence on that. In short, he didn’t want to get involved. I figured that out from his fish-eyed glance right away, and didn’t expect much. What else can I do now? I get the feeling that you’re staying in Tegel. I hope that’s true.
Friday morning.
Peters can’t come until the 10th!
So, my dear, dear love, Poelchau is chewing his last bite. I embrace you with great, heartfelt tenderness. I am and will remain entirely yours. Always, your P.
1. Theodor Steltzer.
HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, JANUARY 5–7, 1945
Tegel, 5 Jan 45
My dear love, for a second I was sad that we wouldn’t be seeing each other today, because I’m always afraid that in the end something will come up and it may not happen at all, and then, because I felt so sorry for you that you’d waited for a long time and had to leave again without having achieved anything. But aside from all that, tomorrow is of course even better, because it’s even later—if it all works out. With all the changes coming at us—air raids, getting picked up by the Gestapo, etc.—something like this is always doubtful.
I was very happy to read the passage in Asta [Wendland]’s letter about how she’s now staying in Kreisau and will defend the position; it’s greatly reassuring to me, because it might be possible for them to take possession of Kreisau after the verdict but before it is carried out, that is, at a time that you’ll still need to be in Berlin. That’s how they did it with Wentzel-Teutschenthal, whose place was already a Hitler Youth camp, which is to say, a heap of rubble, while he was still living here.—But it’s also possible that they won’t go there at all, given the surprising fact that they have yet to do anything in that regard. They’ve even paid a visit to the home of Fugger, who is certainly not going to be sentenced to death. So Asta should please stay put until you’re back, and actually even longer, until the matter is cleared up, because you’re not able to protect it.1
I, too, am happy that Ulla [Oldenbourg] has been notified. I feel pretty confident, but now I notice that underneath it all I’m also feeling a bit anxious when I hear any news about postponement, being brought in, etc., though that’s probably more of a nervous reflex. I’m as calm as I was before Christmas, only I’m much more confident.—Our theological dispute shrank to no more than five minutes of the thirty allotted to the free time, because we have so many concrete matters to discuss, since we unfortunately have to prepare ourselves to speak out persuasively against Steltzer if his statements really do form the basis of certain parts of the indictment. Very unpleasant. Let’s hope the secret message transaction with Steltzer went well.—The theological dispute, whose precise point of contention the intelligent Delp has yet to grasp, as you will have seen from his last note, got me spontaneous support from Buchholz, who didn’t hesitate to say that my opinion was the only possible one, and stuck to this view even when I told him that in my view it was in the good Lutheran tradition. He said that Gethsemane was the article of faith that was required, and salvation as such was not a permissible object of faith—that is, these are my words.—I was very pleased about that.
I’m quite happy that Frau Reisert appears to have had success at long last and extracted her husband from our case. It also works to our benefit that Fugger is now out of the way, because he’s too naïve and foolish, although he’s also very nice and so kind. Let’s just hope that he’s not brought in as a witness; that would be really bad.
I’ll stop for today, my love. This letter won’t go off until Sunday, and the second alarm is coming; when it’s over, I want to go to bed, if I have the opportunity. May the Lord watch over you and us. J.
Tegel, 6 Jan 45
My dear, how wonderful were the three-quarters of an hour with my Pim. So dear and tender. I went back up into my cell feeling so warm, and you went to Poelchau’s. My love, it would have been even better not to talk at all, but I thought I’d throw in the word Christmas, because if we had too little to talk about, he might shorten our time together. But I saw how nice your letters are, as there was not even the slightest tinge that differed from the way I’d imagined it. My love looked warm and content. It never crossed my mind—as it always had when I left Kreisau�
�that this might have been our final look at each other in this world, so it was not the slightest bit sad or melancholy. How different it was at the first face-to-face meeting. A whole world lies between that meeting and this one, a world of confidence and trust and, if this isn’t my old friend haughtiness talking again, some humility as well, the first rudiments.
So, now the fight begins. When I came back, I waited for Hercher for an hour, and when he didn’t come, I asked Gissel to call up the Trothas to say that you should alert Hercher, because I was afraid he wasn’t coming. The good Gissel tried hard but couldn’t get an answer at the Trothas’, and I didn’t want to have him called at Poelchau’s. But when Gissel came back looking quite unhappy, Hercher showed up.—It’s exasperating, and may complicate things quite a bit, that he hasn’t read the files; I now gave him the complete set of facts concerning the Goerdeler complex, that is, that all the rumors, too, originated from the police, and that, along with Dix’s letter, led him to come to the following conclusions:
a. The man who brought the charges is convinced that a death sentence will result.
b. The indictment was surely discussed in advance with Freisler, with the Gestapo, and with the minister of justice.
c. Consequently, Freisler arrives with the opinion that there will be a death sentence.
d. The explanations that I may now give concerning all the critical points alter the facts of the case sufficiently so that the court is not compelled to impose a death sentence.
e. The question as to whether Freisler can be swayed depends solely on the personal, human impression he comes away with, not on questions of evidence; if he wishes to be swayed, he’ll believe me even without further evidence, to the point that he can justify his verdict; if he doesn’t wish to be swayed, he won’t believe anything about me so as to justify his verdict.
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